Friday Thought : Be a Greater Fool!

My family and I just finished watching season 1 of Newsroom. The last episode was entitled, "The Greater Fool" and centered around the main character, Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels) who was suffering from depression because of an article that was published about him, calling him "The Greater Fool." In response, he self-medicates (which triggers a bleeding stomach ulcer) and doubts his abilities, and his worth. He expresses a desire to quit, largely because the article isn't wrong. "They're right!" he yells at his trusted coworker, "this piece was right about everything."

Although we - the audience - never fully know what the article is "right" about, we know a little, as Will McAvoy quotes it by heart, "Will wants to change the world and hates that the world has changed." And because of that, they think him arrogant and pompous. Which he is. Or was, anyway.

And that’s what made him great, what allowed him to inspire change and move hearts, and it’s exactly what his coworkers want him to be: the Greatest Fool.

This is why, as Will struggles to regain confidence and purpose, a coworker confronts him, "The Greater Fool is actually an economic term," she says, "For the rest of us to profit, we need the Greater Fool" because "the Greater Fools is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego, to think that he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by Greater Fools." 

Near the end of the episode, Will asks a young intern why she wants to work for the Newsroom. "I watch the show and I read the article," she responds. "I know what a Greater Fool is, and I want to be one."

While watching, I couldn't help but think of educators around the world who show up each day believing THEY can make a difference, that they can help that child or connect with that kid, that they can improve a student’s learning or change their lives, even when nobody ever has. Educators believe we can succeed in changing the world! 

We too are arrogant, we too are confident and at times even pompous because our students need us to be! How else do you show up, day after day with hope and belief that we - our students, our staff, our school - are better today than yesterday? How else do you show up year after year planning for and believing we will impact hearts and change lives? There is no other way but to be a Greater Fool.

I know what a Greater Fool is, and I am proud to be one. More importantly, I know what a group of Greater Fools looks like, and I am thankful to work among them. 

Thank you for being a Greater Fool.

(Sidenote . . . we did a brief competition of what a group of Greater Fools would be called . . . are we a herd? A flock?)

Here are my two favorite suggestions:

• Pace pr Drove (which are both names for a group of donkeys, which is brilliant!)

• Fooliaminy

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Don't Take it Personal. Make it Personal

"Don't take it personal, make it personal."

I gave this advice to a fellow principal a few weeks back. "If we take it personally,” I said, “we get defensive. If we make it personal, we take action. We do what is best."

As educators, we are in the business of taking action, doing what is best for staff and students, and helping others succeed. The problem is, this profession is so personal!

We give up time with our family, pour into other people's kids before our own, and sacrifice COUNTLESS of unpaid hours so that OTHERS may flourish. 

Only we know how much time we spend planning, thinking, and worrying about our profession, our students, so when we are criticized, scolded, offered unsolicited suggestions, or overhear/read unflattering comments about who we are and what we do, it is difficult to not be offended.

When a parent yells or accuses of not caring for their child, we take it personally.

When a Facebook group rants about the decisions we’ve made, we take it personally.

When students refuses to work in our class or asks to be moved from our classroom, we take it personally. 

And when we take it personal, we get defensive. When we get defensive, oftentimes, we lean towards making decisions that are best for us, for our ego, rather than what is best for the parent, the student, the situation.

I know I do, anyway. Because I care so much about what I do and about who I serve, because I know the sacrifices my family makes - the sacrifices I make - whenever I am challenged or criticized, whenever my intention are questioned it is easy for me to get take it personally, to get defensive.

It is easy for me to easily fall into the trap of protecting me.

But then, I am reminded of truths such as this: "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in." Said another way, a society grows great when people care more about others than they do themselves. Which, as an educator, is exactly what you do, each and every day.

When we take it personal we get defense, we point the finger, and complain that there is no shade. When we make it personal we take action. We plant trees.

That is what I've been thinking about - and wrestling with - this past week: "Don't take it personal, make it personal."

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Friday Thought : How to Keep Going

photo by Austin Kleon

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place, and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered?" (name that movie!!!)

Sadly, the world of education can sometimes feel this way (especially during the doldrums of winter). I know I do at times. As an educator, father, and overall person!

Luckily, a few years ago I came across a short video by Austin Kleon about How to Keep Going. If you have time, I recommend watching it. Not only is it encouraging, it is also simple and easy to follow. Plus, it works!

I really like number three, "forget the noun, do the verb." 

Lots of people want to be the noun without doing the verb. They want the job title without doing the work. Forget about being a writer . . . 'follow the impulse to write.' Because if you let go of the thing you are trying to be . . . and you focus on the actual work you need to be doing . . . it will take you someplace further and far more interesting. 

Wherever you are in the year, I encourage you to print out the 10 Reminders of How to Keep Going and employ them whenever needed or as much as possible.

I have them hanging above my office computer:

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : My wife is brilliant. Galileo is an Idiot

Two seemingly contradictory truths can both be true . . . at the same time. Here's how:

Recently, I applied for, interviewed, was offered, and accepted a new position as North Middle School Principal! And I am so incredibly excited.

I am also deeply sad.

Knowing so, my wife sent me a text that, I believe, throws Galileo’s simple theory out the window. She wrote, "I'm sorry there is a lot of sour with the sweet." And that is exactly right. Although I am excited for this new position, by no means am I excited to leave my current one.

I love my school. The students, the community, and the teachers. We have worked hard together, grown immensely, and have truly done some GREAT things!

Yet, I am ready and eager to join this new school, work through the challenges, and celebrate the victories.

:: See . . . two seemingly contradictory truths existing at the same time ::

And I cannot explain how and why that is true. But it is.

And that is more than okay, it’s perfect. Because it is fully human! And what a conundrum we are.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : "Liar!" And the shield that protects us.

Yesterday, one of my teachers and I were involved in a phone conversation with a woman who believed something inaccurate about our school and norms. Each time I tried to explain or clarify, the woman on the other end would interrupt by yelling, "LIAR!" 

The conversation ended without much reconciliation or agreement.

Later in the day, my teacher texted me, "I know I shouldn't be, but I'm mad." 

"Don't be:)" I texted back, "Integrity is doing the right thing . . . which we (especially you) have done. False accusations sting, but they are merely that . . . false. Because we (know) we have done the right thing." 

Fortunately for us, we also have documentation.

I share this because, as educators and people who work with people, who experience the valleys and peaks of humanity, and who are required to engage in hard and honest conversations, we are an easy target for false or misleading accusations. And that can be extremely frustrating. Even hurtful.

Integrity, however, is our shield. Not against false accusations, but against fear and uneasiness. Against it ruining our day and the opportunities to impact the people around us. 

We can be mad at false accusations because they hurt, of course they do! (I know I get mad when falsely accused . . . so maybe I need to edit my response to Mrs. Miller:) but we can also be confident. Confident that we have done the right thing, that their accusations will find loose footing, and that we can continue loving and caring and enjoying the people around us. Because that, too, is acting with integrity. 

And that, for me at least, is an encouraging - as well as convicting - reminder.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Create Meaning in the Mundane

Meaning is in the Mundane.

My family loves road trips. And each summer, on our way to some far-off place, we have a stretch of time where very little is accomplished but racking up the miles. We start early and drive late, stop as little as possible, crank up the music, and talk. We spend time together. And after years of this routine, with a bucket full of memories and destinations reached, what we think about and miss the most on any given day is the time spent in the car.

Typically, the days between January through mid-March are considered the doldrums of education. There are very few major holidays to celebrate which in turn means very few days off, parties, and “things to look forward to.” There’s just time.

Which, if embraced, can make it the most productive and most memorable time of the year! But only if we are intentional, like a good road trip, and take advantage of those “drive-through states.”

Be intentional about building relationships with those one or two students who are always on the peripheral of your thoughts, who don't quite get the attention they deserve because they aren't a behavior kid . . . how can you spend time with them? See them? Get to know them?

Be intentional about BEING YOU! Over the next six-ish weeks, what can you bring to the classroom - our school - that is uniquely YOU? Most of the year we don't have time for silly moments or random FUN DAYS because we're too busy preparing for testing, concerts, or playing catchup . . . now, you have time, consistency, and a long road ahead . . . where can you inject something unexpected? Something new? Something YOU?

Be intentional about building memories. 

Road trips bring us to some pretty great and memorable destinations. But the pictures we love the most, the times we often remember and miss most often are NOT the final destinations, it's the journey - the what happens during the mundane. 

Take advantage of it and Create Meaning in the Mundane.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Why the sound of ripped-up carpet is more important than the carpet itself.

Yesterday, my son sent me this picture with the caption, "Wild {our dog} destroyed the downstairs carpet."

And I was pissed. So was my wife.

Wild is supposed to be an outside dog, but with the weather plunging into the negatives and me not completing her outdoor housing, she has spent time inside. Yesterday, as my wife needed to run out for the day, she put Wild in her kennel. When she returned home and discovered the mess our dog created, Wild was placed outside for the remainder of the evening. 

Later that night, as the temperatures began to drop, Wild was once again brought inside and placed in the entryway where she lay on her blanket. Shortly after, my wife joined her. From the living room couch, I heard her say, "I love you. I'm still mad at you, but I love you."

And two things came to mind.

One, love covers a multitude of mistakes. Even when someone's actions are destructive, hurtful, or upsetting, love allows us to still make the best decision for them, even when we are angry or frustrated at them. As educators, when our students, coworkers, or parents act in a destructive manner, we can still (metaphorically, of course) pet their ears, scratch their bellies, and bring them back inside. Because we love them, and we want what is best for them. (just to be clear, rubbing our students,  staff, or parents’ bellies is NOT an appropriate interaction . . . neither is petting their ears. Letting them inside because it is cold outside probably still holds up).

We don’t have to like someone to do what is best for them. We simply have to love them.

Two, behavior is communication. Wild is an extremely intelligent dog. She clearly and efficiently lets us know when she needs to go to the bathroom, when she's hungry or thirsty, and when there is a potential intruder nearby. However, she struggles to communicate what she is specifically afraid of or worried about. She can’t articulate if she is bored - especially when we are not around to hear - when we are not present.

Our students' or loved ones’ inappropriate behaviors are often frustrating because they are destructive. But oftentimes, they are a cry for help, for understanding, or simply to be seen. They are moments of communication. Even though they are old enough to clearly communicate that they are hungry or need to use the restroom, there are plenty of thoughts, emotions, and feelings that they cannot express. Even when they’re old enough to walk to school, watch rated-R movies, or carry a driver’s license.

When those around us act out or are behaving unlike their typical self, are they trying to communicate a need? A fear? Are they wrestling with something they can’t quite put into words?

And more importantly, are we listening? Are we present? Or, are we fixated on the ripped-up carpet?

Damaged carpets can be replaced or covered by a nearby rug. They are merely things. And things are never more important than the people that damage them. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Resume vs Eulogy Virtues

In his book, The Road to Character, David Brooks writes about the difference between Resume virtues and Eulogy virtues.

“Eulogy virtues,” he writes, "are the virtues that get talked about at your funeral, the ones that exist at the core of your being – whether you are kind, brave, honest or faithful; what kind of relationships you formed.”

“Resume virtues,” on the other hand, are much shallower. “They are the skills that you bring to the job market and that contribute to external success."

When we pursue our resume virtues, we set out to conquer the world. When we hold tight to our eulogy virtues, we battle for opportunities to serve the world. 

And that got me thinking about educators and why we have chosen, and continue to choose, this beautiful profession.

Most educators came into this profession because, at some point, someone spoke into our lives. Because someone took time out of their day to spend time in ours, because they lived a life that inspired us to help, to serve, and to improve the lives of those around us. I bet you are here because someone chose to see beyond their resume virtues and chose to invest in their eulogy virtues.

People who, as David Brooks writes, “radiate a sort of moral joy.”

They answer softly when challenged harshly. They are silent when unfairly abused. They are dignified when others try to humiliate them, restrained when others try to provoke them. But they get things done. They perform acts of sacrificial service with the same modesty everyday spirit they would display if they were just getting the groceries. They are not thinking about what impressive work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all. They just seem delighted by the flawed people around them. They just recognize what needs doing and they do it” (bolding and emphasis added).

Like many, I have ambition. I have dreams and ideas of how I would like my life and career to go, and I work hard to ensure that they will happen. I am constantly working on my resume.

This week, however, I was once again reminded that if I accomplish all that my little heart desires, if I gain all the accolades and can stand on a stage to great applause, it will mean nothing without a strong eulogy resume.

For in the end, that is what this profession - this life - is all about.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Look Beyond the Problem. See the People.

At times, life gifts us themes. Most often, they come at the appropriate time. Here is been my gifted theme this week. And yes, it has come at the appropriate time.

Monday:

In a conversation with a mentor from Texas (shout out to you, Mr Jeff Springer!), he referenced this scene from the movie Patch Adams:

"Look at me," the old man says. "If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem, look at me!" When dealing with struggling students or adults, we must choose to "see what everyone else chooses not to see." The person.

Tuesday:

This quote came across my Instagram feed: "If I wanted to ruin you, I would convince you, over a long time, through disappointment and empty promise, that something you think or something you do is more important than the people in your life" - Justin McRoberts

For whatever reason, the people in our lives are the people in our lives. And they are more important than any thing or opinion we might have. For as Justin McRoberts also says, "The person you are talking to is more important than the thing you are talking about. Every time.”

Wednesday:

In a Zoom conversation with an old teacher buddy of mine (lookin at you, Mr Kasey Schurtz!), he said, "Love should look like discipline. And discipline should look like love."

Holding ourselves and others accountable is often uncomfortable, but if done in love (holding their interest above our own), it is necessary, good, and true. For as my mother made me memorize as a child, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails ."

And the same should be said about discipline.

As educators and parents, we are entering the thick and heavy season of academic and change. Our students and children will be growing and learning a TON these next few weeks and months. Which is GREAT! Amidst it all, however, may we never forget the PEOPLE who are around us - staff, students, family members - for they are the reason WHY we are here.

And I have needed that reminder.

This past week, when my schedule has been more full than the minutes allow, when I run from one dumpster fire to the next, from meeting to meeting with side conversations along the way, and as I try and keep a building full of hearts and minds safe and headed in the right direction - all while the needs of family and home are pulling and calling - it is so unbelievably embarrassing how quickly I fall into the trap of Get. Stuff. Done!

And in doing so, I can often forget the people around me.

The one struggling with the weight of a sick parent and hard decisions ahead.
The one wrestling with mountains upon mountains of change, and the struggles it creates.
The one who needs a quick check in and “how you doing? You okay?” but also the brief moment of sitting and actually listening and not anxiously checking the time or text messages.
The one who needs me to sit on the couch and hear her woes and fears of a new season because really, more than anything, she is scared and insecure and doesn’t know or understand her true strength.
And the list goes on and on.

This week, the theme of people has been strong and a bit heavy handed. Which probably means I need the reminder. And more importantly, that I should listen.

Choose to see what others choose not to: the people behind the problem.
Place people above what I think and what I do.
In all things - especially in discipline - choose to love the people who have been placed in my life.

Every time.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Elevator Thinking

I recently listened to a podcast where the innovation of elevators was addressed, and it got me thinking . . .

In the early stages of elevator invention, a great deal of time was spent considering how to make them faster because waiting several minutes, in a small space, in awkward silence, is uncomfortable for everyone. The problem was, because of safety, they couldn't make the elevators go faster. They were stuck.

So, what then? If we can't improve the product, how do we achieve our goal?

Answer: Change the experience. 

Instead of spending time and energy working on how to reduce the time spent in the elevator, innovative minds shifted towards changing how they spent time in the elevator. Soon after, elevator music was introduced. Then mirrors. They focused on the experience rather than the outcome. And in doing so, they achieved their desired outcome: make the elevator ride faster, and less awkward.

And this had me thinking . . .

As an Educator:

Educators are problem solvers by nature. When we encounter a problem, be it academic or behavior, we solve it. We create intervention plans, develop and/or modify curriculums, and do whatever else is needed in order to achieve the desired outcome.

The problem is, we get stuck thinking of how to improve the product rather than considering how to change the experience.  And sometimes, that keeps us in a box of innovative thinking. 

Where can I shift my thinking away from large-scale, “vertical” thinking? Because sometimes, like the speed of an elevator, there are problems that cannot be improved - they are what they are - and instead of fixing the problem, I need to change the experience with the problem.

As a Husband:

Often times I spend a great deal of time considering how to improve my marriage with major changes/interventions, when really, I should simply focus on the surrounding "experiential" things that bring me to the same desired outcome.

Marriage counseling, although often helpful, isn’t always needed. Sometimes, instead of considering large-scale changes or interventions, I need to be more mindful of how I greet my wife in the morning, respond to her when she's having a hard day, and spend more time considering ways to bless/encourage her. If I change the experience, I can often achieve my desired outcome of a healthier relationship, more intimate conversations, and a more confident, secure wife.

As a Person:

I am a “fix it” sort of person. My wife says I am incapable of resting, largely because I cannot sit and do nothing. I have to be working on something, improving something, building something.

I also struggle with the impatient belief that my efforts will produce instant (or instant-ish) success or change. And there are very few things in life that have such quick and immediate outcomes.

Elevator thinking has encouraged me to be patient. And to consider the Prayer of Serenity:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

Elevator thinking encourages me to change what I can. But when I can’t change it, instead of simply accepting it with a hands-up, I give up sort of mentality, it asks that I change THE EXPERIENCE around the things I cannot change.

Elevator thinking is still active, even when we can’t do anything about. It is the difference between blind optimism (Good Vibes Only!) and active optimism that accepts the reality of the situation, while also doing something about it.

Where in your classrooms and schools, relationships and life interactions, can you get outside the box of Linear Elevator thinking (must go faster!) and move towards Horizontal Elevator thinking (just add mirrors!)?

Where can you change the experience?

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Gap of Knowledge vs Curse of Knowledge.

photo by @justinmcroberts

In Make it Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Chip and Dan Heath mention "the curse of knowledge." 

The curse of knowledge is when we become so familiar with something (an idea, way of life, purpose statement) that we can no longer remember what it was like to live without it. And because it is so familiar to us, we struggle to relate to those who don't understand it. In our minds, the concept is so simple; in theirs, it is complex and confusing. 

In a recent conversation with an old friend, I was convicted of how this divide of knowledge impacts our relationships with parents. 

As educators, we understand schools. The routines, expectations, norms, and the day-to-day pulse. We read books about learning and classroom culture, we attend conferences, listen to podcasts, and chat with colleagues. We eat, sleep, and breath education. And because we do, we cannot imagine what it would be like not to know so much about our schools, our classroom, or education at large.

Many of our parents, however, have a limited understanding of all that happens within a given school day. When they visit our school or chat with us on the phone, they come to us with gaps of knowledge. And the problem with gaps of knowledge is NOT that there are unknowns, it is how we fill the unknown. 

Our brains are pretty amazing at filling in the blanks of missing information. We take what we know (or think we know) and quickly fill in the gaps of knowledge or understanding. This practice, although normal and natural, often creates a false or incomplete reality of the people, places, and things we are trying to understand.

Our parents do this all the time. Especially those who have a natural mistrust of schools. Especially those who have had limited experiences. They take a single conversation we have about their child, generalize it, and then fill in all the unknown gaps with unfair, at times unkind, but almost always incomplete information. 

And we wonder why, when working through conflict, it feels more like a battle than a brainstorm.

Many of our parents have a misunderstanding of what we do and who we are because they have limited knowledge and experience of the educational system. Many educators have a misunderstanding of parents' perspectives because we forget what it's like to have gaps in our knowledge of that educational system.

My goal, and my encouragement to you, then, is twofold:

1. Tell your story, often and in a variety of ways. Call parents and celebrate your students/their children, email stories of the week that simply provide insight into your days, post random moments of life on social media. Fill in the gaps of knowledge with actual stories of what you're doing, who you are, and why you do what you do. 

2. Give grace. Many of our parents have no clue what we do or how we do it - how could they unless they walk in our shoes? When they come in, then, frustrated and full of incomplete assumptions, listen. Hear their concerns, listen to their stories, and look for the deeper fear that is almost always present. For as my friend said, "We aren't afraid of the dark, we are afraid of what we imagine is in the dark." And what we imagine is almost always scarier than what is real. 

And the same applies to teachers, principals, and support staff towards our students and their families.

Educators have a misunderstanding of our students because we have limited knowledge and experience of their homes, their families, and their lives. We have some knowledge and understanding - what we see and experience during the school day - but what happens after they leave is unclear. We have large gaps of knowledge that are often filled in with what we think we know.

Understanding this deficiency not only allows us to grow in our empathy with parents, as we try to understand the fear and confusion of life and decisions, it also opens the door for curiosity, for questions, and for new discoveries. Instead of resting in our gaps of knowledge, we seek further and deeper understanding. Which, in the end builds us together rather than keeps us apart.

Whenever parents and educators come together, often times, one side suffers from the curse of knowledge, the other from the knowledge gap.

And no matter our role, be it parent, teacher, or educational leader, our task is to turn on the lights. For when we do, we fill in the gaps and provide a firm foundation from which we can build relationships with parents, community members, students, and each other. We create a culture of understanding and trust, and we eradicate fear. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Three with Empathy

“Three with Empathy”

In a recent podcast, a friend shared this phrase with me, and I love it.

Whenever he engages with a student or staff member, he reminds himself to be present in the conversation and with that person by focusing on Who they are, How they are, and What they need.

With my school’s theme this year of, "Don't Miss Out! : Be Present," not only were his words applicable, they were also deeply encouraging and convicting.

Who are You?

When engaging in a conversation, what can I learn about WHO they are? And how might that understanding help me gain empathy towards them and their situation (what is the origin?)?

• How many siblings do they have?

• What was their childhood like?

• Are they financially stable or currently struggling to pay the bills?

• Is anyone in their immediate family sick or battling with chronic illness?

• Is their spouse employed? Happy in their employment?

Their life outside of work deeply impacts who they are when they come to work. Understanding WHO they are provides us insights into how we can help, where to support, and where to give grace.

How are you?

Instead of simply joking around or talking shop, have I truly asked How people are doing? And have I allowed time or space for them to answer?

I was recently told by a teacher that sometimes she feels that “What I share goes in one ear and out the other.” And she wasn’t wrong. Although it was hurtful to hear (because I had been intentionally checking in on her), I needed to hear it because it was how she was doing. Life had been hard, really hard, for this teacher and she had shared some of those struggles with me. She let me know HOW she was doing. And I dropped the ball a few times. I allowed the business of the day to invade my clarity and forgot to check back in.

Asking people “How are you” often invites a shallow response because people are accustomed to their words going in one ear and out the other. Allowing enough time and space to hear the answer - even a difficult one - is crucial to engaging empathy. So too is ensuring that we head back to the person, the conversation, and reengage with HOW they are doing.

What do you Need?

Asking, "What do you need" is an easy question to ask, and I often do, but where this question has convicted me (in relation to empathy) is understanding that people don't always need a task completed or a job done . . . sometimes, we just need an empathetic ear, with no plan to fix anything, just listen. And if I'm truly listening, I hear WHO they are and HOW they are doing. I gain understanding. Which almost always opens the door and makes room for more empathy. Which is exactly what everyone NEEDs.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : What is the Origin?

"What's the origin?"

Oftentimes there are themes to my weeks. Be it from conversations, podcasts, books, whatever, every now and then a very specific theme arises in a short period of time. This past week the theme has been centered on how we interpret the actions of others, and more importantly, how we respond to them.

For me, it is all too easy to fill in the gaps of unknowns with assumptions. When someone says an unkind thing or acts in a somewhat offensive way, I get defensive, argumentative, and - at my worst - judgmental. I fill in what I don't know with what I assume, and falsely attribute someone's actions to their (therefore assumed) faulty character.

Yet, when I dig in, when I sit and chat and seek further understanding, I am often provided an entirely different - and much more accurate - picture of understanding.

In a recent conversation with a friend, he encouraged me to ask and consider, "What is the origin?" of someone's actions, and I have truly appreciated that perspective.

This month, the month of GRATITUDE, one way we can continue to show and pursue a grateful spirit is by appreciating the power and opportunities we have of asking, "What is the origin?"

When a child acts up or lashes out . . . "What is the origin?"

When a coworker responds with sharpness or is curt . . . "What is the origin?"

When a spouse greets us as we walk through the door with a scowl instead of a smile, consider the origin rather than jump to conclusions (Not speaking from experience . . . not at all! ;)

Oftentimes, when we seek to understand the story behind the action, we find that there is a great deal of "shtuff" happening beneath the surface and behind closed doors. When we discover more of the story, oftentimes we find that, instead of frustration, we cling to grace and EMPATHY because - just like us - their intentions were in the right place, they just didn't have the capacity to endure one. more. thing.

And in that, we can all relate.

"What is the origin?"

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Show Gratitude; See the Gorilla

In a recent staff meeting, we watched the above video. Then, we talked about gratitude.

A few days ago, I was showing Rick - my lead custodian - the few cracks in our hallways that are in need of some attention. They aren't terrible, but they aren't perfect either. And because they aren't perfect, they can cause students and teachers alike to trip up. Their imperfection draws our attention.

However, they are just a fraction of the hallways. The bulk - almost 100% of the hallways - are great! Yet, how many times have we walked the halls and acknowledged how clean they are? How smooth and reliable they are? How beautiful and encouraging the bulletin boards are?

Not very often.

This week, I have been reminded of how quickly we take for granted the things and people in our lives who do good things, who work hard, and who are reliable, kind, and helpful. Instead of seeing and appreciating the good that is done, we get discouraged by those who are destructive. Instead of focusing on the coming opportunities, we get distracted by the task at hand and the cracks that trip us up.

We can can’t the number of passes made by those in white t-shirts but miss the gorilla.

This month, my school is focusing on the word Gratitude, and what I love about the definition is that it does not merely focus on appreciating the people and things in our lives, but the CHOICE to do so.

Gratitude is choosing to appreciate the people and things in our lives!

As we continue to work hard at completing the tasks before us, as we navigate through or correct the cracks ahead of us, my challenge to you, my staff and students, as well as myself is to not only CHOOSE to see and appreciate the people and things around us but do acknowledge them with a note.

This month, as often as possible, write down the moments, the things, and for sure the PEOPLE who inspire, encourage and support you. Who reminds you of the goodness in life. Who keeps you accountable and heading in the right direction. Who make you a better person.

Let them know they are noticed and appreciated, and that they are making a difference.

Or, as my fifth-grade teachers did, make a poster and hang it in the hallway.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Leadership is Simple. Make a "To be" list.

A few days ago, an old teacher of mine reached out. She was struggling with her building principal and was sharing how she was feeling alone and unsupported. “I mean,” she said in a moment of exasperation, “Leadership is simple. Not easy, but simple.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Support your people,” she replied.

And I have not been able to get that out of my head. As a principal, father, husband, and friend.

Dan Allender defines a leader as “anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good.”

Which means, everyone is a leader. Everyone. Yet, so often we miss our opportunities to lead, influence others, and make an impact toward the greater good because we’re distracted by being busy. Which, according to Allander, is the moral equivalent to laziness.

Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional.

They refuse to be courageous.

Courageous to step into hard conversations with their staff, spouse, children, or friends.

Courageous to be open about their struggles, failures, and gaps in abilities.

Courageous to step into situations of vulnerability.

I know I’m guilty of this.

When I get busy with projects and tasks I can accomplish a lot of things, making myself feel productive, needed, and important. So too does my exhaustion. “I worked so hard today,” I can say to myself as I doze onthe couch while my kiddos clean up after dinner.

And I did. I accomplished a lot. But did I lead or support anyone?

Now, I know you might be saying, “Getting that to-do list IS supporting your staff, family, or community.” And it is. But, like most things, it is also incomplete. If I spend my entire day on my to-do list, I accomplish a lot but miss out on so much more. I miss out on wrestling with the uncertain future of others.

Recently, alongside my “to-do” list, I have added a “to-be” list.

The tasks on my to-do list are menial. They keep the building or house in order, and running smoothly. The items on my to-be list are the important conversations or interactions I must have in order for the greater good to be accomplished - they are the things that remind us what we’re here for! They are not the things I must do but the HOW I must do them.

Things like:

To be present in my conversations, not looking at my phone or thinking of the things that need to get done.

To be purposeful in my gratitude and acknowledgment of others.

To be mindful of stories told so I can remember them, refer to them later, and understand those around me better.

To be patient with the struggling kindergartner knowing full well he does not come from a healthy home.

To be silent with my children, allowing them space to share their hearts rather quickly jumping in and “solving” their problems.

To-do lists provide those we lead with the things they want.

To-be lists provide them with the things they need: intentionality, purpose, and courage. To-be lists require us to stop doing They require us to be human. And for many of us - for me for sure - that is what makes them so difficult.

It’s also what makes leadership most rewarding. Because it allows us to lead, walk with, and be guided by others as we all continually strive toward the greater good.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Clean on the Other Side

One of my favorite movies is Shawshank Redemption.

And one of my favorite scenes is near the end when Andy Dufresne escapes the prison, Morgan Freeman's voice narrates:

"Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of *poop* smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to​. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile . . . and came out clean on the other side."

We are all crawling through our own unique rivers of poop. Some are work-related. Some are personal. All are real and smelly. What I love most about the quote above is the challenge, the reminder, to endure these times of absolute *poop* in such a way that when it ends, we too can come out "clean on the other side."

And we do so by shouldering each other burdens, even when we are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.

We do so by leaving our hardships and hurts at the door and loving our neighbors, students, and coworkers anyways.

We do so by leaning into hard conversations, with empathy and grace.

We do so by battling against the “survival mode” mentality of hardship, by denying the lure of complacency, and by refusing to allow our circumstances to dictate who we are and what we do.

I know this is easier said than done, but if it is never said, it is rarely done. And I want it to get done.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : The Gaps in Our Bookshelves

Jorge Méndez Blake attempted to illustrate the power of a single story with his 2002 art project, The Castle where he constructed “a 75 x 13-foot brick wall that balances on top of a single copy of Franz Kafka’s The Castle.”

"A gap in the bookshelf." I recently heard this phrase from a podcast entitled "The History of Literature." It was mentioned by the author Chinua Achebe, a Nigerian author who wrote Things Fall Apart, as a metaphor for why he became a writer. When he looked at the shelves of world literature, he saw a distinct and clear gap of books that accurately portrayed his people, that told their stories.

And I've been considering that phrase ever since: "A gap in the bookshelf."

People love telling and hearing stories. Be it told around a fire, through a tv screen, or in the classroom, we are attracted to stories because they teach us about life, connect us with others, and provide us with hope. Stories are our libraries of understanding. Which is why we return to our favorites over and over again, because they are comfortable, familiar, and safe.

They are also, almost always, incomplete. 

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said it this way: "The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they aren't true, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story." And I love that. And not because it feels good but because it is profoundly convicting. Especially when I consider my "bookshelf of stories" about others. 

That phrase, "a gap in the bookshelf," is a powerful one because, I think we can all agree, when we see a line of books neatly set in a row with an apparent open gap, it's troubling. Or, at the very least, it is evident that something is missing. Another story. And although there are many stories on the shelf, because one is missing, it feels incomplete. 

That is also the power of a single story. It can single-handedly change the stereotype of an entire continent, people group, school, or classroom. Even, a brick wall.

Over the past several days, I have been convicted to pursue more stories and spend more time filling in the gaps for I don’t just want a full bookshelf, I want a complete one.

The best of which takes a lifetime to collect.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Keep Knocking

Several years ago, this letter was sent to one of my teachers. It now hangs, laminated, on the wall next to her computer. Recently, she pulled it down and showed it to me. Then, she told me the story.

This young man was not a great student. In fact, he was a terrible student. Be she loved him, worked with and never gave up on him, even when he didn’t show much growth or change - all year long.

Nor the following year.

Nor the next.

Nor the next.

Then, almost ten years later, the above letter arrived in the mail.

My friend has a phrase, "Just keep knocking." And he reminded me of it again the other day. I shared with him how frustrated I was with a particular student, that no matter what I did or said, I was not getting through. "Maybe it isn't your job to 'get through,'" he said, "Maybe all you need to do is just keep knocking," he said.

And I like that.

Sometimes, it isn't our job to solve the issue. Sometimes we are not the ones who will make the breakthrough. Sometimes all we are tasked with doing is knocking. Over and over and over again.

We can't force people out of bed or off the couch. Nor can we make them answer the door. But we can keep knocking. Which, for many, is precisely what they need - the constant thud of someone knocking on the door, reminding them that they matter, that someone cares, and that they are not alone.

Because here’s what I know to be true:

If we stop knocking, they will never open the door. If we never stop, they might.

And if we knock long enough, I am convinced that they eventually will. And when that happens, it will all be worth it.

Even if it takes ten years.

Thank you, *teacher*, for knocking.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : The Patience of Repair

Friday Thoughts are back!

After taking the summer off, it’s time to get back into weekly reflections.

But before I do, I wanted to share a quick update. In hopes of exercising my personal discipline of reflection, I have started posting Daily Thoughts, Monday - Saturday. If you’re interested in seeing them, please follow me on Facebook or TikTok.

Now, a Friday Thought:

Often times it feels that things break and crumble much faster than it takes to build them. And that, for me at least, is super frustrating. Especially when it’s something I care about.

Sometimes, our humanity is responsible for the destruction. Be it from our selfish nature or limited understandings, we make decisions that have destructive consequences - for ourselves and for others.

Other times, however, the destruction experienced is just part of life.

Over the summer my son broke his arm. It happened instantly, and for a 15 year old boy who was anxious for the adventures of summer, it was devastating. And not because of the pain, but because of the time it would take to heal.

And he is not alone.

Whenever we experience brokenness, be it of body, mind, or spirit, we - like my son - are eager to heal. And just like my son, we are anxious to heal as quickly as we were broken.

Wendell Berry, the legendary American novelist and poet, understood our desires, which is exactly why he warned us against them.

The temptation for us all is to believe that the solution needs to be as large as the problem itself; that we need a positive and equal reaction to every negative and destructive action.

The problem with this line of thinking, according to Berry, is that large-scale solutions rarely produce the desired and much needed outcomes needed or desired. In contrast, the best solutions are often small and meaningful decisions, made consistently over time. Fast and large reactions often create greater problems. Slow and portioned decisions allow for healing. Just like our human bodies.

As of today, my son’s arm is healed. It took a second to break and over 10 weeks to heal. Which, for many of us enduring our own brand of brokenness, doesn’t seem fair. But that is not for us to decide.

What we can decide is what to do with our time of healing.

We can keep showing up, we can keep trying and stepping out, and we can keep discovering new ways to help and notice others.

It takes a long time to restore things. It takes even longer to restore GREAT things.

But in the end, the wait is always worth it. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Listen to the Rumble Strips

The other day, while driving home, I was tired. Real tired. And I started to fall asleep.

Rumble strips woke me up and I quickly corrected myself. But only for a little while. A few minutes later, rumble strips again. And no matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I kept dozing off.
Rumble strips.

Rumble strips.

Rumble strips.

Finally, I made it home. Tired, a little afraid, and thankful for the continued rumbles that kept me on the road and most certainly out of a terrible wreck.

The next morning, one of my favorite podcasts, 99% Invisible, published an episode entitled Rumble Strip. In it, the host describes a rumble strip as "one of those things on the side of the road that wakes you up when you're about to have a major car accident. It's essentially, 'slow down and listen.'"

Life also provides us rumble strips. In little and often subtle ways - in almost a whisper - we are reminded that we're falling asleep to what's important, that we're beginning to drift off course, and that we need to correct our direction.

At other times, the reminders are not so subtle. They're jarring, invasive, and confrontational. They’re uncomfortable, like a scream to the face to "WAKE UP!" because we’re drifting and we need correction.

Yet, unlike the rumble strips on the side of the road that are almost unavoidable, life’s rumble strips are easy to ignore, brush aside, or excuse away.

Warnings of unhealthy relationships, of struggling teenage children, of toxic working environments.

We become accustomed to the rumble, learn to ignore the impending danger, and are then shocked when disaster strikes. Often because we are too busy to notice, to simply turn the wheel, or to gently pump the breaks. Better to keep going and hope for the best.

Better to stay busy. Better to “push through.”

Recently, with end of the year tasks piling up, with the Honey-Do list growing and growing, and with baby #5 days away from joining our family, the sound of rumble strips has become a soft and ever-present hum. And instead of pushing down on the gas, of working harder, or believing they really are no big deal, I need to slow down and listen. To my kiddos, my staff, and my wife.

Instead of being distracted, I need to be aware. Instead of strong, I need to be brave. Instead of being busy, I need to be present.

I need to listen for rumble strips.

As we enter the final days of the year, please be mindful of the things and people around you. Listen for the rumble strips, either in your own life or in the life of others. It isn't just about getting to the end (although that's important); it's how we get there that matters as well - perhaps even more so.

Love your kiddos, enjoy these days, finish strong. Be present!

And when needed, slow down and listen.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

#doGREATthings!

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