Friday Thought : Get Nervous Again! Make the leap.

When I was a kid, my family (and later my friends) would take weekend getaways to Turkey Run. The hikes were beautiful and the canoe trip was so much fun. Especially when we got to the bridge. 

I don't know how high it is, but I'm confident it's high enough to discourage many from jumping. Or, at the very least, create hesitation. I know I did. Every time, I would stand at the edge, consider it for several minutes, almost jump several times, then eventually leap. It was terrifying. But it was also invigorating. 

And in many ways, that's how I feel about March.

Much like the drive to Turkey Run, at the beginning of the school year, we are excited! We're pumped to meet and teach our students, and we're very clear with them about our norms and expectations. We're also very deliberate in our conversations and holding students accountable.

Then October hits and we plan for Halloween. December brings Christmas parties, January is filled with reunions and re-establishing routines, and February is blah. By March, we expect students to know how to behave, but with the winter months dragging on and on, it seems they - and we - have forgotten how to be. 

We're low on energy. 
I know I am, anyway. Maybe you are too.

This is why I am encouraging us all to Get Nervous Again. Make the Leap!!!

If it's a hard conversation with a student or students that you've been delaying because they should know better . . .  get nervous again and leap! Dive into it.

If you are somewhat snug in your routine of teaching but have something you've wanted to do but just haven't gotten around to it because of this or that excuse . . . get nervous again and try it!

If there is a job you've wanted to pursue, a conversation you've needed to have, or an opportunity you've kept on the shelf, please, get nervous again and leap!

It's always most terrifying right before we jump, a blur as we fall, and rejuvenating once we're done. It's what we talk about for the next year, until we stand yet again on the ledge, wondering if it is worth it. 

Which it is. Every single time. 

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Friday Thought : Things worth a Damn

Early in the week, the following quote came across my computer:

"Because anyone who has ever done anything worth a damn, knows that they probably weren’t the main beneficiaries of their efforts. Our work may have lit up the world, but we still remain down in the mud, somehow" (via). 

As educators, we understand this. We understand that no matter our good intentions, our allowances of second, third, and forty-third chances or how much we truly love and care for the students and staff around us, we will most definitely find ourselves, somehow, down in the mud of false accusations and unfair judgment. 

And that can be discouraging. Because it is. But only if we focus on the mud. And only if we interpret being in it as a bad thing. 

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena," Theodore Roosevelt said, "whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood {and mud}. . . who spends himself in a worthy cause."

Mud pasted on our jeans or splattered on our faces is not the result of being trodden upon, it is the evidence of our work. Just like the mud the marks the efforts of a running back who gave his all in a hard fought game, or the dirt that marks two young girls collecting wood, so too we, as public servants and servant leaders, are marred and dusty-faced because we are all in. We don’t stand on the sideline or hide in timidity. We engage. We lean towards difficult solutions, wrestle with ugly realities, and embrace the hard conversations. We are muddy because our students are. Because life is. And we do not shy away.

We care more about cleaning the world than we do ourselves.

Thank you for that. It isn't always easy to get messy, to slip and fall, or to sit in the muck and the mire with our students, their parents, or the staff next door. But it is always right. 

As educators, it is our calling, above all else, to ensure others are the main beneficiaries of our labor for that is the core of education and the heartbeat of teaching! To embrace our gifts, our talents, and our resources and to proudly use them for the benefit of others. Because "doing something meaningful . . . will pay off in the end, it just might not pay off for {us}." As educators, we are okay with that because that is what we do. That is who we are. 

That is who you are.

Because you genuinely care, your work provides light to the world. The mud is proof that you were there.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Life Beneath Hats: A forced reflection of when we get to the end.

Over the past two weeks, I have been surrounded by the theme of reflection, and of purpose.

On Friday, my family lost an adoptive mother to cancer. She was a fantastic woman who loved this world with grace and elegance. Her passing, although devastating to many, has allowed us all the opportunity to consider her life, the purpose that guided her, and the impact she made. And when considered, it is thunderous. Beautiful. And eternal. It will live on long after her name is lost to this world.

In the midst of saying goodbye to our Momma D, I helped move an elderly couple from the apartment they've been living in for the past handful of years to their new Assisted Living Home. With almost every item, I had to ask, "Is this going to your new home or to storage?" I hated asking that question, almost as much as they hated answering it because although it was never said, we all knew that once it went into storage, it wouldn't be coming out. This was their last and forever move. 

While cleaning out the husband's room, I stumbled across two hats. One was from when he was stationed in Okinawa, the other from when he drove a bus for the school district, and I was literally stunned for a moment. I simply looked at them both and considered the years of memories they represented, the stories they held, and the lives they impacted. 

I then turned, went into the living room, shook the old man's hand (his name is Ed), and said thank you. He smiled and said, "You're welcome."

I don't know about you, but I can easily be consumed with the task or tasks ahead of me. Of paying off bills, running my kiddos to activities and ensuring that they are (mostly) fed, and checking my email. I get consumed with squashing behaviors, completing projects around the house, and responding to emails. I begin to care deeply about keeping up with the Joneses, completing the mile-long to-do list, and RESPONDING TO FREAKING EMAILS!!!

And for what? 

I know they are important and essential to doing my job and providing for my family, but they are NOT what I want talked about at my funeral (Yeah that Miller sure did respond to email within 24 hours!). They are my tasks, not my purpose. And sometimes I can forget that. 

As educators, we have the greatest profession in this world because we have direct contact and constant opportunities to LITERALLY impact and change lives. Whether our students know it or not, acknowledge it or not, or ever connect their future selves to now doesn't matter. Our time with these students and with each other deeply impacts the way we think, act, and react. It has lasting value. And that not only encourages me, it challenges me.

I have been given these kids for this moment, surrounded by this staff. I Belong Here. And I don't want to waste it or take it for granted. I want to embrace the hell out of it. From beginning to end.

Just like Ed. Just like Momma D.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : A Far Greater Achievement

I recently stumbled across a fantastic blog entitled Gaping Void that is full of short, inspirational, and encouraging thoughts. 

This is a rewording from a section of their most recent post:

I’m pretty sure at the end of my life no one is going to wax lyrical about some staff meeting I ran or the class I taught in 2023. But, if I do my best to lead with values, purpose and principles, they just might say that I was a decent person. And to me, that’s a far greater achievement. (You can read more of the short post here).

Throughout this week, as I've wrestled with how to best and most reliably communicate with parents, tried to iron out kinks in the school's procedures, and continually dealt with student behavior, the conviction of HOW I do the things I do has continually come to mind.

I don't want to focus solely on checking off all the boxes on my to-do list, for although they are important, they don't change the world. They merely keep it moving. HOW I check those boxes has a much greater impact on the students, the staff, and the surrounding community. And I need to constantly be aware of that. Improve on that. 

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Three with Empathy

“Three with Empathy”

In a recent podcast, a friend shared this phrase with me, and I love it.

Whenever he engages with a student or staff member, he reminds himself to be present in the conversation and with that person by focusing on Who they are, How they are, and What they need.

With my school’s theme this year of, "Don't Miss Out! : Be Present," not only were his words applicable, they were also deeply encouraging and convicting.

Who are You?

When engaging in a conversation, what can I learn about WHO they are? And how might that understanding help me gain empathy towards them and their situation (what is the origin?)?

• How many siblings do they have?

• What was their childhood like?

• Are they financially stable or currently struggling to pay the bills?

• Is anyone in their immediate family sick or battling with chronic illness?

• Is their spouse employed? Happy in their employment?

Their life outside of work deeply impacts who they are when they come to work. Understanding WHO they are provides us insights into how we can help, where to support, and where to give grace.

How are you?

Instead of simply joking around or talking shop, have I truly asked How people are doing? And have I allowed time or space for them to answer?

I was recently told by a teacher that sometimes she feels that “What I share goes in one ear and out the other.” And she wasn’t wrong. Although it was hurtful to hear (because I had been intentionally checking in on her), I needed to hear it because it was how she was doing. Life had been hard, really hard, for this teacher and she had shared some of those struggles with me. She let me know HOW she was doing. And I dropped the ball a few times. I allowed the business of the day to invade my clarity and forgot to check back in.

Asking people “How are you” often invites a shallow response because people are accustomed to their words going in one ear and out the other. Allowing enough time and space to hear the answer - even a difficult one - is crucial to engaging empathy. So too is ensuring that we head back to the person, the conversation, and reengage with HOW they are doing.

What do you Need?

Asking, "What do you need" is an easy question to ask, and I often do, but where this question has convicted me (in relation to empathy) is understanding that people don't always need a task completed or a job done . . . sometimes, we just need an empathetic ear, with no plan to fix anything, just listen. And if I'm truly listening, I hear WHO they are and HOW they are doing. I gain understanding. Which almost always opens the door and makes room for more empathy. Which is exactly what everyone NEEDs.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Leadership is Simple. Make a "To be" list.

A few days ago, an old teacher of mine reached out. She was struggling with her building principal and was sharing how she was feeling alone and unsupported. “I mean,” she said in a moment of exasperation, “Leadership is simple. Not easy, but simple.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Support your people,” she replied.

And I have not been able to get that out of my head. As a principal, father, husband, and friend.

Dan Allender defines a leader as “anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good.”

Which means, everyone is a leader. Everyone. Yet, so often we miss our opportunities to lead, influence others, and make an impact toward the greater good because we’re distracted by being busy. Which, according to Allander, is the moral equivalent to laziness.

Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional.

They refuse to be courageous.

Courageous to step into hard conversations with their staff, spouse, children, or friends.

Courageous to be open about their struggles, failures, and gaps in abilities.

Courageous to step into situations of vulnerability.

I know I’m guilty of this.

When I get busy with projects and tasks I can accomplish a lot of things, making myself feel productive, needed, and important. So too does my exhaustion. “I worked so hard today,” I can say to myself as I doze onthe couch while my kiddos clean up after dinner.

And I did. I accomplished a lot. But did I lead or support anyone?

Now, I know you might be saying, “Getting that to-do list IS supporting your staff, family, or community.” And it is. But, like most things, it is also incomplete. If I spend my entire day on my to-do list, I accomplish a lot but miss out on so much more. I miss out on wrestling with the uncertain future of others.

Recently, alongside my “to-do” list, I have added a “to-be” list.

The tasks on my to-do list are menial. They keep the building or house in order, and running smoothly. The items on my to-be list are the important conversations or interactions I must have in order for the greater good to be accomplished - they are the things that remind us what we’re here for! They are not the things I must do but the HOW I must do them.

Things like:

To be present in my conversations, not looking at my phone or thinking of the things that need to get done.

To be purposeful in my gratitude and acknowledgment of others.

To be mindful of stories told so I can remember them, refer to them later, and understand those around me better.

To be patient with the struggling kindergartner knowing full well he does not come from a healthy home.

To be silent with my children, allowing them space to share their hearts rather quickly jumping in and “solving” their problems.

To-do lists provide those we lead with the things they want.

To-be lists provide them with the things they need: intentionality, purpose, and courage. To-be lists require us to stop doing They require us to be human. And for many of us - for me for sure - that is what makes them so difficult.

It’s also what makes leadership most rewarding. Because it allows us to lead, walk with, and be guided by others as we all continually strive toward the greater good.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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