Friday Thought : "You suck at your job!" And other truths.

AI generated image.

"You suck at your job," I was recently told by an angry parent.

"You're probably right," I responded. 

Shortly after, she picked up her child and I dealt with another student. 

Later that night, I was thinking about the interaction, and although my response was out of frustration, the more I thought about it, the more I agreed with the statement because I do. Not entirely, maybe. Or at least not holistically in how she said it, that she meant it. But the obvious truth is I'm not perfect - not even close. I probably even suck at portions of it. And although I'm not okay with it, it's reality. And it's where I'm at.

Because here's another truth bomb . . . When some of the staff started their teaching experience, I was a middle schooler! Which

Again, it doesn't make it okay, but it does make it okay because who among us is perfect? Is a master at their WHOLE craft, be it a profession, parenting, adulting, or simply just living? Who among us doesn't suck at something?

But also, who do you know that eager to do our jobs? Who is standing in line, ready to step into our shows, and shoulder our responsibilities?

The crickets are deafening. 

Which is why I think this scene so often. It's from the movie Fury, a WWII tank movie. And it is one of my favorites. 

Four men are sitting in a tank, waiting for a battle they cannot win when one of them - who has mastered very little in the art of war and combat - quotes the Bible, "'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Then suddenly, they are ready. They are prepared for battle. 

Not many of us suck completely at our jobs. But all of us feel that way at times. Some of us are even accused of it. Even exposed of it. But when the question is asked, "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" We are the few who stand and say, "Here am I. Send me!"

And I cannot think of a more courageous and noble thing - to do what needs to be done when no one else wants to do it. 
Thank you for doing it. Our world needs more people like you. Our world survives and thrives because of people like you.

Even when you suck at your job.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Though : What we Focus on is what we See.

Just recently, while on a layover at the O’Hare Chicago airport, I overheard a man thanking the gentleman who was cleaning the urinals, and I was jolted for a moment. We don’t often see the man who cleans the toilets. Even less do we hear them thanked for their services.

But in that moment, I was aware of both. I was also suddenly aware of just how clean my urinal was.

On my way out, I too thanked the man for his diligence, and ever since, I’ve been trying to be more aware of those who selflessly and scrupulously serve my school and community, many of whom do so in the dark of the early morning or long after the last student has left for the day. Like the bus drivers who wake up extra early on October winter mornings and ensure our kids get safely and on time.

There are others too, of course. Like the kitchen staff and crossing guards, the engineers or custodians, and of course the office or support staff who are often unnoticed in their efforts because we have become accustomed to their presence and the role they play in ensuring our schools run so smoothly.  They aren’t ignored, but they aren’t fully seen either. Until they are absent. Until the many little things that they do so quietly and without applause or Facebook posts are left undone. Then, suddenly (and continuously), we are reminded that things don’t just happen on their own, that there are people working diligently behind the scenes, and that they desperately matter.

That what I’ve been thinking about this week. What am I focusing on? And what am I not seeing? In my home, my community, and in my school. Who is right in front of me yet not fully seen?

Or, when considering my students, what about them do I focus on (because it is obvious and consistent) yet fail to see? Because yes, that child is frustrating and rude and often struggles to follow our school-wide norms, but is that all that he or she is? Because if that is what I am focused on it will also be all that I see. And they are so much more than those mere behaviors.

For as my good friend recently said, “If all we see is the ugly in a person, we’re not looking hard enough.”

All of this, in a week where I stumbled across the inspiring story of Trea Turner, a baseball player in Philadelphia whose disastrous season was turned around by a standing ovation he did not deserve, have brought me to a goal for the month of November: Acknowledge the behavior; Applaud the potential.

For that student who is a constant disruption, we must focus on the behavior and acknowledge it as inappropriate. But we also need to see their whole person. Their gifts, their hopes, their potential, and we must applaud the hell out of them whenever possible. We must see all of them, and we must choose to love them entirely.

For that student who is excellent. Who gets straight A’s and volunteers for every student-lead club. We need to focus on their behavior and acknowledge its greatness. We need to applaud their potential to impact their community and future world, but we must also see the whole person. Their struggles, anxieties, and fears, and we need them to know that it is safe to be imperfect. We are still there for them, applauding our faces off, because we love them entirely.

For although we are focused on their behavior, we see their entire person. That is our focus for the month of November, and I am so excited to see what will come of it!

Then, just yesterday, on my drive home from a perfectly imperfect educational week, it dawned on me . . . Does this not also apply to my staff? My family? And to the man who cleans the urinals at the airport? Does it not apply the the stranger on the streets or the neighbor across the street?

Does it not apply to the face I see in the mirror, every single friggen morning?

What I focus on is what I see. And I want to be more intentional about seeing so more! About celebrating more, forgiving more, and applauding more. Because that’s what brings us together and inspires people to better. That’s what encourages us to be human.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thoughts : Blog

Life Beneath Hats: A forced reflection of when we get to the end.

Over the past two weeks, I have been surrounded by the theme of reflection, and of purpose.

On Friday, my family lost an adoptive mother to cancer. She was a fantastic woman who loved this world with grace and elegance. Her passing, although devastating to many, has allowed us all the opportunity to consider her life, the purpose that guided her, and the impact she made. And when considered, it is thunderous. Beautiful. And eternal. It will live on long after her name is lost to this world.

In the midst of saying goodbye to our Momma D, I helped move an elderly couple from the apartment they've been living in for the past handful of years to their new Assisted Living Home. With almost every item, I had to ask, "Is this going to your new home or to storage?" I hated asking that question, almost as much as they hated answering it because although it was never said, we all knew that once it went into storage, it wouldn't be coming out. This was their last and forever move. 

While cleaning out the husband's room, I stumbled across two hats. One was from when he was stationed in Okinawa, the other from when he drove a bus for the school district, and I was literally stunned for a moment. I simply looked at them both and considered the years of memories they represented, the stories they held, and the lives they impacted. 

I then turned, went into the living room, shook the old man's hand (his name is Ed), and said thank you. He smiled and said, "You're welcome."

I don't know about you, but I can easily be consumed with the task or tasks ahead of me. Of paying off bills, running my kiddos to activities and ensuring that they are (mostly) fed, and checking my email. I get consumed with squashing behaviors, completing projects around the house, and responding to emails. I begin to care deeply about keeping up with the Joneses, completing the mile-long to-do list, and RESPONDING TO FREAKING EMAILS!!!

And for what? 

I know they are important and essential to doing my job and providing for my family, but they are NOT what I want talked about at my funeral (Yeah that Miller sure did respond to email within 24 hours!). They are my tasks, not my purpose. And sometimes I can forget that. 

As educators, we have the greatest profession in this world because we have direct contact and constant opportunities to LITERALLY impact and change lives. Whether our students know it or not, acknowledge it or not, or ever connect their future selves to now doesn't matter. Our time with these students and with each other deeply impacts the way we think, act, and react. It has lasting value. And that not only encourages me, it challenges me.

I have been given these kids for this moment, surrounded by this staff. I Belong Here. And I don't want to waste it or take it for granted. I want to embrace the hell out of it. From beginning to end.

Just like Ed. Just like Momma D.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Leadership is Simple. Make a "To be" list.

A few days ago, an old teacher of mine reached out. She was struggling with her building principal and was sharing how she was feeling alone and unsupported. “I mean,” she said in a moment of exasperation, “Leadership is simple. Not easy, but simple.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Support your people,” she replied.

And I have not been able to get that out of my head. As a principal, father, husband, and friend.

Dan Allender defines a leader as “anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good.”

Which means, everyone is a leader. Everyone. Yet, so often we miss our opportunities to lead, influence others, and make an impact toward the greater good because we’re distracted by being busy. Which, according to Allander, is the moral equivalent to laziness.

Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional.

They refuse to be courageous.

Courageous to step into hard conversations with their staff, spouse, children, or friends.

Courageous to be open about their struggles, failures, and gaps in abilities.

Courageous to step into situations of vulnerability.

I know I’m guilty of this.

When I get busy with projects and tasks I can accomplish a lot of things, making myself feel productive, needed, and important. So too does my exhaustion. “I worked so hard today,” I can say to myself as I doze onthe couch while my kiddos clean up after dinner.

And I did. I accomplished a lot. But did I lead or support anyone?

Now, I know you might be saying, “Getting that to-do list IS supporting your staff, family, or community.” And it is. But, like most things, it is also incomplete. If I spend my entire day on my to-do list, I accomplish a lot but miss out on so much more. I miss out on wrestling with the uncertain future of others.

Recently, alongside my “to-do” list, I have added a “to-be” list.

The tasks on my to-do list are menial. They keep the building or house in order, and running smoothly. The items on my to-be list are the important conversations or interactions I must have in order for the greater good to be accomplished - they are the things that remind us what we’re here for! They are not the things I must do but the HOW I must do them.

Things like:

To be present in my conversations, not looking at my phone or thinking of the things that need to get done.

To be purposeful in my gratitude and acknowledgment of others.

To be mindful of stories told so I can remember them, refer to them later, and understand those around me better.

To be patient with the struggling kindergartner knowing full well he does not come from a healthy home.

To be silent with my children, allowing them space to share their hearts rather quickly jumping in and “solving” their problems.

To-do lists provide those we lead with the things they want.

To-be lists provide them with the things they need: intentionality, purpose, and courage. To-be lists require us to stop doing They require us to be human. And for many of us - for me for sure - that is what makes them so difficult.

It’s also what makes leadership most rewarding. Because it allows us to lead, walk with, and be guided by others as we all continually strive toward the greater good.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Clean on the Other Side

One of my favorite movies is Shawshank Redemption.

And one of my favorite scenes is near the end when Andy Dufresne escapes the prison, Morgan Freeman's voice narrates:

"Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of *poop* smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to​. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile . . . and came out clean on the other side."

We are all crawling through our own unique rivers of poop. Some are work-related. Some are personal. All are real and smelly. What I love most about the quote above is the challenge, the reminder, to endure these times of absolute *poop* in such a way that when it ends, we too can come out "clean on the other side."

And we do so by shouldering each other burdens, even when we are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.

We do so by leaving our hardships and hurts at the door and loving our neighbors, students, and coworkers anyways.

We do so by leaning into hard conversations, with empathy and grace.

We do so by battling against the “survival mode” mentality of hardship, by denying the lure of complacency, and by refusing to allow our circumstances to dictate who we are and what we do.

I know this is easier said than done, but if it is never said, it is rarely done. And I want it to get done.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Love. That's it.

@justinmcroberts

This might be one of the most encouraging posts I’ve written in a long time. For me at least. I hope it is for you, too.

The following passage has been increasingly on my mind and heart lately. And the more I read it, dwell on it, and try to live, the more encouraged - and convicted - I become.

Love is . . .

A modified version of 1 Corinthians 13:

If I am elegant in speech, sharing words as sweet as honey, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of foresight and can acutely analyze all things, if I have a belief and conviction that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and endure immeasurable hardships so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in destruction but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

Convicting in that no program, gift, slogan, or initiative means anything if not driven by love.

Encouraging in that, no matter how many times an idea or an attempt to help others fails or is ill-received, if done in love, it is not wasted.

Lean on Me:

Then, this morning while greeting kiddos and jamming to The Rubberband Man Radio on Spotify (a GREAT playlist!), an old yet beautiful song played. Lean on Me, by Bill WIthers

Most Generous Thing:

About an hour later, a principal friend of mine shared this with me. It is no my new favorite question:

What’s the most generous thing you can do today?

Happy Friday!

Keep striving to do Great things and change the world! No matter what we do, if done with love and sincere compassion for others, it is never wrong. For as Allister Begg - an old favorite preacher - used to say, “It’s always right to do right, because it’s right.”

Do right. Do love.

Friday Thought : An October Double-Stretch Story

This is Elias. He is my youngest of four kiddos, which means at any given time he as up to five people telling him what to do. And out of all my children, he is the craziest. He is full of passion, life, and commitment. And when he is frustrated, when his older and stronger siblings and parents don't let him finish his thought, when we fail to understand his needs, or when we just simply don't have time for the irrational rationalizations of a four-year-old mind, sometimes his only outlet is to scream, to throw a fit, and slam a door.

Those types of reactions often incite his sibling and parents to also react, creating a downward and mixed spiral of less-than-productive emotions and actions.

The other night, as I overheard him and his oldest older sister get into it, I quickly made my way to them, my irritation rising (can I never finish a sentence with my wife!!!) and ready to intervene with barks and demands. Yet, when I got there, I suddenly felt the urge to respond differently - I remembered the October Double-Stretch!

Instead of reacting, I gave just a bit more. I reminded myself that he had had a long day at school and daycare, that being the youngest is hard, and that a four-year-old doesn't always behave rationally. I reminded myself that at the end of a long day, he's tired. I reminded myself that he is four, and that I am the adult.

So instead of snapping, I picked him up and held him, patting his back, and speaking smooth encouragements.

Almost instantly he stopped crying. He then spent the next five-ish minutes with his head resting on my shoulder (something he rarely does). I thought he fell asleep. But then, in the gentlest of voices, he raised his head and said, "I'm ready to make it right with Eden now." And he did.

This simple moment reminded me that we're all trying our best - even our kiddos! But sometimes, every one of us - even the best of us - just need a few extra minutes, an extra hug, or an extra helping of grace. Sometimes, we all just need a little extra. And that is okay.

Where can you “double stretch” today, this weekend, or in the final weeks of October? With a friend, a family member, your job, or yourself?

If you have a story or two that celebrates the October Two-Stretch, let me know! I'd love to hear it:)

Friday Thought : The October Double Stretch!

As an educator, we there is a routine to how the year goes.

August is a shedding of summer. Like a snake shedding its skin, we spend the first few days/weeks of school shedding off old habits and creating new ones.

September is paving the road. In preparation for the year, the journey ahead, we spend a great deal of time in September installing and ensuring norms and procedures for our kiddos. Learning is still happening, just as people can still travel during road construction, it just isn’t smooth yet because the road isn’t fully paved. Just like learning in the month of September.

November is kicked off by a Halloween celebration. Then, it seems, everyone is in a progressive shutdown mode for Christmas break. With the invasion of holidays and Christmas concerts, class parties and the like, there just never seems to be a full week of intense, all-out instruction,

Which is why we have October.

In the month of October, the road is finally paved and there are minimal interruptions. It is a perfect month for a Double Stretch.

At times, we need to put forth a little extra, reach slightly further, and endure a little more. Our bodies are used to this. Like when we need to reach for that jar of cookies or box of Mac and Cheese that is just out of reach, somehow, we reach a little further and grab it! We double stretch.

For the month of October, find ways to give just a little bit more. As an educator you already give a lot, but where can you stretch slightly further? We can’t always live like this, with our arms and minds and bodies stretched to its fullest, but we can every now and then. October is one of those “then’s.”

Where can you put forth a bit more in your lesson? In an activity that you’ve been thinking about doing? In a relationship with a student or staff? Where can you improve your own mind or heart by giving just a bit more this month? How can you improve someone else’s life by doing just a bit extra?

Where can you double stretch this month?

Friday Thought : Right the Universe

My wife and I just finished watching the new Netflix series, Modern Love. It’s eight episodes long with each episode being based off an various essays that was published in the New York Times. Each episode portrays a different element or a unique experience, but all focus on the universality of Love. Outside of one, maybe two episodes, we truly enjoyed the series and the discussions that they encouraged.

This week’s thought is inspired by a little line that is uttered at the end of the last episode. The writers are trying to tie all the stories together (since they all happen in New York City) and there’s a brief scene where two strangers (the future couple of episode 4) are talking outside a dinner where the man has just been stood up. He’s frustrated and hurt and shows little patience for the pretty woman trying to engage in conversation. Then, in an effort to cheer him up, she shares a lesson her mother (or grandmother, I can’t remember) often shared with her. “Whenever life is hard, whenever bad things happen, Right the Universe by doing something positive in return” (a paraphrase).

Since then, this concept has been heavy on my mind, and for many reasons - most of which I will spare, for sake of time, but all of which revolve around a single topic: family.

We all have many families. Church families, work families, family families, and adopted families (both literal and metaphorical). And for me, this week, my families have struggled. Some struggles have been larger than others, some deeper and more painful than others, but all of them have been real and personal and valid. All of them, in some way or another, have been life-changing.

Maybe you can relate to these kind of days? Where your sisters and brothers are hurt and wounded by the evil of others, where your parents are battling deadly illnesses and your sons and daughters are lost and struggling to be found? Maybe you too can relate to these kind of days? Where your loved ones are simply hurting and all you want to do is fix it, to relieve their pain, and to make life great and normal and beautiful again?

I know I can.

And I know I can also relate to the feelings these types of days can stir, feelings of anger and frustration, of loss and bewilderment, of revenge even. Be it against those who have harmed me, my family, or to the world at large. Because if I’m in pain, if those around me I love are struggling and losing the battle of “fairness,” why should others - especially evil people - get to smile and enjoy life?

But then it hits me. If I chose to live that way, if I choose to treat others with impatience and rudeness when I’m having a bad day, if I choose to be snippy and irritated when a coworker or random stranger is unkind or rude, if I choose to say mean and unkind things towards people whom I think are mean and unkind, I only exacerbate (my least favorite word, by the way) the cruelty and destruction that so easily frustrated or hurt me; I entangle myself in the mess, rather than escape it.

Instead, I should Right the Universe. When someone is cruel or rude, I should find someone else and show an extra bit of kindness. When someone says a cruel or divisive thing about me, instead of festering on the person or words, I should spend some time writing thank you cards to those who have encouraged me. And when life is hard, when things just don’t seem to be going my way, I should make an effort to make sure someone else’s day is killer.

I’ve been practicing this advice throughout the week, and it has led to a couple pretty fun and memorable experiences. Like the day one of my students tested out of his support math class (which he didn’t want to be in). Instead of simply telling him he passed, I had the counselor bring him down to my office. He thought he was in trouble and walked in a bit tentatively. But then the music started and the Athletic’s Director and myself started dancing. We had a 5 second dance party, gave him a few high-fives, then sent him back to class.

Afterward, I felt a lot better, and not because I focused on myself. I felt a lot better because he felt better, because he was smiling and laughing and having a good time, and because it felt as though the Universe was made Right.

Friday Thought : "I want to be a teacher."

"I want to be a teacher."

Two students have said this to me in the past week. Two. And neither of them could articulate a subject or grade they wish to teach. They just know they want to be a teacher.

Which could only mean one thing. We have a pretty amazing group of teachers.

Think about what they're saying, what they're implying by that statement! They know you work hard, that you get paid just over a pile of dog doodoo, and that you are in fact never fully or appropriately appreciated for the work you do. Yet, they want to be like you. They want to be a teacher.

They want to be helpful, brave, fun, exciting, kind, respectful, a person of character, hardworking, inspiring, comforting, smart, RESILIENT, full of purpose, and the million other things all of you are! They look at you, they watch you, in all the muck and mire that surrounds your job, they see how you respond to it all, and they think, "I want to be like them. I want to be a teacher."

Not, "I want your car", or "your long summer vacations", or anything superficial. No, want to be what you are. They want to be like you. THEY WANT TO BE A TEACHER!!!

I just don't know if there is anything more praising or gratifying than that.

It may seem at times that you're beating your head against the wall or dragging kids across the finish line, because you are:) But you're also modeling and teaching our kiddos what it means to make a difference. What it means to be a man or woman of integrity and who is ALIVE, day in and day out. And they've notice. All of them.

And I just love that.

Friday Thought : Leave it at the door. be Awesome.

My friend, Ron Hardy

I was in my third year of teaching, I think (maybe fourth) when much of my life was far from where I'd hoped it would be and I was beginning to struggle with confidence, joy, and purpose. Unsurprisingly, it began to impact my teaching, my classroom, and my students. Only, I didn’t notice.

Then, I somewhere around Christmas, I received an anonymous email from a student that was written from an anonymous email account informing me that I was not doing a great job, that my teaching was sub-par, and that he (I think it was a he, at least) and his classmates deserved better. Luckily, I received that email on a Friday so I could spend the weekend sulking, arguing, excusing, then finally accepting that he was right. I needed to do better. Because he and they and my colleagues and my family deserved better. And because I was better.

The following week I started writing, "Leave it at the door. be Awesome." on the bottom of every lesson plan. A few weeks in, I made it the footer to my lesson plan template which I have used ever since, reminding me each and every day I sat down to create a lesson to leave whatever struggles, issues, and frustrations I might have at the door and be Awesome.

I wasn't perfect after that, nor did I always leave everything at the door. In fact, every now and then I would gather it all in my arms, squeeze it through the door, then drop it right in the middle of the floor for all my students to see. Like the day I spent sharing memories of my childhood best friend because the night before I had discovered it was the anniversary of passing. He had been gone for almost six years, and I never even knew. We had lost touch over the years, and when I discovered he had passed away six years prior, I felt terrible, guilty, and at a loss.

I didn’t sleep much that night.

So I wrestled through it with my students, I shared some of my favorite memories, talked about how the night before I could only see so much of Ronnie in my son that I ended up holding him for almost an hour while I talked about my childhood friend, and I talked with them about loss and life and the struggle in between. Then I had them share memories of their friends and families and write brief notes to those they mentioned. It wasn't all that academic of a class, but kids referenced it for years as one of their favorite classes and, ever since, I have committed to sharing his story with whomever I can during the month of October, the month he so abruptly left this world.

Sometimes life and circumstances seem more than we can bare. Or, as Bilbo Baggins said, it can make us feeling exhausted and "thin . . . stretched, like butter, spread over too much bread."

In those moments, for me at least, it is healthy to remind myself that I am needed - by my students, my colleagues, my family, and my community. That I am bigger than my circumstances, better than what some might think or say about me, and that I am able to help and serve and do great things, even when I don't feel like it.

People need us. They need us to be great, to be better than we often feel and sometimes think. They need us to be their mothers, fathers, friends, counselors, encouragers, planners, champions, and safe places. They a need us to be Awesome. Which means, sometimes, that they need us to be vulnerable and open and raw. They need us to be human. Which is great! Because that is exactly what humans are. Awesome.

And because we are, we can also be.

Leave it at the door. be Awesome.

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