Friday Thought : Things worth a Damn

Early in the week, the following quote came across my computer:

"Because anyone who has ever done anything worth a damn, knows that they probably weren’t the main beneficiaries of their efforts. Our work may have lit up the world, but we still remain down in the mud, somehow" (via). 

As educators, we understand this. We understand that no matter our good intentions, our allowances of second, third, and forty-third chances or how much we truly love and care for the students and staff around us, we will most definitely find ourselves, somehow, down in the mud of false accusations and unfair judgment. 

And that can be discouraging. Because it is. But only if we focus on the mud. And only if we interpret being in it as a bad thing. 

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena," Theodore Roosevelt said, "whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood {and mud}. . . who spends himself in a worthy cause."

Mud pasted on our jeans or splattered on our faces is not the result of being trodden upon, it is the evidence of our work. Just like the mud the marks the efforts of a running back who gave his all in a hard fought game, or the dirt that marks two young girls collecting wood, so too we, as public servants and servant leaders, are marred and dusty-faced because we are all in. We don’t stand on the sideline or hide in timidity. We engage. We lean towards difficult solutions, wrestle with ugly realities, and embrace the hard conversations. We are muddy because our students are. Because life is. And we do not shy away.

We care more about cleaning the world than we do ourselves.

Thank you for that. It isn't always easy to get messy, to slip and fall, or to sit in the muck and the mire with our students, their parents, or the staff next door. But it is always right. 

As educators, it is our calling, above all else, to ensure others are the main beneficiaries of our labor for that is the core of education and the heartbeat of teaching! To embrace our gifts, our talents, and our resources and to proudly use them for the benefit of others. Because "doing something meaningful . . . will pay off in the end, it just might not pay off for {us}." As educators, we are okay with that because that is what we do. That is who we are. 

That is who you are.

Because you genuinely care, your work provides light to the world. The mud is proof that you were there.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Single Mothers Need Help, Too

I recently read a short articleAZsdf, “Do it for the Plot.” The article is about purpose. It states, 

"Whatever path we take, we are always confronted with the same question eventually:

Does my path (my life) make a good story? Does my narrative make sense? Is the narrative the one I hoped for, or at least, is it worth telling?

And if the answer is “no,” we are consumed by the regret, disappointment and bitterness of “the unlived life.” If the answer is “yes,” we can at least die knowing we gave it our best shot.

I don't know about you, but I am never content with the idea of leaving life unlived. I want to embrace my experiences, deeply learn from every engagement, and make a difference in the world around me. I want to do GREAT things! This also means I am often discontent. Mostly when I’m tasked with trudging through the mundane or seemingly insignificant tasks for they seem exactly that - mundane and insignificant.

Especially in the development and telling of my good story.

But then, this week, my wife was out of town and I was tasked with caring for our five children. Rather quickly, instead of a #DoGreatThings mindset, I was slowly reduced to a #SimplySurvive mindset. Especially after getting sick. Suddenly, I didn't care about living a good story or changing the world. I simply tried my best not to puke, forget a child somewhere, or lose my patience too quickly. 

And it convicted me. Single mothers need help, too.

We don't need to accomplish big and mighty things in order to have a compelling and purposeful life. We simply need to help. For although we may not tell the story of how we brought dinner to the single mother down the road or share with friends how we covered a shift for a coworker so they could run home and make dinner for their kids, that doesn't mean those stories aren't being shared, that they don't matter.

They may be boring and rather blah stories for us to tell, but for those we helped and served and provided a moment of reprieve for, those simple acts of service are the very moments, the very stories, that encourage and inspire them. They’re the stories that help keep them going. And they are their favorite stories to tell. 

They are also our favorite stories to hear.

Stories of service, when people step into moments of need and give a bit of their humanity remind us that it is the small and simple acts of kindness that move and change the world, not the grandiose. 

Helping the single mother won’t make the local news or circulate on social media. It doesn’t make a good story because it doesn’t change the world. But it can change hers and the little hearts she cares for. It can change their story.

And these moments are everywhere, all the time. But we miss them when we are consumed with our story. When, like the article asks us to, we are more concerned with the plot of our story than we are the characters in it.

For as Chis McCandless, the ultimate adventure-seeker and plot-builder discovered far too late,

happiness - life - things

are only real - only purposeful,

when shared.

Just like a good story.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Three with Empathy

“Three with Empathy”

In a recent podcast, a friend shared this phrase with me, and I love it.

Whenever he engages with a student or staff member, he reminds himself to be present in the conversation and with that person by focusing on Who they are, How they are, and What they need.

With my school’s theme this year of, "Don't Miss Out! : Be Present," not only were his words applicable, they were also deeply encouraging and convicting.

Who are You?

When engaging in a conversation, what can I learn about WHO they are? And how might that understanding help me gain empathy towards them and their situation (what is the origin?)?

• How many siblings do they have?

• What was their childhood like?

• Are they financially stable or currently struggling to pay the bills?

• Is anyone in their immediate family sick or battling with chronic illness?

• Is their spouse employed? Happy in their employment?

Their life outside of work deeply impacts who they are when they come to work. Understanding WHO they are provides us insights into how we can help, where to support, and where to give grace.

How are you?

Instead of simply joking around or talking shop, have I truly asked How people are doing? And have I allowed time or space for them to answer?

I was recently told by a teacher that sometimes she feels that “What I share goes in one ear and out the other.” And she wasn’t wrong. Although it was hurtful to hear (because I had been intentionally checking in on her), I needed to hear it because it was how she was doing. Life had been hard, really hard, for this teacher and she had shared some of those struggles with me. She let me know HOW she was doing. And I dropped the ball a few times. I allowed the business of the day to invade my clarity and forgot to check back in.

Asking people “How are you” often invites a shallow response because people are accustomed to their words going in one ear and out the other. Allowing enough time and space to hear the answer - even a difficult one - is crucial to engaging empathy. So too is ensuring that we head back to the person, the conversation, and reengage with HOW they are doing.

What do you Need?

Asking, "What do you need" is an easy question to ask, and I often do, but where this question has convicted me (in relation to empathy) is understanding that people don't always need a task completed or a job done . . . sometimes, we just need an empathetic ear, with no plan to fix anything, just listen. And if I'm truly listening, I hear WHO they are and HOW they are doing. I gain understanding. Which almost always opens the door and makes room for more empathy. Which is exactly what everyone NEEDs.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : What is the Origin?

"What's the origin?"

Oftentimes there are themes to my weeks. Be it from conversations, podcasts, books, whatever, every now and then a very specific theme arises in a short period of time. This past week the theme has been centered on how we interpret the actions of others, and more importantly, how we respond to them.

For me, it is all too easy to fill in the gaps of unknowns with assumptions. When someone says an unkind thing or acts in a somewhat offensive way, I get defensive, argumentative, and - at my worst - judgmental. I fill in what I don't know with what I assume, and falsely attribute someone's actions to their (therefore assumed) faulty character.

Yet, when I dig in, when I sit and chat and seek further understanding, I am often provided an entirely different - and much more accurate - picture of understanding.

In a recent conversation with a friend, he encouraged me to ask and consider, "What is the origin?" of someone's actions, and I have truly appreciated that perspective.

This month, the month of GRATITUDE, one way we can continue to show and pursue a grateful spirit is by appreciating the power and opportunities we have of asking, "What is the origin?"

When a child acts up or lashes out . . . "What is the origin?"

When a coworker responds with sharpness or is curt . . . "What is the origin?"

When a spouse greets us as we walk through the door with a scowl instead of a smile, consider the origin rather than jump to conclusions (Not speaking from experience . . . not at all! ;)

Oftentimes, when we seek to understand the story behind the action, we find that there is a great deal of "shtuff" happening beneath the surface and behind closed doors. When we discover more of the story, oftentimes we find that, instead of frustration, we cling to grace and EMPATHY because - just like us - their intentions were in the right place, they just didn't have the capacity to endure one. more. thing.

And in that, we can all relate.

"What is the origin?"

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Show Gratitude; See the Gorilla

In a recent staff meeting, we watched the above video. Then, we talked about gratitude.

A few days ago, I was showing Rick - my lead custodian - the few cracks in our hallways that are in need of some attention. They aren't terrible, but they aren't perfect either. And because they aren't perfect, they can cause students and teachers alike to trip up. Their imperfection draws our attention.

However, they are just a fraction of the hallways. The bulk - almost 100% of the hallways - are great! Yet, how many times have we walked the halls and acknowledged how clean they are? How smooth and reliable they are? How beautiful and encouraging the bulletin boards are?

Not very often.

This week, I have been reminded of how quickly we take for granted the things and people in our lives who do good things, who work hard, and who are reliable, kind, and helpful. Instead of seeing and appreciating the good that is done, we get discouraged by those who are destructive. Instead of focusing on the coming opportunities, we get distracted by the task at hand and the cracks that trip us up.

We can can’t the number of passes made by those in white t-shirts but miss the gorilla.

This month, my school is focusing on the word Gratitude, and what I love about the definition is that it does not merely focus on appreciating the people and things in our lives, but the CHOICE to do so.

Gratitude is choosing to appreciate the people and things in our lives!

As we continue to work hard at completing the tasks before us, as we navigate through or correct the cracks ahead of us, my challenge to you, my staff and students, as well as myself is to not only CHOOSE to see and appreciate the people and things around us but do acknowledge them with a note.

This month, as often as possible, write down the moments, the things, and for sure the PEOPLE who inspire, encourage and support you. Who reminds you of the goodness in life. Who keeps you accountable and heading in the right direction. Who make you a better person.

Let them know they are noticed and appreciated, and that they are making a difference.

Or, as my fifth-grade teachers did, make a poster and hang it in the hallway.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Right now, we are all rubber bands

In my most recent staff meeting I handed out a rubber band and asked people to get into groups of three. “Now stretch it out,” I said. And they did, but only to the point of resistance.

“How’s the rubber band?” I asked.

“Fine,” they said, because rubber bands are made to be flexible and to endure. Just like us.

“Now pull a little more,” I said. And they did. Not as much as the first, but still a good stretch.

“What about now?” I asked, “How’s the rubber band?”

“Fine,” they still said, but less assuradely.

“Now pull again.” And they did. “And again . . . and again, and again.” With each and again, they pulled a little less and worried a little more. One teacher even used her free hand to block her face.

“This is where we are,” I said, “We are made to endure, to be flexible, but with each new request, with each new demand, we stretch a little more and a little more and a little more. We are now living in a state of constant fear that we’re about to break.”

We can endure hard seasons. We can absorb change, be flexible, and stretch ourselves further than we thought imaginable. But not forever. Lest we break.

The problem is - for my staff in that meeting and for many of us in our daily lives - we don’t see an end in sight, largely because the problems and issues are far bigger than us, and we can’t do anything about it.

What we can do, however, is show grace. To ourselves, and to others.

Giving grace doesn’t mean we have a free pass to sacrifice our integrity or high standards of excellence - absolutely not! But it does mean that when we fail, we show grace - that we courteous and show goodwill.

You are trying your best. The woman next to you is trying her best as well. The man across from you is trying his best. The kiddos in your classrooms are showing up and trying their best, and your boss is trying her best. But we can only stretch so far. And for many of us, we are walking fearful that, with the next request or burden to bare, we will break.

We can’t solve most of the problems the people around us are asked to endure, but we can give them - and ourselves - some grace. Which, in the end, might be the only thing that holds us together.

Friday Thought : Evolving, not Revolving

Often times, themes present themselves in my life. When they do, they pop up, almost overwhelmingly, in a variety of ways: conversations and tv shows, books and podcasts, songs, and Saturday morning fires.

Most recently, the theme of growth has come to the forefront. Most notably, the concept of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard. Both in asking for it and receiving it because they both demand something from us. If we need forgiveness, we must admit we’ve done something wrong, giving up our ego, our pride, maybe even our stature (at least we think so, anyway). To provide forgiveness means giving up payment or revenge - we incur the debt owed, rather than enforcing it.

Forgiveness is also beautiful. It reconciles relationships and springs forth life and opportunity - it is the catalyst to evolving. As individuals and as a community.

"It’s easy to make a prison out of our pain, out of the past” Dr. Edith Eva Eger writes in The Choice: Embrace the Possible, because it allows us to hold onto our victimhood and be in control. Forgiving others who have caused the pain means letting go of our hope and desire for justice. It means letting go of our longings for revenge.

“At best,” Dr Eger continues, “Revenge is useless. It can’t alter what was done to us, it can’t erase the wrongs we’ve suffered, it can’t bring back the dead. At worst, revenge perpetuates the cycle of hate. It keeps the hate circling on and on. When we seek revenge, even nonviolent revenge, we are revolving not evolving.”

The only way to stop the revolving - in our lives as well as in the lives of those around us - is to forgive. Even when those who have hurt us don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. And that, for me at least, is one of the hardest things to do. If not impossible.

But that’s where the theme has hit me. Not on the importance of forgiveness necessarily, but on how to forgive, presenting itself in three truths:

1. Allow space to grieve. “For what happened, for what didn’t happen - and to give up the need for a different past. To accept life as it was and as it is” (Dr. Eger). This one is tough because grieving - to me at least - means thinking about what happened, reliving events, and letting “them” win. But it doesn’t. And they don’t. An essential part of forgiving is to acknowledge all that needs to be forgiven, that the burden of hurt and grief and anger is heavy, and that we are willing - even begrudgingly so - to lay it down at their feet. For then and only then are we able to truly begin the process of evolving.

1. Allow space for the bigger story : When someone does us wrong it is easy to define them only as that wrong. They are no longer a complex person with gifts and talents and a few fallibilities (just like us), they are cowards, betrayers, and terrible people. They are suddenly holistically and completely bad. Which makes it easy to hate them and wish sweet revenge. An essential component to forgiveness is allowing their failures to exist in isolation. In that moment they were flawed, or in that moment their weaknesses came through, or in that moment (or string of moments) their ugliness was on display. But they can still do good things. There are very few Hitler sort of people in this world, and allowing space for people in our lives to not be Hitler also provides space for them to be good people who do good things and, by and large, want to make the world a better place. They just really suck or fail miserably at times. But not all times. And seeing them in that way allows for the door to forgiveness to open. Even if just a crack.

2. Allow time for the wave to build. This image, from one of my favorite Instagram/bloggers says most of what needs to be said:

@semi_rad

We don’t need to holistically forgive in one moment. We don’t need to invite those who have hurt or scarred us over for dinner, plan a Christmas party together, or pretend that all is fine and dandy. Because it’s not. But it can be, someday. But only if we start with small acts.

Why not start today?

Friday Thought : What a Cheerleader Can Teach the World

I'm sure most of you have already seen this photo. It's been shared on Facebook dozens of times, viewed by over 95,000 people, and featured on ABC Fox Montana. And for good reason! It’s the type of story that people love and flock to.

However, the story ABC Fox chose to spotlight was not what I had hoped for when they reached out for comment.

ABC Fox chose to focus on Helena High and their "coming to the rescue" role in the story, and I don't blame them. It's a touching story, a challenging and encouraging story, and a reminder to us all of how we should act and live when we find ourselves in a similar situation. It's a true Humilitas story!

But it is not the best part of the story.

When I first read saw this post, when I looked at the picture and remembered seeing little Allie Wallace out there cheering all on her own, what I was most inspired by and what wanted the story to focus on was the courage and inspiration of our sole Longhorn. "When we battle through obstacles," I wrote to ABC Fox, "when we do our best, even when it's hard or scary or embarrassing", when we put ourselves on the line and in vulnerable situations, "and when we do it with pride, integrity, and passion, we inspire others to join us." We inspire change.

And that, to me, is the bigger story, the better story, and the more inspiring story because it is the harder story. It is the more convicting story.

I don't know about you but I often feel inadequate as a person. I am constantly scared to make a fool of myself, I'm extremely self conscious of my weaknesses and faults, and am terrified to be perceived as a fool. I hate failure. Yet, almost on a daily basis, be it as a father, husband, principal, friend, person - whatever - I am faced with a decision, a moment, or an opportunity like the above picture. And in those moments, in each and every one, I have a choice to make. Do I walk away, believing my attempts are and skills and efforts are insignificant and worthless? That the embarrassment is too great? That I truly can't make a difference? Or do I stand strong, do my best, and endure? Do I hold tight to the belief that doing the right thing, the hard thing, is indeed the right thing, even when it doesn't feel good? Even when no one seems to care?

When I see the picture of Allie, of a young, petite, and almost squeaky-voiced girl who is so easily lost in the crowd standing and cheering in a giant stadium all by herself (before they showed up) with confidence and pride and diligence, and when I see her standing in a small see of Helena High cheerleaders (after they showed up), I see her inspiring others. I see her inspiring me.

When we hold fast to our convictions, when we act out in faith and pride, and when we do it with integrity and grace, we become influencers. We become movers and shakers. And we inspire others - even the big and mighty - to join in. Just like Allie Wallace did.

That inspires, encourages, and challenges the hell out of me.

That is the story I wish they would have focused on.

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Friday Thought : Be Purposeful

Purposeful.

"For all his firm standards, Fred Rogers was willing to show his own vulnerability on the air. In a segment with a folk singer named Ella Jenkins, Mister Rogers and cast member Chuck Aber sang a song that goes, 'Head and shoulders, baby / one, two, three / knees adn ankles." Mister Rogers got mixed up and, laughing hysterically, touched head and shoulders while the others were on knees and toes.

Margy Whitmer figured she'd be asked to cut the scene. But Fred Rogers said, 'No, we're going to keep it. I want children to know that it's hard to learn something new, and that grown-ups make mistakes.'"

This mindset, this way of living, embodied all of Fred Rogers. He was known for being very hard and meticulous about his set and the way people conducted themselves because he cared deeply about his program and the kids whom he knew would be watching. And because he cared deeply, he did nothing unintentionally or haphazardly. He wore sneakers instead of dress shows because they were quieter and less distracting, was meticulous in how he orchestrated his show (there are nine steps to the Freddish translation), and was extremely conscientious about his pacing and use of technology - he did not merely want to entertain and gain viewership, he wanted to inspire and change lives.

Mr. Rogers, in EVERYTHING he did, was extremely purposeful. He did not stumble into stardome (nor did he desire it) nor did he accidentally or surprisingly guide, inspire, and teach generations of kids from all over the world. He simply did what he believed was right, all the time, and cared for those less fortunate. All the time. Even when - especially when - it came to things and abundance.

"The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have," Fred Rogers believed, "but what we do with our blessings. Some people have many blessings and hoard them. Some have few and give everything away."

In all we do and say, may we be conscious and purposeful, with the hope and intention of changing and inspiring lives. Just like Fred Rogers.

Friday Thought : They Make Us Better

Today, Thursday, was a bit rough.

With so many kids out for the Divisional Volleyball , I had great plans to get a LOT done. I even told myself on my walk to work, "It's going to be a quiet day!!!" Ten minutes after the morning bell, I had four kids in my office and I found myself barking at and getting extremely frustrated with the four often-times-offending culprits. What is so hard about following directions? I thought to myself, “How hard is it to be kind? Polite?” I said out loud and a bit louder than I intended.

Then, the volleyball team lost their third game to Augusta - a team they should have beaten handedly in three - and I was reminded of when I was a coach and how much I dreaded "easy" games because I knew, in many ways, those were the ones we could very easily lose because we just assumed we would win. I also dreaded those games because, as a team, we rarely got better. Often we got worse, and the ease with which we would score or steal the ball or rebound would enforce a false belief of how good we were. Difficult games, however, hard fought matches or underdog wins would do the complete opposite. They would force us to play harder, to fine-tune and fix the smallest of mistakes, to overcome our mental and physical exhaustion, and to work hard. Those games made us better. Better athletes, better coaches, and an overall better team.

I think the same could be said for teaching, principaling, and living in general.

Whenever something is easy (be it a class, a kid, or a goal), I can get lazy, complacent, or downright unmotivated because really all I have to do is show up and things will pretty much take care of themselves. (Maybe you can relate to this?) But when the obstacle or goal is tough, when the class is rowdy, the students are difficult, or the opponent extremely talented, I try my best. I get up earlier, plan for a few extra hours if not days in advance, and create a detailed plan of attack. In short, I rise to the occasion. I get better. (Maybe you can relate to this?)

You may have a particular grade or class that is hard, you probably have several students who grate on you and make each day difficult, and I can almost guarantee that with each looming break (Christmas and summer), kids get extra squirrelly, our patience a bit thin, and classes a bit more chaotic.

I also know it's all about perspective.

At the very least, these kids have the potential to make us better.They will require us to bring our best game, to consider new schemes and teaching practices, and they will force us to continually learn how to love and like people - to do what is best for people - even when we don't feel like it. In other words, they will make us better teachers, better leaders, and better people. Which, in turn, will allow us to teach and lead and inspire more people.

These are the victories that stay with use for years to come. Not the easy ones, the expected ones. It’s the hardest ones. Just like our volleyball girls who, yet again, took their rivals - the defending divisional and state champions to a five-game match and won!

These are the games that we remember. These are the games that make us better. Just like those difficult classes, those difficult students, and those difficult weeks. When we rise to the occasion, when we look on them as opportunities to improve and get better, we do! Then and only then, do we find ourselves at the end of the day, week, year holding on to memories that last a lifetime. Victories of changed and inspired lives. Victories that remind us of the very reason we became educators in the first place.

And that is an encouraging thought.

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