"Don't take it personal, make it personal."
I gave this advice to a fellow principal a few weeks back. "If we take it personally,” I said, “we get defensive. If we make it personal, we take action. We do what is best."
As educators, we are in the business of taking action, doing what is best for staff and students, and helping others succeed. The problem is, this profession is so personal!
We give up time with our family, pour into other people's kids before our own, and sacrifice COUNTLESS of unpaid hours so that OTHERS may flourish.
Only we know how much time we spend planning, thinking, and worrying about our profession, our students, so when we are criticized, scolded, offered unsolicited suggestions, or overhear/read unflattering comments about who we are and what we do, it is difficult to not be offended.
When a parent yells or accuses of not caring for their child, we take it personally.
When a Facebook group rants about the decisions we’ve made, we take it personally.
When students refuses to work in our class or asks to be moved from our classroom, we take it personally.
And when we take it personal, we get defensive. When we get defensive, oftentimes, we lean towards making decisions that are best for us, for our ego, rather than what is best for the parent, the student, the situation.
I know I do, anyway. Because I care so much about what I do and about who I serve, because I know the sacrifices my family makes - the sacrifices I make - whenever I am challenged or criticized, whenever my intention are questioned it is easy for me to get take it personally, to get defensive.
It is easy for me to easily fall into the trap of protecting me.
But then, I am reminded of truths such as this: "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in." Said another way, a society grows great when people care more about others than they do themselves. Which, as an educator, is exactly what you do, each and every day.
When we take it personal we get defense, we point the finger, and complain that there is no shade. When we make it personal we take action. We plant trees.
That is what I've been thinking about - and wrestling with - this past week: "Don't take it personal, make it personal."
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