Friday Thought : Things worth a Damn

Early in the week, the following quote came across my computer:

"Because anyone who has ever done anything worth a damn, knows that they probably weren’t the main beneficiaries of their efforts. Our work may have lit up the world, but we still remain down in the mud, somehow" (via). 

As educators, we understand this. We understand that no matter our good intentions, our allowances of second, third, and forty-third chances or how much we truly love and care for the students and staff around us, we will most definitely find ourselves, somehow, down in the mud of false accusations and unfair judgment. 

And that can be discouraging. Because it is. But only if we focus on the mud. And only if we interpret being in it as a bad thing. 

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena," Theodore Roosevelt said, "whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood {and mud}. . . who spends himself in a worthy cause."

Mud pasted on our jeans or splattered on our faces is not the result of being trodden upon, it is the evidence of our work. Just like the mud the marks the efforts of a running back who gave his all in a hard fought game, or the dirt that marks two young girls collecting wood, so too we, as public servants and servant leaders, are marred and dusty-faced because we are all in. We don’t stand on the sideline or hide in timidity. We engage. We lean towards difficult solutions, wrestle with ugly realities, and embrace the hard conversations. We are muddy because our students are. Because life is. And we do not shy away.

We care more about cleaning the world than we do ourselves.

Thank you for that. It isn't always easy to get messy, to slip and fall, or to sit in the muck and the mire with our students, their parents, or the staff next door. But it is always right. 

As educators, it is our calling, above all else, to ensure others are the main beneficiaries of our labor for that is the core of education and the heartbeat of teaching! To embrace our gifts, our talents, and our resources and to proudly use them for the benefit of others. Because "doing something meaningful . . . will pay off in the end, it just might not pay off for {us}." As educators, we are okay with that because that is what we do. That is who we are. 

That is who you are.

Because you genuinely care, your work provides light to the world. The mud is proof that you were there.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Though : What we Focus on is what we See.

Just recently, while on a layover at the O’Hare Chicago airport, I overheard a man thanking the gentleman who was cleaning the urinals, and I was jolted for a moment. We don’t often see the man who cleans the toilets. Even less do we hear them thanked for their services.

But in that moment, I was aware of both. I was also suddenly aware of just how clean my urinal was.

On my way out, I too thanked the man for his diligence, and ever since, I’ve been trying to be more aware of those who selflessly and scrupulously serve my school and community, many of whom do so in the dark of the early morning or long after the last student has left for the day. Like the bus drivers who wake up extra early on October winter mornings and ensure our kids get safely and on time.

There are others too, of course. Like the kitchen staff and crossing guards, the engineers or custodians, and of course the office or support staff who are often unnoticed in their efforts because we have become accustomed to their presence and the role they play in ensuring our schools run so smoothly.  They aren’t ignored, but they aren’t fully seen either. Until they are absent. Until the many little things that they do so quietly and without applause or Facebook posts are left undone. Then, suddenly (and continuously), we are reminded that things don’t just happen on their own, that there are people working diligently behind the scenes, and that they desperately matter.

That what I’ve been thinking about this week. What am I focusing on? And what am I not seeing? In my home, my community, and in my school. Who is right in front of me yet not fully seen?

Or, when considering my students, what about them do I focus on (because it is obvious and consistent) yet fail to see? Because yes, that child is frustrating and rude and often struggles to follow our school-wide norms, but is that all that he or she is? Because if that is what I am focused on it will also be all that I see. And they are so much more than those mere behaviors.

For as my good friend recently said, “If all we see is the ugly in a person, we’re not looking hard enough.”

All of this, in a week where I stumbled across the inspiring story of Trea Turner, a baseball player in Philadelphia whose disastrous season was turned around by a standing ovation he did not deserve, have brought me to a goal for the month of November: Acknowledge the behavior; Applaud the potential.

For that student who is a constant disruption, we must focus on the behavior and acknowledge it as inappropriate. But we also need to see their whole person. Their gifts, their hopes, their potential, and we must applaud the hell out of them whenever possible. We must see all of them, and we must choose to love them entirely.

For that student who is excellent. Who gets straight A’s and volunteers for every student-lead club. We need to focus on their behavior and acknowledge its greatness. We need to applaud their potential to impact their community and future world, but we must also see the whole person. Their struggles, anxieties, and fears, and we need them to know that it is safe to be imperfect. We are still there for them, applauding our faces off, because we love them entirely.

For although we are focused on their behavior, we see their entire person. That is our focus for the month of November, and I am so excited to see what will come of it!

Then, just yesterday, on my drive home from a perfectly imperfect educational week, it dawned on me . . . Does this not also apply to my staff? My family? And to the man who cleans the urinals at the airport? Does it not apply the the stranger on the streets or the neighbor across the street?

Does it not apply to the face I see in the mirror, every single friggen morning?

What I focus on is what I see. And I want to be more intentional about seeing so more! About celebrating more, forgiving more, and applauding more. Because that’s what brings us together and inspires people to better. That’s what encourages us to be human.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : A Far Greater Achievement

I recently stumbled across a fantastic blog entitled Gaping Void that is full of short, inspirational, and encouraging thoughts. 

This is a rewording from a section of their most recent post:

I’m pretty sure at the end of my life no one is going to wax lyrical about some staff meeting I ran or the class I taught in 2023. But, if I do my best to lead with values, purpose and principles, they just might say that I was a decent person. And to me, that’s a far greater achievement. (You can read more of the short post here).

Throughout this week, as I've wrestled with how to best and most reliably communicate with parents, tried to iron out kinks in the school's procedures, and continually dealt with student behavior, the conviction of HOW I do the things I do has continually come to mind.

I don't want to focus solely on checking off all the boxes on my to-do list, for although they are important, they don't change the world. They merely keep it moving. HOW I check those boxes has a much greater impact on the students, the staff, and the surrounding community. And I need to constantly be aware of that. Improve on that. 

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Look Beyond the Problem. See the People.

At times, life gifts us themes. Most often, they come at the appropriate time. Here is been my gifted theme this week. And yes, it has come at the appropriate time.

Monday:

In a conversation with a mentor from Texas (shout out to you, Mr Jeff Springer!), he referenced this scene from the movie Patch Adams:

"Look at me," the old man says. "If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem, look at me!" When dealing with struggling students or adults, we must choose to "see what everyone else chooses not to see." The person.

Tuesday:

This quote came across my Instagram feed: "If I wanted to ruin you, I would convince you, over a long time, through disappointment and empty promise, that something you think or something you do is more important than the people in your life" - Justin McRoberts

For whatever reason, the people in our lives are the people in our lives. And they are more important than any thing or opinion we might have. For as Justin McRoberts also says, "The person you are talking to is more important than the thing you are talking about. Every time.”

Wednesday:

In a Zoom conversation with an old teacher buddy of mine (lookin at you, Mr Kasey Schurtz!), he said, "Love should look like discipline. And discipline should look like love."

Holding ourselves and others accountable is often uncomfortable, but if done in love (holding their interest above our own), it is necessary, good, and true. For as my mother made me memorize as a child, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails ."

And the same should be said about discipline.

As educators and parents, we are entering the thick and heavy season of academic and change. Our students and children will be growing and learning a TON these next few weeks and months. Which is GREAT! Amidst it all, however, may we never forget the PEOPLE who are around us - staff, students, family members - for they are the reason WHY we are here.

And I have needed that reminder.

This past week, when my schedule has been more full than the minutes allow, when I run from one dumpster fire to the next, from meeting to meeting with side conversations along the way, and as I try and keep a building full of hearts and minds safe and headed in the right direction - all while the needs of family and home are pulling and calling - it is so unbelievably embarrassing how quickly I fall into the trap of Get. Stuff. Done!

And in doing so, I can often forget the people around me.

The one struggling with the weight of a sick parent and hard decisions ahead.
The one wrestling with mountains upon mountains of change, and the struggles it creates.
The one who needs a quick check in and “how you doing? You okay?” but also the brief moment of sitting and actually listening and not anxiously checking the time or text messages.
The one who needs me to sit on the couch and hear her woes and fears of a new season because really, more than anything, she is scared and insecure and doesn’t know or understand her true strength.
And the list goes on and on.

This week, the theme of people has been strong and a bit heavy handed. Which probably means I need the reminder. And more importantly, that I should listen.

Choose to see what others choose not to: the people behind the problem.
Place people above what I think and what I do.
In all things - especially in discipline - choose to love the people who have been placed in my life.

Every time.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Gap of Knowledge vs Curse of Knowledge.

photo by @justinmcroberts

In Make it Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Chip and Dan Heath mention "the curse of knowledge." 

The curse of knowledge is when we become so familiar with something (an idea, way of life, purpose statement) that we can no longer remember what it was like to live without it. And because it is so familiar to us, we struggle to relate to those who don't understand it. In our minds, the concept is so simple; in theirs, it is complex and confusing. 

In a recent conversation with an old friend, I was convicted of how this divide of knowledge impacts our relationships with parents. 

As educators, we understand schools. The routines, expectations, norms, and the day-to-day pulse. We read books about learning and classroom culture, we attend conferences, listen to podcasts, and chat with colleagues. We eat, sleep, and breath education. And because we do, we cannot imagine what it would be like not to know so much about our schools, our classroom, or education at large.

Many of our parents, however, have a limited understanding of all that happens within a given school day. When they visit our school or chat with us on the phone, they come to us with gaps of knowledge. And the problem with gaps of knowledge is NOT that there are unknowns, it is how we fill the unknown. 

Our brains are pretty amazing at filling in the blanks of missing information. We take what we know (or think we know) and quickly fill in the gaps of knowledge or understanding. This practice, although normal and natural, often creates a false or incomplete reality of the people, places, and things we are trying to understand.

Our parents do this all the time. Especially those who have a natural mistrust of schools. Especially those who have had limited experiences. They take a single conversation we have about their child, generalize it, and then fill in all the unknown gaps with unfair, at times unkind, but almost always incomplete information. 

And we wonder why, when working through conflict, it feels more like a battle than a brainstorm.

Many of our parents have a misunderstanding of what we do and who we are because they have limited knowledge and experience of the educational system. Many educators have a misunderstanding of parents' perspectives because we forget what it's like to have gaps in our knowledge of that educational system.

My goal, and my encouragement to you, then, is twofold:

1. Tell your story, often and in a variety of ways. Call parents and celebrate your students/their children, email stories of the week that simply provide insight into your days, post random moments of life on social media. Fill in the gaps of knowledge with actual stories of what you're doing, who you are, and why you do what you do. 

2. Give grace. Many of our parents have no clue what we do or how we do it - how could they unless they walk in our shoes? When they come in, then, frustrated and full of incomplete assumptions, listen. Hear their concerns, listen to their stories, and look for the deeper fear that is almost always present. For as my friend said, "We aren't afraid of the dark, we are afraid of what we imagine is in the dark." And what we imagine is almost always scarier than what is real. 

And the same applies to teachers, principals, and support staff towards our students and their families.

Educators have a misunderstanding of our students because we have limited knowledge and experience of their homes, their families, and their lives. We have some knowledge and understanding - what we see and experience during the school day - but what happens after they leave is unclear. We have large gaps of knowledge that are often filled in with what we think we know.

Understanding this deficiency not only allows us to grow in our empathy with parents, as we try to understand the fear and confusion of life and decisions, it also opens the door for curiosity, for questions, and for new discoveries. Instead of resting in our gaps of knowledge, we seek further and deeper understanding. Which, in the end builds us together rather than keeps us apart.

Whenever parents and educators come together, often times, one side suffers from the curse of knowledge, the other from the knowledge gap.

And no matter our role, be it parent, teacher, or educational leader, our task is to turn on the lights. For when we do, we fill in the gaps and provide a firm foundation from which we can build relationships with parents, community members, students, and each other. We create a culture of understanding and trust, and we eradicate fear. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Show Gratitude; See the Gorilla

In a recent staff meeting, we watched the above video. Then, we talked about gratitude.

A few days ago, I was showing Rick - my lead custodian - the few cracks in our hallways that are in need of some attention. They aren't terrible, but they aren't perfect either. And because they aren't perfect, they can cause students and teachers alike to trip up. Their imperfection draws our attention.

However, they are just a fraction of the hallways. The bulk - almost 100% of the hallways - are great! Yet, how many times have we walked the halls and acknowledged how clean they are? How smooth and reliable they are? How beautiful and encouraging the bulletin boards are?

Not very often.

This week, I have been reminded of how quickly we take for granted the things and people in our lives who do good things, who work hard, and who are reliable, kind, and helpful. Instead of seeing and appreciating the good that is done, we get discouraged by those who are destructive. Instead of focusing on the coming opportunities, we get distracted by the task at hand and the cracks that trip us up.

We can can’t the number of passes made by those in white t-shirts but miss the gorilla.

This month, my school is focusing on the word Gratitude, and what I love about the definition is that it does not merely focus on appreciating the people and things in our lives, but the CHOICE to do so.

Gratitude is choosing to appreciate the people and things in our lives!

As we continue to work hard at completing the tasks before us, as we navigate through or correct the cracks ahead of us, my challenge to you, my staff and students, as well as myself is to not only CHOOSE to see and appreciate the people and things around us but do acknowledge them with a note.

This month, as often as possible, write down the moments, the things, and for sure the PEOPLE who inspire, encourage and support you. Who reminds you of the goodness in life. Who keeps you accountable and heading in the right direction. Who make you a better person.

Let them know they are noticed and appreciated, and that they are making a difference.

Or, as my fifth-grade teachers did, make a poster and hang it in the hallway.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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