culture

Friday Though : What we Focus on is what we See.

Just recently, while on a layover at the O’Hare Chicago airport, I overheard a man thanking the gentleman who was cleaning the urinals, and I was jolted for a moment. We don’t often see the man who cleans the toilets. Even less do we hear them thanked for their services.

But in that moment, I was aware of both. I was also suddenly aware of just how clean my urinal was.

On my way out, I too thanked the man for his diligence, and ever since, I’ve been trying to be more aware of those who selflessly and scrupulously serve my school and community, many of whom do so in the dark of the early morning or long after the last student has left for the day. Like the bus drivers who wake up extra early on October winter mornings and ensure our kids get safely and on time.

There are others too, of course. Like the kitchen staff and crossing guards, the engineers or custodians, and of course the office or support staff who are often unnoticed in their efforts because we have become accustomed to their presence and the role they play in ensuring our schools run so smoothly.  They aren’t ignored, but they aren’t fully seen either. Until they are absent. Until the many little things that they do so quietly and without applause or Facebook posts are left undone. Then, suddenly (and continuously), we are reminded that things don’t just happen on their own, that there are people working diligently behind the scenes, and that they desperately matter.

That what I’ve been thinking about this week. What am I focusing on? And what am I not seeing? In my home, my community, and in my school. Who is right in front of me yet not fully seen?

Or, when considering my students, what about them do I focus on (because it is obvious and consistent) yet fail to see? Because yes, that child is frustrating and rude and often struggles to follow our school-wide norms, but is that all that he or she is? Because if that is what I am focused on it will also be all that I see. And they are so much more than those mere behaviors.

For as my good friend recently said, “If all we see is the ugly in a person, we’re not looking hard enough.”

All of this, in a week where I stumbled across the inspiring story of Trea Turner, a baseball player in Philadelphia whose disastrous season was turned around by a standing ovation he did not deserve, have brought me to a goal for the month of November: Acknowledge the behavior; Applaud the potential.

For that student who is a constant disruption, we must focus on the behavior and acknowledge it as inappropriate. But we also need to see their whole person. Their gifts, their hopes, their potential, and we must applaud the hell out of them whenever possible. We must see all of them, and we must choose to love them entirely.

For that student who is excellent. Who gets straight A’s and volunteers for every student-lead club. We need to focus on their behavior and acknowledge its greatness. We need to applaud their potential to impact their community and future world, but we must also see the whole person. Their struggles, anxieties, and fears, and we need them to know that it is safe to be imperfect. We are still there for them, applauding our faces off, because we love them entirely.

For although we are focused on their behavior, we see their entire person. That is our focus for the month of November, and I am so excited to see what will come of it!

Then, just yesterday, on my drive home from a perfectly imperfect educational week, it dawned on me . . . Does this not also apply to my staff? My family? And to the man who cleans the urinals at the airport? Does it not apply the the stranger on the streets or the neighbor across the street?

Does it not apply to the face I see in the mirror, every single friggen morning?

What I focus on is what I see. And I want to be more intentional about seeing so more! About celebrating more, forgiving more, and applauding more. Because that’s what brings us together and inspires people to better. That’s what encourages us to be human.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : A Far Greater Achievement

I recently stumbled across a fantastic blog entitled Gaping Void that is full of short, inspirational, and encouraging thoughts. 

This is a rewording from a section of their most recent post:

I’m pretty sure at the end of my life no one is going to wax lyrical about some staff meeting I ran or the class I taught in 2023. But, if I do my best to lead with values, purpose and principles, they just might say that I was a decent person. And to me, that’s a far greater achievement. (You can read more of the short post here).

Throughout this week, as I've wrestled with how to best and most reliably communicate with parents, tried to iron out kinks in the school's procedures, and continually dealt with student behavior, the conviction of HOW I do the things I do has continually come to mind.

I don't want to focus solely on checking off all the boxes on my to-do list, for although they are important, they don't change the world. They merely keep it moving. HOW I check those boxes has a much greater impact on the students, the staff, and the surrounding community. And I need to constantly be aware of that. Improve on that. 

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : You Belong Here

*Ignore the typo in the images above. . . they have been fixed for the ordered banners:)

As educators, we are continually existing in two communities: the community we try and create for our students, and the community we try and create with our staff. And although there are a few distinct needs between the two, there is also a great deal of overlap. Most notably, the need for belonging.

This coming year, my school’s theme is, “You belong here” which I stole from a principal friend down in Texas, Mr. Martin Silverman, and I just love it.

Then, after listening to a podcast interview with Superintendent Kristi Dominguez entitled, “Building Belonging,” I am fully convinced of the power and purpose of its message.

Especially when the emphasis shifts:

YOU belong here : you BELONG here : you belong HERE!

Each word highlights a very different, very crucial component to being and feeling part of a community. Of belonging.

Here’s what I mean:

“YOU” emphasizes the uniqueness you bring.

You belong here, in this community. Your unique identity, your convictions and passions, your gifts and talents, and the experiences you bring - whatever makes you uniquely you - belong here. Your way of thinking refines our way of thinking, your perspectives complete our perspectives, your whole person (failure and quirks and all) helps create a more holistic and healthy community. YOU is what you bring, and you is what belongs.

“BELONG” reminds us we are part of a community

When we belong to a community we shoulder responsibility for it. We work hard to improve it, personally care for it, and passionately protect it. We invest in it. We pour our identity into it and in return gain identity from it, allowing us to do some pretty GREAT things! Largely because we are not alone. In our endevears, our dreams, or our hardships.

"Humans don’t mind hardship," Sabastion Junger writes," in fact, they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary." And when you belong, you are and feel necessary. And you are necessary because you BELONG. 

“HERE” is the call to action.

For whatever reason, you have been placed here, in education, in your school, with your students, for this time. And although The Powerful Play will indeed go on for them all as they transition to other schools and various journeys, for right now, you have been tasked with caring for your students, with your staff, in your community.

And they need you.

They need us, all educators everywhere, in all of our faults, insufficiencies, talents, and glories because we are here. We have been provided with this beautiful task of caring for and protecting these students, here and now.

Be it our first year here or our 30th, we have been given this time, this school year, to work with students, embrace our staff, and impact our surrounding communities.

We belong here! YOU belong here!

Let’s ensure our students and fellow staff members know they belong here, too.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Engage in Idea conflict before they become People conflict

The other morning I was listening to an At the Table Podcast episode entitled, Artificial Harmony, and was deeply struck by the statement: “When we fail to have conflict around ideological issues - when we disagree on things - it eventually ferments into conflict around people, and that’s how we crush human beings.”

For instance. Imagine sitting in a room of fellow educators - teachers, admin, whomever - with the task of solving the problem of attendance. If someone (Jim, let’s him) throws out an idea that is perhaps bad or incomplete, and the group doesn’t acknowledge it as such because there they fear ideological conflict, they invite the more dangerous and destructive future conflict that will be centered around people.

Because no one challenged or questioned Jim’s idea but instead encouraged it with a, “Yeah, that might work,” even though everyone knows it won’t work, or at the very least has some questions about it, two things happen:

One, if the idea is never implemented because everyone outside of Jim knows it won’t work, suddenly Jim feels like his coworkers - his boss - don’t care about his opinions. “Why does Mr. Miller ask for my opinion anyway, he never hears it.” Because no one engaged in his idea, he now has a conflict with the PEOPLE he works with. And if we avoided engaging in Jim’s idea because it was considered uncomfortable, why would we engage in the people conflict? And the snowball of conflict and division gathers speed.

The other potential problem that could arise is that Mr. Miller and the staff actually do implement the idea, but because everyone was too concerned with avoiding the ideological conflict and therefore didn’t push in, ask questions, or refine the thinking, it doesn’t go great. Mistakes are made because of oversight, people are frustrated because of confusion, and suddenly - and rather naturally - people are to blame (either Jim, Mr. Miller, or both) and the conflict becomes a personal conflict rather than an easier more manageable ideological conflict.

I have seen this happen, over and over again. And if I am honest, it often occurs because I am too cautious about saving the group from the discomfort of ideological conflict or I’m too nervous that I won’t be able to navigate the staff safely through it. Both of which are fair concerns, neither of which is best for the culture of my school, my marriage! or my friendships.

Appropriate conflict is good and we need to have more of it. We also need to ensure that it is intentional conflict, safe, and beneficial. And to do that, we need to do our best to engage in conflicts about ideas rather than people.

Idea conflicts talk about the problem, the task at hand. They are constructive and help us grow and change and improve. They are uncomfortable but they are also more manageable and most often productive.

People conflicts are destructive. They are personal, deep, and often unfair because the task is no longer about solving the problem at hand, it’s about defending our pride, our pain, and the fear of being misunderstood.

Idea conflicts are external; people conflicts are internal. Idea conflicts solve problems; people conflicts create them.

And I need to be better at engaging in idea conflicts to help save and protect my staff (and myself) from having to survive people conflicts.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Create Meaning in the Mundane

Meaning is in the Mundane.

My family loves road trips. And each summer, on our way to some far-off place, we have a stretch of time where very little is accomplished but racking up the miles. We start early and drive late, stop as little as possible, crank up the music, and talk. We spend time together. And after years of this routine, with a bucket full of memories and destinations reached, what we think about and miss the most on any given day is the time spent in the car.

Typically, the days between January through mid-March are considered the doldrums of education. There are very few major holidays to celebrate which in turn means very few days off, parties, and “things to look forward to.” There’s just time.

Which, if embraced, can make it the most productive and most memorable time of the year! But only if we are intentional, like a good road trip, and take advantage of those “drive-through states.”

Be intentional about building relationships with those one or two students who are always on the peripheral of your thoughts, who don't quite get the attention they deserve because they aren't a behavior kid . . . how can you spend time with them? See them? Get to know them?

Be intentional about BEING YOU! Over the next six-ish weeks, what can you bring to the classroom - our school - that is uniquely YOU? Most of the year we don't have time for silly moments or random FUN DAYS because we're too busy preparing for testing, concerts, or playing catchup . . . now, you have time, consistency, and a long road ahead . . . where can you inject something unexpected? Something new? Something YOU?

Be intentional about building memories. 

Road trips bring us to some pretty great and memorable destinations. But the pictures we love the most, the times we often remember and miss most often are NOT the final destinations, it's the journey - the what happens during the mundane. 

Take advantage of it and Create Meaning in the Mundane.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Show Gratitude; See the Gorilla

In a recent staff meeting, we watched the above video. Then, we talked about gratitude.

A few days ago, I was showing Rick - my lead custodian - the few cracks in our hallways that are in need of some attention. They aren't terrible, but they aren't perfect either. And because they aren't perfect, they can cause students and teachers alike to trip up. Their imperfection draws our attention.

However, they are just a fraction of the hallways. The bulk - almost 100% of the hallways - are great! Yet, how many times have we walked the halls and acknowledged how clean they are? How smooth and reliable they are? How beautiful and encouraging the bulletin boards are?

Not very often.

This week, I have been reminded of how quickly we take for granted the things and people in our lives who do good things, who work hard, and who are reliable, kind, and helpful. Instead of seeing and appreciating the good that is done, we get discouraged by those who are destructive. Instead of focusing on the coming opportunities, we get distracted by the task at hand and the cracks that trip us up.

We can can’t the number of passes made by those in white t-shirts but miss the gorilla.

This month, my school is focusing on the word Gratitude, and what I love about the definition is that it does not merely focus on appreciating the people and things in our lives, but the CHOICE to do so.

Gratitude is choosing to appreciate the people and things in our lives!

As we continue to work hard at completing the tasks before us, as we navigate through or correct the cracks ahead of us, my challenge to you, my staff and students, as well as myself is to not only CHOOSE to see and appreciate the people and things around us but do acknowledge them with a note.

This month, as often as possible, write down the moments, the things, and for sure the PEOPLE who inspire, encourage and support you. Who reminds you of the goodness in life. Who keeps you accountable and heading in the right direction. Who make you a better person.

Let them know they are noticed and appreciated, and that they are making a difference.

Or, as my fifth-grade teachers did, make a poster and hang it in the hallway.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Leadership is Simple. Make a "To be" list.

A few days ago, an old teacher of mine reached out. She was struggling with her building principal and was sharing how she was feeling alone and unsupported. “I mean,” she said in a moment of exasperation, “Leadership is simple. Not easy, but simple.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Support your people,” she replied.

And I have not been able to get that out of my head. As a principal, father, husband, and friend.

Dan Allender defines a leader as “anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good.”

Which means, everyone is a leader. Everyone. Yet, so often we miss our opportunities to lead, influence others, and make an impact toward the greater good because we’re distracted by being busy. Which, according to Allander, is the moral equivalent to laziness.

Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional.

They refuse to be courageous.

Courageous to step into hard conversations with their staff, spouse, children, or friends.

Courageous to be open about their struggles, failures, and gaps in abilities.

Courageous to step into situations of vulnerability.

I know I’m guilty of this.

When I get busy with projects and tasks I can accomplish a lot of things, making myself feel productive, needed, and important. So too does my exhaustion. “I worked so hard today,” I can say to myself as I doze onthe couch while my kiddos clean up after dinner.

And I did. I accomplished a lot. But did I lead or support anyone?

Now, I know you might be saying, “Getting that to-do list IS supporting your staff, family, or community.” And it is. But, like most things, it is also incomplete. If I spend my entire day on my to-do list, I accomplish a lot but miss out on so much more. I miss out on wrestling with the uncertain future of others.

Recently, alongside my “to-do” list, I have added a “to-be” list.

The tasks on my to-do list are menial. They keep the building or house in order, and running smoothly. The items on my to-be list are the important conversations or interactions I must have in order for the greater good to be accomplished - they are the things that remind us what we’re here for! They are not the things I must do but the HOW I must do them.

Things like:

To be present in my conversations, not looking at my phone or thinking of the things that need to get done.

To be purposeful in my gratitude and acknowledgment of others.

To be mindful of stories told so I can remember them, refer to them later, and understand those around me better.

To be patient with the struggling kindergartner knowing full well he does not come from a healthy home.

To be silent with my children, allowing them space to share their hearts rather quickly jumping in and “solving” their problems.

To-do lists provide those we lead with the things they want.

To-be lists provide them with the things they need: intentionality, purpose, and courage. To-be lists require us to stop doing They require us to be human. And for many of us - for me for sure - that is what makes them so difficult.

It’s also what makes leadership most rewarding. Because it allows us to lead, walk with, and be guided by others as we all continually strive toward the greater good.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

#doGREATthings!

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