Friday Thought : We can do hard things

Mr Moore (my district superintendent) dropped the above plaque off the other day. Then, he told me its origin story.

And its origin is April Wavra (a teacher in my school).

Several years ago, when Brad Barringer was principal, he was sharing some ideas with Mrs Wavra, and because she was listening - truly listening - she heard the above statement. Then, she made a plaque for Brad. When Mr Moore saw it, he requested she make several more. 

And now, they are dotted throughout our district, in homes, offices, and classrooms, encouraging others and reminding us all that we can do hard things. 

So often I believe that the "fruits of my labor" means something coming back to me, a reward for my work, a profit for my labor. I was recently reminded, however, that so often the fruits of our labor are rarely seen, heard, or noticed. Because they benefit others. Which is great! Because it is multiplying well beyond ourselves. 

If we are the sole beneficiary of our labors, the fruit stops with us. It is done.

If it blesses others, however, the fruits of our labor are endless and immeasurable. It grows and multiplies beyond our reach. 

Thank you, Mrs Wavra, for listening to Brad, for taking the time and energy to make something beautiful, and for blessing him. Years later, the fruits of your labor continue to grow and produce and remind us that doing hard things - doing the right thing - never goes unnoticed. It impacts, inspires, and changes people. 

And sometimes, we are fortunate enough to notice. 

Friday Thought : Teachers, not gimmicks. A reminder for the AI era.

Recently, Seth Godin published a thought:

When architects show off their work or propose a bold new building complex, the public sees the external photos. The tall spire, the innovative use of glass, the weird hole in the center of the building.

And when a car company shows off a new model at a press conference, it’s the headlights or the door handles that catch our attention.

But the thing is, most of the time the building serves its function for the people working inside of it. The owner of the car can’t see the headlights . . .

Gimmicks are memorable. But they’re gimmicks.

The other day, while sitting in a brainstorming session about AI, its role in education, and the responsibilities educators have to embrace it, Mr Godin's words came to mind. 

AI is going to disrupt education, no doubt. And as educators, we must embrace it and teach our students how to use and avoid it. But at the end of the day, as far as education is concerned, it is still just a glorified gimmick.  Schools that are trying to replace teachers with AI, all in the name of innovation, will fail because AI cannot duplicate or replace the impact of a powerful and purposeful teacher. 

The public may oohh and aahh at all that AI has to offer, maybe even remember a cool lesson or two taught with the next innovative technological gadget, but it is the teacher that will speak to their heart and inspire their future. It is a teacher that will encourage their humanity. 

Gimmicks are memorable. Teachers are eternal. 

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Friday Though : What we Focus on is what we See.

Just recently, while on a layover at the O’Hare Chicago airport, I overheard a man thanking the gentleman who was cleaning the urinals, and I was jolted for a moment. We don’t often see the man who cleans the toilets. Even less do we hear them thanked for their services.

But in that moment, I was aware of both. I was also suddenly aware of just how clean my urinal was.

On my way out, I too thanked the man for his diligence, and ever since, I’ve been trying to be more aware of those who selflessly and scrupulously serve my school and community, many of whom do so in the dark of the early morning or long after the last student has left for the day. Like the bus drivers who wake up extra early on October winter mornings and ensure our kids get safely and on time.

There are others too, of course. Like the kitchen staff and crossing guards, the engineers or custodians, and of course the office or support staff who are often unnoticed in their efforts because we have become accustomed to their presence and the role they play in ensuring our schools run so smoothly.  They aren’t ignored, but they aren’t fully seen either. Until they are absent. Until the many little things that they do so quietly and without applause or Facebook posts are left undone. Then, suddenly (and continuously), we are reminded that things don’t just happen on their own, that there are people working diligently behind the scenes, and that they desperately matter.

That what I’ve been thinking about this week. What am I focusing on? And what am I not seeing? In my home, my community, and in my school. Who is right in front of me yet not fully seen?

Or, when considering my students, what about them do I focus on (because it is obvious and consistent) yet fail to see? Because yes, that child is frustrating and rude and often struggles to follow our school-wide norms, but is that all that he or she is? Because if that is what I am focused on it will also be all that I see. And they are so much more than those mere behaviors.

For as my good friend recently said, “If all we see is the ugly in a person, we’re not looking hard enough.”

All of this, in a week where I stumbled across the inspiring story of Trea Turner, a baseball player in Philadelphia whose disastrous season was turned around by a standing ovation he did not deserve, have brought me to a goal for the month of November: Acknowledge the behavior; Applaud the potential.

For that student who is a constant disruption, we must focus on the behavior and acknowledge it as inappropriate. But we also need to see their whole person. Their gifts, their hopes, their potential, and we must applaud the hell out of them whenever possible. We must see all of them, and we must choose to love them entirely.

For that student who is excellent. Who gets straight A’s and volunteers for every student-lead club. We need to focus on their behavior and acknowledge its greatness. We need to applaud their potential to impact their community and future world, but we must also see the whole person. Their struggles, anxieties, and fears, and we need them to know that it is safe to be imperfect. We are still there for them, applauding our faces off, because we love them entirely.

For although we are focused on their behavior, we see their entire person. That is our focus for the month of November, and I am so excited to see what will come of it!

Then, just yesterday, on my drive home from a perfectly imperfect educational week, it dawned on me . . . Does this not also apply to my staff? My family? And to the man who cleans the urinals at the airport? Does it not apply the the stranger on the streets or the neighbor across the street?

Does it not apply to the face I see in the mirror, every single friggen morning?

What I focus on is what I see. And I want to be more intentional about seeing so more! About celebrating more, forgiving more, and applauding more. Because that’s what brings us together and inspires people to better. That’s what encourages us to be human.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

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Which answer to prayer will I be?

My school is days away from greeting the new students and starting the new year. As the day draws closer and closer, as the entanglement of excitement and nervousness increases, so do the number of prayers offered by moms and dads, anxious students, and excited teachers. Be it around the dinner table, alone in the car, or in the darkness of night, when faced with the fears of the unknown, we reach out to a higher power. We ask for help, plead for safety, and call for strength. We know we are not enough and that we need help. So we pray.

Recently, I’ve been struck with how we, as educators, have the unique responsibility of being the answers to those prayers. And that is a very sobering thought.

What’s even more sobering a thought is that if I am not careful or intentional in my actions and reactions, I may not like the answer I have become.

This simple line from a simple movie is a powerful reminder of the power of intentionality. How I choose to interact with my students, staff, and parents will be the difference between which type of opportunity I become.

Am I going to be the opportunity - the answer to prayer - that helps them walk through their difficult times? Or will I be the opportunity that encourages them to grow?

As Morgan Freeman argues, if I have a teacher who is praying to grow in patience, kindness, and self-control, I can play the supporting role and encourage them through it. Or, I can be the obstacle that they need to work through. Either way, I am the answer to their prayer. I may not like which one I become.

I don’t know the deepest fears of the staff, the struggles my students face at home or school, nor the deeper frustrations parents have when they come in my office frustrated and angry. Nor do I need to.

What I do need to know is that I have been placed in this school for this time. I have been gifted the opportunity to protect these students, serve this staff, and support this community. I have been placed here for a purpose - I am an answer to the many prayers!

I also believe that if I am not intentional about keeping that choice at the forefront of my thoughts - my prayers - I will miss the opportunities to be the answer I want to be.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : You Belong Here

*Ignore the typo in the images above. . . they have been fixed for the ordered banners:)

As educators, we are continually existing in two communities: the community we try and create for our students, and the community we try and create with our staff. And although there are a few distinct needs between the two, there is also a great deal of overlap. Most notably, the need for belonging.

This coming year, my school’s theme is, “You belong here” which I stole from a principal friend down in Texas, Mr. Martin Silverman, and I just love it.

Then, after listening to a podcast interview with Superintendent Kristi Dominguez entitled, “Building Belonging,” I am fully convinced of the power and purpose of its message.

Especially when the emphasis shifts:

YOU belong here : you BELONG here : you belong HERE!

Each word highlights a very different, very crucial component to being and feeling part of a community. Of belonging.

Here’s what I mean:

“YOU” emphasizes the uniqueness you bring.

You belong here, in this community. Your unique identity, your convictions and passions, your gifts and talents, and the experiences you bring - whatever makes you uniquely you - belong here. Your way of thinking refines our way of thinking, your perspectives complete our perspectives, your whole person (failure and quirks and all) helps create a more holistic and healthy community. YOU is what you bring, and you is what belongs.

“BELONG” reminds us we are part of a community

When we belong to a community we shoulder responsibility for it. We work hard to improve it, personally care for it, and passionately protect it. We invest in it. We pour our identity into it and in return gain identity from it, allowing us to do some pretty GREAT things! Largely because we are not alone. In our endevears, our dreams, or our hardships.

"Humans don’t mind hardship," Sabastion Junger writes," in fact, they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary." And when you belong, you are and feel necessary. And you are necessary because you BELONG. 

“HERE” is the call to action.

For whatever reason, you have been placed here, in education, in your school, with your students, for this time. And although The Powerful Play will indeed go on for them all as they transition to other schools and various journeys, for right now, you have been tasked with caring for your students, with your staff, in your community.

And they need you.

They need us, all educators everywhere, in all of our faults, insufficiencies, talents, and glories because we are here. We have been provided with this beautiful task of caring for and protecting these students, here and now.

Be it our first year here or our 30th, we have been given this time, this school year, to work with students, embrace our staff, and impact our surrounding communities.

We belong here! YOU belong here!

Let’s ensure our students and fellow staff members know they belong here, too.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Engage in Idea conflict before they become People conflict

The other morning I was listening to an At the Table Podcast episode entitled, Artificial Harmony, and was deeply struck by the statement: “When we fail to have conflict around ideological issues - when we disagree on things - it eventually ferments into conflict around people, and that’s how we crush human beings.”

For instance. Imagine sitting in a room of fellow educators - teachers, admin, whomever - with the task of solving the problem of attendance. If someone (Jim, let’s him) throws out an idea that is perhaps bad or incomplete, and the group doesn’t acknowledge it as such because there they fear ideological conflict, they invite the more dangerous and destructive future conflict that will be centered around people.

Because no one challenged or questioned Jim’s idea but instead encouraged it with a, “Yeah, that might work,” even though everyone knows it won’t work, or at the very least has some questions about it, two things happen:

One, if the idea is never implemented because everyone outside of Jim knows it won’t work, suddenly Jim feels like his coworkers - his boss - don’t care about his opinions. “Why does Mr. Miller ask for my opinion anyway, he never hears it.” Because no one engaged in his idea, he now has a conflict with the PEOPLE he works with. And if we avoided engaging in Jim’s idea because it was considered uncomfortable, why would we engage in the people conflict? And the snowball of conflict and division gathers speed.

The other potential problem that could arise is that Mr. Miller and the staff actually do implement the idea, but because everyone was too concerned with avoiding the ideological conflict and therefore didn’t push in, ask questions, or refine the thinking, it doesn’t go great. Mistakes are made because of oversight, people are frustrated because of confusion, and suddenly - and rather naturally - people are to blame (either Jim, Mr. Miller, or both) and the conflict becomes a personal conflict rather than an easier more manageable ideological conflict.

I have seen this happen, over and over again. And if I am honest, it often occurs because I am too cautious about saving the group from the discomfort of ideological conflict or I’m too nervous that I won’t be able to navigate the staff safely through it. Both of which are fair concerns, neither of which is best for the culture of my school, my marriage! or my friendships.

Appropriate conflict is good and we need to have more of it. We also need to ensure that it is intentional conflict, safe, and beneficial. And to do that, we need to do our best to engage in conflicts about ideas rather than people.

Idea conflicts talk about the problem, the task at hand. They are constructive and help us grow and change and improve. They are uncomfortable but they are also more manageable and most often productive.

People conflicts are destructive. They are personal, deep, and often unfair because the task is no longer about solving the problem at hand, it’s about defending our pride, our pain, and the fear of being misunderstood.

Idea conflicts are external; people conflicts are internal. Idea conflicts solve problems; people conflicts create them.

And I need to be better at engaging in idea conflicts to help save and protect my staff (and myself) from having to survive people conflicts.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Beyond What I Deserve (A goodbye letter)

“Do - GREAT THINGS!

Go - EAGLES!!!”

I am good at creating goodbyes, but terrible at saying them. 

So this is mine.

Some of you know the journey that brought me to Chief Jo, but many of you do not. None of you know the whole story - which is good! Because as my wife constantly reminds me, "The whole world doesn't need to know everything about our life." And she's right. 

What you should know, though, is that I never wanted to be an elementary principal. Chief Joseph was never on my radar. Until I needed it to be. 

There is a poem that I used to teach entitled, "To a Mouse," by Robert Burns. The 7th stanza reads:

"But mouse-friend, you are not alone

in proving foresight may be vain:

the best-laid schemes of Mice and Men

go oft awry.

and leave us only grief and pain,

for promised joy!"

It is a terribly sad poem, but also extremely accurate, because oftentimes the worst and most painful moments of our lives are when dreams and plans are plowed into the ground,  gone forever. Suddenly, we are lost, without direction, grappling for hope.

That was the condition of my heart and mind when I applied for Chief Jo - lost, and grappling for hope. 

And then I got a call from Ruth Uecker, and suddenly, I was an Eagle. 

The poem To a Mouse has stuck with me because it is so devastatingly true. It is also fully incomplete, for it misses the other side of life. If dreams crushed leave us only grief and pain, unexpected gifts give us life and healing. For it is the dreams and plans that are far beyond what our simple minds can imagine that come most unexpectedly, because we could have never imagined them. And that is what makes them so great. So beautiful. They are beyond what we could have planned, hoped, or dreamed because they are bigger, they are better. 

Losing Fort Benton was a grief and pain I will never forget. 

Gaining Chief Joseph was a reward and blessing beyond what I deserved. It brought hope, joy, redirection, calmness, and clarity to myself and my family. And I will never have the words to fully express how thankful I am to you.

But I will try:)

Thank you for welcoming me. For being patient with my deep lack of knowledge, and for holding me accountable. 

Thank you for allowing me to be me! For allowing me to fail (often) yet still be treated with kindness and respect. Thank you for allowing me to venture into strange ideas (like the Renewing of the Vows and filling our cups, to name a few) and embracing - most of the time😉 - my challenging of things that always were. 

But more than anything, thank you for working hard, supporting each other, being open and honest with me, and for DOING GREAT THINGS! We are mixed bag of personalities, strengths, passions, and philosophies, but we come together beautifully and love our students - our profession - in a way I have rarely seen before. Our students and community are so blessed to have you in their lives. 

And so am I.

Truly, thank you for allowing me to lead you these past two years. It has been such a joy, and I will miss you dearly. 

Enjoy your summer!

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Willing to sit the bench

My daughter, in 4th grade Salvation Army Basketball.

The Golden State Warriors lost their first two games of the best-of-seven series against the Sacramento Kings. They won game three, however, largely because one of their starters and key players, Draymond Green, was limited in minutes.

So, for game four, Draymond offered to come off the bench.

Draymond "hasn't come off the bench in ten years," his coach Steve Kerr shared with the press, "But he came to me late after game three and asked, 'What do you think about me coming off the bench?'"

When a reporter asked Draymond, "If {Coach Kerr} had disagreed, would you have argued with him?" Draymond quickly responded “No” and smiled, "No. It was just a suggestion, to let him know that if {he} is mulling this decision, make it. It's totally fine."

Over the next few days, they ended up talking about it quite a bit. Steve Kerr provided reasons why he shouldn't come off the bench, with Draymond brainstorming reasons why he should.

One of coach Kerr's greatest concerns was how Draymond would feel. 

"Who cares how I feel," Draymond said. "It doesn't matter how I feel." What matters is doing what's best for the team. And for that moment, what the team needed from Draymond was for him to take a back seat and play a supporting role. 

And that inspired the hell out of his teammates who soon went on to win the next three games and clinch the series in a decisive game 7. 

All because Draymond was willing to set aside his ego, his pride, and come off the bench.

I love this story because it is a true and tangible example of what it means to lead, to inspire the people around us, and to succeed.  When we consider others as more important than ourselves, when we put the needs of the TEAM above our own, and when we consider what is BEST rather than what is best for me, GREAT things happen!

I don't know about you all, but for me, at times, this is very difficult to do. Largely because I want to be acknowledged! Selfishly, I want my hard work to be noticed and applauded and I want to know that I am making a difference. Sitting on the bench is literally me watching someone else do the work. And I hate that. 

Just like Draymond. But, just like Draymond, I need to continually remind myself that it doesn’t matter how I feel. What matters is doing what is right.

Draymond's selfless decision was a reminder to me of two things:

1. When we focus on others and the TEAM's success, more often than not, we all win.

2. Our impact is NOT based on our role or title but on what we DO with that role or title. For not only did the Warriors win the series, Draymond still posted a double-double, thus adding to his immeasurable impact on his team.

Do what is right. Even if it means sitting on the bench. And that has been a great reminder and more than a subtle conviction to me this week.

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Friday Thought : "Liar!" And the shield that protects us.

Yesterday, one of my teachers and I were involved in a phone conversation with a woman who believed something inaccurate about our school and norms. Each time I tried to explain or clarify, the woman on the other end would interrupt by yelling, "LIAR!" 

The conversation ended without much reconciliation or agreement.

Later in the day, my teacher texted me, "I know I shouldn't be, but I'm mad." 

"Don't be:)" I texted back, "Integrity is doing the right thing . . . which we (especially you) have done. False accusations sting, but they are merely that . . . false. Because we (know) we have done the right thing." 

Fortunately for us, we also have documentation.

I share this because, as educators and people who work with people, who experience the valleys and peaks of humanity, and who are required to engage in hard and honest conversations, we are an easy target for false or misleading accusations. And that can be extremely frustrating. Even hurtful.

Integrity, however, is our shield. Not against false accusations, but against fear and uneasiness. Against it ruining our day and the opportunities to impact the people around us. 

We can be mad at false accusations because they hurt, of course they do! (I know I get mad when falsely accused . . . so maybe I need to edit my response to Mrs. Miller:) but we can also be confident. Confident that we have done the right thing, that their accusations will find loose footing, and that we can continue loving and caring and enjoying the people around us. Because that, too, is acting with integrity. 

And that, for me at least, is an encouraging - as well as convicting - reminder.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Why the sound of ripped-up carpet is more important than the carpet itself.

Yesterday, my son sent me this picture with the caption, "Wild {our dog} destroyed the downstairs carpet."

And I was pissed. So was my wife.

Wild is supposed to be an outside dog, but with the weather plunging into the negatives and me not completing her outdoor housing, she has spent time inside. Yesterday, as my wife needed to run out for the day, she put Wild in her kennel. When she returned home and discovered the mess our dog created, Wild was placed outside for the remainder of the evening. 

Later that night, as the temperatures began to drop, Wild was once again brought inside and placed in the entryway where she lay on her blanket. Shortly after, my wife joined her. From the living room couch, I heard her say, "I love you. I'm still mad at you, but I love you."

And two things came to mind.

One, love covers a multitude of mistakes. Even when someone's actions are destructive, hurtful, or upsetting, love allows us to still make the best decision for them, even when we are angry or frustrated at them. As educators, when our students, coworkers, or parents act in a destructive manner, we can still (metaphorically, of course) pet their ears, scratch their bellies, and bring them back inside. Because we love them, and we want what is best for them. (just to be clear, rubbing our students,  staff, or parents’ bellies is NOT an appropriate interaction . . . neither is petting their ears. Letting them inside because it is cold outside probably still holds up).

We don’t have to like someone to do what is best for them. We simply have to love them.

Two, behavior is communication. Wild is an extremely intelligent dog. She clearly and efficiently lets us know when she needs to go to the bathroom, when she's hungry or thirsty, and when there is a potential intruder nearby. However, she struggles to communicate what she is specifically afraid of or worried about. She can’t articulate if she is bored - especially when we are not around to hear - when we are not present.

Our students' or loved ones’ inappropriate behaviors are often frustrating because they are destructive. But oftentimes, they are a cry for help, for understanding, or simply to be seen. They are moments of communication. Even though they are old enough to clearly communicate that they are hungry or need to use the restroom, there are plenty of thoughts, emotions, and feelings that they cannot express. Even when they’re old enough to walk to school, watch rated-R movies, or carry a driver’s license.

When those around us act out or are behaving unlike their typical self, are they trying to communicate a need? A fear? Are they wrestling with something they can’t quite put into words?

And more importantly, are we listening? Are we present? Or, are we fixated on the ripped-up carpet?

Damaged carpets can be replaced or covered by a nearby rug. They are merely things. And things are never more important than the people that damage them. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Resume vs Eulogy Virtues

In his book, The Road to Character, David Brooks writes about the difference between Resume virtues and Eulogy virtues.

“Eulogy virtues,” he writes, "are the virtues that get talked about at your funeral, the ones that exist at the core of your being – whether you are kind, brave, honest or faithful; what kind of relationships you formed.”

“Resume virtues,” on the other hand, are much shallower. “They are the skills that you bring to the job market and that contribute to external success."

When we pursue our resume virtues, we set out to conquer the world. When we hold tight to our eulogy virtues, we battle for opportunities to serve the world. 

And that got me thinking about educators and why we have chosen, and continue to choose, this beautiful profession.

Most educators came into this profession because, at some point, someone spoke into our lives. Because someone took time out of their day to spend time in ours, because they lived a life that inspired us to help, to serve, and to improve the lives of those around us. I bet you are here because someone chose to see beyond their resume virtues and chose to invest in their eulogy virtues.

People who, as David Brooks writes, “radiate a sort of moral joy.”

They answer softly when challenged harshly. They are silent when unfairly abused. They are dignified when others try to humiliate them, restrained when others try to provoke them. But they get things done. They perform acts of sacrificial service with the same modesty everyday spirit they would display if they were just getting the groceries. They are not thinking about what impressive work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all. They just seem delighted by the flawed people around them. They just recognize what needs doing and they do it” (bolding and emphasis added).

Like many, I have ambition. I have dreams and ideas of how I would like my life and career to go, and I work hard to ensure that they will happen. I am constantly working on my resume.

This week, however, I was once again reminded that if I accomplish all that my little heart desires, if I gain all the accolades and can stand on a stage to great applause, it will mean nothing without a strong eulogy resume.

For in the end, that is what this profession - this life - is all about.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Look Beyond the Problem. See the People.

At times, life gifts us themes. Most often, they come at the appropriate time. Here is been my gifted theme this week. And yes, it has come at the appropriate time.

Monday:

In a conversation with a mentor from Texas (shout out to you, Mr Jeff Springer!), he referenced this scene from the movie Patch Adams:

"Look at me," the old man says. "If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem, look at me!" When dealing with struggling students or adults, we must choose to "see what everyone else chooses not to see." The person.

Tuesday:

This quote came across my Instagram feed: "If I wanted to ruin you, I would convince you, over a long time, through disappointment and empty promise, that something you think or something you do is more important than the people in your life" - Justin McRoberts

For whatever reason, the people in our lives are the people in our lives. And they are more important than any thing or opinion we might have. For as Justin McRoberts also says, "The person you are talking to is more important than the thing you are talking about. Every time.”

Wednesday:

In a Zoom conversation with an old teacher buddy of mine (lookin at you, Mr Kasey Schurtz!), he said, "Love should look like discipline. And discipline should look like love."

Holding ourselves and others accountable is often uncomfortable, but if done in love (holding their interest above our own), it is necessary, good, and true. For as my mother made me memorize as a child, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails ."

And the same should be said about discipline.

As educators and parents, we are entering the thick and heavy season of academic and change. Our students and children will be growing and learning a TON these next few weeks and months. Which is GREAT! Amidst it all, however, may we never forget the PEOPLE who are around us - staff, students, family members - for they are the reason WHY we are here.

And I have needed that reminder.

This past week, when my schedule has been more full than the minutes allow, when I run from one dumpster fire to the next, from meeting to meeting with side conversations along the way, and as I try and keep a building full of hearts and minds safe and headed in the right direction - all while the needs of family and home are pulling and calling - it is so unbelievably embarrassing how quickly I fall into the trap of Get. Stuff. Done!

And in doing so, I can often forget the people around me.

The one struggling with the weight of a sick parent and hard decisions ahead.
The one wrestling with mountains upon mountains of change, and the struggles it creates.
The one who needs a quick check in and “how you doing? You okay?” but also the brief moment of sitting and actually listening and not anxiously checking the time or text messages.
The one who needs me to sit on the couch and hear her woes and fears of a new season because really, more than anything, she is scared and insecure and doesn’t know or understand her true strength.
And the list goes on and on.

This week, the theme of people has been strong and a bit heavy handed. Which probably means I need the reminder. And more importantly, that I should listen.

Choose to see what others choose not to: the people behind the problem.
Place people above what I think and what I do.
In all things - especially in discipline - choose to love the people who have been placed in my life.

Every time.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Gap of Knowledge vs Curse of Knowledge.

photo by @justinmcroberts

In Make it Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Chip and Dan Heath mention "the curse of knowledge." 

The curse of knowledge is when we become so familiar with something (an idea, way of life, purpose statement) that we can no longer remember what it was like to live without it. And because it is so familiar to us, we struggle to relate to those who don't understand it. In our minds, the concept is so simple; in theirs, it is complex and confusing. 

In a recent conversation with an old friend, I was convicted of how this divide of knowledge impacts our relationships with parents. 

As educators, we understand schools. The routines, expectations, norms, and the day-to-day pulse. We read books about learning and classroom culture, we attend conferences, listen to podcasts, and chat with colleagues. We eat, sleep, and breath education. And because we do, we cannot imagine what it would be like not to know so much about our schools, our classroom, or education at large.

Many of our parents, however, have a limited understanding of all that happens within a given school day. When they visit our school or chat with us on the phone, they come to us with gaps of knowledge. And the problem with gaps of knowledge is NOT that there are unknowns, it is how we fill the unknown. 

Our brains are pretty amazing at filling in the blanks of missing information. We take what we know (or think we know) and quickly fill in the gaps of knowledge or understanding. This practice, although normal and natural, often creates a false or incomplete reality of the people, places, and things we are trying to understand.

Our parents do this all the time. Especially those who have a natural mistrust of schools. Especially those who have had limited experiences. They take a single conversation we have about their child, generalize it, and then fill in all the unknown gaps with unfair, at times unkind, but almost always incomplete information. 

And we wonder why, when working through conflict, it feels more like a battle than a brainstorm.

Many of our parents have a misunderstanding of what we do and who we are because they have limited knowledge and experience of the educational system. Many educators have a misunderstanding of parents' perspectives because we forget what it's like to have gaps in our knowledge of that educational system.

My goal, and my encouragement to you, then, is twofold:

1. Tell your story, often and in a variety of ways. Call parents and celebrate your students/their children, email stories of the week that simply provide insight into your days, post random moments of life on social media. Fill in the gaps of knowledge with actual stories of what you're doing, who you are, and why you do what you do. 

2. Give grace. Many of our parents have no clue what we do or how we do it - how could they unless they walk in our shoes? When they come in, then, frustrated and full of incomplete assumptions, listen. Hear their concerns, listen to their stories, and look for the deeper fear that is almost always present. For as my friend said, "We aren't afraid of the dark, we are afraid of what we imagine is in the dark." And what we imagine is almost always scarier than what is real. 

And the same applies to teachers, principals, and support staff towards our students and their families.

Educators have a misunderstanding of our students because we have limited knowledge and experience of their homes, their families, and their lives. We have some knowledge and understanding - what we see and experience during the school day - but what happens after they leave is unclear. We have large gaps of knowledge that are often filled in with what we think we know.

Understanding this deficiency not only allows us to grow in our empathy with parents, as we try to understand the fear and confusion of life and decisions, it also opens the door for curiosity, for questions, and for new discoveries. Instead of resting in our gaps of knowledge, we seek further and deeper understanding. Which, in the end builds us together rather than keeps us apart.

Whenever parents and educators come together, often times, one side suffers from the curse of knowledge, the other from the knowledge gap.

And no matter our role, be it parent, teacher, or educational leader, our task is to turn on the lights. For when we do, we fill in the gaps and provide a firm foundation from which we can build relationships with parents, community members, students, and each other. We create a culture of understanding and trust, and we eradicate fear. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

Friday Thoughts : Blog