Friday Thought : Light up the Room

I love this quote and have been thinking about it all week.

I don't ever want to be the kind of person who makes a decision because I hate another or want them to lose. I want to make decisions based on what is best for those around me because I want us all to win. 

As a quality person, I'm sure that is a no-brainer for you as well.

I do, however, find myself struggling a bit more when the decision could mean I lose, or lose out. Be it in opportunity, favor, or advancement of some sort (position, popularity, financial - whatever), when the fear of loss creeps in, the tendency to hold back suddenly flares up a bit stronger. Suddenly, my selfishness and desire to "win" get pushed to the front of the line. And I hate it. 

So I rebuke it, beat it back and vow to never let it happen again.

Then it does. Again and again. And I hate it. 

Last night,  "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle," the quote read, "and the room gains everything," I thought. And I was reminded - yet again - of just how powerful purposeful giving can be. Be it time, materials, forgiveness and grace, or simply love, when we give, we do not lose something of ourselves, we simply add light to the room. 

And I love that. 

Lighting up the room . . . That's what I've been thinking about this week. 

#doGREATthings!

Give. Reflect. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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Friday Thoughts : Blog

Friday Thought : Why the sound of ripped-up carpet is more important than the carpet itself.

Yesterday, my son sent me this picture with the caption, "Wild {our dog} destroyed the downstairs carpet."

And I was pissed. So was my wife.

Wild is supposed to be an outside dog, but with the weather plunging into the negatives and me not completing her outdoor housing, she has spent time inside. Yesterday, as my wife needed to run out for the day, she put Wild in her kennel. When she returned home and discovered the mess our dog created, Wild was placed outside for the remainder of the evening. 

Later that night, as the temperatures began to drop, Wild was once again brought inside and placed in the entryway where she lay on her blanket. Shortly after, my wife joined her. From the living room couch, I heard her say, "I love you. I'm still mad at you, but I love you."

And two things came to mind.

One, love covers a multitude of mistakes. Even when someone's actions are destructive, hurtful, or upsetting, love allows us to still make the best decision for them, even when we are angry or frustrated at them. As educators, when our students, coworkers, or parents act in a destructive manner, we can still (metaphorically, of course) pet their ears, scratch their bellies, and bring them back inside. Because we love them, and we want what is best for them. (just to be clear, rubbing our students,  staff, or parents’ bellies is NOT an appropriate interaction . . . neither is petting their ears. Letting them inside because it is cold outside probably still holds up).

We don’t have to like someone to do what is best for them. We simply have to love them.

Two, behavior is communication. Wild is an extremely intelligent dog. She clearly and efficiently lets us know when she needs to go to the bathroom, when she's hungry or thirsty, and when there is a potential intruder nearby. However, she struggles to communicate what she is specifically afraid of or worried about. She can’t articulate if she is bored - especially when we are not around to hear - when we are not present.

Our students' or loved ones’ inappropriate behaviors are often frustrating because they are destructive. But oftentimes, they are a cry for help, for understanding, or simply to be seen. They are moments of communication. Even though they are old enough to clearly communicate that they are hungry or need to use the restroom, there are plenty of thoughts, emotions, and feelings that they cannot express. Even when they’re old enough to walk to school, watch rated-R movies, or carry a driver’s license.

When those around us act out or are behaving unlike their typical self, are they trying to communicate a need? A fear? Are they wrestling with something they can’t quite put into words?

And more importantly, are we listening? Are we present? Or, are we fixated on the ripped-up carpet?

Damaged carpets can be replaced or covered by a nearby rug. They are merely things. And things are never more important than the people that damage them. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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Friday Thoughts : Blog

Friday Thought : Why what doesn’t matter is really what matters most

I love this comic strip because it is a constant reminder to me, as a parent and as an educator of small children, that just because the passage of time has enlightened or dulled me to things that truly hold value, when it comes to caring for a child's heart, it doesn't matter what I think.

If it is valuable to them, it is valuable to me.

I want my kiddos to feel valued. I want them to feel loved. So I work hard for them, I hold them accountable to what is good and right and true and try my best to teach them about life. I buy them the clothes they need, the food they eat, and make sure our house is warm and safe.

Which is good.

Sometimes, however, what they really need from me is to sit on the couch and talk about things that don't matter, that don't carry much value.

Sometimes what they need is for me to investigate and be awed by their simple creations that, in the scheme of life, mean very little and carry no value.

Sometimes what they want is for me to understand that just because I'm old and bald and they’re not doesn't mean their hurts and pains, passions and celebrations - their stuffed tigers - don't matter. Because they do. If only because it matters to them.

Because If I care about their little hearts and minds, I care about the things they consider valuable.

And the same applies to adults.

No matter our age, we want to know we are thought of, cared for, and supported. We want to know that we are known!

Like when Ross from Friends bought Phoebe her first ever bike.

Phoebe doesn’t care about the bike, necessarily, because if she really wanted one she could have purchased one (at this point in her life, anyway). What she really cares about and why it is the best present ever is because of the heart behind the purchasing of the bike. Ross cares for Phoebe so he hears her story, takes it to heart, and does something about it!

He cared about what she considered valuable not because it was, but because she is. And that, at the end of the day, is what really matters.

Recently, where this has been most convicting is that if I don’t care about the things that matter to people, if I don’t handle information about them that is deep and personal and of value in a way that cares for them and protects them, I can lose my relationships with them. If I abuse my position by NOT acting upon what I know, I lose my right to be a voice and be an influence in their life.

When I know something is of value I have a responsibility to handle it with care. If I don’t, it is easily perceived and interpreted as not caring for the person.

No matter how big or small, if it’s a value to them, it should be of value to me.

That is what has been on my mind lately.

Happy Friday!!!

#DOGREATTHINGS!!!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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Friday Thoughts : Blog

Friday Thought : Making it Personal

“Don’t take it personal,” I found myself saying to multiple teachers this week, and I’ve been wrestling with it ever since.

The first time was with a teacher whom I had to intervene with and step on her toes a bit with a decision she didn’t particularly like. The other was with a teacher who was struggling with a student who was physically and verbally attacking her, “Why does he have to be so cruel?” she said through puddling tears. “Don’t take it personal,” I said to both of them and instantly regretting it because how could they not? As an educator, we pour our lives into this job. We sacrifice family, personal time and finances, we devote our hearts to the people we live with and serve. We give our whole person. How can it not be personal?

This past week, instead of saying or believe that we “shouldn’t take it personal,” I’ve begun to wonder if making it personal is exactly what we should be doing. When it isn’t personal, when its calculated, cold, and non-relational, that’s when bad things happen. That’s when we make decisions that are based solely on budgets rather than considering the people. When it isn’t personal we make decision based on numbers and forget about the people - the very thing we are here to help and serve!

With the first teacher, the one I offended by making a calculated decision, because she took it personal we had to have a heart-to-heart conversation. We had to GET personal. And for almost an hour, we talked out the situation, why it happened, how it could have been handled differently. Then we discussed how to move forward. We BOTH acknowledge our own humanity in the situation and sought to understand the others. We made it VERY personal, which allowed us to reconcile, to connect more sincerely, and to build trust. Because it was personal we dug deeper, cried more tears, and learned a great deal more about each other, our triggers and stressors, and about our person. Because it was personal we can now trust future decisions because we trust the person.

Making it personal allowed us to heal, and to grow.

It also allows room for empathy, as it did for the teacher with her abusive student.

Last week, this particular teacher was in my office several times because a kiddo that we’ve been working hard with was having a difficult week. He was constantly running out of the classroom, was vulgar and disrespectful, and had become increasingly violent with a few students, staff, and particularly this teacher. “When is enough, enough?” She asked, wiping tears from her face, “He’s literally beating the shit out of me.” And he was. But sending him home wasn’t an option. So we continued one, throwing darts of ideas at the wall, hoping at least one would stick.

Then, we had our Christmas concert.

We were nervous about how this young child would do, if he could handle the pressure and the audience, but we decided to try anyway with multiple staff nearby, ready to pounce if ever he needed our support. Which he did. Just not in the way we anticipated.

Throughout the concert, this little man stood on the stage, without moving and without singing, arms crossed, and pouting. Never once did he even mouth a single word to any song. Then, when it was over, when the parents gathered around to take pictures and wrap up their kids in hugs and kisses and praise, this little boy crumbled into his teachers arms and cried. “My parents didn’t come,” he said between sobs.

Later that day, that same teacher was in my office crying again. But not for herself. She was crying for this little child and asking over and over, “What can we do for him?” She could barely control her grief for this child.

After a while, we brainstormed many ideas, but mostly we talked about how she shouldn’t take it personal. “When he goes off, it isn’t about you. He’s reacting to something else.” But like the teacher above, the moment I said it, it felt wrong. Or at least incomplete.

Yes, don’t take it personal in that when someone is unkind or rude, often times, it isn’t about you at all, it’s about something bigger, something more personal to them. Behaviors are often times signs of communication - especially for kiddos - and we shouldn’t take them personal. But yet, we also should take it personal because than we can know best how to act, how to care for and love those in need because we understand what it means to hurt, to suffer, and to need grace and compassion. Taking personal means you can BE personal!

Seeing this young child as a complicated person allows his teacher - allows our school - to game plan ideas and solutions that are PERSONAL to him. Making it personal makes us more invested, more empathetic, and more patient.

On a day when TikTok is advocating “Shoot Up Your School Day,” Seeing the people behind our decisions and at the other end of our actions is exactly what we need in education right now. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Because then we get to wrestle with the best and most important part of our jobs: the human being stuff.

Don’t take it person. Make it personal.

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-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Friday Thought : Love. That's it.

@justinmcroberts

This might be one of the most encouraging posts I’ve written in a long time. For me at least. I hope it is for you, too.

The following passage has been increasingly on my mind and heart lately. And the more I read it, dwell on it, and try to live, the more encouraged - and convicted - I become.

Love is . . .

A modified version of 1 Corinthians 13:

If I am elegant in speech, sharing words as sweet as honey, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of foresight and can acutely analyze all things, if I have a belief and conviction that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and endure immeasurable hardships so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in destruction but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

Convicting in that no program, gift, slogan, or initiative means anything if not driven by love.

Encouraging in that, no matter how many times an idea or an attempt to help others fails or is ill-received, if done in love, it is not wasted.

Lean on Me:

Then, this morning while greeting kiddos and jamming to The Rubberband Man Radio on Spotify (a GREAT playlist!), an old yet beautiful song played. Lean on Me, by Bill WIthers

Most Generous Thing:

About an hour later, a principal friend of mine shared this with me. It is no my new favorite question:

What’s the most generous thing you can do today?

Happy Friday!

Keep striving to do Great things and change the world! No matter what we do, if done with love and sincere compassion for others, it is never wrong. For as Allister Begg - an old favorite preacher - used to say, “It’s always right to do right, because it’s right.”

Do right. Do love.

Friday Thought : An October Double-Stretch Story

This is Elias. He is my youngest of four kiddos, which means at any given time he as up to five people telling him what to do. And out of all my children, he is the craziest. He is full of passion, life, and commitment. And when he is frustrated, when his older and stronger siblings and parents don't let him finish his thought, when we fail to understand his needs, or when we just simply don't have time for the irrational rationalizations of a four-year-old mind, sometimes his only outlet is to scream, to throw a fit, and slam a door.

Those types of reactions often incite his sibling and parents to also react, creating a downward and mixed spiral of less-than-productive emotions and actions.

The other night, as I overheard him and his oldest older sister get into it, I quickly made my way to them, my irritation rising (can I never finish a sentence with my wife!!!) and ready to intervene with barks and demands. Yet, when I got there, I suddenly felt the urge to respond differently - I remembered the October Double-Stretch!

Instead of reacting, I gave just a bit more. I reminded myself that he had had a long day at school and daycare, that being the youngest is hard, and that a four-year-old doesn't always behave rationally. I reminded myself that at the end of a long day, he's tired. I reminded myself that he is four, and that I am the adult.

So instead of snapping, I picked him up and held him, patting his back, and speaking smooth encouragements.

Almost instantly he stopped crying. He then spent the next five-ish minutes with his head resting on my shoulder (something he rarely does). I thought he fell asleep. But then, in the gentlest of voices, he raised his head and said, "I'm ready to make it right with Eden now." And he did.

This simple moment reminded me that we're all trying our best - even our kiddos! But sometimes, every one of us - even the best of us - just need a few extra minutes, an extra hug, or an extra helping of grace. Sometimes, we all just need a little extra. And that is okay.

Where can you “double stretch” today, this weekend, or in the final weeks of October? With a friend, a family member, your job, or yourself?

If you have a story or two that celebrates the October Two-Stretch, let me know! I'd love to hear it:)

Friday Thought : A Boy and His Dog

I listened to a great podcast recently, about a Boy and His Dog.

The boy, who had fallen on hard times, was selling his dog - his best friend - for a hundred dollars simply because he needed to eat. Being a writer wasn't paying any bills. Little Jimmy didn't really care, though. He wanted the nice dog, but for a better bargain. So Little Jimmy took advantage of the man and his plight and instead offered $25. The skinny kid sighed, knowing he needed to feed his wife and couldn't afford to feed his dog, and finally accepting $40.

Two weeks later, when a screen writer offered to buy that same dog for $200, Little Jimmy once again took advantage of the situation and refused to sell the dog for anything less than $15,000 AND a speaking role in the man's new and upcoming movie! The man had written the screenplay in four days and sold it for $35,000 dollars, only a few days prior.

The dog was Butkus. The skinny kid, Sylvester Stallone (pictured above). And the movie was Rocky.

Whenever I come to work, I am constantly encouraged and inspired by those of you who have chosen to live a Sylvester Stallone sort of life. You work hard, endure hardships, then rather than sitting in the mess of life, you find solutions. Thank you for being that for me, for your fellow colleagues, and most importantly, for the students who have the privilege of being in your presence.

I promise you, they notice.