Friday Thought : Things that Can't Wait

This week I had the privilege of helping two families in the middle of hard seasons.

One—a brother and sister as they packed up their parents’ home. Both passed of them past in the last year, and now, their children are trying to work through what has been left behind. Every box, every piece of furniture seemed to carry a story, and some of them were too heavy to name. You could feel it in the silence between them, the long pauses as they decided what to keep, what to let go. How can any of it be called trash? What is the price of Dad’s favorite chair, of Mom’s knick-knacks?

The other—a couple who just received news no one ever wants to hear. With their time together now feeling shorter than it should, they’re finally finishing projects and planning the bucket-list trip they’ve been putting off “until things settled down.” The wife - the mother - is the sweetest lady. She loves her family and is never shy of sharing a kind word. Amid the tears, she smiles, laughs, and hopes.

And it was all very sobering.

This work—hauling, cleaning, sorting—does more than tire my body. It works on my heart.
In moments like these, I have a unique opportunity to see, and be reminded of, what truly matters.
And what doesn’t.

It’s easy to spend the drive home in reflection, and wonder . . . how many of us are still putting off the things that really matter?

We convince ourselves there’s plenty of time. That someday we’ll get around to it. But someday is fragile.

The words left unsaid.
The trip we keep dreaming about but never book.
The quiet dinner without the phones.
The porch swing at sunset.
The apology that’s overdue.
The hug we’ve been meaning to give.
The time with our kids before they grow up and leave.

Not everything can wait.

And maybe that’s the gift of this work: the reminder to take stock now. To say what needs to be said. To do what needs to be done. To love the people we love, while we still have the chance to love them well.

Because “someday” is already here. Probably more than we, than I, would like to admit.

That's what I've been thinking about this week.

Friday Thought : How quickly Moments turn to Memories.

Today, I reconnected with an old friend. And it was so very good. Largely because, as I recently told my wife, life is lonely.

I don’t know about you, but with a house full of kiddos, bills to pay, ruts to get out of, and dreams to pursue (plus taking my wife out on a date . . . every year or so), there just doesn’t seem to be enough time to pursue meaningful relationships. To invest deeply in the spare moments I have with those around me.

Said more honestly, making time for friends and family members isn’t a priority. Not because I don’t care, but because if I don’t answer that call or text that friend, there are no immediate consequences, no tangible accountability. When I don’t fix that leaky faucet, however, or work a little extra to pay off some bills, the consequences are immediate. So I do what is needed to get by today, tomorrow, and next week because I have to.

Then suddenly, pictures of family trips, which always seem like they happened just yesterday, appear in my Facebook Memories, from four years ago (pictured above) and rather quickly, favorite moments become memories, as time quickly passes on.

This past week, as loneliness has crept in and the pressures of getting caught up on tasks and to-dos have weighed heavy, a call from an old friend has reminded me to find balance. To sit a little longer with my wife on a Saturday morning, sipping coffee. To read just one more book with my six-year-old rather than shooing him off to bed. To put off paying that bill just one more month because right now, I have a house full of kiddos and memories that need making.

But also, answer (or make) the call of an old friend, even when I have emails to write, and check in on each other because that too is life. And those we love are what we live life for.

So thank you, Friend, for making the time this morning. I know I needed it.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

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Friday Thought : Elevator Thinking

I recently listened to a podcast where the innovation of elevators was addressed, and it got me thinking . . .

In the early stages of elevator invention, a great deal of time was spent considering how to make them faster because waiting several minutes, in a small space, in awkward silence, is uncomfortable for everyone. The problem was, because of safety, they couldn't make the elevators go faster. They were stuck.

So, what then? If we can't improve the product, how do we achieve our goal?

Answer: Change the experience. 

Instead of spending time and energy working on how to reduce the time spent in the elevator, innovative minds shifted towards changing how they spent time in the elevator. Soon after, elevator music was introduced. Then mirrors. They focused on the experience rather than the outcome. And in doing so, they achieved their desired outcome: make the elevator ride faster, and less awkward.

And this had me thinking . . .

As an Educator:

Educators are problem solvers by nature. When we encounter a problem, be it academic or behavior, we solve it. We create intervention plans, develop and/or modify curriculums, and do whatever else is needed in order to achieve the desired outcome.

The problem is, we get stuck thinking of how to improve the product rather than considering how to change the experience.  And sometimes, that keeps us in a box of innovative thinking. 

Where can I shift my thinking away from large-scale, “vertical” thinking? Because sometimes, like the speed of an elevator, there are problems that cannot be improved - they are what they are - and instead of fixing the problem, I need to change the experience with the problem.

As a Husband:

Often times I spend a great deal of time considering how to improve my marriage with major changes/interventions, when really, I should simply focus on the surrounding "experiential" things that bring me to the same desired outcome.

Marriage counseling, although often helpful, isn’t always needed. Sometimes, instead of considering large-scale changes or interventions, I need to be more mindful of how I greet my wife in the morning, respond to her when she's having a hard day, and spend more time considering ways to bless/encourage her. If I change the experience, I can often achieve my desired outcome of a healthier relationship, more intimate conversations, and a more confident, secure wife.

As a Person:

I am a “fix it” sort of person. My wife says I am incapable of resting, largely because I cannot sit and do nothing. I have to be working on something, improving something, building something.

I also struggle with the impatient belief that my efforts will produce instant (or instant-ish) success or change. And there are very few things in life that have such quick and immediate outcomes.

Elevator thinking has encouraged me to be patient. And to consider the Prayer of Serenity:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

Elevator thinking encourages me to change what I can. But when I can’t change it, instead of simply accepting it with a hands-up, I give up sort of mentality, it asks that I change THE EXPERIENCE around the things I cannot change.

Elevator thinking is still active, even when we can’t do anything about. It is the difference between blind optimism (Good Vibes Only!) and active optimism that accepts the reality of the situation, while also doing something about it.

Where in your classrooms and schools, relationships and life interactions, can you get outside the box of Linear Elevator thinking (must go faster!) and move towards Horizontal Elevator thinking (just add mirrors!)?

Where can you change the experience?

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

Friday Thoughts : Blog