Friday Thought : Grace Deserved

My wife has been out of state this week, taking care of our nieces and nephews. Which means, for a short stretch, I’ve been a single dad.

And the results have been… predictable.

Meals have been bland and sometimes cold cereal. 
Mornings have been late and rushed.
And by 8:30 p.m., I’m usually passed out between my two youngest - still in my work clothes.

Being a single parent is rough.
And I’ve only been doing it for a week! With a steady job, stable schedule, and support from my mother-in-law.

In this small window, as always happens when my wife is gone, something shifts in me. A deeper appreciation grows for the parents who carry this load every single day - without the margin, without the help, without the breathing room I take for granted.

They don’t get slow mornings.
They don’t get quiet opportunities for me-time.
They don’t get to put their own needs anywhere near the top of the list.

And I can only imagine how this exhaustion trickles down into the little hearts and minds they love and care for so much. I felt it in my own house. I wasn’t as patient as I wanted to be. I wasn’t as fun as I intended to be. And I was absolutely more underprepared than I needed to be.

This week gave me a great deal of empathy for the single parents in our building and community - and for their children.

For the kid struggling with homework because Mom or Dad simply didn’t have the time or mental capacity to sit with them.
For the little one who didn’t share how their feelings were hurt today, afraid to add too much to Mom or Dad’s already-full plate, and is now trying to handle it alone.
For the mom or dad giving absolutely everything they have and could use even a small moment of grace, applause, or understanding.

I haven’t been at my best since my wife left. Not even close.
But I have been convicted - convicted about empathy toward others, grace toward others, and a desire to understand the actions, reactions, and decisions of others rather than defend against them, argue with them, or - most embarrassingly - smugly judge them.

Sometimes being stretched reminds us how much grace others deserve. And I have not been giving near enough grace to others.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week. Grace. 

Friday Thought : Three with Empathy

“Three with Empathy”

In a recent podcast, a friend shared this phrase with me, and I love it.

Whenever he engages with a student or staff member, he reminds himself to be present in the conversation and with that person by focusing on Who they are, How they are, and What they need.

With my school’s theme this year of, "Don't Miss Out! : Be Present," not only were his words applicable, they were also deeply encouraging and convicting.

Who are You?

When engaging in a conversation, what can I learn about WHO they are? And how might that understanding help me gain empathy towards them and their situation (what is the origin?)?

• How many siblings do they have?

• What was their childhood like?

• Are they financially stable or currently struggling to pay the bills?

• Is anyone in their immediate family sick or battling with chronic illness?

• Is their spouse employed? Happy in their employment?

Their life outside of work deeply impacts who they are when they come to work. Understanding WHO they are provides us insights into how we can help, where to support, and where to give grace.

How are you?

Instead of simply joking around or talking shop, have I truly asked How people are doing? And have I allowed time or space for them to answer?

I was recently told by a teacher that sometimes she feels that “What I share goes in one ear and out the other.” And she wasn’t wrong. Although it was hurtful to hear (because I had been intentionally checking in on her), I needed to hear it because it was how she was doing. Life had been hard, really hard, for this teacher and she had shared some of those struggles with me. She let me know HOW she was doing. And I dropped the ball a few times. I allowed the business of the day to invade my clarity and forgot to check back in.

Asking people “How are you” often invites a shallow response because people are accustomed to their words going in one ear and out the other. Allowing enough time and space to hear the answer - even a difficult one - is crucial to engaging empathy. So too is ensuring that we head back to the person, the conversation, and reengage with HOW they are doing.

What do you Need?

Asking, "What do you need" is an easy question to ask, and I often do, but where this question has convicted me (in relation to empathy) is understanding that people don't always need a task completed or a job done . . . sometimes, we just need an empathetic ear, with no plan to fix anything, just listen. And if I'm truly listening, I hear WHO they are and HOW they are doing. I gain understanding. Which almost always opens the door and makes room for more empathy. Which is exactly what everyone NEEDs.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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