Friday Thought : Resume vs Eulogy Virtues

In his book, The Road to Character, David Brooks writes about the difference between Resume virtues and Eulogy virtues.

“Eulogy virtues,” he writes, "are the virtues that get talked about at your funeral, the ones that exist at the core of your being – whether you are kind, brave, honest or faithful; what kind of relationships you formed.”

“Resume virtues,” on the other hand, are much shallower. “They are the skills that you bring to the job market and that contribute to external success."

When we pursue our resume virtues, we set out to conquer the world. When we hold tight to our eulogy virtues, we battle for opportunities to serve the world. 

And that got me thinking about educators and why we have chosen, and continue to choose, this beautiful profession.

Most educators came into this profession because, at some point, someone spoke into our lives. Because someone took time out of their day to spend time in ours, because they lived a life that inspired us to help, to serve, and to improve the lives of those around us. I bet you are here because someone chose to see beyond their resume virtues and chose to invest in their eulogy virtues.

People who, as David Brooks writes, “radiate a sort of moral joy.”

They answer softly when challenged harshly. They are silent when unfairly abused. They are dignified when others try to humiliate them, restrained when others try to provoke them. But they get things done. They perform acts of sacrificial service with the same modesty everyday spirit they would display if they were just getting the groceries. They are not thinking about what impressive work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all. They just seem delighted by the flawed people around them. They just recognize what needs doing and they do it” (bolding and emphasis added).

Like many, I have ambition. I have dreams and ideas of how I would like my life and career to go, and I work hard to ensure that they will happen. I am constantly working on my resume.

This week, however, I was once again reminded that if I accomplish all that my little heart desires, if I gain all the accolades and can stand on a stage to great applause, it will mean nothing without a strong eulogy resume.

For in the end, that is what this profession - this life - is all about.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Look Beyond the Problem. See the People.

At times, life gifts us themes. Most often, they come at the appropriate time. Here is been my gifted theme this week. And yes, it has come at the appropriate time.

Monday:

In a conversation with a mentor from Texas (shout out to you, Mr Jeff Springer!), he referenced this scene from the movie Patch Adams:

"Look at me," the old man says. "If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem, look at me!" When dealing with struggling students or adults, we must choose to "see what everyone else chooses not to see." The person.

Tuesday:

This quote came across my Instagram feed: "If I wanted to ruin you, I would convince you, over a long time, through disappointment and empty promise, that something you think or something you do is more important than the people in your life" - Justin McRoberts

For whatever reason, the people in our lives are the people in our lives. And they are more important than any thing or opinion we might have. For as Justin McRoberts also says, "The person you are talking to is more important than the thing you are talking about. Every time.”

Wednesday:

In a Zoom conversation with an old teacher buddy of mine (lookin at you, Mr Kasey Schurtz!), he said, "Love should look like discipline. And discipline should look like love."

Holding ourselves and others accountable is often uncomfortable, but if done in love (holding their interest above our own), it is necessary, good, and true. For as my mother made me memorize as a child, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails ."

And the same should be said about discipline.

As educators and parents, we are entering the thick and heavy season of academic and change. Our students and children will be growing and learning a TON these next few weeks and months. Which is GREAT! Amidst it all, however, may we never forget the PEOPLE who are around us - staff, students, family members - for they are the reason WHY we are here.

And I have needed that reminder.

This past week, when my schedule has been more full than the minutes allow, when I run from one dumpster fire to the next, from meeting to meeting with side conversations along the way, and as I try and keep a building full of hearts and minds safe and headed in the right direction - all while the needs of family and home are pulling and calling - it is so unbelievably embarrassing how quickly I fall into the trap of Get. Stuff. Done!

And in doing so, I can often forget the people around me.

The one struggling with the weight of a sick parent and hard decisions ahead.
The one wrestling with mountains upon mountains of change, and the struggles it creates.
The one who needs a quick check in and “how you doing? You okay?” but also the brief moment of sitting and actually listening and not anxiously checking the time or text messages.
The one who needs me to sit on the couch and hear her woes and fears of a new season because really, more than anything, she is scared and insecure and doesn’t know or understand her true strength.
And the list goes on and on.

This week, the theme of people has been strong and a bit heavy handed. Which probably means I need the reminder. And more importantly, that I should listen.

Choose to see what others choose not to: the people behind the problem.
Place people above what I think and what I do.
In all things - especially in discipline - choose to love the people who have been placed in my life.

Every time.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Elevator Thinking

I recently listened to a podcast where the innovation of elevators was addressed, and it got me thinking . . .

In the early stages of elevator invention, a great deal of time was spent considering how to make them faster because waiting several minutes, in a small space, in awkward silence, is uncomfortable for everyone. The problem was, because of safety, they couldn't make the elevators go faster. They were stuck.

So, what then? If we can't improve the product, how do we achieve our goal?

Answer: Change the experience. 

Instead of spending time and energy working on how to reduce the time spent in the elevator, innovative minds shifted towards changing how they spent time in the elevator. Soon after, elevator music was introduced. Then mirrors. They focused on the experience rather than the outcome. And in doing so, they achieved their desired outcome: make the elevator ride faster, and less awkward.

And this had me thinking . . .

As an Educator:

Educators are problem solvers by nature. When we encounter a problem, be it academic or behavior, we solve it. We create intervention plans, develop and/or modify curriculums, and do whatever else is needed in order to achieve the desired outcome.

The problem is, we get stuck thinking of how to improve the product rather than considering how to change the experience.  And sometimes, that keeps us in a box of innovative thinking. 

Where can I shift my thinking away from large-scale, “vertical” thinking? Because sometimes, like the speed of an elevator, there are problems that cannot be improved - they are what they are - and instead of fixing the problem, I need to change the experience with the problem.

As a Husband:

Often times I spend a great deal of time considering how to improve my marriage with major changes/interventions, when really, I should simply focus on the surrounding "experiential" things that bring me to the same desired outcome.

Marriage counseling, although often helpful, isn’t always needed. Sometimes, instead of considering large-scale changes or interventions, I need to be more mindful of how I greet my wife in the morning, respond to her when she's having a hard day, and spend more time considering ways to bless/encourage her. If I change the experience, I can often achieve my desired outcome of a healthier relationship, more intimate conversations, and a more confident, secure wife.

As a Person:

I am a “fix it” sort of person. My wife says I am incapable of resting, largely because I cannot sit and do nothing. I have to be working on something, improving something, building something.

I also struggle with the impatient belief that my efforts will produce instant (or instant-ish) success or change. And there are very few things in life that have such quick and immediate outcomes.

Elevator thinking has encouraged me to be patient. And to consider the Prayer of Serenity:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

Elevator thinking encourages me to change what I can. But when I can’t change it, instead of simply accepting it with a hands-up, I give up sort of mentality, it asks that I change THE EXPERIENCE around the things I cannot change.

Elevator thinking is still active, even when we can’t do anything about. It is the difference between blind optimism (Good Vibes Only!) and active optimism that accepts the reality of the situation, while also doing something about it.

Where in your classrooms and schools, relationships and life interactions, can you get outside the box of Linear Elevator thinking (must go faster!) and move towards Horizontal Elevator thinking (just add mirrors!)?

Where can you change the experience?

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Gap of Knowledge vs Curse of Knowledge.

photo by @justinmcroberts

In Make it Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Chip and Dan Heath mention "the curse of knowledge." 

The curse of knowledge is when we become so familiar with something (an idea, way of life, purpose statement) that we can no longer remember what it was like to live without it. And because it is so familiar to us, we struggle to relate to those who don't understand it. In our minds, the concept is so simple; in theirs, it is complex and confusing. 

In a recent conversation with an old friend, I was convicted of how this divide of knowledge impacts our relationships with parents. 

As educators, we understand schools. The routines, expectations, norms, and the day-to-day pulse. We read books about learning and classroom culture, we attend conferences, listen to podcasts, and chat with colleagues. We eat, sleep, and breath education. And because we do, we cannot imagine what it would be like not to know so much about our schools, our classroom, or education at large.

Many of our parents, however, have a limited understanding of all that happens within a given school day. When they visit our school or chat with us on the phone, they come to us with gaps of knowledge. And the problem with gaps of knowledge is NOT that there are unknowns, it is how we fill the unknown. 

Our brains are pretty amazing at filling in the blanks of missing information. We take what we know (or think we know) and quickly fill in the gaps of knowledge or understanding. This practice, although normal and natural, often creates a false or incomplete reality of the people, places, and things we are trying to understand.

Our parents do this all the time. Especially those who have a natural mistrust of schools. Especially those who have had limited experiences. They take a single conversation we have about their child, generalize it, and then fill in all the unknown gaps with unfair, at times unkind, but almost always incomplete information. 

And we wonder why, when working through conflict, it feels more like a battle than a brainstorm.

Many of our parents have a misunderstanding of what we do and who we are because they have limited knowledge and experience of the educational system. Many educators have a misunderstanding of parents' perspectives because we forget what it's like to have gaps in our knowledge of that educational system.

My goal, and my encouragement to you, then, is twofold:

1. Tell your story, often and in a variety of ways. Call parents and celebrate your students/their children, email stories of the week that simply provide insight into your days, post random moments of life on social media. Fill in the gaps of knowledge with actual stories of what you're doing, who you are, and why you do what you do. 

2. Give grace. Many of our parents have no clue what we do or how we do it - how could they unless they walk in our shoes? When they come in, then, frustrated and full of incomplete assumptions, listen. Hear their concerns, listen to their stories, and look for the deeper fear that is almost always present. For as my friend said, "We aren't afraid of the dark, we are afraid of what we imagine is in the dark." And what we imagine is almost always scarier than what is real. 

And the same applies to teachers, principals, and support staff towards our students and their families.

Educators have a misunderstanding of our students because we have limited knowledge and experience of their homes, their families, and their lives. We have some knowledge and understanding - what we see and experience during the school day - but what happens after they leave is unclear. We have large gaps of knowledge that are often filled in with what we think we know.

Understanding this deficiency not only allows us to grow in our empathy with parents, as we try to understand the fear and confusion of life and decisions, it also opens the door for curiosity, for questions, and for new discoveries. Instead of resting in our gaps of knowledge, we seek further and deeper understanding. Which, in the end builds us together rather than keeps us apart.

Whenever parents and educators come together, often times, one side suffers from the curse of knowledge, the other from the knowledge gap.

And no matter our role, be it parent, teacher, or educational leader, our task is to turn on the lights. For when we do, we fill in the gaps and provide a firm foundation from which we can build relationships with parents, community members, students, and each other. We create a culture of understanding and trust, and we eradicate fear. 

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : Three with Empathy

“Three with Empathy”

In a recent podcast, a friend shared this phrase with me, and I love it.

Whenever he engages with a student or staff member, he reminds himself to be present in the conversation and with that person by focusing on Who they are, How they are, and What they need.

With my school’s theme this year of, "Don't Miss Out! : Be Present," not only were his words applicable, they were also deeply encouraging and convicting.

Who are You?

When engaging in a conversation, what can I learn about WHO they are? And how might that understanding help me gain empathy towards them and their situation (what is the origin?)?

• How many siblings do they have?

• What was their childhood like?

• Are they financially stable or currently struggling to pay the bills?

• Is anyone in their immediate family sick or battling with chronic illness?

• Is their spouse employed? Happy in their employment?

Their life outside of work deeply impacts who they are when they come to work. Understanding WHO they are provides us insights into how we can help, where to support, and where to give grace.

How are you?

Instead of simply joking around or talking shop, have I truly asked How people are doing? And have I allowed time or space for them to answer?

I was recently told by a teacher that sometimes she feels that “What I share goes in one ear and out the other.” And she wasn’t wrong. Although it was hurtful to hear (because I had been intentionally checking in on her), I needed to hear it because it was how she was doing. Life had been hard, really hard, for this teacher and she had shared some of those struggles with me. She let me know HOW she was doing. And I dropped the ball a few times. I allowed the business of the day to invade my clarity and forgot to check back in.

Asking people “How are you” often invites a shallow response because people are accustomed to their words going in one ear and out the other. Allowing enough time and space to hear the answer - even a difficult one - is crucial to engaging empathy. So too is ensuring that we head back to the person, the conversation, and reengage with HOW they are doing.

What do you Need?

Asking, "What do you need" is an easy question to ask, and I often do, but where this question has convicted me (in relation to empathy) is understanding that people don't always need a task completed or a job done . . . sometimes, we just need an empathetic ear, with no plan to fix anything, just listen. And if I'm truly listening, I hear WHO they are and HOW they are doing. I gain understanding. Which almost always opens the door and makes room for more empathy. Which is exactly what everyone NEEDs.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

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Friday Thought : What is the Origin?

"What's the origin?"

Oftentimes there are themes to my weeks. Be it from conversations, podcasts, books, whatever, every now and then a very specific theme arises in a short period of time. This past week the theme has been centered on how we interpret the actions of others, and more importantly, how we respond to them.

For me, it is all too easy to fill in the gaps of unknowns with assumptions. When someone says an unkind thing or acts in a somewhat offensive way, I get defensive, argumentative, and - at my worst - judgmental. I fill in what I don't know with what I assume, and falsely attribute someone's actions to their (therefore assumed) faulty character.

Yet, when I dig in, when I sit and chat and seek further understanding, I am often provided an entirely different - and much more accurate - picture of understanding.

In a recent conversation with a friend, he encouraged me to ask and consider, "What is the origin?" of someone's actions, and I have truly appreciated that perspective.

This month, the month of GRATITUDE, one way we can continue to show and pursue a grateful spirit is by appreciating the power and opportunities we have of asking, "What is the origin?"

When a child acts up or lashes out . . . "What is the origin?"

When a coworker responds with sharpness or is curt . . . "What is the origin?"

When a spouse greets us as we walk through the door with a scowl instead of a smile, consider the origin rather than jump to conclusions (Not speaking from experience . . . not at all! ;)

Oftentimes, when we seek to understand the story behind the action, we find that there is a great deal of "shtuff" happening beneath the surface and behind closed doors. When we discover more of the story, oftentimes we find that, instead of frustration, we cling to grace and EMPATHY because - just like us - their intentions were in the right place, they just didn't have the capacity to endure one. more. thing.

And in that, we can all relate.

"What is the origin?"

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Show Gratitude; See the Gorilla

In a recent staff meeting, we watched the above video. Then, we talked about gratitude.

A few days ago, I was showing Rick - my lead custodian - the few cracks in our hallways that are in need of some attention. They aren't terrible, but they aren't perfect either. And because they aren't perfect, they can cause students and teachers alike to trip up. Their imperfection draws our attention.

However, they are just a fraction of the hallways. The bulk - almost 100% of the hallways - are great! Yet, how many times have we walked the halls and acknowledged how clean they are? How smooth and reliable they are? How beautiful and encouraging the bulletin boards are?

Not very often.

This week, I have been reminded of how quickly we take for granted the things and people in our lives who do good things, who work hard, and who are reliable, kind, and helpful. Instead of seeing and appreciating the good that is done, we get discouraged by those who are destructive. Instead of focusing on the coming opportunities, we get distracted by the task at hand and the cracks that trip us up.

We can can’t the number of passes made by those in white t-shirts but miss the gorilla.

This month, my school is focusing on the word Gratitude, and what I love about the definition is that it does not merely focus on appreciating the people and things in our lives, but the CHOICE to do so.

Gratitude is choosing to appreciate the people and things in our lives!

As we continue to work hard at completing the tasks before us, as we navigate through or correct the cracks ahead of us, my challenge to you, my staff and students, as well as myself is to not only CHOOSE to see and appreciate the people and things around us but do acknowledge them with a note.

This month, as often as possible, write down the moments, the things, and for sure the PEOPLE who inspire, encourage and support you. Who reminds you of the goodness in life. Who keeps you accountable and heading in the right direction. Who make you a better person.

Let them know they are noticed and appreciated, and that they are making a difference.

Or, as my fifth-grade teachers did, make a poster and hang it in the hallway.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Leadership is Simple. Make a "To be" list.

A few days ago, an old teacher of mine reached out. She was struggling with her building principal and was sharing how she was feeling alone and unsupported. “I mean,” she said in a moment of exasperation, “Leadership is simple. Not easy, but simple.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Support your people,” she replied.

And I have not been able to get that out of my head. As a principal, father, husband, and friend.

Dan Allender defines a leader as “anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good.”

Which means, everyone is a leader. Everyone. Yet, so often we miss our opportunities to lead, influence others, and make an impact toward the greater good because we’re distracted by being busy. Which, according to Allander, is the moral equivalent to laziness.

Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional.

They refuse to be courageous.

Courageous to step into hard conversations with their staff, spouse, children, or friends.

Courageous to be open about their struggles, failures, and gaps in abilities.

Courageous to step into situations of vulnerability.

I know I’m guilty of this.

When I get busy with projects and tasks I can accomplish a lot of things, making myself feel productive, needed, and important. So too does my exhaustion. “I worked so hard today,” I can say to myself as I doze onthe couch while my kiddos clean up after dinner.

And I did. I accomplished a lot. But did I lead or support anyone?

Now, I know you might be saying, “Getting that to-do list IS supporting your staff, family, or community.” And it is. But, like most things, it is also incomplete. If I spend my entire day on my to-do list, I accomplish a lot but miss out on so much more. I miss out on wrestling with the uncertain future of others.

Recently, alongside my “to-do” list, I have added a “to-be” list.

The tasks on my to-do list are menial. They keep the building or house in order, and running smoothly. The items on my to-be list are the important conversations or interactions I must have in order for the greater good to be accomplished - they are the things that remind us what we’re here for! They are not the things I must do but the HOW I must do them.

Things like:

To be present in my conversations, not looking at my phone or thinking of the things that need to get done.

To be purposeful in my gratitude and acknowledgment of others.

To be mindful of stories told so I can remember them, refer to them later, and understand those around me better.

To be patient with the struggling kindergartner knowing full well he does not come from a healthy home.

To be silent with my children, allowing them space to share their hearts rather quickly jumping in and “solving” their problems.

To-do lists provide those we lead with the things they want.

To-be lists provide them with the things they need: intentionality, purpose, and courage. To-be lists require us to stop doing They require us to be human. And for many of us - for me for sure - that is what makes them so difficult.

It’s also what makes leadership most rewarding. Because it allows us to lead, walk with, and be guided by others as we all continually strive toward the greater good.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Clean on the Other Side

One of my favorite movies is Shawshank Redemption.

And one of my favorite scenes is near the end when Andy Dufresne escapes the prison, Morgan Freeman's voice narrates:

"Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of *poop* smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to​. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile . . . and came out clean on the other side."

We are all crawling through our own unique rivers of poop. Some are work-related. Some are personal. All are real and smelly. What I love most about the quote above is the challenge, the reminder, to endure these times of absolute *poop* in such a way that when it ends, we too can come out "clean on the other side."

And we do so by shouldering each other burdens, even when we are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.

We do so by leaving our hardships and hurts at the door and loving our neighbors, students, and coworkers anyways.

We do so by leaning into hard conversations, with empathy and grace.

We do so by battling against the “survival mode” mentality of hardship, by denying the lure of complacency, and by refusing to allow our circumstances to dictate who we are and what we do.

I know this is easier said than done, but if it is never said, it is rarely done. And I want it to get done.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : The Gaps in Our Bookshelves

Jorge Méndez Blake attempted to illustrate the power of a single story with his 2002 art project, The Castle where he constructed “a 75 x 13-foot brick wall that balances on top of a single copy of Franz Kafka’s The Castle.”

"A gap in the bookshelf." I recently heard this phrase from a podcast entitled "The History of Literature." It was mentioned by the author Chinua Achebe, a Nigerian author who wrote Things Fall Apart, as a metaphor for why he became a writer. When he looked at the shelves of world literature, he saw a distinct and clear gap of books that accurately portrayed his people, that told their stories.

And I've been considering that phrase ever since: "A gap in the bookshelf."

People love telling and hearing stories. Be it told around a fire, through a tv screen, or in the classroom, we are attracted to stories because they teach us about life, connect us with others, and provide us with hope. Stories are our libraries of understanding. Which is why we return to our favorites over and over again, because they are comfortable, familiar, and safe.

They are also, almost always, incomplete. 

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said it this way: "The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they aren't true, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story." And I love that. And not because it feels good but because it is profoundly convicting. Especially when I consider my "bookshelf of stories" about others. 

That phrase, "a gap in the bookshelf," is a powerful one because, I think we can all agree, when we see a line of books neatly set in a row with an apparent open gap, it's troubling. Or, at the very least, it is evident that something is missing. Another story. And although there are many stories on the shelf, because one is missing, it feels incomplete. 

That is also the power of a single story. It can single-handedly change the stereotype of an entire continent, people group, school, or classroom. Even, a brick wall.

Over the past several days, I have been convicted to pursue more stories and spend more time filling in the gaps for I don’t just want a full bookshelf, I want a complete one.

The best of which takes a lifetime to collect.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Keep Knocking

Several years ago, this letter was sent to one of my teachers. It now hangs, laminated, on the wall next to her computer. Recently, she pulled it down and showed it to me. Then, she told me the story.

This young man was not a great student. In fact, he was a terrible student. Be she loved him, worked with and never gave up on him, even when he didn’t show much growth or change - all year long.

Nor the following year.

Nor the next.

Nor the next.

Then, almost ten years later, the above letter arrived in the mail.

My friend has a phrase, "Just keep knocking." And he reminded me of it again the other day. I shared with him how frustrated I was with a particular student, that no matter what I did or said, I was not getting through. "Maybe it isn't your job to 'get through,'" he said, "Maybe all you need to do is just keep knocking," he said.

And I like that.

Sometimes, it isn't our job to solve the issue. Sometimes we are not the ones who will make the breakthrough. Sometimes all we are tasked with doing is knocking. Over and over and over again.

We can't force people out of bed or off the couch. Nor can we make them answer the door. But we can keep knocking. Which, for many, is precisely what they need - the constant thud of someone knocking on the door, reminding them that they matter, that someone cares, and that they are not alone.

Because here’s what I know to be true:

If we stop knocking, they will never open the door. If we never stop, they might.

And if we knock long enough, I am convinced that they eventually will. And when that happens, it will all be worth it.

Even if it takes ten years.

Thank you, *teacher*, for knocking.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : The Patience of Repair

Friday Thoughts are back!

After taking the summer off, it’s time to get back into weekly reflections.

But before I do, I wanted to share a quick update. In hopes of exercising my personal discipline of reflection, I have started posting Daily Thoughts, Monday - Saturday. If you’re interested in seeing them, please follow me on Facebook or TikTok.

Now, a Friday Thought:

Often times it feels that things break and crumble much faster than it takes to build them. And that, for me at least, is super frustrating. Especially when it’s something I care about.

Sometimes, our humanity is responsible for the destruction. Be it from our selfish nature or limited understandings, we make decisions that have destructive consequences - for ourselves and for others.

Other times, however, the destruction experienced is just part of life.

Over the summer my son broke his arm. It happened instantly, and for a 15 year old boy who was anxious for the adventures of summer, it was devastating. And not because of the pain, but because of the time it would take to heal.

And he is not alone.

Whenever we experience brokenness, be it of body, mind, or spirit, we - like my son - are eager to heal. And just like my son, we are anxious to heal as quickly as we were broken.

Wendell Berry, the legendary American novelist and poet, understood our desires, which is exactly why he warned us against them.

The temptation for us all is to believe that the solution needs to be as large as the problem itself; that we need a positive and equal reaction to every negative and destructive action.

The problem with this line of thinking, according to Berry, is that large-scale solutions rarely produce the desired and much needed outcomes needed or desired. In contrast, the best solutions are often small and meaningful decisions, made consistently over time. Fast and large reactions often create greater problems. Slow and portioned decisions allow for healing. Just like our human bodies.

As of today, my son’s arm is healed. It took a second to break and over 10 weeks to heal. Which, for many of us enduring our own brand of brokenness, doesn’t seem fair. But that is not for us to decide.

What we can decide is what to do with our time of healing.

We can keep showing up, we can keep trying and stepping out, and we can keep discovering new ways to help and notice others.

It takes a long time to restore things. It takes even longer to restore GREAT things.

But in the end, the wait is always worth it. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Listen to the Rumble Strips

The other day, while driving home, I was tired. Real tired. And I started to fall asleep.

Rumble strips woke me up and I quickly corrected myself. But only for a little while. A few minutes later, rumble strips again. And no matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I kept dozing off.
Rumble strips.

Rumble strips.

Rumble strips.

Finally, I made it home. Tired, a little afraid, and thankful for the continued rumbles that kept me on the road and most certainly out of a terrible wreck.

The next morning, one of my favorite podcasts, 99% Invisible, published an episode entitled Rumble Strip. In it, the host describes a rumble strip as "one of those things on the side of the road that wakes you up when you're about to have a major car accident. It's essentially, 'slow down and listen.'"

Life also provides us rumble strips. In little and often subtle ways - in almost a whisper - we are reminded that we're falling asleep to what's important, that we're beginning to drift off course, and that we need to correct our direction.

At other times, the reminders are not so subtle. They're jarring, invasive, and confrontational. They’re uncomfortable, like a scream to the face to "WAKE UP!" because we’re drifting and we need correction.

Yet, unlike the rumble strips on the side of the road that are almost unavoidable, life’s rumble strips are easy to ignore, brush aside, or excuse away.

Warnings of unhealthy relationships, of struggling teenage children, of toxic working environments.

We become accustomed to the rumble, learn to ignore the impending danger, and are then shocked when disaster strikes. Often because we are too busy to notice, to simply turn the wheel, or to gently pump the breaks. Better to keep going and hope for the best.

Better to stay busy. Better to “push through.”

Recently, with end of the year tasks piling up, with the Honey-Do list growing and growing, and with baby #5 days away from joining our family, the sound of rumble strips has become a soft and ever-present hum. And instead of pushing down on the gas, of working harder, or believing they really are no big deal, I need to slow down and listen. To my kiddos, my staff, and my wife.

Instead of being distracted, I need to be aware. Instead of strong, I need to be brave. Instead of being busy, I need to be present.

I need to listen for rumble strips.

As we enter the final days of the year, please be mindful of the things and people around you. Listen for the rumble strips, either in your own life or in the life of others. It isn't just about getting to the end (although that's important); it's how we get there that matters as well - perhaps even more so.

Love your kiddos, enjoy these days, finish strong. Be present!

And when needed, slow down and listen.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : See My Children in What I do. Then, Do Better.

I do a thing with my staff called a “Skiddy Daddle” where I give them a 15-minute break from class and spend my time reading to their students.

This most recent time, my daughter was in the class and rather quickly I noticed something peculiar about my 15 minutes. I treated the class differently. All because my daughter was sitting in one of the seats.

Which reminded me of a similar story.

A few years ago I heard a story about a world-renowned speaker who stopped inviting her mother to her speaking engagements because whenever she saw her mother in attendance, she saw herself as a daughter, not a world-renowned speaker. She wasn’t doctor so-and-so, she was Emily the daughter of her mother, and it impacted the way she spoke, the way she carried herself, and presence she commanded on stage. She acted based on how she was viewed, not on who she was.

In much the same way, I did the same when reading to my daughter’s class. I acted as how my daughter saw me, not on who I was. How I viewed me.

And that realization was deeply convicting.

When I entered my daughter’s class, I didn’t want to disappoint her. I didn’t want her friends to think I was mean or boring or whatever. I wanted them - and her - to be entertained, inspired, and encouraged. So I raised the bar on almost everything. I was more fun, more relaxed, and more interactive. I was what I normally am at home. I was acting more like a father, and it made me a better person. It made me a better principal.

Later that evening, a fellow principal - Mr. Ty Moore - encouraged me in much the same way, “See yourself as a dad,” he said, “Not merely a principal.”

For most educational leaders, this isn’t anything new. Because it isn’t. Even for me! I just forget it, at times. And every now and then, I need a good reminder of how I can improve and where I can do better. And this week, the lesson of seeing my children in the eyes of every interaction has been deeply convicting.

When speaking to kiddos or walking down the hall, how would I treat my own children?

When discussing poor behavior or inappropriate choices - when enforcing discipline - how would I engage the situation if it were my child? How would I reconcile and restore?

When talking about students with staff members, how would I talk about my own children?

When considering a child’s future and potential, how would I encourage, believe, and hope in the potential if it were my child?

If at any point the answer is something like, “Not like that,” then I need to do better.

And when I fail, just like I do at home with my own children, I need to make it right. With the student, the staff member, or the school at large. I need to acknowledge where I blew it, make it right, then do what is right. I need to do better.

Especially when I remind myself that for many kiddos in my school, I am one of the only constant and reliable father-figures in their lives. Day in and day out.

No matter how tired, how frustrated, distracted, or insecure I may feel, there are kiddos who need the best of what I can offer. And if I can muster it up for my own kids, I can muster it up for them, too.

Day in and day out, I need to do better.

That’s what has been on my mind lately.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : Invest in the Unseen. Plant irises.

“If you can see all the consequences of your actions, then your actions are of no use.”
from A Calendar of Wisdom

As Earth day approached, a story about Leonard Wolff - Virginia Wolff’s husband - along with the above quote, kept coming to mind.

So I gave each staff member an iris and attached this letter:

“Invest in Our Planet”

- Earth Day Slogan 

In his WWII memoir, Downhill All the Way, Leonard Wolff wrote:

“One afternoon I was planting in the orchard under an apple-tree iris reticulata, those lovely violet flowers . . . Suddenly I heard Virginia’s voice, calling to me from the sitting room window: “Hitler is making a speech.” I shouted back, ‘I shan’t come. I’m planting iris and they will be flowering long after he is dead.’  
Last March, twenty-one years after {Hitler’s death}, a few of those violet flowers still flowered under the apple-tree in the orchard.” 

Whenever I’m discouraged by this beautiful and powerful profession, I often find comfort and solace from this story and the truths that it invokes.  

Even though it may not feel like it at times, what you do and how you do it is making a difference. Like planted irises amidst a war, the affects, and impacts of what you do, the relationships you cultivate, and the moments of humanity you show with your kiddos do not come back empty handed. They grow, multiply, and outlast us all.  

Because each and every day, you are planting irises.  

You are the soil from which their thoughts, ideas, and dreams take root.
You are the water that encourages growth and washes away fears.
You are the sun which provides warmth and encourages them to bloom. 

You may never see the impact and beauty your decisions and actions will leave behind, but like Leonard Wolff, be confident in the impact you have made. There are hearts and minds across the country and globe that remember and will remember your name, appreciate your compassion, and can point to you as an influence into who they are.  

Your words matter.  

Your lessons matter. 

Your hugs matter.  

Your correction and reteaching matters. 

YOU matter!  

And we – the Chief Joseph staff, students, and community – are so thankful for all you do and who you are.

Happy Earth Day!!! Happy planting.

Not all of us are teachers or educators, but all of us - when faced with ugliness, destruction, and doubt - have the ability to choose to plant irises. It isn’t easy and requires that we get our hands dirty. But it is always worth it. Always.

Wherever you are and whatever you do, happy Earth day! And happy planting.

Happy Friday!

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Friday Thought : When Tired or Frustrated, Remember to Play.

When Keith Jarrett sat down to play the piano in front of 1,400 people, he expected disaster. The piano was not what he ordered for such a grand concert. Nor was it in tune or in good shape: some of the keys didn’t work and the foot pedals stuck. Which is why, initially, he refused to play.

But then, he did. Because 17-year-old Vera Brandes asked him to.

At the time, Brandes was Germany’s youngest concert promoter and she had done all that she could do to get everything right. And now, with eager spectators starting to line up at the door, she needed him to play.

So he did.

“I will do this for you,” he said. Then, turning to his producer, he requested that they record the session for an example to others of what they would get if his demands were not met. He knew it was going to be a disaster, and he wanted it recorded. As an example.

Instead, by the end of the night, what they had was Keith Jarrett’s best ever selling album, the best selling solo jazz album, and the best selling solo piano album of all time!

Instead of a disaster, he produced a masterpiece. All because he was willing to look like a fool.

I first heard this album a little over six years ago during a city walk through a Chinese city. Years later, after listening, analyzing, and drawing inspiration from this album, this story, three takeaways continue to rise to the surface.

1. No matter what, Try.
   Although simple and perhaps more than a bit cliché, one of the most important decisions we can continually make is to try. This isn’t new for anyone to hear, especially in the world of education. But another more profound and less commonly understood consequence of trying is this: When we try and when we fail, we allow others to grow.

   This week, I tried running a two-day event of PLAY for our students and staff, and although many things went well, there was also more than a few blunders - all of which were my fault. In the midst of it all, however, people rose to the occasion, displaying their gifts and talents in ways previously unknown, and earning the respect of their peers. My failures allowed others to rise.

   If we don’t try we don’t fail.
   And when we don’t fail, we steal opportunities for others to shine.

   When we embrace our limitations - out loud and in the open - we allow others to exercise their strengths and abilities, we provide the opportunity for the right people in the right place, and we create a stronger, better product. We develop a better team.

   And often times, these discoveries only come when we try new things, when we allow ourselves opportunities to fail, and when we provide space for others to rise.
   

2. “I will do it for you.”
   Some of the most destructive events of our world have come at the hands of those considering only themselves. The most beautiful and influential, people and moments however, have come from those who have considered others before themselves. They look at life, at difficulties and struggles as opportunities to love on and help others, rather than defending what is theirs and looking out for number one (think Nelson Mandela, Sojourner Truth, and on especially on Easter weekend, Jesus Christ). These men and women did not slink into the shadows when trials and tribulations came, they leaned into them, embraced them, endured them. All for the benefit of others.

   So too did Keith Jarrett.

   When Keith Jarrett stepped onto the stage, when he sat before the less-then-sufficient piano and slammed his fingers into the keys so that all could hear, he wasn’t considering himself. He was thinking of a 17-year old girl who needed his help. And created a masterpiece.

   As an educator, when times are difficult, when the season of winter seems to drag on forever, when administrators forget what it’s like to be a teacher, when parents complain, students slouch, and deadlines approach - when we just cant seem to muster up the energy to try any harder - it is then that we must look into the eyes of those we are responsible for, those whom we have influence over, and think to ourselves or say out loud, “I will do this for you.”

   Then, we must get to work.
   

3. Break Routine.
   If Keith Jarrett had received the piano he wanted I’m sure the evening still would have been a success. It was the break in routine, however, that allowed him to create something truly special.

   Routines are important. They allow us to create habits that, overtime, can produce purposeful and quality results (think practicing a musical instrument, working out, or working diligently on writing a book). They provide safety and develop consistency.

   They can also make us blind. Blind to new ways of thinking, better ways of living, and the beauties of life. Routines hold tight to “the way we’ve always done it” and are fearful of change. They lull us into desiring comfort rather than growth.

   A break in routine, however, forces change. And change, although difficult and often uncomfortable, produces growth. But only if we embrace it.

As an educator, father, and husband, there are times and seasons of times where it feels like I am just going through the motions. That what I am doing seems dull, that my passion and excitement for the beautiful gift of educating students, raising children, or loving my wife seems exhausting, not exciting, and that all the time and effort put in day in and day out, seems to amount to nothing.

I know we’re not supposed to say that, but it’s true. For me at least.

Which is why I listen to Keith Jarrett’s Koln concert, because when it comes on in the morning or randomly throughout the day (classical music and soundtracks play in my office all day, every day), I am reminded to keep trying, to do it for others, and to - when needed - find ways to break my routine and fight the temptation to remain in comfort.

Our attempts may not always produce a masterpiece, and in truth, it is more likely that it won’t. But refusing to play the broken piano will produce nothing.

This week, amidst frustrations, fears of failure, and exhaustion, I have been encouraged to play the piano.

Happy Good Friday!!!

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Friday Thought : Why what doesn’t matter is really what matters most

I love this comic strip because it is a constant reminder to me, as a parent and as an educator of small children, that just because the passage of time has enlightened or dulled me to things that truly hold value, when it comes to caring for a child's heart, it doesn't matter what I think.

If it is valuable to them, it is valuable to me.

I want my kiddos to feel valued. I want them to feel loved. So I work hard for them, I hold them accountable to what is good and right and true and try my best to teach them about life. I buy them the clothes they need, the food they eat, and make sure our house is warm and safe.

Which is good.

Sometimes, however, what they really need from me is to sit on the couch and talk about things that don't matter, that don't carry much value.

Sometimes what they need is for me to investigate and be awed by their simple creations that, in the scheme of life, mean very little and carry no value.

Sometimes what they want is for me to understand that just because I'm old and bald and they’re not doesn't mean their hurts and pains, passions and celebrations - their stuffed tigers - don't matter. Because they do. If only because it matters to them.

Because If I care about their little hearts and minds, I care about the things they consider valuable.

And the same applies to adults.

No matter our age, we want to know we are thought of, cared for, and supported. We want to know that we are known!

Like when Ross from Friends bought Phoebe her first ever bike.

Phoebe doesn’t care about the bike, necessarily, because if she really wanted one she could have purchased one (at this point in her life, anyway). What she really cares about and why it is the best present ever is because of the heart behind the purchasing of the bike. Ross cares for Phoebe so he hears her story, takes it to heart, and does something about it!

He cared about what she considered valuable not because it was, but because she is. And that, at the end of the day, is what really matters.

Recently, where this has been most convicting is that if I don’t care about the things that matter to people, if I don’t handle information about them that is deep and personal and of value in a way that cares for them and protects them, I can lose my relationships with them. If I abuse my position by NOT acting upon what I know, I lose my right to be a voice and be an influence in their life.

When I know something is of value I have a responsibility to handle it with care. If I don’t, it is easily perceived and interpreted as not caring for the person.

No matter how big or small, if it’s a value to them, it should be of value to me.

That is what has been on my mind lately.

Happy Friday!!!

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Friday Thought : "What's best for the student?" Pictures and Stories.

A few days ago, when discussing options to a difficult situation, my boss asked, me, “What’s best for the student?”

With that simple question, she eliminated so much confusion and consternation, as well as all excuses. No longer were my feelings or wants part of the discussion, nor anyone else’s, just the needs of the student. And within a short while, we had a solution to our problem.

There are many motivators in life that inspire or encourage us in our decision making. The most common being rooted in selfish ambition and vain conceit - whatever makes life easiest, whatever makes us look or feel better, makes us popular or liked, and whatever allows for personal advancement. And the problem with these foundational motivators is not only that they produce comfort rather than growth, its that they are decisions that willingly sacrifice the needs and growth of others.

And we are all guilty of it. At least I know I am. Which is why I truly appreciate a boss who grounds me back to why we are here and do what we do: to love and support kids.

Its also why the above picture is so important because it is a powerful reminder to me, to us - educators, leaders, parents, adults - that we are here in our positions for the purpose of helping, guiding, and training those who need helping, guiding, and training.

We are here to help others.

Pictures of our kiddos hanging on the wall can help remind and reground us. So too can unexpected visits.

Inspired by the above picture and conversations with my boss, I have recently been inviting high school students to come back to our elementary and share a few of their favorite stories. “Whatever you remember,” I tell them, “be it funny, sad, or seemingly insignificant, just share a few of your favorite memories from elementary.”

One student shared about the time he and his friend (the son of one of my students) got in trouble for drawing the male anatomy in the snow during recess.

Another student shared about the time she was struggling and a teacher knelt down to her level, affirmed and encouraged her, then hugged her. Tears flooded her eyes as she expressed how important that moment was for her, then and now.

Others simply shared how teachers made them feel. How they loved their classes not because of the content but because of them, the teacher.

Like pictures on a wall, hearing the stories of our recently departed students has been a tangible reminder that in the midst of data discussions, state testing requirements, and exhausting weeks of hard conversations, there are students in our classrooms who need to be loved and supported. There are students who are showing up with heavy hearts, distracted minds, and empty bellies. There are students who are coming to our school who, that very day, will encounter a moment that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.

And that, more than anything else, should be enough to inspire us into hard conversations and purposeful solutions.

To paraphrase Andy Jacks in Discipline Win, Our legacy is defined by how we support our students. They are the reason why we are here and the WHY to our decisions, and it is therefore they who should be plastered on our walls and the forefront of our minds. Not ourselves.

“What’s best for the student?” my boss asked me. Recently, the answer has been to remind myself and my staff that at the heart of everything we say and do, it is our students who will suffer the consequences or reap the benefits of our decision making.

And that, for me at least, has been a much needed grounding and what has been on my mind lately.

Happy Friday!!!

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Friday Thought: Speaking Truth : Don't Hold Your Tongue or Close Your Ears

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had several hard conversations. As a boss, with my boss, with parents, as a parent, and with my wife. Surrounding these conversations, two quotes from my morning readings have stood out.

The first:

"For a truth to be heard, it must be spoken with kindness. Truth is kind only when it is spoken through your heart with sincerity. You should know that when a message you convey to another person is not understood by him {or her}, at least one of the following things are true: what you have said is not true, or you have conveyed it without kindness." - A Calendar of Wisdom, Leo Tolstoy

And:

“A word from you is twice as severe because it comes from you.” - Too Late the Phalarope

We all play so many roles. We are husbands and wives, friends and colleagues, bosses and mentors, mothers and fathers. Each role carries with it the weight of responsibility and power, for when we speak, it isn’t just the words that people hear, it is who we are that people hear. A word from us is twice as severe - or inspiring - because it comes from us!

Which means three things:

1. When a wrong must be made right, don’t hold your tongue. We have been placed in our various positions for such a time as this, and it is not to remain silent. We must speak up and speak out! But when we speak, our words and intentions must be filtered through the following:

   1. Is it true? Have I investigated the situation and given benefit of the doubt? Am I going to the source, or acting on hearsay? Is what I am doing right?

   2. Are my intentions kind? Is my goal to improve the situation and the person? Or do I hope, in some small or large way, to destroy? Am I defending myself or caring for another?

   3. How will my role impact my message? Will my position cause fear or anxiety? And if so, how can I soften the message? How can I ensure my position is not overwhelming or overbearing? And if needed, should someone else be the messenger?
      

2. When a wrong must be made right, don’t close your ears. When WE are on the receiving end of uncomfortable or even unjustified criticism it is easy to get defensive, to conjure up excuses, or worse, destroy the messenger. Instead of listening, we belittle the person bringing the criticism. Instead of listening, we attack the person and ignore the message. Which, as leaders, has two devastating consequences:

   1. First and foremost, if we fall into the trap of attacking the messenger rather than hearing the message, we don’t learn or grow as a person. Even when we feel - even when we know - the accusations or criticisms are wrong, we must continually try our best to look past the words and hear the message. We can do better, always. Even when we don’t feel like it.

      “To grow in confidence, connectedness, and success, you have to admit for all to hear that you are a failure” - Leading with a Limp
      

   2. The second devastating consequence of closing our ears to criticism is that we lead by example. And if we are unable to hear how we can do better, if we defend ourselves or flex our authoritative muscles, not only will we stunt our ability to grow and develop as a leader, we will severely cripple the growth of those around us. Be it our families, our circle of friends, or our schools, if we - the leaders - are unable to make right that which is wrong, why would anyone else?

      ”To the degree you face and name and deal with your failure as a leader, to that same extent you will create an environment conducive to growing and retaining productive and committed colleagues” - Leading with a Limp

3. When a wrong HAS BEEN MADE right, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate! This is always a conviction of mine and where I desperately need to do better. I don’t think of the tires on my vehicles until they are flat, I don’t consider my internet until it doesn’t work, and I often overlook the joys and blessing and GREAT things of those around me until they are gone. Celebrating others, their actions and reactions, their person and their influence not only encourages them to keep doing GREAT things, it can often build a foundation of trust for those hard conversations. I’ve been reminded of this lately, and it is something I most definitely need to improve on.

“In the deserted harbour there is yet water that laps against the quays. In the dark and silent forest there is a leaf that falls. Behind the polished panelling the white ant eats away the wood. Nothing is ever quiet, except for fools.” - Cry, the Beloved Country

In whatever role you find yourself in, don’t be silent. Speak up, encourage those around you to be better, and be the example of how to be better!

And when you speak, speak in truth, with kindness, and be quick to celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!!!

This is what has been on my heart lately.

Happy Friday!!!

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Friday Thought : Why We Thank Our Crossing Guards

A few days ago one of my teachers emailed me, asking if we could recognize our crossing guard because, “We have had him for several years” she wrote, “and he is so good with the kids and always waves at everyone.”

So today, we celebrated him (you can see the full video here).

And as Kevin entered the foyer, students and staff cheered, and a few tears began to role down his cheeks.

When asked, “Raise your hands if Mr Kevin has ever made you feel safe,” a sea of hands rose and waved in the air. Students and staff alike.

And when it was over, the hearts of all who were present were filled and encouraged.

Later that afternoon, I wrote my staff this email:

Thank you for taking the time to come and celebrate Kevin.

I don't know about you, but moments like these are powerful reminders of how important it is to reach out and acknowledge those who do GREAT things.

It's also a great learning opportunity for our kiddos! For them to see the POWER of gratitude and thankfulness is so important. Even at a young age, they have the ability to make a difference in someone's life.

Thank you for providing them this opportunity.

In a time where educators are exhausted and in need of encouragement, there is no greater gift than to celebrate another.

As you consider ways to encourage, support, and inspire your staff, instead of reaching for the checkbook, fancy food trays, or handwritten notes (all of which do matter and definitely help), consider sending a few emails, gathering a few gifts, and spending a few short minutes intentionally and personally celebrating the individuals around you who make a difference.

Receiving gifts is nice. Giving someone a memory they will never forget is even better. For them, and for ourselves.

Happy Friday!!!

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