Day 89 : Full Hearts

Josey:

Sadness, fear and anxiousness, excited and tired, Yet, wrapped in thankfulness.

Tonight, with Sarah Day and Jacie Yoder, we filled in the emotions of our hearts. Eden did this a few days ago at school, and she loved it. We thought it might be a good activity to do every couple weeks, to check and see how everyone's feeling about the coming weeks and months.

With Nat King Cole softly in the background, we sat for almost an hour, and it was precious.

Judah:

Blue - Sad

Red - Nervous 

Yellow - Happy

Pink - Frustrated

Gray - I don't know how I feel

Eden:

Many things, many colors. Sad, miss things, joyful, scared, frustrated, loved, glad, don't know, poopy, and excited. 

Zion:

This is perfect. A ball of emotions, all equally felt, yet none of which she can fully explain. 

Brian: 

Blue - Hopeful

Green - Excited

Black - Restless/scared

Dark blue - Anxious

Red - Sad

Day 90 : See the World Change

Started the day off with a traditional hotel Chinese breakfast: rice porridge, bread sticks, tea eggs, noodles, and tolerable coffee. And like the street food, I LOVE it.

The rest of the day was spent discussing Ldi - past, present, and future with other principals and leaders of Ldi.

A quote from Martin Klopper stood out for both Warren and I:

“I want to see the world changed," he said. NOT, “I want to change the world.”

This distinction is significant, and I want to soak on it for a while. It softly rebukes my earlier struggles of Brick by Brick, and brings me back to the purpose of what I do, how I live, and why I live.

"I want to change the world change" seems much more selfish, arrogant even. It carries the weight of each brick.

"I want to see the world change" is much more humble. The world isn't perfect, and I have a part to play, but it isn't up to me. Because "the powerful play goes on" and I have been gifted the opportunity to contribute a verse. I have a responsibility, but I'm also fortunate to be on the stage, not entitled - I have the opportunity to join in the building; I get to carry the bricks!!!

I'm not in control. And that is an encouraging thought.

Leaving Tianjin, headed for home.

Day 91 : All of China

Somewhat unexpectedly, I had to fly to Tianjin for a principal's conference. My flight was at 11:45 and I should be home Saturday evening. 

I have flown more in the last five years than I probably have the past 27 combined, and this will be my third, and last, trip to Tianjin.

So I tried to squeeze in what I could.

After checking in, I hopped in a taxi and took off for downtown. It was a beautiful day by the river.

I only spent about an hour and a half or so walking around before heading back, and right before I hailed another taxi, I got lucky with finding some of my favorite street food. I'm not sure what it's called. It has a deep fried tortilla wrap sort of thing, an egg, some various Chinese sauces, a strange looking meet, and a few herbs. And all I gotta say about that is, "yes please!"

It's weird being here. Every time I've thought of saying goodbye, I've thought of Chengdu, CDIS, our home, the people, and our surrounding streets. But it's so much more than that. Its' saying goodbye to an entire country and all the opportunities to explore or revisit favorite places and cities outside of Chengdu. It's saying goodbye to China. All of it. 

This is my last time, probably ever, in Tianjin. And although it isn't shocking or super disappointing, it's still weird. And a bit hard.

Day 92 : This is China : This is Us . . . almost

From the 3rd floor of our school.

Today was a polluted, gray day. My office was dark, my classroom was dark, and by the end of the day, my mood was dark.

I wish yesterday's unwashed dishes and intentional family time bled over into today, but it didn't. Today was a "China day." And I didn't have the patience for it.

From the rooftop of our home.

Today's air pollution wasn't the worst it can be, but it was bad enough - 160 and "Unhealthy."

But we had bought a Wifi Extender, hoping it would improve the internet range in our apartment. Instead, we couldn't get it to work. In Chinese, it kept telling me the problem, but I couldn't read it. Luckily the picture made sense - no connection between the router and the computer.

Our internet bill was past due.

So Judah and I walked down the street to pay the bill.

I gave this lady 200 RMB, took my receipt, then walked home. Xiexie Ni!!!

But the internet was too slow to load our show "This is Us."

So we didn't watch anything. We just brewed for a bit. Because sometimes, there are just those days where nothing seems to work and instead of fighting it, it's just best to go to bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.

So we are.

Good night.

Day 93 : Slow Motion

Today, we didn't clean off the table. We pressed play on David Gray.

We listened to Judah and Eden play Sorry.

While Zion made a fat bird out of beads.

Today, we didn't get stuff done or intentionally go out and make memories or snap pictures. We stayed home and made spaghetti.

We've moved several times in the past, and each time, Josey and I both have come away feeling guilty about the blinders we put on, how we push through and forget to live in each day.

So we left the dishes.

We read The Princess Bride.

We slowed down.

Day 94 : There . . .

For the past four years, I've turned from my apartment complex onto this road, headed for work. Most always in the dark. I listen to podcasts on the way, allowing me just about five podcasts every two days.

Our first scooter was a three wheeler with a bench seat in back. Josh rode with me most of the time. On one occasion, I pulled out without looking and a woman ran into the back of the scooter.  Her front end caved in and she twisted her ankle; my scooter barely had a scratch and I had to pay her 2000 RMB (a little over three hundred dollars), which wasn't too bad, except it was our Christmas stipend.

The second was a motorcycle that was built and gifted by a former student. I loved that bike, but I often went too fast. When I got into a little fender-bender, the bike was confiscated. Because I was driving illegally. The police offer told me I got off easy.

I currently drive a scooter that I got from Sarah Cole, who moved here the same year we did but left at the end of last year. It doesn't go very fast, nor is it all that loud . . . or sexy. But it's safe, and it gets me where I need to go.

To the school.

This is the turn onto 2nd ring road, which takes me all the way to school. From here, there are four major landmarks that I use for judging the distance. On cold days, or rainy days, and especially on cold and rainy days, the landmarks never come fast enough.

Landmark #1: Under Renmin South Road - the newspapers carriers.

Landmark #2: McDonalds.  I used to meet Travis Miller here for breakfast, almost every Friday, but when he left two years ago, I started taking one of my kids, but only when the weather allows. During the winter months, the ride is absolutely freezing, no matter how much I bundle up. This landmark means I'm just over 1/3 of the way to school.

Everyday, dotted along the drive, are the street sweepers. 

When I had my motorcycle, this was the funnest part of the drive because it's a straight shot with very few lights, and I could fly. When it's raining, it's the driest, as long as I stay under the elevated 2nd Ring Road. 

Landmark #3: The final turn. This is also the section where, if raining, I dread the most because my cover will soon be over. And I get soaked.

Landmark #4: The Guards. Always smiling, always faithful, these guards have waved me for the past four years.

Day 95 : Brick by Brick

I took the BRT (Bus Rapid Transit) home today, not the scooter, which meant walking this familiar road. I didn't know what I would write about today, because it was a typical day: early morning reading, taxi ride, work, workout, bell rings, everyone leaves.

Then I saw this pile.

Not only is this scene very "China" with the style of bricks, the broom propped up, and the fact that it's all in the middle of the sidewalk, but the bricks, at least to me, were very symbolic.

Because they build these.

Being a teacher is tough sometimes. After years of building and investing, often, I never get to see the finished product; I just lay brick after brick, day after day, in hopes that someday, my students will stand tall and strong.

Being a teacher at an international school is even worse. 

For five years, I've labored at CDIS. I've laid foundations, built pillars, filled in the cracks, and painted over rough surfaces. In a few short months, I'll leave it all behind.

And in a few short years, like the workers who've built these structures, my efforts will be unnoticed.

I think of Travis Miller who created an Athletics Department from nothing. Now, he is but a distant name in the school

I remember Kirsten Rodgers, a dynamic force like none I'd ever seen and probably never will. But few now know who she was. And in another year or so, she will be completely forgotten.

What of their works? What of their labor? 

Deep down, all teachers commit to the task of preparing and building and supporting the growth and development of students so that they will become mighty fortresses in their communities, families and world. But sometimes, it seems that after only a few short years, all will be forgotten and simply covered over. 

But I know that isn't true. It just feels like it sometimes. And with less than a hundred days to go, it really feels like it sometimes.

But today, I noticed a job opening in a Wyoming school and I applied. 

Because God gave me a pile of bricks, and whether I'm in China, America, or wherever, I am fortunate that He's entrusted me with 'em.

Day 96 : finds a way

Went for a walk with Judah this morning, to try and capture some of the moments and personalities of our block.

At first, some of the ordinary stood out, like these city bikes.

Photo by Judah

But also the extraordinary. Judah saw the moss first and we ran our hands along, pulled some off the stone, and marveled at how thick it had grown, and how we'd never seen it before. The quote from Dr. Malcom in Jurassic Park came to mind, "I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way."

We talked a lot about memories of China and possibilities of America. Of some of the friends that used to live in our complex and how he might make new ones over the summer, before school starts.

We noticed these guys:

Then Judah asked if he could get his bike fixed, and if he could do it himself. I told him he could, under one condition. That he take a picture of the man who would fix his bike because, over the years, he's fixed our scooters many times, and I want to remember him.

He said, "Okay."

"Judah," I said, "I don't think you understand how cool this is what your about to do."

"What?"

"You're about to go around the block,by yourself, in a city of 13 million, and get your bike fixed from a man who speaks a different language than you."

He didn't seem thrilled. "What if I don't understand him? Or if I forget what to say?

"You can point if you need to, but I think you'll be okay. You'll figure it out."

He returned about a half hour later with his kick-stand replaced, tire fixed, and this picture:

It cost 12 kui (two dollars). 

He found a way.

Day 97 : Places we Go

Taken in a moment of deep discussion. Because that's what Warren inspires. And it's what feeds the soul.

Today was a good day.

Pancakes, coffee, and cleaning, with a few games of Sequence thrown in (Warren won 2/3 and Judah 1/3). For lunch, I took Warren out for some Sichuan street food and great conversation. We were not disappointed.

I've come across only a few people who can challenge, encourage, and inspire with such passion and sincerity as Warren can, and even though his visit only lasted a week, his presence will be deeply missed. 

The afternoon was simple, filled with music. Judah read comic stories with Warren, Josey sat in the sun, and the girls played with beads. 

For dinner, we celebrated John Blanchard.

Happy Birthday John!

"It feels like the last few nights of the summer, before coming back to China." - Warren

In one year's time:

Michelle will be in Saudi Arabia.

Jacie and Hannah and John will stay in Chengdu.

Walkers will be in the Republic of Congo.

Warren will be back in Wuhan.

We'll be in the States.

Oh, the places we go.

Day 98 : Morning Till Night

This is the view from my office window. There isn't often a sunrise, but when it happens, it's a pretty great way to start the day. 

And today was a long, busy, and good day.

Cody beat me, again, in Jody Ball (a mix between volleyball, walleyball, soccer, and a lot of other things) but I feel my time is coming. The beginning is close at hand.

Work was normal. The kids stayed after school while we waited for The Wizard of Oz at the school and the Birdsongs watched my kids and I took pictures of the play.

Afterwards, the kids and I headed to Honey and Malt and met John, Cody, and Warren for a few beers - me, not the kids.

When we arrived home, it was after 10 pm.

That's a sixteen hour day. And I loved it.

View of the apartments across from us.

Day 99 : Comforts

Wowo. Where we send Judah often and Eden sometimes to get drinks (iced tea, waters, sports drinks) and chips and ice cream. The "Huanling Guanling" as we enter, the boiling tea eggs, tomato flavored chips, and cheap, cheap beers (Tsingtao is 3.5 kui - about $.50).

The stores surrounding have changed often, but not Wowo.

Around the corner, when Wowo is out of stock or when we want a small splurge or when we  don't feel like walking all the way to CarreFour, there is MoMo. Cereal, New Zealand milk, toilet paper, and sometimes bread but not often.  Sometimes, they sell Corona. 

The big splurge. Pop Tarts, Doritos, American-style brats, and bacon. They sell Blue Star A&W Root Beer, staple stocking-stuffers for the past five years.

Old Spice costs 55 kui - almost $10.00. I've only bought it once, when I could no longer use my wife's Dove deoderant. 

This was our favorite Chinese restaurant. They knew us, our kids, and our orders. And without warning, yesterday, they closed. 

I don't even remember the last meal we had here because there was gonna be a next time, because it was our go-to on a long day. When Luke Schuster returned for Christmas from Canada, we ate here. On Sundays, we'd order take-out with Jesse and Sarah Wells.

They knew us and we knew them. 

My favorite dish, rice noodles with vegetables, was 10 kui - about $1.75.

And then they were gone. 

Day 100 : Doors

This is the door leading into our apartment building. Sometimes, someone holds it open for me, at other times I hold it for others. Often there's no one but me. Always, it swings and bangs and opens and shuts.

Someone wrote the old code on the frame of the door, but it's changed since then. It's now #9480#. The numbers peep when they're pounded, then there's a click, and the door swings open once more. 

For four years, I've climbed these stairs - seven flights - sometimes several times a day. This chipped piece is on the 6th floor, leading to the 6.5 landing and means I'm almost home. 

I've often wondered how it happened and how long it will be before it's replaced. 

Out of the near one-hundred, this is the only one that sticks out, that I'll remember.

Our home. Where the door is most always open.

The door decoration is slightly skewed, probably because when the kids left to play outside they slammed the door a little too hard. 

After four years of opening and closing, of memories made inside and out, in one-hundred days, these doors will close for the last time. Then, we'll hope on a plane, watch a few movies, then land in America.

Ready to open new doors.

: Last 100 Days :