I recently came across the quote, “Rest is not a reward for finished work, it is a requirement for sustainable work.” And I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Mostly because I think - I know - that I’ve spent a lot of my life treating rest like something I earn after everything is handled.
After the work is done.
After the stress settles.
After the future feels certain.
The problem is . . . life never really stops handing over things to carry. And lately I’ve realized that exhaustion isn’t always physical. Sometimes - oftentimes - it's psychological, spiritual, emotional. It's the exhaustion of holding on too tightly.
Holding onto control.
Holding onto outcomes.
Holding onto fears about the future.
Holding onto conversations long after they ended.
Holding onto the pressure to make sure everything works out for everyone.
I can physically sit still and still feel exhausted because my mind never actually unclenches. Even with a bourbon!
And maybe that’s what I’ve been wrestling with lately. Not just the idea of resting my body, but resting my grip. Because if I’m honest, I think a rather large part of me believes that letting go means I don't care enough about it. And if I don't care enough about it, it will slip away - like the party balloons slipping from my four-year-old's fingers and escaping into the sky, never to return.
But I’m starting to wonder if sustainable people, healthy and purposeful people, aren’t the ones who carry the most but the ones who know when to set things down the best.
I’m not very good at that.
I still confuse tension with responsibility sometimes. Oftentimes. Perhaps almost always:) But I’m learning (or trying to learn) that constantly living clenched is not strength. It's just fear disguised in a clenched fist. And fear is exhausting.
Rest is bigger than sleep. It is trusting that not every problem needs me. It's believing the world can keep spinning while I breathe. It's knowing - even when I don't want to - that I am not in control. Which is good! Because my wisdom, strength, and abilities are severely limited. It's probably best if someone - something else - is involved:)
I don't quite have a conclusion to this thought yet, just the growing realization that if rest only comes when everything is finished… I may never rest at all.
This weekend, in whatever capacity you need or feel convicted by, please rest. Not because you've earned it (although you have), but because you need it. To love your families. To support your students. To care for yourself.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.