Friday Thought : "I am . . ."

This past week I unexpectedly found a wad of money in by back pocket. I had put it there months ago while attending the National Principal’s Conference in Boston because I didn’t quite know how I wanted to spend it then but knew for sure I didn’t want to lose it. So I stashed it. Then, as I often do, I completely forgot about it.

A few days ago, Mr. Thompson (my boss) helped me find it. He also helped me figure out how to spend it.

“Do you know what the two most powerful words in the English language are?” Mr. Thompson asked. I was standing outside the school, greeting kids and fighting off the cold, “Love you?” I said, wondering where this was going.

“I am,” he said, “because what comes after ‘I am’ will shape your life.”

We then spent the next twenty minutes or so, high-fiving students and discussing the importance of “I am” and other things I don’t really remember because, to be honest, I wasn’t really listening. I was thinking. Unbeknownst to Mr. Thompson, while we were chatting and laughing and greeting the kiddos as they shuffled their way into school, he had metaphorically thrust his hand into my back pocket and pull out the wad of money that had been sitting there since Boston.

And now, unlike then, I couldn’t wait to spend it!

Brian McCann (@casehighprinc) is a principal in Massachussets and it was in his session at the National Principal’s Conference where I first heard of #PositiveSignThursday, a day where he would print out a positive message, take pictures with students throughout the day, then post them on social media. I thought it was a cool idea, but still I stuffed it in my back pocket because I didn’t quite know how I wanted to use it.

Now, inspired by the power of “I am . . .”, I do.

Conflict reveals truth. Or, as Priya Parker states, “conflict unearths purpose.” So when difficulties arise, when true conflict or strife occur in our lives, how one has been completing the “I am . . “ sentence will suddenly have flesh and blood. Suddenly the perception of themselves and why they are here is revealed.

“What comes after ‘I am’ will shape your life” the speaker says, “What you speak after ‘I am’, what you believe after ‘I am’ will control your decisions and shape your life.”

And for many of our kiddos, what they see in the mirror is not what they are. #PositiveSignThursday is one way I can help. For many it may be the first time they see and say, “I am strong”, “I am fearless”, “I am a champion.” It might the first time they say, “I am wanted”, “I am needed”, and “I am someone who can make a difference.” For others, “I am a fighter” or “I am more than my body” might be the reminder they need for that day, that week, that year, or their life.

Either way - and even if some think it cheesy - I’m in. All in. Because they’re worth it.

And so am I.

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Friday thought : Love what they love

I follow @calvinhobs1990 on Instagram, and the other day they posted the above strip and I swear I about broke down in tears. Good. Gracious. What a powerful reminder, as a father, husband, friend, teacher, principal, person - whatever. 

Sometimes, often times, I get stuck in my world. I notice what I notice, place emphasis on what I think important, and ignore (or push aside) the things I think less important. Forgetting that, for others, what I think has little or no value is EVERYTHING to them. And when I neglect or wave off that thing, it isn't that thing I am waving off, it is them. 

Sometimes, often times, what allows us to break through barriers and gain trust or love or respect from another is not based so much on how we act or what we say, but how we treat the things that matter to others. Everyone, I think, feels love and respected when someone loves and respects the things are hearts are wrapped around. Be it dreams, experiences, ideas, identities, or even things.

I know I'm guilty of this. Of losing relationships, potential relationships, and of damaging current ones because I don't treasure or respect their prized possession. 

My grandmother said it plain. "Love what they love, and they'll never fear you. They’ll trust you." Or, as Robert Duvall said in the classic 90's movie Phenomenon, "He bought her chairs. Have you ever bought Lisa's chairs?"

As we wrap up September and head into October, consider how you can invest in someone by loving what they love. A student, a colleague, a friend, whomever. How can you "buy their chair" and gain their trust, their friendship, their respect?

How can you build a relationship by caring for something as small and "worthless" as a stuffed tiger?

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Friday Thought : A Boy and His Dog

I listened to a great podcast recently, about a Boy and His Dog.

The boy, who had fallen on hard times, was selling his dog - his best friend - for a hundred dollars simply because he needed to eat. Being a writer wasn't paying any bills. Little Jimmy didn't really care, though. He wanted the nice dog, but for a better bargain. So Little Jimmy took advantage of the man and his plight and instead offered $25. The skinny kid sighed, knowing he needed to feed his wife and couldn't afford to feed his dog, and finally accepting $40.

Two weeks later, when a screen writer offered to buy that same dog for $200, Little Jimmy once again took advantage of the situation and refused to sell the dog for anything less than $15,000 AND a speaking role in the man's new and upcoming movie! The man had written the screenplay in four days and sold it for $35,000 dollars, only a few days prior.

The dog was Butkus. The skinny kid, Sylvester Stallone (pictured above). And the movie was Rocky.

Whenever I come to work, I am constantly encouraged and inspired by those of you who have chosen to live a Sylvester Stallone sort of life. You work hard, endure hardships, then rather than sitting in the mess of life, you find solutions. Thank you for being that for me, for your fellow colleagues, and most importantly, for the students who have the privilege of being in your presence.

I promise you, they notice.

Friday thought: remembering 911

This photo was taken of Port Authority Police Officer Christopher Amoroso shortly before he went back into #2 World Trade Center and was killed in the collapse. (Photo by Todd Maisel/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images)

I saw this photo earlier this week and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Obviously, the gravity of the situation and the memories of this tragic day has been on all of our hearts and minds. But what struck me most about this photo, however, was the specificity of this man's actions, of this man's story.  I don't know about you, but I've never had to make such a decision, to put my life on the line or risk serious injury for another. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it and wondered how I would respond in such a moment. Would I rescue those nearby? Or protect myself first? Not only did Officer Christopher Amoroso save the woman who needed his help, which clearly was a dangerous situation (his bruised eye), he returned to the scene and tried to save another.

This type of decision, this type of action, does not happen in a single moment. He didn't wake up that morning and decide, "I'm going to die a hero today." Instead, he probably woke with the same mindset he had the day before and the day before, and before, and before. Instead, he went about his day, acting similar to the many days before, routinely serving, thinking of others, and doing the right thing. How do I know that? Because conflict reveals our deepest truest selves. Because fear reveals what we care most about - ourselves? Or others? And when Officer Christopher Amoroso was confronted with one of the greatest conflicts our American soil has ever experienced, he chose to serve and protect others. He chose to be brave.

"Bravery," I tell my kiddos, "is not acting without fear. It's acting in spite of it, while you're surrounded with it, while you're immersed in it." I can only imagine how terrified Office Christopher Amoroso must have been. Yet, he still ran back to the burning towers, in hopes of saving another. Because he made that decision many days prior as he built himself into a routine of sacrifice, service, and bravery.

Doing the right thing - doing the hard thing - is a daily choice that becomes a habit, a reaction, and a lifestyle that allows us to do - when the time comes - the seemingly impossible. This is why small things matter, why character and integrity matter, and why holding that string that connects us all is so important. Because when we begin to falter, when our weaknesses begin to rear their ugly faces, we can look around and see our brothers and sisters holding us up inspiring us to stay strong, to do what is right and - if needs be - head back into burning buildings. 

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9/6/19 : Friday's Thoughtful Thought

I don't know if you experience themes in you daily life, I know I do. Often actually. Almost weekly, an idea or truth or topic will somehow align itself perfectly and continually show up randomly throughout my days. Sometimes the themes are large and heavy, like the concepts of justice and humanity. Other times its something simple, like the importance of Hamlet being performed in prison. Other times it is something dark, like the role hate plays in our lives and surrounding society. My favorite "week of themes", though, was the one when Russia continually invaded my space and I was then fortunate enough to learn how three Russian men, at different times, prevented all out war against the US, saving thousands of lives.

This week was another one of those weeks, with the theme being, "You are the sum of the five people you hang out with most." It started with an email from my boss, Mr. Thompson, and ended with an early morning conversation with a fellow colleague, Mr. Truax, when he shared how most all of his teaching accolades can be traced back to his early years and the mentors he surrounded himself with. Between the two bookends, this theme continually crept into my thoughts through podcasts (Your Weird, by The Minimalists), my current morning reading (The Art of Gathering: How we Meet and Why it Matters, by Priya Parker), conversations with my son about whom he chooses to hang out with, conversations with some of staff about whom they decide to hang out with, and a conversation with my big sister about whom we decide to "let into her arena" (a phrase from Brene Brown and her brilliant Netflix special, A Call to Courage).

I appreciate the concept that we are the sum of the five people we hang out with most, largely because it’s true! Think of students and how the groups they cluster with are greater than the any of the present individuals, how it encourages kids to act and think in ways they may never do on their own (negative and positive). Think about the people we go to when we're tired or scared or hurt and how the advice they give, and the direction they point us toward greatly impacts the kind of people we are and will become. We are, most often, the sum of the five people we hang out with most.

But it isn't just the people that impact us. It's also the stories we surround ourselves with. News stories, the novels and non-fiction we choose to read, the movies and TV programs we binge or watch on a nightly basis, the podcasts we listen to, and the music that entertains us. These also play a crucial role in the summing up of who we are, how we interpret life and the world around, and how we choose to interact with that life and the world around.

This notion, this truth, that we are the sum of what we CHOOSE to surround ourselves with is deeply comforting to me because it means that although we are greatly susceptible to our surroundings, we are also in complete control. WE CAN CHOSE WHO WE LISTEN TO AND THE STORIES WE SURROUND OURSELVES WITH!!!

Who or what kind of stories are you surrounded by? Do they encourage you to sit in the stink and muck of the situation? Or do they sniff once and then move on and toward a solution? Do they feed frustration or hope? Are they healthy? Or are they toxic?

Because we are not water, simply following the path of least resistance, completely characterized by our immediate surroundings. We are human - we’re alive! - and therefore have a choice on how to respond, how to think, and how to ensure we are healthy by purposefully surrounding ourselves with people and ideas and stories that, as Kim Chambers says, "normalize greatness."

Who are your five that make up the sum of who you are? And perhaps more importantly, what are they - and you - making?

The answer to these questions has been on my heart and mind a lot this week.

May we all work and play and live like Calvin. And then inspires others to do the same.

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8/30/19 : Friday's Thoughtful Thought

We moved into our new home almost three months ago, and for almost three months I have been putting off two simple tasks: fixing the back door to the house and fixing the bottom shelf in my closet. This last weekend I finally got to them both, and it took me less than 5 minutes to complete the task. Seriously. What was strange, though, was that it wasn't until after they were fixed that I realized just how annoying they truly were. Even now, when I walked near the back door or into my closet, there is a noticeable missing of anxiety that I wasn't even aware was there. With their broken presence gone, I truly do feel a lot better!

I don't know about you, but I tend to do this often. I ignore a simple task that nags at me everyday for little reason other than I just don't want to do it, or because I have other "more pressing things to do." But in reality, taking a literal 5-10 minutes out of my day to fix whatever it is that needs fixing truly relieves me of unneeded anxiety or annoyance, providing more space and patience to deal with the bigger, more pressing things.

Do you have something like this? Have you already noticed a broken or misunderstood teaching procedure? A squeaky or jammed drawer? The grumblings of a possible disruptive student or behavior? Or is there something else either in your classroom or home that, every time you see it, use it, or think about it brings even the slightest discomfort ? If so, make time this weekend to fix it, now, before the year gets into it's groove, and relieve yourself of the little yet constant annoyance that will surely pester you for the rest of the year.

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