Nail your next interview! Here's how.

Interview season is here!

And we’d love to help.

Mr Darrin Peppard has been a teacher, principal, and superintendent. He has interviewed many potential candidates and has successfully navigated through his own.

As a principal, I too have interviewed many soon-to-be educators and have been fortunate enough to earn a spot in a variety of educational roles.

Below are a few lessons and tricks we have picked up along the way.

You can listen to our full conversation here, on the Schurtz and Ties podcast, or the Leaning into Leadership podcast.

Come, as you are. But also, come prepared.

Tell Your Story:

• What word or idea do you want your audience to know/think about you and what stories can you share that embody them? Write them down, rehearse them to the windshield, then confidently share them in the interview. Be intentional. It is what your audience will remember most.

Be more than the position:

• No matter the position you are applying for, show yourself as a leader willing to do and be more than that position. Sure, they need you as an English teacher, but how else might you impact or help the building, the district, or the community? Be the go-to person on something other than the position you are applying for.

Be full-throttle you:

• There are things worse than not getting the job . . . getting a job under pretense. Be who you are, fully and confidently. If they love you they’ll hire YOU! Showing up to work and trying to be someone you’re not sounds miserable. Quality educators are not looking for someone to fit in the box. So be confident. Be you.

Remember, it’s a two-way street:

• Sure, you’re the one sitting in the hot seat, but they also need the position filled. Take the opportunity to learn about the district, the school, and the leaders. Ask some questions, take notes, and ask yourself if YOU want to hire THEM! Not only does this relieve some pressure, but it can also put a little confidence in your spine. And confidence is always attractive.

Be a Llama:

• Nobody has the perfect resume. And although we don’t want to spend too much time speaking to our weaknesses, it is okay to acknowledge them. But also, and more importantly, it is imperative that we highlight our strengths, talents, and abilities. Again, BE CONFIDENT! Just don’t brag. Instead, share how your badassness will help students, staff, and the community. Use who you are to protect and support others.

Ask about the kids:

• Don’t forget that at the root of all of this are students. They are impacted MOST by your interview for they either get to have you in their building or miss out. So ask about them. Make them the focus. For you, as well as those who are sitting around the table.

A Few Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Don’t talk too long. Remember, those sitting at the table will be there all. day. long. Give them little hooks they can hang your answers on, and maybe select one or two questions where you dive a bit deeper. Otherwise, be prepared, and be concise.

• Don’t continually bring us back to your weaknesses. You can and should address them, but don’t reference them over and over.

• Don’t speak negatively of previous experiences. Even if they were awful or taught you valuable lessons, you can address them honestly without being destructive. Negative talk about other schools or personnel comes across poorly. Always. Avoid at all costs.

• Don’t ask about $$$. At least not from the gate. We all need to make money and pay bills, so the question isn’t bad, but it shouldn’t be the first. And, probably, HR or a website will answer this question for you.

If you have any questions or would like to chat more, please reach out to Darrin Peppard or Brian T. Miller. We’d love to hear from you and offer whatever guidance we can.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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-N- Stuff  :  Education

Tweak the relationship between strengths and weaknesses. Be the 16%.

Image from The Gaping Void.

“Only 16% of people manage to keep their New Year’s Resolutions,” The Gaping Void blog recently published. That means 86% of us will fail. Especially if our resolutions “are trying to fix a long-term fault” like losing weight, going to the gym daily, or changing an undesirable habit.

Why do we fail so often? Because “It’s difficult to change an aspect of your personality by sheer force of will,” the post continues, “And if it is a weakness you choose to work on, you probably won’t enjoy the process. If you don’t find pleasure or reinforcement along the way . . . you’ll soon give up.”

The solution, provided through the wisdom of Jonathan Haidt, is, “Work on your strengths, not your weaknesses.”

“Instead of saying, ‘I’m going to lose weight,’” The Gaping Void explains, “say, ‘I really love salad. Next year, I plan to eat more of it.’ Or, ‘I really loved tennis when I was a kid. I think I might take it up again.’”

Instead of focusing on where you need to improve, embrace what you love. And I love that.

Instead of trying to “fix what’s ‘wrong’ with us {which} is never fun and rarely works,” simply “tweak the relationship between our strengths and our weaknesses and choose to look at it from a different perspective.” Again, I just love that.

It is easy to fixate on what is “wrong” with us when reflecting. The way we behave in stressful situations, our innate ability to say the wrong thing when we desperately mean not to, or the extra pounds we carry. Whatever it is, when we look in the mirror, that fault is the only thing we see.

Believing we can suddenly fix them, simply because the calendar changed a day, does little more than add to the weight of guilt, frustration, and defeat. And when we fail it only encourages what we already believe, that we cannot change. “I simply cannot do this anymore,” we whisper to ourselves or cry into the abyss.

Because it’s true. We can’t. The majority of us can’t, anyway. I know I can’t. And I have a 20-ish years-long list of unfulfilled resolutions to prove it.

Especially recently.

This past year I have been crippled by the harsh realities of my insufficiency. In all walks of life, when I evaluate and consider who I am and what I’ve done, I am disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed. Which is why, for the first time in 20-ish years, I have no New Year’s Resolution. There are simply too many wrongs that need fixing, and I have lost hope.

“High-functioning depression” has suddenly entered my Google results.

This reality has not only confused me, it has frightened me. I’m not supposed to be this way. I’m supposed to be strong, funny, confident, and stable.

I’m supposed to be a man. A father. A husband. A principal. I’m supposed to be better.

There simply is no room for this shit.

Yet, it is here. Unwanted and uninvited.

And I cannot fix it.

This is why I truly appreciated the above post by The Gaping Void. Largely because it doesn’t attempt to fill my mind with the typical, “This will be your year!” bullshit. Instead, it offers a simple challenge: tweak the relationship between your strengths and weaknesses and choose to look at it from a different perspective.

A different perspective can often lead to a different purpose.

When I consider my shortcomings and disappointments, they are exhausting. What plummets me, however, is when I stop there. When I fixate on lost opportunities, failed endeavors, broken relationships, and failed tries. When I fixate on myself, I get discouraged. When I focus on others, however, I have reason.

I have reason to get out of bed and head to work because my family needs me.

I have reason to head to work because my students need someone to see them.

I have reason to hear my teachers because they need someone to trust them.

When I focus on others, I have reason to keep going because maybe “My year” has nothing to do with me but everything to do with the people around me.

Maybe “my year” focuses less on where I am struggling and frustrated and a hellova lot more on why others are struggling and frustrated. And what I can do about it.

Maybe “my year” isn’t about tweaking what is wrong with me but embracing what is right with me, being comfortable and confident with that, and believing, truly believing, it is enough because it is what I have. What I’ve been given. What I’ve been gifted.

Maybe “my year” is tweaking the relationship between my strengths and my weaknesses and choosing to look at Life from a different perspective.

Maybe this is the year I am the 16%.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Education : New Years

Monthly Favorites : June 2023

My Family : We cram the frame

“Do for one what you wish you could do for many.” - Andy Stanley

This past week, I was fortunate to take my family on a quick road trip to Seattle, the Haro Strait, and the Oregon coast, and it was one of our favorite family trips. From start to finish.

At one gas station, however, I was in desperate need of the restroom when, to my dismay, I realized I needed a code to open the door. Which I didn’t have. I tried both restrooms, even knocking a few times to see if they were in use (which they weren’t). A gentleman behind me watched my whole struggle, said nothing, waited till I backed off, then put in the code and closed the door.

“What?” I said aloud.

One of the workers then peaked his head around the corner, “7537” he yelled. I punched in the numbers, opened the door, and took a seat. Nature was calling. But I digress.

For a while, that guy - the one who could have helped me out but didn’t - nagged on my mind. “Why didn’t he just give me the code?” I thought. “Why didn’t he help?”

I couldn’t answer that question, but the incident did spark an idea. Or rather, a perspective . . . look for the helpers. Instead of focusing on the people/events that frustrate me, look for the people and events that bring unexpected joy.

So I did. And there many.

One was the young man in front of my six-year-old son and me. We were headed to the elevator that would take us down from atop the Space Needle and the young man was a few paces ahead of us.

“Can I push the button, Daddy?” Elias asked.

“Sure, buddy.” I said. Then, a few steps later, the young man in front of us stopped, turned, and with a slightly embarrassed smile on his face, pointed Elias towards the down button. He had overheard the small request and chose to do something about it. He chose to help, even when it wasn’t expected.

Another was the middle-aged mechanic who stopped his busy day to give our SUV a thorough lookover because I was nervous about some sounds. He even dumped a liter of oil in because we were a bit low. When asked how much it would cost, his hand batted my question away, “No problem. Just get home safe.” He provided time, oil, and a whole lotta comfort, all at no charge.

There was also the security guard at a nice high-rise building who ignored the “No public restroom sign” and heard my request to let our kiddos use the restroom. He said yes, then allowed my entire family access.

“Thank you,” I said repeatedly.

He smiled and said, “Happy to help.” He broke a rule to help a family.

These events, although small and insignificant (to the point that, if I hadn’t written them down, would have been forgotten and lost amidst the other memorable or stressful moments), reminded me of the power of perspective, and of simple moments.

We can either focus on the people and events that frustrate us and bring us down, or we can see the helpers, we can BE the helpers - “Moment Makers” - just by seeing and hearing the people around us.

How we choose to see the world makes a world a difference in how we interact with it.

Although life is hard, disappointing, and often a seemingly endless battle, it is also filled will hope, beauty, and meaningful reminders. We just need to look for them, and at times, create them.

“Do for one what you wish you could do for many.”

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this past week.

Here are a few favorites from the month of June!

Favorite Book:

Fans First: Change The Game, Break the Rules & Create an Unforgettable Experience

When adversity hits, most people dwell on the negative. It’s raining. We’ve lost power. There’s construction . . .

When things go wrong, when there’s a challenge with the experience, that is the best time to wow your fans. They’re not expecting you to make a random wrong a right, it’s a little heroic. Or, as Bananas catcher Bill LeRoy might say, a little joyful” (pg 47).

Favorite Advice:

This one was offered by a friend (Gary Phile!) who called me the other day. “I think you’ll like this,” he said. And I do. So very much.

When in the presence of others, when the conversation or action causes us even the slightest alarm, work through the following questions:

Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said right now?"

If the answer to all three is, “Yes!” Speak up. If there is even a single “No,” keep quiet and figure out who and when - and if anything! - needs to be said.

And I just love that.

Favorite Podcasts:

At the Table: Mind the Gap, with Patrick Lencioni

When it comes to organizational clarity, a tiny gap on a leadership team can become a big crack down the line.  This week, Pat and the team discuss a few reasons why these gaps appear, and how to best prevent them.

Plain English: Why So Many Young Men are Lonely, Sexless, and Extremely Lonely, with Derek Thompson

Many men - especially younger men - are socially disconnected, pessimistic about the future, and turning to online anger . . . they are facing higher rates of depression symptoms, suicidal thoughts, and a sense of isolation, as seen in the agreement of 65% that ‘no one really knows me well.’

Favorite Conundrum:

I’m taking the money. You?

Let me know of anything you’ve been reading, watching, listening to, or have been inspired by!

Happy July!

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

Blog : Monthly Favorites

Podcast Appearance : CharacterStrong

Today our guest is Brian Miller, Principal at Chief Joseph Elementary in Great Falls Montana. We talk to Brian about his motto “Be the Story”, and how this can have a positive impact on people and the world around us. He also shares about ways they practice kindness with the staff and students at Chief Joseph Elementary by giving genuine, specific compliments.

Brian T. Miller is the proud principal of Chief Joseph Elementary School located in Great Falls, Montana. He has been a principal and English teacher throughout the country as well as internationally. He is a blogger, writer, public speaker, and believer in the power and purpose of education. Samwise Gamgee is his hero.

You can listen to the episode here.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Education : On Leadership

"Low burden, high impact" : Acknowledging the Kids in the Middle

Great reminder.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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-N- Stuff  :  Education : On Leadership

April Favorites : Podcasts, books, quotes, and shtuff!

April was a great month for morning fires with my Campfire Buddy!

I turned 39! Thanks to those who reached out. It always means a lot.

Here are a few favorites from the month!

Podcast:

The Power of Regret, with Dan Pink.

“Regrets,” Scott Erickson writes in “Say Yes: Discovering the Surprising Life Beyond the Death of a Dream, “are defined as a sense of loss, a disappointment in some kind of action or lack of action. The reason regrets are so poignant is that they point to our deepest longings - the path of desire that has been put in us to walk, the path we stopped walking because of fear, disappointment, unworthiness, or brokenheartedness.”

This podcast unpackages a great deal of how regret shapes our lives and impacts our decisions.

And after his World Regret Survey (19,000 responses over 109 countries), Daniel Pink found that there are four core things people all over the world regret, over and over again:

1. Foundation Regrets: If only I’d done the work - small decisions made early that accumulated into bigger consequences later, such as spending too much and saving too little.

2. Boldness Regrets: If only I’d taken the chance on asking that person out, started that new business, spoke up instead of staying silent, and travelled more.

3. Moral Regrets: If only I’d done the right thing.

4. Connection Regrets: If only I’d reached out to old friends and families who have drifted apart over the years, because of a disagreement or strife, and nothing was done to repair them.

Quote:

“Just as fire blows out candles, good deeds for the benefit of others destroy a selfish life.”

Book:

One of my favorites from the month, from April 23rd, reads, “Every great thing is done in a quiet, humble, simple way; to plow the land, to build houses, to breed cattle, even to think - you cannot do such things when there are thunder and lightning around you. Great and true things are always simple and humble.”

I love that.

Shows:

Just started Under the Banner of Heaven. I read the book years ago and was nervous about the show. As of episode 1, it seems to be a pretty fantastic, albeit difficult watch.

Audio Book:

Empire of Pain: The Secret History of the Sackler Family
”The book examines the history of the Sackler family, including the founding of Purdue Pharma, their role in the marketing of pharmaceuticals, and the family's central role in the opioid epidemic” (via).

Terrifying, gripping, and deeply concerning. How can humans do such a thing? And how can big pharma and government agencies allow them to?

Story:

This one came to my from my friend Kevin Manno and his podcast, First Thing. In it he references Tuskegee Airman Victor W. Butler - the last surviving airman from the infamous Red Tails - and that he is turning 100 on May 21st! And all all he wants for his birthday are cards. He has also promised to read them all!

So my staff and I and the entire school of Chief Joseph Elementary will be sending him some. And I just love it.

Kevin even gave me a little shout-out on the following episode and my daughter’s face, as she heard him say my name, was pretty great - thanks Kevin! Keep doing great things, old friend.

If you would like weekly emails of Friday Thoughts, occasional posts of things that inspire me, and other such things, PLEASE BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

#doGREATthings

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For more on . . .

-n- Stuff : Favorite Podcasts : Favorite Books

As Educators, We Endure! : Lessons From The Old Man of the Mountain, by Martin Silverman

With 39 years experience in education, seven as a teacher and 32 in educational leadership, Mr. Martin Silverman has seen a lot.

Yet, after almost 40 years of caring for the youth of San Antonio, Texas, he is still innovating, striving to improve, and holding tight to the belief that we will endure.

Which is exactly why I reached out to him and asked him to write a piece on overcoming, on staying strong amidst the struggle, and holding tight to hope. Because very few have lived this long in education and have come out on the other side with a passion for the profession, love for kiddos, and an eagerness to help and encourage those around them like Mr. Silverman. In this, he is truly a unique inspiration.

When most educators of 30+ years are looking for the exit sign, Mr. Silverman is finding new ways to invent himself. Instead of reaching for his 401K, he started a podcast - The Second Question - continues to find ways to innovate and inspire this profession, and when asked, write a guests post for distant friends.

LESSONS FROM THE OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN

Growing up in the Northeastern United States, one of the iconic sights to see was The Old Man of the Mountain rock formation in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.  I admit, I never got to see that formation in real life, but that image was quite famous, and a true symbol of the State of New Hampshire.  There are many lovely legends of this formation from the Mohawk tribe that bring life to this series of granite cliff ledges on Cannon Mountain.

One legend tells the story of a community leader who fell in love with a beautiful Iroquois woman who joined him in his village.  When she had to return to her village to help her people, he promised to wait for her on top of the mountain and watch for her safe return.  The Iroquois woman never returned, having died in her native village.  Her Mohawk lover remained at the top of the mountain, now turned into stone, to watch over the land forever.

The image of the Old Man of the Mountain reminds me of so many timeless icons that endure through history.  That which is built to last endures.  And that brings my thoughts to my long career in education and the challenges that these past few years have brought to all of us.  When I started my career in 1983 as a young first-grade teacher in Houston, Texas, I could never have imagined that 39 years later I would still be at this education game.  And yet, here I am, not quite ready to stop.  It would be easy to throw it in now and retire, but I think about all the monumental societal changes that have happened in the world since I began my career and I realize that this too shall pass.

Here’s an example.  In my first year of teaching, there was this bright, talented Speech Therapist who worked in my school.  He served the students with joy and delighted them with captivating lessons that made the students want to go to their therapy sessions.  In around March of that year he started missing days due to illness, and at one point stopped coming in even to pick up his paychecks.  We were worried about him, but those who were close to him said he had stopped taking calls and had moved back to his hometown to ride out his illness.  By the time the next school year began I had transferred to a different school.  One of my former colleagues told me several months in that the Speech Therapist had passed away from this newly discovered, and deadly disease called AIDS.  He was the first of several educators I knew that passed away from this illness.  It seemed like we would never be the same again. And then we were.

Then the next school year, the state legislature decided that schools needed “help”, and one of the ways to do that would be to give basic skills tests to all teachers and students.  As a way to make this look like good school reform, they also gave us duty-free lunch periods and limited class sizes in elementary schools to 22:1.  Having just finished my second year with 34 first graders and no duty-free lunch this sounded great.  I was also 23 and just out of college for two years, so the basic skills test for teachers was a piece of cake.  However, this new requirement devastated some teachers who had been in the field for decades and had not taken a standardized test in forever.  Note:  At that time there was not a certification test in Texas, nor had there been one in New York where I graduated and got my initial teaching license. Educators were going to leave in droves, and our profession was going to be decimated.  And then it wasn’t.

My point in all of this history is to encourage those of us in the profession for just a few years that perseverance is key in weathering through these tough times.  We have to remember that pedagogy has come and gone, methods have come and gone, educational theories have come and gone, and we are still here, maybe not in the same form, but we are here.  We persevere because what has not changed is the basic relationship between an educator and their community of students, families, teachers, school staff, etc.  We are never going to be cog-builders, we are always going to spark minds to think about things in a different way, and the peripheral nonsense that goes on around us politically and socially are cyclical.  Remember, there has never been a “good” time to be an educator…there have always been challenges, but when you look at the long game it’s still the most impactful profession there is.

Which brings me back to the Old Man of the Mountain.  This true symbol, the cultural icon of the State of New Hampshire, collapsed into the lake below sometime in the spring of 2003.  This was not a cataclysmic event as the structure was known to be weakening and had been patched up several times over the previous decades.  However, the symbol still appears on the New Hampshire license plate, and a group has constructed steel profilers which when viewed at the correct angle, create the profile of the Old Man as it appeared before the collapse.  While the actual Old Man of the Mountain does not exist in granite, it remains a symbol and an icon. 

Isn’t that the true nature of our profession? 

While everything changes and everything stays the same, we continue to renew and sometimes reinvent our passion.  We endure.

If you have an idea you’d like to share or someone you believe we could all benefit from, please reach out and let me know! I am eager to share your story.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Education : On Leadership

March Favorites : Podcasts, Movie, Quotes, and Shtuff!

March was a blur! But here are a few things that stick out as some of my favorites.

Movie: CODA

Gifted with a voice that her parents can’t hear, seventeen-year-old Ruby, is the sole hearing member of a deaf family—a CODA, Child of Deaf Adults. Her life revolves around acting as interpreter for her parents and working on the family’s struggling fishing boat every day before school with her father and older brother (Daniel Durant). But when Ruby joins her high school’s choir club, she discovers a gift for singing and finds herself drawn to her duet partner Miles. Encouraged by her enthusiastic, tough-love choirmaster to apply to a prestigious music school, Ruby finds herself torn between the obligations she feels to her family and the pursuit of her own dreams.

Book: Nickle and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America, by Barbara Ehrenreich

Ehrenreich attempts to eke out a living while working as a waitress, hotel maid, house cleaner, nursing home aide, and Wal-Mart associate. Her insight and experience of living like many of Americans do is not only enlightening, its convicting. We should all be doing more to be mindful and supportive of those scrapping by at the poverty level.

Podcast: Don’t Worry, Be Tacky by Freakonomics. Partial inspiration for the Friday Thought : Its a dangerous world out there. Bring a club, this podcast encourages us to, “despite sneers from the Establishment . . . be more willing to embrace the déclassé.”

Song: It isn’t new, but damn. I can’t stop listening to Surefire by Wilderado. And neither can my kids.

Instagramer: Menwiththepot These videos are comforting, mouthwatering, and somehow inspiring. Their website is pretty rad, too.

Quote:



If you have any favorites - of anything - that you’d like to share, please pass it along! I’m a sucker for it all.

Also you would like weekly emails of Friday Thoughts, occasional posts of things that inspire, and other such things, PLEASE BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

#doGREATthings!

For more on . . .

-n- Stuff : Favorite Podcasts

Podcast Favorites : February

It has been almost two years since I posted a “Podcast Favorites.” Not sure why. Time, probably. Or lack of it. But I want to get back into it. Largely because of why I started this blog in the first place, because I hate saying, “Where did I hear that?” and not being able to find it. Posting them monthly not only allows me to review what I’ve learned, it keeps them here, safe from an absent memory, ready for whenever I need them again.

Here are my favorites from the month of February, 2022:

First Thing, with Kevin Manno

Every morning, Kevin will distill all of the important headlines and trends into an easily digestible, 10 minute show.

Kevin is an old high school buddy of mine, so admittedly I’m a bit biased, but his show really is great. From production to information, it is a quick and calming way to start the morning. My daughter, who rides with me to work, also loves it.

Give What You Have with Mark Bustos, with Simon Sinek

When people want to do good they often get stuck because they don’t know what they can do. Mark Bustos figured out that to do good, all we need to do is what we are already good at, but to do it for someone else. Mark is a hairstylist turned humanitarian who will inspire anyone who hears his story to give more.

This one inspired a Friday Thought: Why We Thank our Crossing Guards

Leaders Can’t be Pleasers, with Patrick Lincioni

As a leader, it’s tempting to try and make sure everyone in your organization likes you and approves of you. However, good leaders know that this simply can’t happen, and that’s okay.

In a time where leaders are so easily accessible and everyone has an opinion on how we can do it better, this one was both convicting and encouraging.

Is it Safe to Speak Up at Work? with Adam Grant

Are you afraid to share bad news, ask for help, or admit you were wrong? These are signs of being in a psychologically unsafe work environment. Adam breaks down the importance of psychological safety in preventing errors and promoting innovation and inclusion, and examines what it takes to build a culture of voice rather than silence.

The Real Book, 99% Invisible

Since the mid-1970s, almost every jazz musician has owned a copy of the same book . . . But if you were going to music school in the 1970s, you couldn’t just buy a copy of the Real Book at the campus bookstore. Because the Real Book was illegal . . . The full story of how the Real Book came to be this bootleg bible of jazz is a complicated one. It’s a story about what happens when an insurgent, improvisational art form like jazz gets codified and becomes something that you can learn from a book.

I just love these kind of hidden stories. So fun. So interesting.

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, Christianity Today

Founded in 1996, Seattle’s Mars Hill Church was poised to be an influential, undeniable force in evangelicalism—that is until its spiraling collapse in 2014. The church and its charismatic founder, Mark Driscoll, had a promising start. But the perils of power, conflict, and Christian celebrity eroded and eventually shipwrecked both the preacher and his multimillion-dollar platform.

It’s a 15 episode podcast, and although I am just under halfway completed, I am LOVING it. Not only is it done well, I believe it is done fairly. Mark Driscoll isn’t let off the hook or given any sort of pass, but he is fairly and appropriately put into context, and I appreciate that.

No matter if you are a church goer or believer in any way, this podcast is a great dissection and case study of when charismatic personalities advance faster than their character development.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Podcasts 

Sorry : A Short Film About Every Classroom Teacher Ever

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
- Maya Angelou -

I don’t think it is ever wrong for teachers to draw hard lines or hold high standards. And I definitely don’t fault them for holding their students accountable to those hard lines or high standards.

I do think, however, that all of us - teachers and administrators alike - need to constantly be aware of our misunderstanding or gaps of understanding. That we need to constantly and continuously be asking the question, “Why?”

Why are our students continuously forgetting their work or acting up in class? Why are they constantly late?

Because kids, like adults, don’t like getting into trouble or falling short of expectations. They want to do well! And often times, their misbehaviors are them just communicating their struggles.

Yet, as educators, we often forget to ask questions, to seek understanding, and to give grace. I think we want to, but with 20+ kids entering our classrooms, deadlines breathing down our necks, and the ever increasing expectations of improving test scores we often forget to sit with those who are struggling because we simply don’t have the time, the energy, or the patience.

Slapping little Johnnie’s hands is easier. And faster.

When I watch this video I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that every great educator will picture a few of their students they have disciplined and then heap on another unneeded and unbearable weight of guilt upon their shoulders.

Don’t.

Because I also know that every great educator is doing the best they can.

Teachers, keep doing GREAT things! Keep holding your standards high , keep expecting excellence, and keep holding kids accountable! But also, once you know better, do better.

And then, let that shit go.

Your kids will be there tomorrow, eager to see you, and ready to reconcile. And oftentimes, all they really need is a simple hug and a sincere, “sorry.”

Keep your head up teachers! You are doing GREAT things and your kiddos are lucky to have you.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Education  :  Friday Thoughts

Doing Dangerous Things Carefully : How to Engage in Safe yet Meaningful Conversations

“If your gonna make your kids tough, which they better be if they’re gonna survive in the world, you can’t interfere when they’re doing dangerous things carefully.”
- Jordan Peterson

This advice has been on the forefront of my thoughts recently, but not necessarily because of the way the statement was intended. Where my mind has gravitated towards is how this statement plays out in the context of leadership. More specifically, how we as leaders engage in conversations with those we lead.

As leaders, if we do not encourage those we lead to engage in potentially dangerous conversations, not only will we not survive our position, our schools, churches, and companies will crumble because we won’t learn anything. And if we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing.

Below are five ways we can improve ourselves and those we lead by carefully engaging in dangerous conversations:

1. Keep it Secret. Keep it Safe: If those we lead know that our conversation isn’t secret, isn’t safe, if they know that we will share information with others, then for them, the conversation is dangerous. As a leader, no matter what is shared with us, be it work related or not, whatever we hear must be kept safe from the ears of others. Once the secret is out, we are no longer trusted. And if we aren’t trusted, we aren’t safe. And once word gets out that we aren’t safe, we no longer have an ear to our schools or community, losing all opportunity to impact others and make change. The talking will continue, just not with us for it will often be about us. And that is a dangerous place to be.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “It’s not my story to tell.” This allows you the ability to acknowledge that you know about the situation but are unable to share, instilling trust in those around you that when you have important information you keep secret, you keep it safe.
   

2. Don’t take it Personal. Make it Personal: When someone shares dangerous information, often times it is dangerous for them, not us. It might be hurtful or hard to hear - especially if what is being said is a critique on who we are and how we lead - but we are still the one who can do something about it. If we take the information personal, we discourage people from sharing hard information with us because they don’t want to hurt our feelings or make us upset. Nor do they want to jeopardize their job or position. If we make it personal, however, we acknowledge our role and our responsibility. We accept what is being said and commit to doing something about it. And when we do that, we create a safe environment that encourages further conversation and builds a culture of trust. When we take it personal we get defensive. When we make it personal we take action.
   
   Helpful Phrase: “I can do better.” Because we can. No matter the complaint or charge against us, as the leader, we are ultimately responsible. We may not have the answer - yet - but making the situation personal and taking ownership is as good a place as any to start. For us, and for those we lead.
   

3. Circle Back: This is most important. Making people feel heard is important, too. So is keeping their information secret and safe. But circling back, revisiting a conversation or acting on information heard is crucial to creating a safe place because it is the manifestation that you are indeed listening to them, and that we truly do care. When someone shares information with us, often times they are doing so because they trust that we are going to circle back around and do something about it. As a leader, we may not always be able to solve the problems of our staff - largely because they are bigger than who we are and our position - but we can always, always, circle back and check in on our staff, but only if we truly care about them. Just like we would turn the car around for our wallet or favorite pair of sunglasses, circling back to our staff establishes importance. It shows that we not only care enough to think about them, but that they are important enough to spend our precious time circling back.
   
   Helpful Phase: “I’ve been thinking about you.” It’s simple, but it’s also effective. Largely because we only think about the things we care about. Writing a card, sending a text, bringing coffee - or whatever - lets people know they are important enough for us to think about. “I’ve been thinking about you” means I haven’t forgotten about you. Which is huge. Because nobody wants to be forgotten.
   

4. Protect Your Culture. Establish Boundaries: As leaders, it is important for us to be vulnerable because it makes us personable and relatable. But only if we have established boundaries. As Brene Brown explains, vulnerability without boundaries can be dangerous because it is manipulating. When leaders share their struggles, their hurts and frustrations they build connections with their staff. Which is great! When done without boundaries, however, vulnerability becomes dangerous. When a leader shares too much or too often about their struggles, their shortcomings, or their doldrums about the profession (be it the kids, parents, or even their own bosses), two things will occur. One, it will set s standard that complaining and negativity is not only acceptable, it’s the default. The second reaction will be that those you lead will begin to lose faith in your ability to lead. Being human is perfectly acceptable. Being incompetent is not - even if that’s how we feel. As a leader, you carry immense power over the culture of your school. Protect your culture with strong boundaries, not open gates.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “We got this!” As a leader, it is imperative that we continually push our cultures and ourselves towards improvement. Being ignorant or ignoring issues is dangerous. So too is wallowing in them. Accepting them, however, as challenges to overcome not only encourages a positive culture, it unifies a culture. When we say to our staff, our students, “We got this,” we are admitting that there is an issue (establishing trust in our judgement), but we build and establish confidence that we will overcome - that we are capable! Which not only inspires hope, it encourages confidence. In their leader and in themselves.

5. Look past the words. See the story: “In order to think,” Jordan Peterson says, “you have to risk being offensive.” This is oftentimes difficult because it is the words that sting, that resonate, and that stay with us. But beyond the words is a story, and as a leader it is our job to get beyond the spoken words and dig deeper into what is actually happening. Are they afraid? Scared? Or hurt? Because if so, their words might be aggressive, defensive, or accusatory. Which is what makes true and meaningful conversations so dangerous. We can get so focused on the surface of the conversation that we neglect to see what is actually happening. But as a leader, that is our job. To look past the words and see the story. Because it’s not about us, its about them. And they need to know that.

   Helpful Phrase: “Say more.” As leaders, often times our first instinct is to speak up, to provide advice, share a story, or provide explanation. We want to solve the problem or defend our position. But just as often, when those we lead share their hearts, they’re not looking for a solution or an explanation. They just want to be heard. “Say more,” allows them that opportunity while also providing us space. Space from the specific words and therfore distance from the emotions they are invoking. And when we get distance, we get perspective. We see the story. Which, in the end, is really what it’s all about.

Engaging in conversation, in true and meaningful dialogue where ideas are expressed, where personal stories are told, and our hearts and minds and fears and dreams are laid bare, is a very dangerous thing. Done carefully, however, it can change a culture and a community. It can encourage, inspire, and truly save lives. But only if we’re willing to sit, listen, and get beyond ourselves. Which for many - myself included - is often a very difficult thing to do.

But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. Because as leaders, we’re not allowed to; as humans, we can’t afford to. Doing dangerous things carefully by engaging in safe and meaningful conversations is our job, our calling, and our responsibility. So let’s get after it!

We got this.

Right now, we are all rubber bands

@will_santino_illustration

In my most recent staff meeting I handed out a rubber band and asked people to get into groups of three. “Now stretch it out,” I said. And they did, but only to the point of resistance.

“How’s the rubber band?” I asked.

“Fine,” they said, because rubber bands are made to be flexible and to endure. Just like us.

“Now pull a little more,” I said. And they did. Not as much as the first, but still a good stretch.

“What about now?” I asked, “How’s the rubber band?”

“Fine,” they still said, but less assuredly.

“Now pull again.” And they did. “And again . . . and again, and again.” With each and again, they pulled a little less and worried a little more. One teacher even used her free hand to block her face.

“This is where we are,” I said, “We are made to endure, to be flexible, but with each new request, with each new demand, we stretch a little more and a little more and a little more. We are now living in a state of constant fear that we’re about to break.”

We can endure hard seasons. We can absorb change, be flexible, and stretch ourselves further than we thought imaginable. But not forever. Lest we break.

The problem is - for my staff in that meeting and for many of us in our daily lives - we don’t see an end in sight, largely because the problems and issues are far bigger than us, and we can’t do anything about it.

What we can do, however, is show grace. To ourselves, and to others.

Giving grace doesn’t mean we have a free pass to sacrifice our integrity or high standards of excellence - absolutely not! But it does mean that when we fail, we show grace - that we courteous and show goodwill.

You are trying your best. The woman next to you is trying her best as well. The man across from you is trying his best. The kiddos in your classrooms are showing up and trying their best, and your boss is trying her best. But we can only stretch so far. And for many of us, we are walking fearful that, with the next request or burden to bare, we will break.

We can’t solve most of the problems the people around us are asked to endure, but we can give them - and ourselves - some grace. Which, in the end, might be the only thing that holds us together.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Friday Thought : Evolving, not Revolving

Often times, themes present themselves in my life. When they do, they pop up, almost overwhelmingly, in a variety of ways: conversations and tv shows, books and podcasts, songs, and Saturday morning fires.

Most recently, the theme of growth has come to the forefront. Most notably, the concept of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard. Both in asking for it and receiving it because they both demand something from us. If we need forgiveness, we must admit we’ve done something wrong, giving up our ego, our pride, maybe even our stature (at least we think so, anyway). To provide forgiveness means giving up payment or revenge - we incur the debt owed, rather than enforcing it.

Forgiveness is also beautiful. It reconciles relationships and springs forth life and opportunity - it is the catalyst to evolving. As individuals and as a community.

"It’s easy to make a prison out of our pain, out of the past” Dr. Edith Eva Eger writes in The Choice: Embrace the Possible, because it allows us to hold onto our victimhood and be in control. Forgiving others who have caused the pain means letting go of our hope and desire for justice. It means letting go of our longings for revenge.

“At best,” Dr Eger continues, “Revenge is useless. It can’t alter what was done to us, it can’t erase the wrongs we’ve suffered, it can’t bring back the dead. At worst, revenge perpetuates the cycle of hate. It keeps the hate circling on and on. When we seek revenge, even nonviolent revenge, we are revolving not evolving.”

The only way to stop the revolving - in our lives as well as in the lives of those around us - is to forgive. Even when those who have hurt us don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. And that, for me at least, is one of the hardest things to do. If not impossible.

But that’s where the theme has hit me. Not on the importance of forgiveness necessarily, but on how to forgive, presenting itself in three truths:

1. Allow space to grieve. “For what happened, for what didn’t happen - and to give up the need for a different past. To accept life as it was and as it is” (Dr. Eger). This one is tough because grieving - to me at least - means thinking about what happened, reliving events, and letting “them” win. But it doesn’t. And they don’t. An essential part of forgiving is to acknowledge all that needs to be forgiven, that the burden of hurt and grief and anger is heavy, and that we are willing - even begrudgingly so - to lay it down at their feet. For then and only then are we able to truly begin the process of evolving.

1. Allow space for the bigger story : When someone does us wrong it is easy to define them only as that wrong. They are no longer a complex person with gifts and talents and a few fallibilities (just like us), they are cowards, betrayers, and terrible people. They are suddenly holistically and completely bad. Which makes it easy to hate them and wish sweet revenge. An essential component to forgiveness is allowing their failures to exist in isolation. In that moment they were flawed, or in that moment their weaknesses came through, or in that moment (or string of moments) their ugliness was on display. But they can still do good things. There are very few Hitler sort of people in this world, and allowing space for people in our lives to not be Hitler also provides space for them to be good people who do good things and, by and large, want to make the world a better place. They just really suck or fail miserably at times. But not all times. And seeing them in that way allows for the door to forgiveness to open. Even if just a crack.

2. Allow time for the wave to build. This image, from one of my favorite Instagram/bloggers says most of what needs to be said:

We don’t need to holistically forgive in one moment. We don’t need to invite those who have hurt or scarred us over for dinner, plan a Christmas party together, or pretend that all is fine and dandy. Because it’s not. But it can be, someday. But only if we start with small acts.

Why not start today?

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Friday Thought : The Strength of Transparency: What Clydesdales can teach us about fear and support

Yesterday, my oldest daughter Eden (she's eleven) was fortunate enough to help a friend of ours with his Clydesdales. Not only was she thrilled because she LOVES horses, but she was also shocked to learn how delicate these monsters are. "They're so scared," she said.

After prepping the giants for the coming carriage ride, the owner of the horses offered her the opportunity to drive them. Shortly into their journey he handed her the reigns, and a bit of advice. "Whenever you come across a bridge or approach a tractor, the horses get scared,” he said, “They need you to talk to them, to let them know you are here and that they are not alone." My little girl was dumbfounded. "Like this," he said. They were approaching a large fence and the horses were beginning to slow their walk. "I see that fence," he said in a soothing voice, "I know it's scary, I'm scared too, but well do this together, okay?" To Eden's amazement, the horses picked up their pace and continued on their way.

As she shared this story with me, I couldn't help but think of how often we are terrified to express our fears. We want to be perceived like a Clydesdales: strong, confident, and extremely competent. The vision of those old Budweiser commercials, of Clydesdales running through snow or pulling giant loads is awe inspiring and we want to be more like that. Not scared. Being frightened or needing the coaxing from a petite little eleven year-old doesn't quite fit our ideas of what it means to Do Great Things!

But maybe it should.

There is something encouraging - convicting even - about how a Clydesdale lives its life. It knows what it can do and has all the confidence in the world that it can accomplish whatever task is set before it. At some point, however, it also needs to know its fears, warranted or not, are acknowledged as real. Most importantly though, they need to know they are not alone.

Humans are much the same.

Not only do we need to be strong enough to admit we need help, that we're afraid, and that we can't do it alone, we need to be strong enough to know that admitting so isn't weak! It's brave. And it is completely okay.

We also need to be the kind of people that allow others to admit they need help or are afraid. And we do so by being strong enough to not fix their fears or concerns for them. When the moment of fear approached for the horses, their owner didn't hop off and take control of the cart and do their job for them. Nor did he show them that their fears we're unfounded, making them feel weak or foolish. He simply acknowledged their fears and reminded them that he was there. Then, they continued on. Together.

Take a lesson from the Clydesdales and share your concerns, your fears - invite them into your world - so you can continue carrying your heavy load and doing Great things, fully confident that you are not alone.

And neither are they.

Daft Punk's Epilogue teaches us how to say goodbye

I think a lot of goodbyes are like this. There isn’t a definitive moment that separates us or a decisive conversation that divides us (although sometimes there is), but rather, a gradual distancing that, suddenly, shows just how far apart we’ve become.

Then, a conscious change, a removing of our old self and destruction of what was.

What I love about Daftpunk’s goodbye is that it is still collaborative, creative, and a celebration. The music isn’t doleful, nor is the last scene. Although the sun is setting, the music is uplifting, the lyrics hopeful. “Hold on” it says, “If love is the answer your home.”

Yet, he walks off into the distance, alone.

That juxtaposition seems incredibly appropriate. In their separation, love is not lost, feelings are not hurt, and self-preservation is not the goal. Love is. Of each other, the past journey, and the moving forward.

That simple lesson, to me at least, is encouraging. And even a bit convicting.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Living : Music

7-Circle Roundabout

I don’t think I would make it.

Good luck? Or Bad?

Great advertisement, largely because most everything in this video - to some degree - is relatable.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  : Commercials

Resources Parents Can Use to Raise Children Through Every Stage of Life, by Kristin Louis

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Raising children in today’s world is a fulltime job. From ensuring they have everything they need to grow into healthy adults to helping them become responsible and productive members of society, parents have so much on their plates. That’s in addition to also having full-time jobs and added responsibilities around the home. It’s enough to make any parent feel overwhelmed. 

While there’s no one secret that can make the responsibilities and worries of parents any easier, there are a few online resources that can provide support for each step of the way. Whether you are raising an infant or teenagers, consider checking these links out. 

You Can Encourage Your Kids to Learn and Grow with Positivity 

From the time your kids are born, they will never stop learning and growing. So, encourage positive development with these resources. 

Using an App to Track Your Baby’s Development 

A High-Powered Smartphone Can Ensure Apps Run Smoothly

Entertaining and Educational Activities for Young Children 

Common Reasons Teens Struggle in School 

You Can Give Your Kids’ a Sense of Security with Consistent Routines

Routine can keep you sane as a parent but consistent routines also help build structure and security for your children. You can use these resources to build routines for your family. 

Why Family Routines Matter

Establishing a Routine for New Babies 

Making Nap Time Easier for Young Children 

Stress-Free Morning Routines for Teens & Kids 

You Can Set Your Kids Up for Success with Some Basic Life Lessons

Focusing on learning and routines can help your kids’ development, but they also need to know how to thrive as adults. These resources can instill responsibility and independence. 

Crucial Coping Skills for All Children 

Age-Appropriate Chores for Ages 2-18

Cooking Skills All Kids Should Learn 

How to Help Teens Understand Money 

On Discipline: Beyond Consequences

You Can Protect Your Kids’ Health and Happiness with Simple Precautions. 

You can’t protect your kids from every danger out in the world, but you can use these resources to minimize the harm to their physical health and mental well-being.

Safe Sleeping Tips for Babies

Toddler-Proofing Your Home 

CDC Home and Community Safety Tips

Normal Teen Behavior or Mental Health Issue? 

There’s so much to being a parent that it’s hard to condense this topic into a single list of resources and tools. So, keep this guide handy to help answer some of your questions, but also know you have the ability and strength to figure things out on your own. Most of all, thank you for all that you do to foster health, happiness, and hope in future generations. 

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Parenting : Submitting a guest-post

Love and Families

“We need to extend love to others. And if we don’t have a chance to do that, something goes really wrong.”

A family is a place where you offer care, you offer unconditional love. The bond between you is no longer transactional, its no longer even voluntary. And we’re seeing that spread in biological ways but in non-biological ways too. It’s one of the more hopeful things I see in society.”

It reminds me, a bit of a line in the book Tribes, by Seth Godin. In it, he writes, “What people are afraid of isn’t failure. It’s blame. Criticism” (pg. 46). I wonder if one of the key reasons why the family unit has broken down is because of the blame and criticism slung back and forth. About work, home, responsibilities, expectations, etc., etc., etc..

Creating one’s own family that doesn’t carry the burden of cultural, familial, and religious expectations is not only a bit more freeing, ITS A TON MORE FREEING!

Yet, there’s something to be said about a traditional family unit. A father, a mother, and their children. Isn’t there?

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Parenting

Sitka Alaska : "Yeah, it Rains."

These videos always inspire me, for a variety of reasons. Most of the time, when finished, my brain thinks, “We should move to Alaska!” Because it looks beautiful and fun and full of adventure.

But so too is where I live. If I want it to be.

But also, they gloss over (or ignore) the hardships which is why it looks so dreamy. I, on the other hand, can call my hardships by name because they keep me up at night.

Just as they would in Alaska.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Documentaries :  On Living : Real People