The Concrete is not Blank
We are not guaranteed tomorrow, next week, or next semester. If someone has encouraged you, tell them. If someone is struggling, check in on them. If a relationship or hopeful habit is broken, fix it. If something needs to be done, do it. Whatever your conviction or inspiration, don't wait. Get after it and DO GREAT THINGS!!!
“If you wait, it will get dark or it will rain. And then, it will be too late.”
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Great Cakes : Bad Climbing
I think my favorite is “Congratulations Gordon” because I like the idea of celebrating someone for their recklessness.
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Throat Notes, a short film by Felix Colgrave
Rarely do I understand Felix Colgrave, but always do I appreciate him.
If he were a musician playing some impromptu riff, a guitarist heading off on a solo or a drummer swinging the sticks around in a maze of sound, I would sit back and - in perfect silence - listen.
Sometimes that’s how I feel about Mr. Colgrave and his art. I have no idea how he does it, so I just sit. Because it too is awesome.
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Reading Log, 2020 : Best of
As always, my goal for the year was 30 books. I finished this year with 29 . . . rats!!!.
My Top Five Recommendations from the Year, in no particular order:
5. Personal and Authentic, by Thomas C. Murray
4. Amusing Ourselves to Death, by Neil Postman
3. My Name is Asher Lev, by Chaim Potok
2. The Great Alone, by Kristin Hannah
1. Leading with a Limp, by Dan B. Allender
Honorable Mentions:
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-N- Stuff : Books : Reading Log
The Payoff of Years
“I have to sometimes stop myself when I’m building things and remind myself that I really enjoy it. I enjoy the process of building and it’s not always a sprint to the finish.”
This video is the antithesis of the Instagram culture and a true source of inspiration. Not only does Beau remind us to enjoy the journey, he models the payoff of patience, of believing that all this “junk” or stored things (be it memories or blog posts) have the potential to make something truly beautiful in the end.
I often can’t wait to get to the finish. I want my careers or dreams to be here and now and complete. Yet, it is the process of building, of collecting, and making that will (hopefully) create something beautiful in the end. Largely because it will be something different than what I envision now. Because, like it happened once his wife entered the picture, people will have a say, they will change the plans I have and the way I envision the future, and inevitably make it better.
Man. That is truly encouraging.
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-N- Stuff : Humanity : On Living : Beau Miles
Doctored Photos of War . . . Are the Wrong?
“In 2007, Errol Morris wrote a three-part series for the NY Times about a pair of photos taken by Roger Fenton of the Crimean War in 1855. Taken from the same position on the same day, one of the photographs shows cannonballs scattered on a road while in the other photo, the road is clear of cannonballs. Which one, Morris wondered, was taken first and why?” (via).
Although he can never answer why they were moved, he does conclude which one was taken first.
This doctoring of a photo reminds me of another famous photo (this was doctored by the Soviet Union) that was recently discovered as fraud. Both have been manipulated for very specific reasons, and both - in their altered version - caused quite a stir.
What’s interesting to me is although both are altered, only one seems to be morally wrong. The Soviet picture was manipulated to save ridicule and produce and makes the Soviets seem better than they are. Which is wrong.
This one, however, is making the situation worse for the purpose of drawing more people into the harshness of the war, so they’re more sympathetic, more involved. And that, to me at least, is an entirely different motive and one that can be argued. Do the ends justify the means? Sometimes.
And perhaps this is one of those times.
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The Dichotomy of Realities: Why We Love and How we Hate
Sometimes, life is ironic. Sometimes it’s comical. Sometimes it’s ironically comical, like when the founder of AA asked for a shot of whisky on his death bed only to be denied by the nurse. Or the fact that “the only losing basketball coach in University of Kansas history is James Naismith—the man who invented basketball in 1891” and that A Charlie Brown Christmas is a movie about over commercializing Christmas, yet, every year, is trimmed down by ABC in order to make room for more commercials (via).
Sometimes, though, life’s irony isn’t all that funny. Sometimes it’s hard, frustrating, and more than a little exhausting. Like now, after the long Thanksgiving break - a weekend set aside to rest, be with family, and acknowledge the many blessings we have - I feel more exhausted and more frustrated than before.
Maybe you can relate? Of trying hard to maintain a good and positive and productive spirit, of trying to be diligent with your attitude and conversations with family and friends, of trying day in and day out to be purposeful in who you are and what you’ve been given only to be knocked down by a carelessly spoken word, a moment of deep disappointment, or the constant burden of a nagging worry.
Or perhaps you feel more like the student who wrote me about an “inner panic,” that’s “hard to express” but makes them “feel holed up and small.”
I know I feel that way sometimes. And I hate it. Largely because I can’t necessarily pinpoint why I feel it or explain where it came from. And because I can’t explain it, I can’t name it. And because I can’t name it I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it.
Recently, though, I’ve begun to try. I’ve named it DOR, short for “the Dichotomy of Realities.”
Let me explain.
Although there are some very real, very immediate changes to my life since the outbreak of COVID-19, everything else seems relatively normal. I still have a job, my kids still go to school in an actual school building, and bills are still being paid. Life isn’t all that different. Yet, when I turn on the news, listen to podcasts, or hear stories of people both near and far, I see and hear a reality that is harsh and hard and often very scary, and I just can’t make sense of it. How can what I see and hear be in such contrast to what I experience? How can both realities be true?
But then I think, maybe the difficulty isn’t in the ability to accept that various people are living radically different realities at the same time because that’s fairly normal. National Geographic has been exploiting that dichotomy for decades. The Dichotomy of Reality in a single person, however, is not normal. Or at least it shouldn’t be. And that, I believe, is where I’m truly struggling. How can two radically apposing realities actively exist - in the same moment and at the same time - in one person? How can we be both absolutely right and absolutely wrong simultaneously?
Like the woman in a video posted by @aaronjfaulkner who chewed out some teenage boys who were sitting in their car. “You’re ass is grass,” she barks through the slightly open driver-side window, “You’re supposed to be sheltering in place.” Then, when she notices the phone, she ends with, “Go ahead, put me on social media. You’re a little punk!” Her eyes are furrowed and her hand keeps hitting the glass. How can she not see the irony in her actions? How can she be so concerned about humanity yet so unkind to humans in the exact same moment?
Or what about the story that broke recently of the senior pastor at Flowing Streams Church in Florida who encouraged the Trump administration to “‘start shooting” democrats and members of the media in firing squads if it turns out they conspired to rig the presidential election.” How is that possible? How can a man read the scriptures of grace and mercy and forgiveness while also conjuring up ideas of a mass killing spree?
In his TED Talk, How One Tweet Can Ruin Your Life, Jon Ronson also wrestled with this dichotomy. If you don’t remember the name Justin Sacco you probably remember her story. She’s the one that sent a sarcastic (albeit insensitive) Tweet right before boarding a plane to Africa. Jon Ronson explains it this way:
{Justine Sacco} was a PR woman from New York with 170 Twitter followers, and she'd Tweet little acerbic jokes to them, like this one on a plane from New York to London: [Weird German Dude: You're in first class. It's 2014. Get some deodorant." -Inner monologue as I inhale BO. Thank god for pharmaceuticals.] So Justine chuckled to herself, and pressed send, and got no replies, and felt that sad feeling that we all feel when the Internet doesn't congratulate us for being funny . . . And then she got to Heathrow, and she had a little time to spare before her final leg, so she thought up another funny little acerbic joke:
[Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!]
And she chuckled to herself, pressed send, got on the plane, got no replies, turned off her phone, fell asleep, woke up 11 hours later, turned on her phone while the plane was taxiing on the runway, and straightaway there was a message from somebody that she hadn't spoken to since high school, that said, "I am so sorry to see what's happening to you." And then another message from a best friend, "You need to call me right now. You are the worldwide number one trending topic on Twitter."
Within hours, and at the hands of thousands of strangers, Justine had lost her job, her life, and her humanity. She sent a terrible message (albeit, misinterpreted) and was publicly maimed and destroyed for it. Yet, those who responded with deliberate cruelty, with horrific words and ideas that could in no way be misinterpreted as anything other than hateful not only “got a free pass” from all in attendance, they received affirmation and applause.
Comments such as, “I'm actually kinda hoping Justine Sacco gets aids? lol” was liked and retweeted. Another person tweeted, "Somebody HIV-positive should rape this bitch and then we'll find out if her skin color protects her from AIDS” and nothing happened. Nobody venomously responded to or retweeted their cruelty or contacted that person’s employer or found where they were traveling to and met them as they arrived.
Why?
How can there be such an accepted duality of reality? How can we acknowledge such wrong and hate and insensitivity in one instance yet ignore it completely in a slightly different other instance? How can we be so aware yet so blind?
How can I?
I may never say such vulgar things as those tweeted at Justine Sacco, but I know I am guilty of living in this dual reality. Like the times I get frustrated - and I mean the blood pumping, I’m-about-to-lose-my-shit kind of frustrated - and bark at my kids to “STOP YELLING AT YOUR SIBLINGS!!!” Or when I gossip about people who I think are gossipers
How can I do that? How can I, in the exact same instance, hate something bad yet embrace it with both arms? In those moments I instantly know I’m a fraud, that I’m living and expecting two different realities, but does that cause me to pause the next time he speaks unkindly? Sometimes. Other times not. Which is itself another frustration: why can I not stop doing what I hate doing?
The other night, while wrestling with the DOR, a quote came to mind: “So much death. What can man do against such reckless hate?” because in those moments, either when I see it happening on Facebook, the News, or anywhere else humans exist, I often feel the same way. That the fight is hopeless.
But then the rest of the quote came to mind, and as Lord of the Rings often does, it inspired me.
Movies that play on the Good vs Evil are always the same. The bad guy (or gal) are always bigger, stronger, more advanced, and for sure have many more followers. Yet, the good guys (or gal) always win in the end! But only after someone offers a bit of encouragement. Then, with a renewed vision, the hero is once again confident and ready to fight, to inspire those present, and lead them into their final battle against Evil. Soon after, the story ends and Good is victorious once again..
Aragon offers similar inspiration, “Ride with me. Ride out and meet them.” Or rather, “Don’t give up. Keep going.”
Recently that simple truth, although elementary in stature, has been a bedrock for my day to day. I’ve tried to be positive, to remain artistic and active, to be a man of integrity. Yet, more often then not, I’ve felt dull, accosted, and discouraged. Inconsequential even. In those moments I know full well I’m being unfair to myself and to life in general, but that doesn’t mean the frustration isn’t there, that I don’t want to throw my arms up in exhaustion and, in some way, give up. Just like King Theoden.
Its easy for us to focus on the negativity of the world around, largely because it’s the sauce that makes the evening news, TikTok videos, and Facebook posts. Yet, in the midst of the destruction and ugliness, I am also constantly reminded to “ride out and meet them” by those who continually refuse to give in or give up.
Like these people who, in the early onsets of the Global Shutdown, found ways to stay positive, stay creative, and keep each other laughing.
“Always find ways to cheer yourself up,” the young journalist, Violet Wang says. Or better yet, always find ways to cheers up others for that is what sustains us, encourages us, and inspires us to be better people. Not criticism and backbiting.
I doubt any of those people above maintained such great attitudes all throughout their quarantine. I’m sure, like me, they had their rough days, weeks, perhaps even months. But I’m also just as confident that they found encouragement from someone who inspired them to get out of bed or of their own discouraged mind and do something fun, something creative, and something worthwhile.
Because that too is part of our dichotomous reality, that we are kind and good and able to do great things even when we don’t feel like it. Even when we’re at war.
We are rarely allowed to have a choice in the event we are asked to live, but we are always provided a choice in how we choose to respond to those events. We can either destroy a life, or save it. We heal each other, Zahed says, when we catch another’s hand from darkness and move them into light.
We know this and want this, which is why stories such as My Enemy, My Brother stir our hearts to tears. Because we know it to be true and want, so desperately, to live lives of such moral aptitude.
Yet, when the moment presents itself, when we have an opportunity to do what we want to do, we do not. Instead, we do the very thing we hate to do: we destroy. We live out our Dichotomy of Reality. We live out our humanity.
“Human beings,” states Bryan Stevenson - founder and executive director of the Equal Justice Initiative, “are biologically programmed to do what is comfortable, to do what is convenient” and not necessarily what is right. “To do something uncomfortable,” he continues, what is scary, what is dangerous, what is not fun, requires us to make a conscious choice - a decision - to do the very thing we do not want to do. To be kind, to love despite the hate, and to save a life rather than destroy it.
“An absence of compassion can corrupt the decency of a community, a state, a nation. Fear and anger can make us vindictive and abusive, unjust and unfair, until we all suffer from the absence of mercy. We condemn ourselves as much as we victimize others” (via). In short, we all lose.
So now what?
Now that I have named it and found a way to explain it, how do I deal with it? The answer, for me at least, is quite simple: keep fighting. Be it against the war of pain and destruction around me, or the war for pain and destruction within me. Keep Fighting.
To paraphrase Jon Gordon:
When they say unkind things about you, keep fighting.
When they falsely accuse you, keep fighting.
When no one notices, keep fighting.
When everyone notices, keep fighting.
Fight with passion.
Fight the good fight. For history never remembers the critics, only those who signed up for the battle. Because they’re the ones that become the heroes, who become brothers. They’re the one’s who change the world.
They’re the ones who ride out and meet them.
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The Forest Man of India
Since the 1970's Majuli islander Jadav Payeng has been planting trees in order to save his island. To date he has single handedly planted a forest larger than Central Park NYC. His forest has transformed what was once a barren wasteland, into a lush oasis.
Above my computer at work, a quote reads, “You know what’s stupid . . . crying, whining and complaining about your situation while doing absolutely nothing to try and change it.”
People like Jadav Payeng embody that truth.
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A fantastic video on how Medieval bridges were built
How satisfying is that?
What’s crazy is, with the addition of the music, it seems so joyful. Yet, when considering the amount of time, effort, man-power, and environmental factors (rain, cold, ice, ect), I cannot imagine how the laborours endured. Or the plans.
The bridge constructed is the real-life Charles Bridge in Prague, which took several decades to build!
This, From Amusing Planet, helps put the construction into some perspective.
Construction of the Charles Bridge started in 1357, under the auspices of King Charles IV, but it was not completed until the beginning of the 15th century. The bridge has 16 arches and 15 pillars, each shielded by ice guards. It’s 512 meters long and nearly 10 meters wide. The balustrade is decorated with 30 statues and statuaries depicting various saints and patron saints, although these were erected much later, between 1683 and 1714. To preserve these statues, they were replaced with replicas during the 1960s. The originals are at Prague’s National Museum.
Until the middle of the 19th century, the Charles Bridge was the only crossing on river Vltava, which made the bridge an important connection between Prague Castle and the city’s Old Town and adjacent areas.
As the only crossing, I can imagine it garnered it’s fair share of wages. Which is why, I think, this construction is so interesting. Because King Charles the IV would never see its completion, yet he deemed it worthy to build. And so did everyone else who followed.
In our current political climate, can you imagine a string of leaders who take up the ideas and plans of the president prior?
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Ethan Hawk: On Creativity
“If history has taught us anything it is that the world is an extremely unreliable critique.”
Life, From our Neighbor's Window : A short Film
I really appreciated this video, and for a variety of reasons. For one, it was really well done! Especially the scene with the tea. For some reason, watching that little piece of paper that is connected to the tea bag drift down the mug as the water pushed the tea bag to the top was so incredibly satisfying and real. So too was the tension, the life, and the moments of every day married life.
There was also a great deal that I could relate to.
Strangely, one of them was a naked neighbor. While living in China, we absolutely saw the lives of others who lived just across the way. And yes, one of them loved to live life naked, and without curtains. Fortunately, our relationship with him was more like that of Ugly Naked Guy from Friends. We never knew him or met him outside on the street. We just noticed him, as we did the dishes or poured ourselves a late night tea. We never ordered binoculars.
We do, however, find ourselves much like the married couple in that we can sometimes spend time in our days wishing for other things. Things like peace and quiet and the ability to finish conversations. Or, just as the short film portrays, to be young and vibrant and social again. At times we even wish that life were different. That we were different.
Sometimes, we want to be young again.
And in that regard, this short film hit close to home. Which is why the ending - the reminder - was all the more powerful: life is not greener on the other side, it is greener where we water it.
And in order to water it, one must be present. Which I can often times have a difficult time doing. So too does my wife. She just does it in a different direction. While she tends to want to redo the past; I often long for a better future. Left alone, neither is all that helpful, but both have their role.
Just like the two neighbors experienced, considering the past and the mistakes made can impact and improve the future. It can also dull the present. Planning for a better future requires analyzing and improving the now - which is great! But it can also pull the joy out of the present.
In order to be healthy, both perspectives require a stable and consistent dose of living in and absorbing the present. Be it with a newly discovered relationship and the spontaneity and freedom it allows, or an experience and a routine relationship that is filled with diapers, bills, and occasional nights off, it is essential that we turn our backs to the window and absorb the present. Because whether we like it or not, it’s what we have. And whether we believe it or not, we have control over it. As well as our perceptions of it.
And that, for me at least, is an encouraging thought. It is also a great reminder to put away the phone, get on the floor with the kids or crawl onto the couch with my wife - no matter how tired I am.
If I don’t, I’ll spend my days staring out windows, missing and wishing for life.
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Two TEDTalks by Adam Grant Redefine Success and What it Means to be Original
There’s a lot here worth mentioning, but perhaps the greatest advice is, “Being original doesn’t mean being first. It means being different and better.”
Coupled with his next TEDTalk, “Are you a Giver or a Taker?”, the concept of being different and better takes on a whole new weight of responsibility. Being “better” doesn’t mean beating out the competition or winning, it can (and perhaps should) mean being more helpful.
Some of my favorite quotes:
“Not all takers are narcissists. Some are just givers who got burnt one too many times.”
Protect the Givers from Burnout
Five Minute Favor:Find small ways to add large value to other people’s lives
Lincioni
Encourage Help-seeking
Givers must recognize that it’s okay to be a receive too
Get the Right People on the Bus
One taker can ruin the givers
One giver gets bombarded by the takers
“Agreeableness and disagreeableness is your outer vernier. How pleasant is it to interact with you? Whereas giving and taking are more of your inner motives. What are your values, your intentions for others?
“Disagreeable givers are the most undervalued people in our organizations because they are the ones that give us critical feedback that no one wants to hear but everyone needs to hear.”
"Success is not about winning a competition, its all about contribution . . . “the best way to succeed is to help other people succeed.”
Pronoia: the belief that other people are plotting your well being.
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-N- Stuff : Humanity : Adam Grant : TEDTalks
The Future of Coffee. It looks bleak.
I thought this year couldn’t get any worse. Then this dropped.
Holy friggen hell.
Blockbuster: a historical museum
Blockbuster had the option to BUY Netflix, but chose not to. From what I’ve heard, its because a large percentage of their revenue came from late fees, and Netflix didn’t have any.
Interesting.
Conversations Along a Postal Route : A Documentary
Using .50 caliber shells for necklaces . . . can you imagine?
I love, too, that right after he says it, the music in the background softly sings, “That ain’t right.” Hilarious. Yet true.
Sometimes, imagining what our country once was is almost impossible. But then I take a step back and ask, “Are we that much different now?” Sometimes, it seems, we’ve simply changed the name of the city, the politician, and the reason for our hate and discrimination.
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This Dual Axis illusion is trippy
I never knew there was a Best Illusion of the Year contest, but now that I do, I’m stoked. I’m also in complete agreement. This optical illusion is ridiculous.
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Rotoscoping : A brief history of animation
In this episode of Vox Almanac, Vox’s Phil Edwards explores the beginning of rotoscoping, a technique animators can use to create realistic motion. Invented by Max Fleischer of Fleischer Studios (and echoed and practiced by many others), it involves taking filmed footage and using it as a traceable model for animation. The results are fluid and natural in a way animation had never been before (via).
I just love short documentaries like this, where we see the evolution of animation - from dancing ghosts to The Hulk. I tend to see where we are, not where we’ve been, and lose sight of all the minds and steps and beautiful moments all in between.
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Favorite Podcasts : October/November
Here are a few of my favorites from the past month. Some have been truly convicting (the last three mentioned), two just down right entertaining (Lost in America and Running with Donkeys), and one a bit of a can opener to the world of mental illness (Kirkbridge Plan) which was unconsciously followed by me watching The Joker, episode three of Modern Love, and two 30 for 30 documentaries - Rodman: for better or worse and Tommy , all of which deal with mental illness in one way or another.
Anyway, here are a few favorites from the past month or so! If you have any suggestions, let me know! I’m all ears.
Lost in America, by This American Life : Stories of people who are lost, histories that are lost, and things that are lost. This show was recorded onstage in front of audiences on a five-city tour in May 2003. The cities: Boston, Washington DC, Portland Oregon, Denver and Chicago.
Running With Donkeys with Chris McDougall : A few years ago, Chris’ family adopted a donkey named Sherman who had been neglected by an animal hoarder. Their solution to getting Sherman happy and healthy was to give him a purpose and teach him how to burro race, a feat that became an amazing adventure in itself. The book is Chris McDougall’s most personal work and explores the importance of purpose and community in how both animals and humans survive and thrive.
The Kirkbridge Plan, by 99% Invisible : Today, there are more than a hundred abandoned asylums in the United States, many of them not all that different from Buffalo State. It’s one of the reasons we’re all so familiar with the idea of the big empty asylum in the woods. Few stop to wonder where all these structures came from, but, in fact, all of this was part of a treatment regimen developed by a singular Philadelphia doctor, a physician who was obsessed with architecture and how it could be harnessed therapeutically to cure those who’d become insane.
Screaming Into The Void: How Outrage Is Hijacking Our Culture, And Our Minds, by Hidden Brain : An exploration of how the satisfactions of outrage affect our politics, our communities, and our minds.
Maslow’s Human Needs, by TED Radio Hour : Humans need food, sleep, safety, love, purpose. Psychologist Abraham Maslow ordered our needs into a hierarchy. This week, TED speakers explore that spectrum of need, from primal to profound.
Transparency, by TED Radio Hour : Sometimes, being truthful can be uncomfortable—even risky. But can radical honesty and openness change things for the better? This hour, TED speakers take transparency all the way to its limit.
Enjoy the day, and happy listening.
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Slow Mo Guys have a new video
The Slow Mo Guys are out with a new video!!!
These guys are pretty cool and have dozens of videos to get lost in.
Here are a few favorites.
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