“If you’re a leader, you’re in the battle of your life” (pg 1).
”To the degree you face and name and deal with your failure as a leader, to that same extent you will create an environment conducive to growing and retaining productive and committed colleagues.” And, “the degree you attempt to hide or dissemble your weaknesses, the more you will need to control those you lead, the more insecure you will become, and the more rigidity you will impose - prompting the ultimate departure of your best people. Prepare now to admit to your staff that your are the chief sinner” (pg 2 and 3).
“It takes humility to name our narcissism, and we’re too married to our image to come clean about how messed up we are” (pg 5).
”To grow in confidence, connectedness, and success, you have to admit for all to hear that you are a failure” (pg. 7).
”A good leader will, in time, disappoint everyone. Leadership requires a willingness to not be liked, in fact, a willingness to be hated” (pg 14).
”Anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others - anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good - is a leader” (pg 25).
”Leadership is about whether we will grow in maturity in the extremely of success” (pg 29).
”One price of formal leadership is being alone” (pg 33).
”Even when a leader looks confident and appears strong, fear may be guiding his operational genius. And the more a leader lets fear be his driving force, the emptier his heart becomes and the more suspicious he is of those with whom he works (pg 42).
”Remembering your lies is more difficult than knowing the truth” (pg 43).
“Leadership that mimics Jesus will not be normal. It will be neither expected nor, in most cases, preferred. It will be disruptive and anomalous, and it will demand one’s body and soul, fortune, reputation, and all the other small gods that keep our lives safe and satisfied” (pg. 55).
”So why do most leaders live in fear that they will one day be discovered and known, exposed and humiliated? They know they’re a mess, but they hope against hope that no one will notice” (pg 56).
”It is far more difficult to be a shepherd-king, one who must possess power and give it away until he serves as the balancing point of an inverted pyramid . . . As a leader, the king must be open to the wisdom of others and then give power to others to carry out the project” (pg. 61).
“A Chinese symbol for crisis is the merging of two signs, one meaning “danger” and the other meaning “opportunity.” A crisis has the potential to transform or destroy. And what is the tipping point towards transformation in the face of crisis? The choice is either to cower in fear or step forward with courage. The tipping point is brokenness rather than control” (pg 67).
”Humility comes only by wounds suffered from foolish falls” (pg 70).
”If those I lead have already found out the worst there is to know about me - that I am a sinner - then the log in my eye is continually being removed in the midst of every crisis” (pg 75).
”Email is the greatest scourge of modern communication. It facilitates the passing on of simple information, yet it forces complex matters to be presented in a fashion that makes what is difficult appear easy and, in many cases, what is peripheral seem central. Email distorts. It allows thoughtful and reasonable communication to appear deranged and fury laden. And if you read email with only have of your synapses firing, you are doomed. Coffee helps, but email still adds to the darkness of the looking glass” (pg 79).
“What am I not seeing in this situation? What grid am I imposing on my world that keeps me from seeing more fully? What bias from my ethnic, socioeconomic, religious, national, or experiential grids is blinding me to my situation?” (Pg 83).
”Regidity always results in an us-versus-them mentality. Wherever you see polarities - good/bad, right/wrong, Left/Right - you know the real issue has been oversimplified. Black-and-white dogmatism has been exercised in an attempt to avoid complexity. No issue worthy of reflection can truly be understood by reducing it to polarities. Greater depth and broader exploration are needed” (pg 87).
”A leader-fool is free enough to operate outside traditional and conventional wisdom, but wise enough to take advantage of any voice, no matter its source. And one of the best sources of perspective is enemies. If we can learn from them, we can profit from anyone.
Yet we typically prefer the readily available perspective; we reach for what’s on the surface rather than choosing to go deeper. Often we fail to listen to our enemies, or even to those on our side who strenuously disagree with us, because considering their words would stir up too much dust. Now, I don’t recommend sitting down with your enemies as a daily habit, but on occasion you can learn much about yourself from them” (pg 89).
“The more complex the situation, the more we tend to resort to analysis. To analyze something means to dissect it until we come to an understanding that we believe allows us to predict, manage, and control the problem. But chaos theory reminds us that every effort to measure, let alone control, a phenomenon not only changes it but moves it in an unpredictable direction. Control is the province of idiots, not leader-fools” (pg 91).
”If you exercise power and authority over others, you are probably an press or. We leaders misuse our power when we envy what we perceive others possess and then attempt to take it from them” (pg 96).
”Envy is not a fancy word for greed. People motivated by greed don’t usually choose to be leaders - they rob banks. A leader is often a wounded individual who feels drawn to rectify, to amend, the suffering she has endured in the past. It sounds noble, and often is, until new wounds of betrayal are suffered that repeat the original harm. Then the nastiness begins” (pg 96).
“Most leaders, however, do have a significant history of betrayal that motivates them to grasp the reins of leadership, and it’s ironic that the role of leader brings with it the guarantee of being betrayed” (pg 97).
“Betrayal comes primarily in one of two forms: abandonment or abuse” (pg 98).
”The narcissist leader is usually brilliant in the art of gossip, the dynamics of office politics, and the strategy of divide and conquer . . . At times it seems as though narcissists rule the world” (pg 98, 99).
”Betrayal is certain; what is uncertain is how we will embrace betrayal and use it for the growth of character” (pg 101).
”Leaders often possess large egos. Perhaps it takes someone with an abundant ego to think he can do what others view as impossible. Leaders typically blend strong vision with a deep dissatisfaction with the status quo” (pg 104).
”Self-righteousness is a trick by which we gain power, and the power comes with comparing ourselves favorably against another” (pg 105).
The antitype of a narcissist is “kind and open. He builds consensus, blesses others, takes the blame for his failures, and bears the weight and responsibility for the fumbling of others” (pg 106).
“No matter how hard a leader wishes to be a regular person, it is just no possible” (pg 109).
”The result of many leaders is a deep sense of isolation and loneliness that comes with realizing that others will never understand them or richly enjoy them” (pg 111).
”It is rare for a person to ask more than two meaningful questions of another person, especially if that other person is in distress. We want to help, to quickly resolve the struggle. But we don’t want to offer someone else’s helplessness or confusion. If all we need to do is offer to move furniture or give a few dollars to settle the issue, then we willingly help. But to sit with Job in his agony is more than the vast majority of human beings will do, even for those they love most” (pg 113).
”Honoring confidentiality puts a leader in the direct path of the Mack truck of gossip” (pg 114).
“People in organizations form alliances. Loneliness in leadership that has integrity mostly relates to the need to eschew these alliances when they would conflict with one’s integrity and values. Another time when loneliness is highlighted is when things follow an unplanned course into adversity and folks want to save their own hides. A true leader cannot just melt into the ground. She or he needs to stand and quite possibly intercept arrows - and that is in vital areas!” (Pg 119)
“Friendships in an organization tend to be less about seeking truth together and more about building alliances that secure power and safety” (pg 119).
”The issue of truth in relationships is never a matter of trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong. It is an issue of whether truth grows as both people seek the truth together . . . Honesty is not just saying what we feel or think, it is seeking to be laid bare before the eyes of truth to see as we are seen” (pg 120).
”I don’t know what happened to divide us, but I long to be restored, and I would like to hear how you understand this struggle” (pg 121).
”We may never agree, nor do we need to do so, but we need others - especially those who challenge us to dig deeper and become more human” (pg 121).
”Honesty has been misused as a synonym for saying difficult things with little care for the other: (go 122).
”Being busy seems like a polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional. Busyness is the moral equivalent to laziness . . . Busyness is moral laziness because it involves refusing to live with courage and intentionality” (pg 128, 129).
“We surround ourselves with noise and busyness so we don’t have to look at the monotonous trap we have created for ourselves” (pg 130).
“A busy leader spins webs of activity to satisfy an inner yearning for meaning and the hungry expectations of others” (pg 130).
“With all that is before me, will I continue to lead? If I choose to continue, how will I lead in a way that engages the heart of those I serve?” (Pg 136).
“A leader is called to go further than anyone else . . . Wherever we stop progress of growth is the unseen line dividing civilization from no man’s land. Consequently, if a person desires to lead other into maturity rather than mere productivity, he must go first” (pg 152).
”Acknowledging our failures is an opportunity to clear the air and open a new path for resolutions” (go 152).
“A leader must understand her unique blend of strengths and weaknesses, a blend that reveals the character of God, and then she must tell her story often and well. A leader is first a storyteller. She tells the story of her foolishness, redemption, reconciliation, and restoration to God and others. She is the canvas that God paints to reveal the beauty of his grace” (pg 153).
“How am I to use my gifts and suffer my weaknesses for good? A good story is one in which I co-create with those whom I serve” (pg 154).
“Why admit your failures publicly? First, doing so invites others to look more honestly at their own need for forgiveness, freedom, and courage. It also removes the dividing wall of hierarchy and false assumptions about people in power and gives the leader who humbles himself the opportunity to be lifted up by God” (pg. 173).
“A leader’s first calling is to grow, knowing that he is the one who has the furthest distance to mature” (pg 185).
Grade: A+
This grade isn’t high enough for this book. Holy Jesus, this is a MUST READ for any and all leaders/people - even those who will be turned off by the heavy reliance upon biblical teachings.
Quickly, this book has marched itself to the top shelf of all-time favorites.
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