Tweak the relationship between strengths and weaknesses. Be the 16%.

Image from The Gaping Void.

“Only 16% of people manage to keep their New Year’s Resolutions,” The Gaping Void blog recently published. That means 86% of us will fail. Especially if our resolutions “are trying to fix a long-term fault” like losing weight, going to the gym daily, or changing an undesirable habit.

Why do we fail so often? Because “It’s difficult to change an aspect of your personality by sheer force of will,” the post continues, “And if it is a weakness you choose to work on, you probably won’t enjoy the process. If you don’t find pleasure or reinforcement along the way . . . you’ll soon give up.”

The solution, provided through the wisdom of Jonathan Haidt, is, “Work on your strengths, not your weaknesses.”

“Instead of saying, ‘I’m going to lose weight,’” The Gaping Void explains, “say, ‘I really love salad. Next year, I plan to eat more of it.’ Or, ‘I really loved tennis when I was a kid. I think I might take it up again.’”

Instead of focusing on where you need to improve, embrace what you love. And I love that.

Instead of trying to “fix what’s ‘wrong’ with us {which} is never fun and rarely works,” simply “tweak the relationship between our strengths and our weaknesses and choose to look at it from a different perspective.” Again, I just love that.

It is easy to fixate on what is “wrong” with us when reflecting. The way we behave in stressful situations, our innate ability to say the wrong thing when we desperately mean not to, or the extra pounds we carry. Whatever it is, when we look in the mirror, that fault is the only thing we see.

Believing we can suddenly fix them, simply because the calendar changed a day, does little more than add to the weight of guilt, frustration, and defeat. And when we fail it only encourages what we already believe, that we cannot change. “I simply cannot do this anymore,” we whisper to ourselves or cry into the abyss.

Because it’s true. We can’t. The majority of us can’t, anyway. I know I can’t. And I have a 20-ish years-long list of unfulfilled resolutions to prove it.

Especially recently.

This past year I have been crippled by the harsh realities of my insufficiency. In all walks of life, when I evaluate and consider who I am and what I’ve done, I am disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed. Which is why, for the first time in 20-ish years, I have no New Year’s Resolution. There are simply too many wrongs that need fixing, and I have lost hope.

“High-functioning depression” has suddenly entered my Google results.

This reality has not only confused me, it has frightened me. I’m not supposed to be this way. I’m supposed to be strong, funny, confident, and stable.

I’m supposed to be a man. A father. A husband. A principal. I’m supposed to be better.

There simply is no room for this shit.

Yet, it is here. Unwanted and uninvited.

And I cannot fix it.

This is why I truly appreciated the above post by The Gaping Void. Largely because it doesn’t attempt to fill my mind with the typical, “This will be your year!” bullshit. Instead, it offers a simple challenge: tweak the relationship between your strengths and weaknesses and choose to look at it from a different perspective.

A different perspective can often lead to a different purpose.

When I consider my shortcomings and disappointments, they are exhausting. What plummets me, however, is when I stop there. When I fixate on lost opportunities, failed endeavors, broken relationships, and failed tries. When I fixate on myself, I get discouraged. When I focus on others, however, I have reason.

I have reason to get out of bed and head to work because my family needs me.

I have reason to head to work because my students need someone to see them.

I have reason to hear my teachers because they need someone to trust them.

When I focus on others, I have reason to keep going because maybe “My year” has nothing to do with me but everything to do with the people around me.

Maybe “my year” focuses less on where I am struggling and frustrated and a hellova lot more on why others are struggling and frustrated. And what I can do about it.

Maybe “my year” isn’t about tweaking what is wrong with me but embracing what is right with me, being comfortable and confident with that, and believing, truly believing, it is enough because it is what I have. What I’ve been given. What I’ve been gifted.

Maybe “my year” is tweaking the relationship between my strengths and my weaknesses and choosing to look at Life from a different perspective.

Maybe this is the year I am the 16%.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Education : New Years

2020 : Welcome to Existence

I’ve mentioned before that the first post of every new year is difficult because it seems to set the tone for the year. Last year, after posting a comic strip from Calvin and Hobbs that highlighted the hope of coming adventure, the year was exactly that! Full of road trips, camping, Spartan races, and many large and small adventures. It was great! And I for sure don’t want that part of our family identity to flounder. But I also want them - and other aspects of life - to improve.

Take, for example, our recent vaunt through the streets of downtown Pittsburgh. Our train from Philly to Montana had a four hour layover so we tried to find a Starbucks to pass the time . . . in the middle of the night . . . with our umpteen bags of luggage dangling from our arms and faces. It was terrible. But it was also a great memory that we’ll share forever! It could also be so, so much better. If only I were better at being intentional (I know, kind of an easy/overly used word, but so what! It works).

I still don’t want to be boring or wasteful with my time and life. I do, however, want to be a bit more purposeful with the day to day that defines them. Recently, the specifics of what that could look like has manifested itself in three brilliant videos.

Birds on The Wires : Enjoy the Music

This is how I want to intentionally view my day to day. As music.

When something is off or frustrating its okay because the song isn’t over.

When something is beautiful and sweet, enjoy and relax. Smile.

Or, when something is, “meh,” look for the birds, see the melody. Enjoy the music.

Where this gets most difficult is that this has to be a choice, a day in and day out intentionally to see beyond the fuss and muck, the boring and mundane. And that, at times, can be difficult. But also worth it. Because the ending product is music, sweet music, and not the ugly cawing of murdering crows.

Engagement Proposal : EPIC MOMENT!!!

First off. I’m not crying, you are.

Second, there are a few easy takeaways from this. One, to make my wife feel more special. It’s easy to get trapped in the normalcy of life, to expect what was once new and thrilling or sweet, and no longer hearing the music of her life. I know I’m often guilty of doing so. This video reminded me to make the time, the effort, and the fun to love my wife and show her just how special she is. Because she’s worth it.

The second is this. A proposal is (I’m guessing) always special and a moment worth remembering, even the ones that required very little planning. The great ones, however, the kind of ones that make grown men cry are the ones that embrace planning and details and make sure it isn’t just an experience. They are intentional!! Which allows for one helluva an EPIC MOMENT!!! I have found that throughout my short adult life, I have had many experiences and therefore great stories to tell. But I also have very few EPIC MOMENTS!!! because I don’t plan. I just do.

This year and in the ones to come, I need to be intentional about creating at least one EPIC MOMENT each and every year. And with my oldest turning 13 this year, I think this year is covered.

Rambo Day :

There is a lot here, and for me to unpack it completely would probably result in a full and lengthy blog all its own. And ain’t nobody got time for that.

Instead, I’ll focus on a few things:

1. How one person inspired so many to do something so great. The montage at the end, when the narrator is describing why they did this, is truly inspiring. I love how he didn’t categorize his friendships throughout his life (high school friends, college friends, etc.), but merged them. And, how all of them, from all over the country, felt that something “a bit over the top” was a “fitting tribute to the friend who has always been the first to step up and make something happen for the rest of us.” I want to be this kind of friend.

2. Life and relationships. Again, from the narrator: “Even though this may seem a bit ridiculous, I would argue that it is a rare thing, to be able to celebrate a friendship by bringing together everyone’s creative energy and hard earned cash, to pull off a series of events that we will talk about for the rest of our lives. We’ve been doing it for each other since we’ve met. Different personalities, different strengths and weaknesses. Giving and taking, pushing and pulling, to get the best out of one another. I think that’s what life is all about. Joining an army of sorts, and fighting for the right reasons. Having each other’s back, and making sure we all enjoy life as much as possible.” Not a bad way to sum it all up.

3. Be Rambo. “In the face of danger, or heartache and pain, or lack of confidence, he’s always been there to provide laughter and a positive perspective. To lift us up. Inspire us. And show us how to be a bad ass in all aspects of life.” I want to be this kind of friend, husband, father, principal. I want to be Rambo.

In short, my takeaway from this film and carry with me through 2020 is to intentionally “stay positive. Stay creative. And keep each other laughing.”

(Side note. The last scene from Rambo for a Day, the “God didn’t make Rambo, I did” scene. That part really got me. Because it’s true. I would venture to say that the bulk of who Dana is was created by his dad. And the fact that his friends knew his father needed to be there - that he would WANT to be there - speaks a whole lot of feelings to me, as a son and a father. Damn.)

My word for 2020 is intentionality and these videos helped me flesh that out a bit.

Good luck to you and your new year’s ambitions!!! It’s gonna go fast:)