Three Boxes

I often think about boxes. Three, specifically. The one I used to bring my few teaching possessions to my first ever classroom, and the second I used to clean out my last classroom - when my teaching career ended. I still have one more last day ahead, and I think about what will fill that box a lot. I hope it won't be for many years to come, but I know it will come sooner than expected. 

I know some of you are experiencing this now. Within the next couple of months or years, you will pack your final box. What memories will you take? What trinkets will you throw away? 

What will you remember most?

Sometimes, I think about these boxes. Other times, I don't. I get lost in the day-to-day. I get frustrated by decisions made beyond my control, distracted by unkind words or deeds, or sometimes, I'm simply clouded.

Thinking of my first boxes and the hopes and dreams I carried into my first school helps. The joy of walking into my first classroom, rearranging the empty seats, and wanting so badly to be a good teacher. To make a difference. 

Lately, I've been considering my first and last box. Will my actions and plans today help the ignorant hopes I packed manifest into notes from students, memories with colleagues, and trinkets worth taking? 

In the midst of the years, it's easy to forget about the boxes. Recently, I've been trying hard not to. Why did I pack the first, and what will fill the last?

Bad Boss

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, primarily because I think there is a bit more to this.

Yes, if bosses limit their employees' growth out of fear that they might leave, they are indeed bad bosses. However, this relationship seems rare only because if that is how a boss treats their employees, they’re selfish and near-sighted. And if they are selfish and near-sighted, there is probably a great deal more dysfunction in the workplace that is already causing people to leave.

What is more common and less obvious is that the boss withholds opportunities for advancement or personal growth because they are intimidated by their employee's knowledge, success, or confidence.

Insecure bosses often need to flex their power by denying simple things like vacations, training, or ideas. They will create discord among colleagues and isolate potential threats (people or ideas) out of self-preservation. And more often than not, this is done unconsciously.

Most bad bosses don’t wake up wanting to be bad bosses. Like the rest of us, they want to help, support, and encourage those they lead. However, their insecurity and desire to be respected easily and unintentionally cloud their judgment.

When questioned or challenged on an idea, they take it personally rather than making it personal. They get defensive rather than curious or open.

When a new way of thinking is presented, they quickly find reasons why it won’t work rather than how they help and support it.

Instead of celebrating the room's brightness, when others are successful or celebrated, a lousy boss fears another’s light will extinguish their own.

As a boss, I fear that I am all these things. Not intentionally, of course, but because I am human and want to be lauded and applauded - if only as affirmation that I’m doing a good job - I fear I can quickly and easily fall victim to these traps.

Asking myself, “Why am I saying no?” or “Why am I feeling defensive?” can often help reveal my heart and intentions and bring me back to where I need and want to be as a leader. As someone who cares more about the people than the task.

Thank you, Adam Grant, for the reminder.

Principal Evaluations : How to Use Them and Why They Matter.

Principal evaluations are tricky and can easily be ugly, but they can also be deeply rewarding. For yourself and your staff. After years of having my students evaluate me as a teacher and my staff evaluate me as a principal, I’ve definitely learned what not to do. But also, and more importantly, I’ve learned a few things about what to do.

Being evaluated is never easy largely because no one ever wants to be told they’re imperfect. Even though, deep down, we know more than anyone the flaws we carry. But that doesn’t dull the sting of someone pointing it out.

And that is precisely why principal evaluations are so tricky.

When we are asking those we serve to evaluate us, no matter our intentions, proven kindness, or deepest sincerity to grow and learn, there is still a power dynamic at play. And if our staff sense, even slightly, the possibility of retaliation, the survey will quickly be seen as a trap, a gimmick, and could quite easily become a wedge rather than a bridge.

For these evaluations to be honest, purposeful, and beneficial to our personal growth and the well-being of our school and staff, we need to understand, acknowledge, and protect this unique and fragile dynamic and ensure we do not accidentally (or intentionally) abuse or misuse this imbalance of power. 

Speaking from experience, if our principal evaluations are fumbled, it can cause destruction and discord within a school. 

If done appropriately, however, a principal evaluation will not only build trust and community within your school, it will also grow you into a more purposeful and intentional leader.

#1: Understanding the Power Dynamic. Two Ways to Ensure Your Survey Builds Trust

In a perfect world, our principal evaluations would be done in person. But we don’t live in a perfect world. We live in a world where power is abused, where honesty is often rewarded with judgment, and where trust between those with power and those without is at an all-time low. Therefore, asking your staff to openly evaluate you is extremely damaging as it puts them in an awkward position of either telling you what you want to hear or holding back what they truly feel. And once this happens, once your staff feels manipulated or taken advantage of, trust is broken.

Even though these surveys can be seen as ugly and scary and full of “hurtful feedback,” if we’re asking for feedback and truly wanting to know how our staff feels about our leadership, we must let them say what they feel. Without fear of retribution.

An anonymous survey provides you an opportunity to receive true and honest feedback, it protects your staff from feeling manipulated or bullied - a term I use purposefully because there is an imbalance of power. And although you may not intend to misuse your power, the fear that you can or could is always there.

To ensure your staff feel and are protected from potential retribution, when giving your evaluation, consider the following:

Don’t Read the Surveys: In the past, I had teachers hand in their surveys or submit them online. Then I would read through them one by one, gather data, and share what I had found with my staff. Every so often, however, I would be accused of analyzing the surveys to discover who wrote what. And although this wasn’t true, the perception of it was, leading to a mistrust of me and the system. To combat this, instead of reading through the surveys myself, I provide yet another layer of anonymity by having my Leadership Team read through the surveys and provide me with an overarching narrative. “What themes do you see?” I ask them, “What common thread can you pull out from their responses?”

If you don’t have a team you can trust on your staff, consider an outsider, someone who can provide you honest feedback and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Your mom is probably not a great resource on this one.

Having someone else read the surveys does two things:

1. It protects against the accusation or even temptation to analyze the responses and attach marks and comments to individual teachers. It allows you to see you to continually see your staff with a caring heart, rather than a cautious one.

2. It protects you from fixating on the negative. As a fellow administrator recently stated, “I hold my breath when I read them . . . and even if there’s just ONE critical response, that’s the one my brain obsesses over.” Having a small group of trusted teachers read through the comments saves us from overanalyzing and obsessing over the negative comments, allowing us to see the bigger picture.

When we fixate on specific comments or criticisms we can quickly become defensive rather than reflective. We focus more on the words rather than the story. Having a trusted team read through our evaluations allows them to take a distant, larger perspective of what is being said rather than taking every comment personally.

Once your team has helped you discover the larger narrative it's time to present your findings to your staff.

#2: Be an Example. Bring it Back to the Staff.

This is perhaps the most awkward part of the evaluation, but it is also the most important. Standing in front of your staff, vulnerable and honest, allows your staff to see you model how to appropriately, professionally, and purposefully receive feedback. It shows them that you are listening and that you care more about them than you do yourself. 

While presenting:

1. Don’t Protect Yourself. Whatever is said about you, own it. Tell them why you agree, where you have missed the mark, and why you think this is important. Make it about them, not you. If you make it about you, how hard you’ve worked and how terrible this makes you feel, it can be seen as yet another manipulation tool and will crash and burn any progress you have made. Remember, this is a powerful opportunity to show your staff what it means to grow and learn and be better. Be an example of what that looks like.
   
   

2. Provide Solutions. This moment will probably be awkward for everyone involved. Letting the evaluation hang in the air without a plan for how you are going to consider their evaluation will make it even more so. Again, this is a modeling opportunity and a concrete example to them of how YOU want THEM to respond to their evaluations. Model what it should look like and how it should feel. Be hopeful, thoughtful, and excited at the opportunity of moving forward with a solution mindset!
   
   

3. Make it Count. If nothing changes, nothing will change. “What’s the point,” will begin to creep into your teachers' mindsets and conversations. If you’re going to solicit feedback you better be ready to do something about it. Failure to do so will not only destroy any trust your staff have in you as a leader, but they will once again feel affirmed that those in leadership don’t really care about them or their feedback. The responsibility to move forward is ours, not theirs. They did their part by filling out the evaluation. Now it is on us to do something about it. Make it count.

#3: When Creating Your Evaluation, Be Consistent.

Feedback isn’t all that helpful if we cannot see or measure how we’ve grown. When creating your evaluation, it will benefit you greatly to keep the following in mind:

1. Align your evaluation directly to the language and expectations of your district evaluation. Whatever your supervisor uses to evaluate you, make sure your staff does the same. You can always add in a few other things, but if your survey is not aligned with how you will be measured by the district, it will be less helpful. 

2. Keep your evaluation the same, at least from year to year. You will probably always find ways to improve your evaluation, but if you change it too much within a single year, how will you know if you’ve grown? For at least an entire year, keep the evaluation the same to have a true and cohesive evaluation of how you’re doing.

This is Great. But Why?

The last piece of advice I would give comes in the form of a question: Why are you doing this?

Are you doing it to hopefully receive a pat on the back? To message your ego? Because if so, you will be disappointed. Even if you’re great, you’re not perfect. And an anonymous evaluation will tell you so.

Are you doing it to truly grow? And I mean truly grow? Because if not, this process will not only hurt, it will destroy your staff. Instead of learning and growing and moving forward you will defend against what is being said, get angry at the numbers, and become critical and cautious of your staff. Not only will you find yourself walking the halls wondering who said what, but you’ll become increasingly self-conscious every time you walk into a room. You will find yourself searching for allies rather than building a community. And that is the last thing anyone wants.

How you respond to your survey will set the standard for what it means to learn and grow in your school. It is also a golden opportunity to build trust between you and your staff. Especially if you are open, honest, and sincere. Even if you bungle through the first few, a genuine attempt that puts the staff and their needs at the center of your focus will be seen, heard, and felt. It will mean a lot. 

In your journey and pursuit of providing and receiving feedback from your staff, I hope these considerations have helped. If you have any further insight, or if you would like a copy of my evaluations, let me know! I am happy to share. 

You can access my evaluation template here or email me at millerbrianstoriesmatter@gmail.com

Good luck to you! And thank you for walking into this vulnerable mess. Your staff is lucky to have you.

#DoGreatThings!

Giving less than 100% is 100% okay.

As educators, we are expected to “give 110% of every day to every student!” Our parents expect it, our students and colleagues expect it, and we expect it of ourselves. Recently, though, I’ve started to wonder if this expectation is unfair, unhealthy even. For our fellow staff members, our students, and for ourselves.

I think there is an appropriateness in the expectation that we come to work prepared and ready to give it our best- absolutely! I think it’s appropriate that we set the bar high, at giving 100%. I also think it’s okay that fail.

More accurately, I think we probably should.

At our core we are defined by our profession - We Are Educators! - but we are also more than that. We are the million other things that exist outside our schools, not the least of which include the roles of spouses, parents, and children to our parents. And when they call, with tears so loud we cannot hear their words, they steal away from our 100%. And that is okay.

In fact, it is more than okay. It is human. And if we are to teach our students, our staff, and our community anything, it is how to be a better one, not a perfect one.

As educators, at times, we go to work to get distracted because immersing ourselves in our classrooms and buildings is something that can bring us joy and purpose; it can remind us of the largeness and beauty of life rather than the pricks of it (overwhelming bills, rocky relationships, harsh realities).

But showing up and pushing aside the distractions, day in and day out, is also immensely lonely. And dangerous. And in a profession that advertises and celebrates “relationships, relationships, relationships,” living in such isolation seems a bit hypocritical.

If we want to build relationships with our staff and students, if we want to build strong bonds and healthy cultures, along with professionalism we need personalism (which is an actual word, I just now discovered, which means “the quality of being personal”). And the greatest contributor to pursuing the quality of being personal is being comfortable with our imperfections.

As educators, we have enough to deal with. We are underpaid, undervalued, and overwhelmed with keeping the peace between combative people groups and conflicting ideologies. Being personal, being human is not something we should have to worry about. It should be something we embrace.

We need to be okay with not being able to give 100%.

@AdamMGrant

“Marriage is never 50-50” Brene Brown states, and is “the biggest crock of bullshit” she has ever heard.

So too is believing that we, as educators in care of our students, our schools, our communities, AND our families can give 100% to everyone, all the time. Because we can’t.

What we can do, however, is try and give as much as we can sometimes, 80% other times, and on those really rough days where we didn’t get any sleep because the car broke down or the hospital called and Mom needs more testing, we give 20%. And that is okay.

What isn’t okay is feeling guilty about it, putting on a professional face, getting distracted, and demanding that we be 100% when we really only have 70. What isn’t okay is believing that professionalism doesn’t have room for personalism.

A healthy marriage, Brene Brown continues, quantifies where we are. “I’m at a 20 today.” Be it energy, investment, kindness, or patience, saying openly and honestly, “I’ve got 20 to give today” allows the other to endure what we cannot. It allows them to see where we are and say, “No worries. I can pick up the 80.” Or, as is often the case, they can also say, “I’m at a solid 45,” providing both with the understanding that tonight, we need to scale back, order a pizza, and be content with the laundry unfolded and dishes dirty in the sink.

Teacher groups and leadership teams should be no different, no less transparent.

Whether we are showing up to get distracted or showing up distracted, sharing with a few trusted colleagues and building leaders not only builds trust, it strengthens the staff and school community. It builds personalism AND professionalism. Most importantly, it models the greatest rule for a healthy life: Do your best with what you have.

We can be distracted AND STILL teach our asses off.

We can be frustrated with our spouse AND STILL be kind, personal, and available to our fellow staff and students.

We can be worried about Mom or Dad AND STILL notice that student who needs a shoulder to cry.

We can be less than 100% AND STILL be helpful, purposeful, and present. Because the reality is, we are often less than 100%. I know I am, anyway. And when I try my best to hide it, to cover up the fact that I am struggling with outside-of-school issues, I feel even worse. I feel isolated. Sharing that I am distracted allows others to understand where my head and heart are today. It also invites them into sharing about their life, their struggles, and their distractions. It allows us to understand and help each other, just as we are.

Sometimes we go to work to get distracted. Other times we go to work distracted. Neither of which steals away from our professionalism. Both of which push us towards personalism.

Which is exactly where we need to be.

#DoGreatThings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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Blog : Education : On Leadership

Work. It gets the best of me.

This picture was taken a day after a major accident. I wasn’t paying much attention to the road; I was trying to call a struggling teacher.

I find that, at the end of the day, when I arrive home to my lovely wife and five fantastic kiddos, I’m exhausted. And not just tired exhausted, which I am, but resource exhausted.

I am less patient than I want to be because I used it all up throughout the day.

I’m less caring and intentional with my wife because I spent the day pushing into hard conversations and thinking and caring for others.

I’m less fun and energetic with my kids because my body is soar, my legs tired, and my mind spent.

Work gets the best of me; my family gets the worst.

I am not new to this understanding, nor am I espousing a wisdom previously unknown to every hardworking mom and dad, husband and wife. I am just renewed in my conviction and more aware that, recently, I am falling asleep on the couch while a child is in mid sentence, that I am spending too many evenings watching a movie or binging tv shows because its easier than anything else and I just want to rest.

My wife is generally very understanding and extremely accommodating to my busy schedule and demanding job. Recently, however, I begun to notice a slight (if not more than slight) slip in my time, efforts, and fight for quality family time. More than ever - and I’m not entirely sure why - I’ve adopted the attitude of “I deserve this” when in reality, I don’t. I just think I do. And I think it has something to do with moral licensing.

Moral licensing is “the habit of balancing out our good and bad decisions.” It is the convincing of “ourselves that it's okay we didn't do any recycling this week, because we usually do.” It is the attitude that its “fine to have that second helping of cake because we went on a run yesterday” (via).

Said another way, it is “when we are confident we have behaved well,” that we have “demonstrated compassion and generosity” all throughout the day or week and are therefor permitted little acts of selfishness, impatience, or thoughtlessness. It is the destructive convincing that, in the scheme of the week, day, or life, we have - generally - been a good person and are therefore permitted small acts of imperfection (via).

The problem with this way of thinking is fairly obvious. Namely, it isn’t right. From a basic integrity argument for sure, but also from a relational argument. Just because we are good most of the time doesnt mean we are permitted moments where we can be unkind, unloving, or foolish. And when I write it out, that truth is obvious. When I try and live it out, I find it much less convincing. And I hate it. My wife and kids deserve better of me.

So why is it so hard? Why do I continually do that which I do not want to do?

My son answered this for me the other day when he and I were engaged in a rather heated discussion. He had been rude to his younger sister and I was getting on him. “I don’t like acting this way,” he said, openly and honestly.

“Then why do you do it?” I asked. “Are you like this at school?”

“No.” He responded.

“Then why at home? Why do we get the worst of you?” I asked, instantly thinking of a black kettle and pot.

“Because it’s safe, I guess.”

Bingo.

Work, although safe in many regards, is not nearly as safe as my home.

If I am short with my staff or impatient with my words, I can expect a phone call or visit from my boss. If I don’t show up to work, I don’t get paid. If my behavior is less than what is expected, I will be placed on an imrovement plan. At work, there is immediate and uncomfortable accountability.

At home, there is grace. At home, there is unconditional love. At home, there is comfort. And comfort can be an incredibly bad thing.

I know my wife won’t leave me, just as she knows I won’t leave her. But not leaving is a pretty low bar of expectations. We can stay together for the next thirty years but be completely unsuccessful in our marriage, in raising our kids.

And that is exactly what has been on my mind lately.

When my career is over, when I receive the retirement plaque of 30-some years commitment to this wonderful profession, I don’t merely want my wife and kids in attendance, I want them celebrating their dad. A dad they know, that they respect, and that they are proud of. I want my wife to be excited for the next chapter of life because she has learned from the past seven that no matter the circumstance, I will be present. That in all things, no matter how busy or exhausted I am, I choose her.

Lately, I don’t think she could confidently say that.

In a recent conversation with a friend I found myself saying, “I am defined by my family. My wife, my kids. But I spend more of my days thinking about and caring for my profession - the kids in my building and how I can improve the school.” I spend less time considering how to pursue my wife, support my kids, and build a solid and safe home.

Work gets the best of me. My family gets the rest of me. And that just simply terrifies me.

So what do I do? What does this acknowledgement mean? And, more importantly, what can I do about it.

One, I think flirting with moral licensing needs to go. That’s a dangerous and dark alley, and the fact that I’ve even lingered on the corner makes me sick.

Two, I need to place some of my selfish ambitions aside - or at least be willing to. So what if I gain all that my mind desires - a successful publishing career, a several times recognized blue ribbon school, and great applause for all I’ve done - if my wife and kids don’t know me, don’t trust me, don’t like me, what is it worth? A pile of dirt, that’s what.

And three, give to Caesar what is Caesar’s. I am not responsible for what will happen, only what needs to be done (as I slightly nod to Gandalf). I am also responsible for what I’ve been given. And what I’ve been given is a kind and gracious wife who loves others more than herself and five kiddos who need a dad, a father, and an example. If loving and caring for them lowers my chances of personal advancement, so be it. It is out of my hands. My children, my wife, my family, however, are not. And I need to grip them tightly.

Work may get the most of me, but it doesn’t need to get the best of me. I can love my job, work hard at refining my craft, come home exhausted, and STILL carry some of the best of me through the door. And I must.

Becoming a better father and husband makes me a better principal, educator, and leader because it makes me a complete, more well-rounded person. And when I am a more complete, well-rounded person, work gets the best of me. And so does my family.

#doGREATthings!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Education : On Leadership

Yearly Themes : The Do's and Don'ts and Why They Matter

“An organization doesn’t become healthy in a linear, tidy fashion,” Patrick Lencioni writes in The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business, “Like building a strong marriage or family, it’s a messy process that involves doing a few things at once, and it must be maintained on an ongoing basis in order to be preserved.”

This messy process, he explains, “can be broken down into four simple disciplines:”

1. Build a Cohesive Leadership Team

2. Create Clarity

3. Overcommunicate Clarity

4. Reinforce Clarity

In short, there needs to be a theme.

More specifically, there needs to be an overly communicated (and clarified) theme that is tangible, actionable, and timely.

A yearly theme provides the clarity every healthy organization needs, for both students and staff as well as the surrounding community members. It also provides unity.

In contrast, a weak or sloppy theme can - quite unintentionally - create confusion, frustration, even destruction.

If you’re working on creating a theme for your school year, here are a few do’s and don’ts to consider.

The Do’s:

When thinking of a theme, envision entering a stranger’s house. You take off your shoes, hang your hat on a hook, and notice, somewhere in the entryway, a saying. Be it painted and framed on the wall or etched in the doormat, it might say something like, “Live, Laugh, Love,” “Gather,” or “Welcome to the s*** show.” Whatever it says, those words were put there intentionally because the owner of the house believes they are important, believes it says something about them, their house, and their expectations. It also sets the tone for how you should act and the things you can say.

Schools are no different.

Therefore, when creating a theme for your school, one that will literally or metaphorically hang by the door and proclaim who you are and what you hold dear, keep the following in mind.

Make it Clear Enough for Unity, Vague Enough for Autonomy

I was once in a district leadership meeting where the superintendent of twelve international schools was trying to create some consistency between us all. Of the twelve, one principal was finding it difficult to get on board, “We are all different,” he would argue, “With different staff, different students, and different needs. We cannot possibly be the same!”

And he was right. But he was also wrong.

A healthy organization understands that in order for people to be motivated, each individual needs three things: Mastery - the ability to get better at things, Autonomy - the freedom to be self-directed, and Purpose - the belief that they are making the world a better place (from Daniel Pink’s DRIVE: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us).

A purposeful theme, then, allows for individuality. It promotes ideas, allows for uniqueness, and encourages growth. It embraces uniformity and combats conformity.

Remember, years ago, Lance Armstrong and his, “Live Strong” campaign? If we forget all the mess around him, we can learn a lot from his slogan and why it was so popular. Largely, because it invited growth and hardships and encouraged us to be better - however that means for us, individually. It was fully inclusive (because everyone needs to endure difficult times), but it was also deeply personal. You could apply Live Strong directly to yourself.

A theme that encourages conformity is restricting and destructive. It prevents questions and squashes creativity, individualism, and advancement.

A theme that encourages uniformity, however, provides safety and growth. It allows individuals to be uniquely themselves under the safety net of a group, a tribe.

When creating your theme, consider the following questions:

Does it provide unity?

Does it allow for autonomy?

Make it Timely. Make it Personal:

This one is perhaps a no-brainer, but that does not mean it does not bare repeating. Yearly themes need to represent your school and community. What they need, who they are, and where you need and want to go. A theme that is disconnected or unfamiliar will be a source of irritation rather than inspiration. “What does that even mean?” they might say, or “He/she clearly doesn’t know us.”

Suddenly, instead of being a rallying cry that brings your staff and students together, it will be a mockery, the source of watercooler gossip, and a potential banner for the opposition.

I experienced this in one of my previous schools with the theme of “Prove You’re Alive.” It didn’t inspire a boycott or rouse any deep or elongated frustrations, but it didn’t inspire us either. Nor did it bring us together. It was just banners in the hallways and me with a megaphone with a few isolated cheers and awkward claps. The purpose of the theme was legit, so too was the goal. The process of creating it, however, was entirely flawed. It was my conviction, my idea, and my vision. And because it was mine, it was not ours. Which made it shallow and impersonal.

In order for a theme to mean something, in order for it to grab hold and move the school community in the same and unified direction, it needs to be personal. The staff need to not only understand where it comes from and what it means, they need to believe that it is important. The best themes come from the staff. As leaders, we can help guide the discussion and provide insights and ideas, but it is the staff that need to build it for they are the ones that will live it.

In order for a theme to stick it needs to be personal. In order for it to inspire change it needs to be timely. In order for it to be both it needs to come from the staff.

Was your theme inspire by the ideas and words of your staff?

Or,

Was it curated and hatched in isolation?

Make it Actionable:

In his book, Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness, Houston Kraft warns against the use and public display of cute and playful - albeit well-intentioned - quotes and themes. “While they make for great products and posters,” he writes, “they can do more harm than good. Without paying proper attention, we’ve started to ‘fluffify’ the thing” rather than give it life and meaning and purpose. We’ve oversimplified it, watered it down, and made it a catchphrase rather than a lifestyle.

“The practice of Deep Kindness doesn’t happen just because we believe in kindness,” Kraft continues, “It’s something to strive toward, and a skill set that has infinite room for improvement.” It requires daily and purposeful action.

So too do our yearly themes. Instead of fluffy, intangible ideas or phrases, our themes needs to be something that has substance, that calls people to do something. It needs to be actionable.

In 2021, the year after our nation shut schools down because of COVID, my schoolboard decided to bring students back to school. The problem was we didn’t know how long that would last. We had all the safeguards in place - masks, social distancing, contact tracing, etc. - but no one knew for sure what would happen or how long we’d be in school. Our theme that year was, “Make it Count,” and I loved it because it was a daily reminder that we just didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, so Make it Count today!

And it resonated with everyone. Be it staff members, students, or community members, “Make it Count” directly applied to life. In conversations with family and friends, creating lesson plans, participating in after school activities, and in disciplining behaviors, the reminder to take full advantage of the opportunity was there, each and every day.

Does your theme inspire action for you, your school, and your community?

For teachers, when they are exhausted or frustrated, does your theme remind them to keep moving? To stay the course? Does it bring them back to what matters?

For students, does your theme guide them in the way that they should go? Is it something you can point to when celebrating success or when providing redirection and discipline? Does it help them become better students? Better people?

Does your theme call people to action?

Or,

Does it imply that you’ve arrived?

The Don’ts:

A poorly crafted theme, although often created with good and purposeful intentions, can have negative consequences. Especially if the theme isn’t explained or coupled with actionable do’s and don’ts.

When creating a theme, here are a few easy pitfalls to avoid:

Don’t Make Vague Proclamations:

Themes that make a proclamation about how great we are without a roadmap to gettering there not only keep us stagnant, they create entitlement. “We’re great because we’re great.” And if we’re already great or the best or out of this world at something, then what are we working on? What are we working towards?

Themes that make proclamations without specificity are like farmers planting with Brawndo. “Because it has electrolytes!”

Themes that involve statements such as, “We are out of this world,” mean nothing. Although good intentioned, they don’t lead people anywhere. If it isn’t tangible, actionable, or quantifiable, how will people know what to do? How will they know why they are Out of the World or the Best in the West?

Vague proclamations also, unintentionally so, create entitlement. We are AMAZING not because of what we’ve done, but because of what we are. And what are we? We’re amazing.

But why? And how does our staff, our students, or our community hang their hat on that? Vague proclamations tell us what we are without guiding us on what to do or how to do it.

And if they don’t know how to do something or why they do it, what’s the point?

Don’t Make it Personally Personal.

Themes that are used by leaders to passive aggressively make a point are devastating to the moral and growth of a school.

For example, a theme of “No Complaining” may seem like an obvious bad choice for a school as it is not only aggressive, it is negative and scolding. It’s passive aggressive counterpart, “Good Vibes Only”, however, is not so obvious a bad choice largely because it is sold on t-shirts and stickers and comes with bright colors and wavy fonts. But it is essentially saying the same thing, “No Complaining,” and a staff that is struggling, that needs help and support, and that foresees pitfalls or wants to improve and grow, they will learn pretty quickly that anything other than smiles, compliments, and Good Vibes will be seen as the opposition.

True leaders have hard conversations, clear expectations, and constant communication. They deal with conflict personally and carefully. They take care of their staff rather than abuse or manipulate them.

Themes that are passive aggressive, however, that are personally personal to the leader and are used to manipulate behaviors are not only wrong, they are devastating to a school culture. It handicaps the growth of the school, destroys the bridge of trust between the leadership and the school, and creates (or enhances) a very toxic environment.

Don’t Assume Everyone Understands:

Most any theme can have a positive impact on a school and it’s culture if it is clearly explained. In contrast, any theme created with the greatest intentions but without explanation can fall flat on it’s face.

No matter the theme, explain it. As Patrick Lencioni argues, in order for an organization to be healthy, leadership must create clarity, overcommunicate clarity, and reinforce clarity.

So break it down. Give a rationale, a goal, and steps to achieve that goal. Better yet, have your staff do it for you (or with you), then come back to it time and time again.

Purposeful themes are more than words printed on t-shirts or banners in the halls. They are a vision, a roadmap, and a battle cry for the year. They proclaim who we are, what we value, and the direction we are headed.

They provide clarity. They create unity.

When Tired or Frustrated, Remember to Play

When Keith Jarrett sat down to play the piano in front of 1,400 people, he expected disaster. The piano was not what he ordered for such a grand concert. Nor was it in tune or in good shape: some of the keys didn’t work and the foot pedals stuck. Which is why, initially, he refused to play.

But then, he did. Because 17-year-old Vera Brandes asked him to.

At the time, Brandes was Germany’s youngest concert promoter and she had done all that she could do to get everything right. And now, with eager spectators starting to line up at the door, she needed him to play.

So he did.

“I will do this for you,” he said. Then, turning to his producer, he requested that they record the session for an example to others of what they would get if his demands were not met. He knew it was going to be a disaster, and he wanted it recorded. As an example.

Instead, by the end of the night, what they had was Keith Jarrett’s best ever selling album, the best selling solo jazz album, and the best selling solo piano album of all time!

Instead of a disaster, he produced a masterpiece. All because he was willing to look like a fool.

I first heard this album a little over six years ago during a city walk through a Chinese city. Years later, after listening, analyzing, and drawing inspiration from this album, this story, three takeaways continue to rise to the surface.

1. No matter what, Try.
   Although simple and perhaps more than a bit cliché, one of the most important decisions we can continually make is to try. This isn’t new for anyone to hear, especially in the world of education. But another more profound and less commonly understood consequence of trying is this: When we try and when we fail, we allow others to grow.

   This week, I tried running a two-day event of PLAY for our students and staff, and although many things went well, there was also more than a few blunders - all of which were my fault. In the midst of it all, however, people rose to the occasion, displaying their gifts and talents in ways previously unknown, and earning the respect of their peers. My failures allowed others to rise.

   If we don’t try we don’t fail.
   And when we don’t fail, we steal opportunities for others to shine.

   When we embrace our limitations - out loud and in the open - we allow others to exercise their strengths and abilities, we provide the opportunity for the right people in the right place, and we create a stronger, better product. We develop a better team.

   And often times, these discoveries only come when we try new things, when we allow ourselves opportunities to fail, and when we provide space for others to rise.
   

2. “I will do it for you.”
   Some of the most destructive events of our world have come at the hands of those considering only themselves. The most beautiful and influential, people and moments however, have come from those who have considered others before themselves. They look at life, at difficulties and struggles as opportunities to love on and help others, rather than defending what is theirs and looking out for number one (think Nelson Mandela, Sojourner Truth, and on especially on Easter weekend, Jesus Christ). These men and women did not slink into the shadows when trials and tribulations came, they leaned into them, embraced them, endured them. All for the benefit of others.

   So too did Keith Jarrett.

   When Keith Jarrett stepped onto the stage, when he sat before the less-then-sufficient piano and slammed his fingers into the keys so that all could hear, he wasn’t considering himself. He was thinking of a 17-year old girl who needed his help. And created a masterpiece.

   As an educator, when times are difficult, when the season of winter seems to drag on forever, when administrators forget what it’s like to be a teacher, when parents complain, students slouch, and deadlines approach - when we just cant seem to muster up the energy to try any harder - it is then that we must look into the eyes of those we are responsible for, those whom we have influence over, and think to ourselves or say out loud, “I will do this for you.”

   Then, we must get to work.
   

3. Break Routine.
   If Keith Jarrett had received the piano he wanted I’m sure the evening still would have been a success. It was the break in routine, however, that allowed him to create something truly special.

   Routines are important. They allow us to create habits that, overtime, can produce purposeful and quality results (think practicing a musical instrument, working out, or working diligently on writing a book). They provide safety and develop consistency.

   They can also make us blind. Blind to new ways of thinking, better ways of living, and the beauties of life. Routines hold tight to “the way we’ve always done it” and are fearful of change. They lull us into desiring comfort rather than growth.

   A break in routine, however, forces change. And change, although difficult and often uncomfortable, produces growth. But only if we embrace it.

As an educator, father, and husband, there are times and seasons of times where it feels like I am just going through the motions. That what I am doing seems dull, that my passion and excitement for the beautiful gift of educating students, raising children, or loving my wife seems exhausting, not exciting, and that all the time and effort put in day in and day out, seems to amount to nothing.

I know we’re not supposed to say that, but it’s true. For me at least.

Which is why I listen to Keith Jarrett’s Koln concert, because when it comes on in the morning or randomly throughout the day (classical music and soundtracks play in my office all day, every day), I am reminded to keep trying, to do it for others, and to - when needed - find ways to break my routine and fight the temptation to remain in comfort.

Our attempts may not always produce a masterpiece, and in truth, it is more likely that it won’t. But refusing to play the broken piano will produce nothing.

This week, amidst frustrations, fears of failure, and exhaustion, I have been encouraged to play the piano.

Happy Good Friday!!!

#DOGREATTHINGS!!!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

For more on . . .

Friday Thoughts : Blog

Doing Dangerous Things Carefully : How to Engage in Safe yet Meaningful Conversations

“If your gonna make your kids tough, which they better be if they’re gonna survive in the world, you can’t interfere when they’re doing dangerous things carefully.”
- Jordan Peterson

This advice has been on the forefront of my thoughts recently, but not necessarily because of the way the statement was intended. Where my mind has gravitated towards is how this statement plays out in the context of leadership. More specifically, how we as leaders engage in conversations with those we lead.

As leaders, if we do not encourage those we lead to engage in potentially dangerous conversations, not only will we not survive our position, our schools, churches, and companies will crumble because we won’t learn anything. And if we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing.

Below are five ways we can improve ourselves and those we lead by carefully engaging in dangerous conversations:

1. Keep it Secret. Keep it Safe: If those we lead know that our conversation isn’t secret, isn’t safe, if they know that we will share information with others, then for them, the conversation is dangerous. As a leader, no matter what is shared with us, be it work related or not, whatever we hear must be kept safe from the ears of others. Once the secret is out, we are no longer trusted. And if we aren’t trusted, we aren’t safe. And once word gets out that we aren’t safe, we no longer have an ear to our schools or community, losing all opportunity to impact others and make change. The talking will continue, just not with us for it will often be about us. And that is a dangerous place to be.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “It’s not my story to tell.” This allows you the ability to acknowledge that you know about the situation but are unable to share, instilling trust in those around you that when you have important information you keep secret, you keep it safe.
   

2. Don’t take it Personal. Make it Personal: When someone shares dangerous information, often times it is dangerous for them, not us. It might be hurtful or hard to hear - especially if what is being said is a critique on who we are and how we lead - but we are still the one who can do something about it. If we take the information personal, we discourage people from sharing hard information with us because they don’t want to hurt our feelings or make us upset. Nor do they want to jeopardize their job or position. If we make it personal, however, we acknowledge our role and our responsibility. We accept what is being said and commit to doing something about it. And when we do that, we create a safe environment that encourages further conversation and builds a culture of trust. When we take it personal we get defensive. When we make it personal we take action.
   
   Helpful Phrase: “I can do better.” Because we can. No matter the complaint or charge against us, as the leader, we are ultimately responsible. We may not have the answer - yet - but making the situation personal and taking ownership is as good a place as any to start. For us, and for those we lead.
   

3. Circle Back: This is most important. Making people feel heard is important, too. So is keeping their information secret and safe. But circling back, revisiting a conversation or acting on information heard is crucial to creating a safe place because it is the manifestation that you are indeed listening to them, and that we truly do care. When someone shares information with us, often times they are doing so because they trust that we are going to circle back around and do something about it. As a leader, we may not always be able to solve the problems of our staff - largely because they are bigger than who we are and our position - but we can always, always, circle back and check in on our staff, but only if we truly care about them. Just like we would turn the car around for our wallet or favorite pair of sunglasses, circling back to our staff establishes importance. It shows that we not only care enough to think about them, but that they are important enough to spend our precious time circling back.
   
   Helpful Phase: “I’ve been thinking about you.” It’s simple, but it’s also effective. Largely because we only think about the things we care about. Writing a card, sending a text, bringing coffee - or whatever - lets people know they are important enough for us to think about. “I’ve been thinking about you” means I haven’t forgotten about you. Which is huge. Because nobody wants to be forgotten.
   

4. Protect Your Culture. Establish Boundaries: As leaders, it is important for us to be vulnerable because it makes us personable and relatable. But only if we have established boundaries. As Brene Brown explains, vulnerability without boundaries can be dangerous because it is manipulating. When leaders share their struggles, their hurts and frustrations they build connections with their staff. Which is great! When done without boundaries, however, vulnerability becomes dangerous. When a leader shares too much or too often about their struggles, their shortcomings, or their doldrums about the profession (be it the kids, parents, or even their own bosses), two things will occur. One, it will set s standard that complaining and negativity is not only acceptable, it’s the default. The second reaction will be that those you lead will begin to lose faith in your ability to lead. Being human is perfectly acceptable. Being incompetent is not - even if that’s how we feel. As a leader, you carry immense power over the culture of your school. Protect your culture with strong boundaries, not open gates.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “We got this!” As a leader, it is imperative that we continually push our cultures and ourselves towards improvement. Being ignorant or ignoring issues is dangerous. So too is wallowing in them. Accepting them, however, as challenges to overcome not only encourages a positive culture, it unifies a culture. When we say to our staff, our students, “We got this,” we are admitting that there is an issue (establishing trust in our judgement), but we build and establish confidence that we will overcome - that we are capable! Which not only inspires hope, it encourages confidence. In their leader and in themselves.

5. Look past the words. See the story: “In order to think,” Jordan Peterson says, “you have to risk being offensive.” This is oftentimes difficult because it is the words that sting, that resonate, and that stay with us. But beyond the words is a story, and as a leader it is our job to get beyond the spoken words and dig deeper into what is actually happening. Are they afraid? Scared? Or hurt? Because if so, their words might be aggressive, defensive, or accusatory. Which is what makes true and meaningful conversations so dangerous. We can get so focused on the surface of the conversation that we neglect to see what is actually happening. But as a leader, that is our job. To look past the words and see the story. Because it’s not about us, its about them. And they need to know that.

   Helpful Phrase: “Say more.” As leaders, often times our first instinct is to speak up, to provide advice, share a story, or provide explanation. We want to solve the problem or defend our position. But just as often, when those we lead share their hearts, they’re not looking for a solution or an explanation. They just want to be heard. “Say more,” allows them that opportunity while also providing us space. Space from the specific words and therfore distance from the emotions they are invoking. And when we get distance, we get perspective. We see the story. Which, in the end, is really what it’s all about.

Engaging in conversation, in true and meaningful dialogue where ideas are expressed, where personal stories are told, and our hearts and minds and fears and dreams are laid bare, is a very dangerous thing. Done carefully, however, it can change a culture and a community. It can encourage, inspire, and truly save lives. But only if we’re willing to sit, listen, and get beyond ourselves. Which for many - myself included - is often a very difficult thing to do.

But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. Because as leaders, we’re not allowed to; as humans, we can’t afford to. Doing dangerous things carefully by engaging in safe and meaningful conversations is our job, our calling, and our responsibility. So let’s get after it!

We got this.