March Favorites : Podcasts, Movie, Quotes, and Shtuff!

March was a blur! But here are a few things that stick out as some of my favorites.

Movie: CODA

Gifted with a voice that her parents can’t hear, seventeen-year-old Ruby, is the sole hearing member of a deaf family—a CODA, Child of Deaf Adults. Her life revolves around acting as interpreter for her parents and working on the family’s struggling fishing boat every day before school with her father and older brother (Daniel Durant). But when Ruby joins her high school’s choir club, she discovers a gift for singing and finds herself drawn to her duet partner Miles. Encouraged by her enthusiastic, tough-love choirmaster to apply to a prestigious music school, Ruby finds herself torn between the obligations she feels to her family and the pursuit of her own dreams.

Book: Nickle and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America, by Barbara Ehrenreich

Ehrenreich attempts to eke out a living while working as a waitress, hotel maid, house cleaner, nursing home aide, and Wal-Mart associate. Her insight and experience of living like many of Americans do is not only enlightening, its convicting. We should all be doing more to be mindful and supportive of those scrapping by at the poverty level.

Podcast: Don’t Worry, Be Tacky by Freakonomics. Partial inspiration for the Friday Thought : Its a dangerous world out there. Bring a club, this podcast encourages us to, “despite sneers from the Establishment . . . be more willing to embrace the déclassé.”

Song: It isn’t new, but damn. I can’t stop listening to Surefire by Wilderado. And neither can my kids.

Instagramer: Menwiththepot These videos are comforting, mouthwatering, and somehow inspiring. Their website is pretty rad, too.

Quote:



If you have any favorites - of anything - that you’d like to share, please pass it along! I’m a sucker for it all.

Also you would like weekly emails of Friday Thoughts, occasional posts of things that inspire, and other such things, PLEASE BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

#doGREATthings!

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-n- Stuff : Favorite Podcasts

Friday Thought : It's a dangerous world out there. Bring a club.

This quote is often in the background of my mind, especially when moments of life or seasons of life are harder than expected. Be it an overly busy schedule that seems to stretch on for much longer than anticipated, the heavy weight of deep disappointment with friends or family or humanity in general, or the dark loss of unrealized dreams and ideas, there are times where life seems exponentially difficult.

And in such times, I find it almost impossible to create, explore, or inspire great things.

Instead of getting up early to run or read, instead of spending the evenings writing or playing cards with my family, instead of enjoying the moments set before me, I find myself scrolling TikTok for longer than I should, being more agitated than the occasion calls for, or simply unmotivated to do the things I know I should be doing. Instead of smiling, improving, or enjoying, I neglect, coast, and stress.

I sit in the muck and mire, wishing and aching for the fresh smell of mountains.

And it is in those moments, the Jack London quote lumbers to the surface, quietly offering a brief reminder of why we’ve been given a club. To ward off that which would devour us.

For many years, I have interpreted London’s words just as they are, that if I wanted to be inspired, if I wanted to do GREAT things or maintain strong relationships, I would have to fight for it. I would have to battle inspiration or attack success until it gave me what I wanted. But I was wrong.

We can’t wait for inspiration, for success, or healthy relationships to come or materialize on their own, we must get off the coach and get after them with passion and conviction. We have to work! We have to go after them. With a club.

We don’t bring the club to attack the things we love and desire. We bring the club to guard against the things that hope to deter and devour.

The club is to protect us from the snickering naysayers, from the lingering shadows of failure, and from the wormtongue of doubt. We bring the club to help ward off the wolves.

Because the reality is, in most cases, we are on our own with our endeavors, our passions, and our dreams. We may have a few people who will join us by the cozy fire or link arms with us when we’re down, but for the real struggles of self improvement, for the deep work of overcoming our inner demons and getting after the dreams of life, more often than not, we are on our own.

No one is coming.

The club is not to beat inspiration, relationships, or dreams into submission. The club is to protect us on our journey towards those things. It is to keep the wolves at bay so we can continue to push forward, try new things, and improve ourselves, our families, our schools, and our communities.

It is to beat the snake that would deceive us into believing that the best things of life should be easy.

It is to ward of the coward that would try and convince us it is better to retreat and live comfortably, than to fight for what is good and right and true.

It is to threaten the sluggard who would entice us to sleep a little longer, work a little less harder, and be content with “It’s good enough.”

It is to kick the sh*t out the wave of discouragement that comes after thinking of and planning for and loving on others, only to receive complaint, criticisms, and scoffs.

The club is to beat back despair.

For the wolves are coming and they are eager to devour. Therefore, in order to do GREAT things - to Give, Relate, Explore, Analyze, and Try - at times, we must press pause on our goals and dreams and simply pick up the club and plunge into battle.

When instead of gratitude we receive complaints, pick up the club and keep giving and serving and caring for others knowing it is always right to do right, because its right.

When a comfortable life means sacrificing the humanity of others, pick up the club and fight for integrity.

When the incumbent accuses you of being a clown and sneers that your ideas won’t work, pick up the club and beat back the fear of failure or being misunderstood. Be different. Be confident. Be you.

When past regrets try to haunt our current blessings, pick up the club and fight for grace and second, third, and 11th chances.

When gossip and slander knock at our door, pick up the club and defend Truth.

When we want to hit the snooze button just one more time, pick up the club and beat back exhaustion.

When temptation slips through the cracks of our defenses, pick up the club and fight like hell to regain control.

When your neighbors or coworkers make sly or unkind remarks, don’t race to Facebook and post a passive aggressive meme, pick up a friggen club and fight back with kindness and forgiveness.

When our bosses overlook our hard work and diligence, pick up a club and slay the temptation to cut corners.

When you feel alone or abandoned by those you love and care for, pick up the club, chase off self-pity, and find someone to comfort and encourage. Ensure no one else is alone in the fight.

When our kiddos act like kiddos and not the quality men and women we want them to be, pick up the club and attack the sudden and seemingly justified desire to scold and reprimand. Fight for patience and lovingkindness.

When we are enticed to bend our character or sacrifice our integrity for personal gain, when moments and people try to steal our hopes and goals and dreams or threaten to cast a shadow over our joy and passion for life and living - for doing GREAT things - let us pick up the club, dig in our heals, and prepare for battle.

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” - J.R.R. Tolkein

As an educator, father, friend, husband, and constant dreamer of what could be, I find I am often discouraged by the events of the world and actions of others, including myself. Being reminded, however, that the greatest of us have had to endure the hardest of times, that the most beautiful of creations have often been birthed in the midst of despair, and that a rose can grow from concrete has not only been encouraging, it has been uplifting.

And that is what has been on my mind this week.

If you have any, “When (life happens), pick up the club and . . . .” examples of your own, please share and I will add them to the list.

Happy Friday!!!

#doGREATthings!!!

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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Friday Thoughts : Blog

Podcast Favorites : February

It has been almost two years since I posted a “Podcast Favorites.” Not sure why. Time, probably. Or lack of it. But I want to get back into it. Largely because of why I started this blog in the first place, because I hate saying, “Where did I hear that?” and not being able to find it. Posting them monthly not only allows me to review what I’ve learned, it keeps them here, safe from an absent memory, ready for whenever I need them again.

Here are my favorites from the month of February, 2022:

First Thing, with Kevin Manno

Every morning, Kevin will distill all of the important headlines and trends into an easily digestible, 10 minute show.

Kevin is an old high school buddy of mine, so admittedly I’m a bit biased, but his show really is great. From production to information, it is a quick and calming way to start the morning. My daughter, who rides with me to work, also loves it.

Give What You Have with Mark Bustos, with Simon Sinek

When people want to do good they often get stuck because they don’t know what they can do. Mark Bustos figured out that to do good, all we need to do is what we are already good at, but to do it for someone else. Mark is a hairstylist turned humanitarian who will inspire anyone who hears his story to give more.

This one inspired a Friday Thought: Why We Thank our Crossing Guards

Leaders Can’t be Pleasers, with Patrick Lincioni

As a leader, it’s tempting to try and make sure everyone in your organization likes you and approves of you. However, good leaders know that this simply can’t happen, and that’s okay.

In a time where leaders are so easily accessible and everyone has an opinion on how we can do it better, this one was both convicting and encouraging.

Is it Safe to Speak Up at Work? with Adam Grant

Are you afraid to share bad news, ask for help, or admit you were wrong? These are signs of being in a psychologically unsafe work environment. Adam breaks down the importance of psychological safety in preventing errors and promoting innovation and inclusion, and examines what it takes to build a culture of voice rather than silence.

The Real Book, 99% Invisible

Since the mid-1970s, almost every jazz musician has owned a copy of the same book . . . But if you were going to music school in the 1970s, you couldn’t just buy a copy of the Real Book at the campus bookstore. Because the Real Book was illegal . . . The full story of how the Real Book came to be this bootleg bible of jazz is a complicated one. It’s a story about what happens when an insurgent, improvisational art form like jazz gets codified and becomes something that you can learn from a book.

I just love these kind of hidden stories. So fun. So interesting.

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, Christianity Today

Founded in 1996, Seattle’s Mars Hill Church was poised to be an influential, undeniable force in evangelicalism—that is until its spiraling collapse in 2014. The church and its charismatic founder, Mark Driscoll, had a promising start. But the perils of power, conflict, and Christian celebrity eroded and eventually shipwrecked both the preacher and his multimillion-dollar platform.

It’s a 15 episode podcast, and although I am just under halfway completed, I am LOVING it. Not only is it done well, I believe it is done fairly. Mark Driscoll isn’t let off the hook or given any sort of pass, but he is fairly and appropriately put into context, and I appreciate that.

No matter if you are a church goer or believer in any way, this podcast is a great dissection and case study of when charismatic personalities advance faster than their character development.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Podcasts 

Sorry : A Short Film About Every Classroom Teacher Ever

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
- Maya Angelou -

I don’t think it is ever wrong for teachers to draw hard lines or hold high standards. And I definitely don’t fault them for holding their students accountable to those hard lines or high standards.

I do think, however, that all of us - teachers and administrators alike - need to constantly be aware of our misunderstanding or gaps of understanding. That we need to constantly and continuously be asking the question, “Why?”

Why are our students continuously forgetting their work or acting up in class? Why are they constantly late?

Because kids, like adults, don’t like getting into trouble or falling short of expectations. They want to do well! And often times, their misbehaviors are them just communicating their struggles.

Yet, as educators, we often forget to ask questions, to seek understanding, and to give grace. I think we want to, but with 20+ kids entering our classrooms, deadlines breathing down our necks, and the ever increasing expectations of improving test scores we often forget to sit with those who are struggling because we simply don’t have the time, the energy, or the patience.

Slapping little Johnnie’s hands is easier. And faster.

When I watch this video I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that every great educator will picture a few of their students they have disciplined and then heap on another unneeded and unbearable weight of guilt upon their shoulders.

Don’t.

Because I also know that every great educator is doing the best they can.

Teachers, keep doing GREAT things! Keep holding your standards high , keep expecting excellence, and keep holding kids accountable! But also, once you know better, do better.

And then, let that shit go.

Your kids will be there tomorrow, eager to see you, and ready to reconcile. And oftentimes, all they really need is a simple hug and a sincere, “sorry.”

Keep your head up teachers! You are doing GREAT things and your kiddos are lucky to have you.

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-N- Stuff  :  On Education  :  Friday Thoughts

do GREAT things : Give : (part 1/5)

“Every time we interact with another person at work, we have a choice to make: do we try to claim as much value as we can, or contribute value without worrying about what we receive in return?”
- Adam Grant, Givers and Takers

For the past several years I have concluded morning announcements, classes, and presentations with, “Do GREAT things!” And in many instances, the phrase has caught on. Partly because I say it often enough that it sticks in peoples minds, but also because it’s catchy and people easily connect with it.

Who doesn’t want to do great things?

Recently though, as my school has begun to absorb this phrase and I’ve continued to promote it, I’ve begun to ask myself, “What does it mean? What does it look like?”

Because in my mind, to “do GREAT things” has never been synonymous with being successful. It also has never meant not being successful largely because to do GREAT things is to transcend success. I believe it can and will lead to success, both individually and communally, but I also believe it is so much bigger than simple monetary rewards.

So what does it mean?

In his newest book, Givers and Takers: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, Adam Grant writes this about givers:

Givers and takers differ in their attitudes and actions towards other people. If you’re a taker, you help others strategically, when the benefits to you outweigh the personal costs. If you’re a giver, you might use a different cost-benefit analysis: you help whenever the benefits to others exceed the personal costs . . . if you’re a giver at work, you simply strive to be generous in sharing your time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas, and connections with other people who can benefit from them (pg 5).

Givers are people who consider others as more important than themselves. Or at least they consider the needs of others as more important than their own personal gain and glory.

They’re the ones who use their gifts and talents and resources to help others. People like Chef Andres who takes his expertise of running high-end, highly efficient, and well sought after cooking skills and runs TOWARDS chaos and world catastrophes so he can serve over 150,000 meals a day to those in need.

Givers are people like Mark Bustos, an upscale hair stylist who gives haircuts to the homeless for free.

Givers are the kind of people who inspire the world to be better by using their gifts and talents to make the world better. Because here’s the thing about giving. When we give to others, it inspires others to give to others. However they can, whenever they can.

To do GREAT things we don’t have to pay off someone’s mortgage, donate our last kidney, or jump in front of a bullet. To paraphrase Simon Sinek, we don’t have to find something new or do something dangerous to be givers. We simply need to do what you’re already doing, what you’re good at, and then do it for someone else (via). Doing GREAT things does not mean we need to change the whole world., it simply means we need to change our world.

And if it feels good, that’s okay too.

For a long while I struggled with the argument that we should give because of how it makes us feel because I wanted giving to be something completely selfless. I didn’t want to give because it made me feel good but because it was the right and noble thing to do. Doing it because it made me feel good made the act selfish which seemed to defeat the purpose. (Friends did an episode on this too, if you remember.)

But so what!

So what if giving makes me feel good! I enjoy doing a lot of things that make me feel good, things like writing, reading, camping with my family, and having Saturday morning backyard fires. And because I enjoy them I want to do them more. So if giving to others makes me or you feel good and therefore inspires or encourages us to do it more, THAT’S GREAT!. That means more people are being fed, more families are being blessed, and more people are being cared for. It means more GREAT things are happening!

And that’s the point.

To do GREAT things is to do little things greatly. It means to Give, whatever we can, whenever we can, to whomever we can. It means using our gifts, talents, passions, and resources for the benefit of others.

But that is only the be beginning.

: do GREAT things :

Give. Relate. Explore. Analyze. Try.

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-N- Stuff  :  #doGREATthings

Two Documentaries: Torn and The Rescue

If you enjoyed Free Solo, you will love these two documentaries.

What I appreciate about these documentaries, even more so than Free Solo, is that people are using their gift and talents, their resources, to help and save others. They are living in humility. And to me, there is nothing more encouraging . . . or inspiring.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Documentaries 

: do GREAT things :

Give

Relate

Explore

Analyze

Try

Doing Dangerous Things Carefully : How to Engage in Safe yet Meaningful Conversations

“If your gonna make your kids tough, which they better be if they’re gonna survive in the world, you can’t interfere when they’re doing dangerous things carefully.”
- Jordan Peterson

This advice has been on the forefront of my thoughts recently, but not necessarily because of the way the statement was intended. Where my mind has gravitated towards is how this statement plays out in the context of leadership. More specifically, how we as leaders engage in conversations with those we lead.

As leaders, if we do not encourage those we lead to engage in potentially dangerous conversations, not only will we not survive our position, our schools, churches, and companies will crumble because we won’t learn anything. And if we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing.

Below are five ways we can improve ourselves and those we lead by carefully engaging in dangerous conversations:

1. Keep it Secret. Keep it Safe: If those we lead know that our conversation isn’t secret, isn’t safe, if they know that we will share information with others, then for them, the conversation is dangerous. As a leader, no matter what is shared with us, be it work related or not, whatever we hear must be kept safe from the ears of others. Once the secret is out, we are no longer trusted. And if we aren’t trusted, we aren’t safe. And once word gets out that we aren’t safe, we no longer have an ear to our schools or community, losing all opportunity to impact others and make change. The talking will continue, just not with us for it will often be about us. And that is a dangerous place to be.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “It’s not my story to tell.” This allows you the ability to acknowledge that you know about the situation but are unable to share, instilling trust in those around you that when you have important information you keep secret, you keep it safe.
   

2. Don’t take it Personal. Make it Personal: When someone shares dangerous information, often times it is dangerous for them, not us. It might be hurtful or hard to hear - especially if what is being said is a critique on who we are and how we lead - but we are still the one who can do something about it. If we take the information personal, we discourage people from sharing hard information with us because they don’t want to hurt our feelings or make us upset. Nor do they want to jeopardize their job or position. If we make it personal, however, we acknowledge our role and our responsibility. We accept what is being said and commit to doing something about it. And when we do that, we create a safe environment that encourages further conversation and builds a culture of trust. When we take it personal we get defensive. When we make it personal we take action.
   
   Helpful Phrase: “I can do better.” Because we can. No matter the complaint or charge against us, as the leader, we are ultimately responsible. We may not have the answer - yet - but making the situation personal and taking ownership is as good a place as any to start. For us, and for those we lead.
   

3. Circle Back: This is most important. Making people feel heard is important, too. So is keeping their information secret and safe. But circling back, revisiting a conversation or acting on information heard is crucial to creating a safe place because it is the manifestation that you are indeed listening to them, and that we truly do care. When someone shares information with us, often times they are doing so because they trust that we are going to circle back around and do something about it. As a leader, we may not always be able to solve the problems of our staff - largely because they are bigger than who we are and our position - but we can always, always, circle back and check in on our staff, but only if we truly care about them. Just like we would turn the car around for our wallet or favorite pair of sunglasses, circling back to our staff establishes importance. It shows that we not only care enough to think about them, but that they are important enough to spend our precious time circling back.
   
   Helpful Phase: “I’ve been thinking about you.” It’s simple, but it’s also effective. Largely because we only think about the things we care about. Writing a card, sending a text, bringing coffee - or whatever - lets people know they are important enough for us to think about. “I’ve been thinking about you” means I haven’t forgotten about you. Which is huge. Because nobody wants to be forgotten.
   

4. Protect Your Culture. Establish Boundaries: As leaders, it is important for us to be vulnerable because it makes us personable and relatable. But only if we have established boundaries. As Brene Brown explains, vulnerability without boundaries can be dangerous because it is manipulating. When leaders share their struggles, their hurts and frustrations they build connections with their staff. Which is great! When done without boundaries, however, vulnerability becomes dangerous. When a leader shares too much or too often about their struggles, their shortcomings, or their doldrums about the profession (be it the kids, parents, or even their own bosses), two things will occur. One, it will set s standard that complaining and negativity is not only acceptable, it’s the default. The second reaction will be that those you lead will begin to lose faith in your ability to lead. Being human is perfectly acceptable. Being incompetent is not - even if that’s how we feel. As a leader, you carry immense power over the culture of your school. Protect your culture with strong boundaries, not open gates.
   

   Helpful Phrase: “We got this!” As a leader, it is imperative that we continually push our cultures and ourselves towards improvement. Being ignorant or ignoring issues is dangerous. So too is wallowing in them. Accepting them, however, as challenges to overcome not only encourages a positive culture, it unifies a culture. When we say to our staff, our students, “We got this,” we are admitting that there is an issue (establishing trust in our judgement), but we build and establish confidence that we will overcome - that we are capable! Which not only inspires hope, it encourages confidence. In their leader and in themselves.

5. Look past the words. See the story: “In order to think,” Jordan Peterson says, “you have to risk being offensive.” This is oftentimes difficult because it is the words that sting, that resonate, and that stay with us. But beyond the words is a story, and as a leader it is our job to get beyond the spoken words and dig deeper into what is actually happening. Are they afraid? Scared? Or hurt? Because if so, their words might be aggressive, defensive, or accusatory. Which is what makes true and meaningful conversations so dangerous. We can get so focused on the surface of the conversation that we neglect to see what is actually happening. But as a leader, that is our job. To look past the words and see the story. Because it’s not about us, its about them. And they need to know that.

   Helpful Phrase: “Say more.” As leaders, often times our first instinct is to speak up, to provide advice, share a story, or provide explanation. We want to solve the problem or defend our position. But just as often, when those we lead share their hearts, they’re not looking for a solution or an explanation. They just want to be heard. “Say more,” allows them that opportunity while also providing us space. Space from the specific words and therfore distance from the emotions they are invoking. And when we get distance, we get perspective. We see the story. Which, in the end, is really what it’s all about.

Engaging in conversation, in true and meaningful dialogue where ideas are expressed, where personal stories are told, and our hearts and minds and fears and dreams are laid bare, is a very dangerous thing. Done carefully, however, it can change a culture and a community. It can encourage, inspire, and truly save lives. But only if we’re willing to sit, listen, and get beyond ourselves. Which for many - myself included - is often a very difficult thing to do.

But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. Because as leaders, we’re not allowed to; as humans, we can’t afford to. Doing dangerous things carefully by engaging in safe and meaningful conversations is our job, our calling, and our responsibility. So let’s get after it!

We got this.

2022 : This time, it’s the little things.

I spent New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day sick on the couch with my daughter. Not exactly the start I was hoping for, but one I think is probably most appropriate.

After the last couple years, it’s become very apparent that dreams and ideas can be shattered in an instant by people and viruses and tragedies of life. But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying, stop yearning to grow and to improve. It just means – for me at least - I need to get better at what I focus on.

Instead of New Year’s resolutions that include traveling overseas, writing a book, or any other grand adventure, my goals this year are quiet. They’re self-reflecting and purposeful, with a focus on the People around me, my character, and the things I can control.

Things like: playing more card games with my kids, spending much less time on my phone, making more backyard fires, and investing in my wife.

If the last two years have taught us anything it is that we cannot expect what is unexpected. What we can expect, however, is to wake up each day and be intentional about the people that are in our lives and the opportunities that we have been given.

We have been placed where we are for such a time as this. And although many of us are struggling with how to make sense of it all or how to move on from pain and sorrow and disappointment, the reality is, so too is our neighbor, our coworker, our family and friends. And they need us. They need you!

This year I am easing into the New Year with a nasty cough, achy joints, and simple plans: with what skills and gifts I have, love and care for others. Because at the end of the day, if I have all the adventures and Instagram posts and publications to my name, but I do not have my neighbor or my friends or a relationship with my wife and kids, what does it matter?

It doesn’t.

What about you? What are you striving for? What are your goals for this new year? And what has the last couple taught you about how to dream and where to grow?

Friday Thought : Making it Personal

“Don’t take it personal,” I found myself saying to multiple teachers this week, and I’ve been wrestling with it ever since.

The first time was with a teacher whom I had to intervene with and step on her toes a bit with a decision she didn’t particularly like. The other was with a teacher who was struggling with a student who was physically and verbally attacking her, “Why does he have to be so cruel?” she said through puddling tears. “Don’t take it personal,” I said to both of them and instantly regretting it because how could they not? As an educator, we pour our lives into this job. We sacrifice family, personal time and finances, we devote our hearts to the people we live with and serve. We give our whole person. How can it not be personal?

This past week, instead of saying or believe that we “shouldn’t take it personal,” I’ve begun to wonder if making it personal is exactly what we should be doing. When it isn’t personal, when its calculated, cold, and non-relational, that’s when bad things happen. When it isn’t personal we make decision based on numbers and forget about the people - the very thing we are here to help and serve!

With the first teacher, the one I offended by making a calculated decision, because she took it personal we had to have a heart-to-heart conversation. We had to GET personal. And for almost an hour, we talked out the situation, why it happened and how it could have been handled differently. Then we discussed how to move forward. We BOTH acknowledged our own humanity in the situation and sought to understand the others. We made it VERY personal, which allowed us to reconcile, to connect more sincerely, and to build trust. Because it was personal we dug deeper, cried more tears, and learned a great deal more about each other, our triggers and stressors. Because it was personal we can now trust future decisions because we trust the person.

Making it personal allowed us to heal, and to grow.

It also allows room for empathy, as it did for the teacher with her abusive student.

Last week, this particular teacher was in my office several times because a kiddo that we’ve been working hard with was having a difficult week. He was constantly running out of the classroom, was vulgar and disrespectful, and had become increasingly violent with a few students, staff, and particularly this teacher. “When is enough, enough?” She asked, wiping tears from her face, “He’s literally beating the shit out of me.” And he was. But sending him home wasn’t an option. So we continued one, throwing darts of ideas at the wall, hoping at least one would stick.

Then, we had our Christmas concert.

We were nervous about how this young child would do, if he could handle the pressure and the audience, but we decided to try anyway. We placed multiple staff nearby, ready to pounce if he needed our support. Which he did. Just not in the way we anticipated.

Throughout the concert, this little man stood on the stage, without moving and without singing, arms crossed, and pouting. Never once did he even mouth a single word to any song. Then, when it was over, when the parents gathered around to take pictures and wrap their kids up in hugs and kisses and praise, this little boy crumbled into his teachers arms and cried.

“My parents didn’t come,” he said between sobs.

Later that day, that same teacher was in my office crying again. But not for herself. She was crying for this little child and asking over and over, “What can we do for him?” She could barely control her grief for this child.

We brainstormed a few ideas, but mostly we talked about how she shouldn’t take it personal. “When he goes off, it isn’t about you. He’s reacting to something else.” But like the teacher above, the moment I said it, it felt wrong. Or at least incomplete.

Yes, don’t take it personal in that when someone is unkind or rude often times it isn’t about you at all, it’s about something bigger, something more personal to them. Behaviors are oftentimes signs of communication - especially for kiddos - and we shouldn’t take them personal. But yet, we ahould also take it personal because than we can know how best to act, how to care for and love those in need because we understand what it means to hurt, to suffer, and to need grace and compassion. Taking it personal means you can BE personal!

Seeing this young child as a complicated person allows his teacher - allows our school - to game-plan ideas and solutions that are PERSONAL to him. Making it personal makes us more invested, more empathetic, and more patient.

On a day when TikTok is advocating “Shoot Up Your School Day,” seeing the people behind our decisions and at the other end of our actions is exactly what we need in education right now. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Because then we get to wrestle with the best and most important part of our jobs: the human being stuff.

Don’t take it PERSONAL. Make it personal.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Right now, we are all rubber bands

@will_santino_illustration

In my most recent staff meeting I handed out a rubber band and asked people to get into groups of three. “Now stretch it out,” I said. And they did, but only to the point of resistance.

“How’s the rubber band?” I asked.

“Fine,” they said, because rubber bands are made to be flexible and to endure. Just like us.

“Now pull a little more,” I said. And they did. Not as much as the first, but still a good stretch.

“What about now?” I asked, “How’s the rubber band?”

“Fine,” they still said, but less assuredly.

“Now pull again.” And they did. “And again . . . and again, and again.” With each and again, they pulled a little less and worried a little more. One teacher even used her free hand to block her face.

“This is where we are,” I said, “We are made to endure, to be flexible, but with each new request, with each new demand, we stretch a little more and a little more and a little more. We are now living in a state of constant fear that we’re about to break.”

We can endure hard seasons. We can absorb change, be flexible, and stretch ourselves further than we thought imaginable. But not forever. Lest we break.

The problem is - for my staff in that meeting and for many of us in our daily lives - we don’t see an end in sight, largely because the problems and issues are far bigger than us, and we can’t do anything about it.

What we can do, however, is show grace. To ourselves, and to others.

Giving grace doesn’t mean we have a free pass to sacrifice our integrity or high standards of excellence - absolutely not! But it does mean that when we fail, we show grace - that we courteous and show goodwill.

You are trying your best. The woman next to you is trying her best as well. The man across from you is trying his best. The kiddos in your classrooms are showing up and trying their best, and your boss is trying her best. But we can only stretch so far. And for many of us, we are walking fearful that, with the next request or burden to bare, we will break.

We can’t solve most of the problems the people around us are asked to endure, but we can give them - and ourselves - some grace. Which, in the end, might be the only thing that holds us together.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Friday Thought : Evolving, not Revolving

Often times, themes present themselves in my life. When they do, they pop up, almost overwhelmingly, in a variety of ways: conversations and tv shows, books and podcasts, songs, and Saturday morning fires.

Most recently, the theme of growth has come to the forefront. Most notably, the concept of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard. Both in asking for it and receiving it because they both demand something from us. If we need forgiveness, we must admit we’ve done something wrong, giving up our ego, our pride, maybe even our stature (at least we think so, anyway). To provide forgiveness means giving up payment or revenge - we incur the debt owed, rather than enforcing it.

Forgiveness is also beautiful. It reconciles relationships and springs forth life and opportunity - it is the catalyst to evolving. As individuals and as a community.

"It’s easy to make a prison out of our pain, out of the past” Dr. Edith Eva Eger writes in The Choice: Embrace the Possible, because it allows us to hold onto our victimhood and be in control. Forgiving others who have caused the pain means letting go of our hope and desire for justice. It means letting go of our longings for revenge.

“At best,” Dr Eger continues, “Revenge is useless. It can’t alter what was done to us, it can’t erase the wrongs we’ve suffered, it can’t bring back the dead. At worst, revenge perpetuates the cycle of hate. It keeps the hate circling on and on. When we seek revenge, even nonviolent revenge, we are revolving not evolving.”

The only way to stop the revolving - in our lives as well as in the lives of those around us - is to forgive. Even when those who have hurt us don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. And that, for me at least, is one of the hardest things to do. If not impossible.

But that’s where the theme has hit me. Not on the importance of forgiveness necessarily, but on how to forgive, presenting itself in three truths:

1. Allow space to grieve. “For what happened, for what didn’t happen - and to give up the need for a different past. To accept life as it was and as it is” (Dr. Eger). This one is tough because grieving - to me at least - means thinking about what happened, reliving events, and letting “them” win. But it doesn’t. And they don’t. An essential part of forgiving is to acknowledge all that needs to be forgiven, that the burden of hurt and grief and anger is heavy, and that we are willing - even begrudgingly so - to lay it down at their feet. For then and only then are we able to truly begin the process of evolving.

1. Allow space for the bigger story : When someone does us wrong it is easy to define them only as that wrong. They are no longer a complex person with gifts and talents and a few fallibilities (just like us), they are cowards, betrayers, and terrible people. They are suddenly holistically and completely bad. Which makes it easy to hate them and wish sweet revenge. An essential component to forgiveness is allowing their failures to exist in isolation. In that moment they were flawed, or in that moment their weaknesses came through, or in that moment (or string of moments) their ugliness was on display. But they can still do good things. There are very few Hitler sort of people in this world, and allowing space for people in our lives to not be Hitler also provides space for them to be good people who do good things and, by and large, want to make the world a better place. They just really suck or fail miserably at times. But not all times. And seeing them in that way allows for the door to forgiveness to open. Even if just a crack.

2. Allow time for the wave to build. This image, from one of my favorite Instagram/bloggers says most of what needs to be said:

We don’t need to holistically forgive in one moment. We don’t need to invite those who have hurt or scarred us over for dinner, plan a Christmas party together, or pretend that all is fine and dandy. Because it’s not. But it can be, someday. But only if we start with small acts.

Why not start today?

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Thoughts from the Throne : Busy vs Productivity

Busyness can often be mistaken for - or get in the way of - being productive.

Emails make it seem like we’re busy.
Meetings fill up a schedule.

Running around putting out fires receives praise and adoration - “He/she is so busy!!!”

Yet, how much of that time is productive? Are we intentional in what we’re doing? Are we connecting with our people and our work? Or are we skating across, “getting things done” and never really heading in a clear or purposeful direction?

For more Throne Thoughts, visit here.

You might also enjoy more deeper meaningful thoughts here.

Thoughts from the Throne : The Penis Plant

Bet you weren’t aware of this…

Now you are.

You can read more about it here.

For more Throne Thoughts, visit here.

You might also enjoy more deeper meaningful thoughts here.

Friday Thought : Love. That's it.

@justinmcroberts

This might be one of the most encouraging posts I’ve written in a long time. For me at least. I hope it is for you, too.

The following passage has been increasingly on my mind and heart lately. And the more I read it, dwell on it, and try to live, the more encouraged - and convicted - I become.

Love is . . .

A modified version of 1 Corinthians 13:

If I am elegant in speech, sharing words as sweet as honey, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of foresight and can acutely analyze all things, if I have a belief and conviction that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and endure immeasurable hardships so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in destruction but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

Convicting in that no program, gift, slogan, or initiative means anything if not driven by love.

Encouraging in that, no matter how many times an idea or an attempt to help others fails or is ill-received, if done in love, it is not wasted.

Lean on Me:

Then, this morning while greeting kiddos and jamming to The Rubberband Man Radio on Spotify (a GREAT playlist!), an old yet beautiful song played. Lean on Me, by Bill WIthers

Most Generous Thing:

About an hour later, a principal friend of mine shared this with me. It is no my new favorite question:

What’s the most generous thing you can do today?

Happy Friday!

Keep striving to do Great things and change the world! No matter what we do, if done with love and sincere compassion for others, it is never wrong. For as Allister Begg - an old favorite preacher - used to say, “It’s always right to do right, because it’s right.”

Do right. Do love.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  Friday Thoughts

Friday Thought: Love. That's it.

@justinmcroberts

This might be one of the most encouraging posts I’ve written in a long time. For me at least. I hope it is for you, too.

The following passage has been increasingly on my mind and heart lately. And the more I read it, dwell on it, and try to live, the more encouraged - and convicted - I become.

Love is . . .

A modified version of 1 Corinthians 13:

If I am elegant in speech, sharing words as sweet as honey, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of foresight and can acutely analyze all things, if I have a belief and conviction that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and endure immeasurable hardships so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in destruction but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

Convicting in that no program, gift, slogan, or initiative means anything if not driven by love.

Encouraging in that, no matter how many times an idea or an attempt to help others fails or is ill-received, if done in love, it is not wasted.

Lean on Me:

Then, this morning while greeting kiddos and jamming to The Rubberband Man Radio on Spotify (a GREAT playlist!), an old yet beautiful song played. Lean on Me, by Bill WIthers

Most Generous Thing:

About an hour later, a principal friend of mine shared this with me. It is no my new favorite question:

What’s the most generous thing you can do today?

Happy Friday!

Keep striving to do Great things and change the world! No matter what we do, if done with love and sincere compassion for others, it is never wrong. For as Allister Begg - an old favorite preacher - used to say, “It’s always right to do right, because it’s right.”

Do right. Do love.

Friday Thought : The Strength of Transparency: What Clydesdales can teach us about fear and support

Yesterday, my oldest daughter Eden (she's eleven) was fortunate enough to help a friend of ours with his Clydesdales. Not only was she thrilled because she LOVES horses, but she was also shocked to learn how delicate these monsters are. "They're so scared," she said.

After prepping the giants for the coming carriage ride, the owner of the horses offered her the opportunity to drive them. Shortly into their journey he handed her the reigns, and a bit of advice. "Whenever you come across a bridge or approach a tractor, the horses get scared,” he said, “They need you to talk to them, to let them know you are here and that they are not alone." My little girl was dumbfounded. "Like this," he said. They were approaching a large fence and the horses were beginning to slow their walk. "I see that fence," he said in a soothing voice, "I know it's scary, I'm scared too, but well do this together, okay?" To Eden's amazement, the horses picked up their pace and continued on their way.

As she shared this story with me, I couldn't help but think of how often we are terrified to express our fears. We want to be perceived like a Clydesdales: strong, confident, and extremely competent. The vision of those old Budweiser commercials, of Clydesdales running through snow or pulling giant loads is awe inspiring and we want to be more like that. Not scared. Being frightened or needing the coaxing from a petite little eleven year-old doesn't quite fit our ideas of what it means to Do Great Things!

But maybe it should.

There is something encouraging - convicting even - about how a Clydesdale lives its life. It knows what it can do and has all the confidence in the world that it can accomplish whatever task is set before it. At some point, however, it also needs to know its fears, warranted or not, are acknowledged as real. Most importantly though, they need to know they are not alone.

Humans are much the same.

Not only do we need to be strong enough to admit we need help, that we're afraid, and that we can't do it alone, we need to be strong enough to know that admitting so isn't weak! It's brave. And it is completely okay.

We also need to be the kind of people that allow others to admit they need help or are afraid. And we do so by being strong enough to not fix their fears or concerns for them. When the moment of fear approached for the horses, their owner didn't hop off and take control of the cart and do their job for them. Nor did he show them that their fears we're unfounded, making them feel weak or foolish. He simply acknowledged their fears and reminded them that he was there. Then, they continued on. Together.

Take a lesson from the Clydesdales and share your concerns, your fears - invite them into your world - so you can continue carrying your heavy load and doing Great things, fully confident that you are not alone.

And neither are they.

Note To Self: Think of Other People A Little More

The title comes from the song below, Note to Self, by Ben Rector. I heard it many years ago and placed it on our family’s playlist as a reminder. It shows up every now and then and does exactly that.

Then, from this morning’s reading:

May my needs be evermore entangled with my charity, benevolence, offerings, and care for others (Justin McRoberts).

I do not purposefully live a life of selfishness, it just happens. Be it from a exhaustion or fear or a busy schedule, there are times (or lengths of time) where I spend entirely too much time consumed with myself. Which, I think most people would agree, is fairly normal. But it doesn’t make it right.

Recently, I’ve been trying to create ways I can intentionally think of other people on a daily basis. One such way is simply letting people know they are thought of, appreciated, and missed.

In an age of communication, we over communicate. We share our thoughts and daily happenings on Facebook, we Tweet, post on Instagram, and meet for coffee. We are always communicating, yet we are also often feeling alone because when we communicate, we communicate about us, what we’re doing, what we’re thinking. Rarely are we considering others, which - ironically - leaves us feeling isolated and alone.

“People today are more connected to one another than ever before in human history,” Dr. Sherry Turkle writes, “thanks to Internet-based social networking sites and text messaging. But they’re also more lonely and distant from one another in their unplugged lives.”

Throughout the day, there is always a distraction. A ding on our phone, letting us know we have an email, text, or that a local news story has just broken. There is constant communication, but very little connection.

The above quote by Justin McRoberts struck me this morning because I often feel alone or disconnected. His words reminded me and convicted me to unwrap myself from the web of self-pity and to entangle myself in others. To think of others, to pray for and consider others, and to spend a few moments of each day reaching out to others.

Here are five people I am trying to connect with daily:

1. Family Member

2. Close Friend

3. Distant Friend

4. Long-lost Friend/acquaintance

5. Colleague

At first glance, this list seems simple and a bit obvious. “I connect with three or four of those people already, without even trying!”

And that’s the point. We communicate with people daily, but rarely is it intentional, bring any merit to the day, or inspire and encourage anyone.

In an age of over communication, of great and endless distractions and isolation, I want to pause, notice others, and encourage the hell out of them. Which, often times, means noticing them.

Here are some ways I plan to notice others:

1. Tell someone WHY I love them. Saying “I love you” is nice for sure, but over time, if not connected to a specific reason, it begins to lose it’s power. When we are frustrated with someone, we can articulate why pretty easily, which is why that conversation tends to last longer and sink deeper. Expressing why I love someone provides an anchor of truth for them to cling to, especially when storms begin to toss and turn. “I love you because . . .”
   

2. Write a Thank You note. Just like saying I love you, without specificity, a thank you can be shallow. But anchored to a specific reason AND written in a card not only provides clarity, it sinks deep. I recently received a Thank You card from a previous student. I taught her in 9th grade and she was graduating. Her card specifically thanked me for teaching her the invaluable lesson of “remember the poor.” It meant so much to me, especially knowing she had to sit and hand write a card, find an envelope and stamp, ask for my address, and then send it in the mail - all of which takes time. She was extremely intentional, and because she was extremely intentional, it made her message all the more powerful. And now, I have that card. Forever.
   

3. Share what I’ve noticed. Remember this commercial:

It’s cheesy, for sure, but it is also true. When we notice acts of kindness, oftentimes it inspires us to do the same. And when we are noticed for it, when someone acknowledges us for our actions, not only does it make us feel good, it strongly encourages us to continue on!

I have tried, recently, to not only be aware of those around me, but to be much more proactive at letting people know I notice them, that their acts of kindness and generosity are noticed, and that they are most appreciated. Be it instantly, with a stranger, or later in a text, each day I want to encourage someone by lettting them know their actions, their choice to be kind, forgiving, helpful - whatever - was noticed.

4. When inspired, acknowledge the source. I don’t know about you, but there are very few things more frustrating, more isolating, than when someone steals your idea and makes it their own. Educators experience this often, and there is no quicker way for doors to close than when they feel taken advantage of.

My goal is to reach out and acknowledge those that have inspired or encouraged me. Even if I know they may never read my text or email (like when I sent Justin McRoberts an email, thanking him for his book), it is worth the time and effort because the goal is two-fold. One, they might read it (which will only encourage them to keep doing great things)), but even if they don’t, I have spent time thinking of and considering someone else and their role in my life. I am finding that when I do this, I am continually reminded how limited I am, how important others are, and how thankful I am to have them in my life.

5. Favorite Memory. For most of my adolescent years, my best friend was Ron Hardy. Then, as life often goes, we lost touch with one another as we went and lived our separate ways. Several years later, long after I’d become an adult and started a family, I discovered that he had passed. It was terrible. Ever since, I have tried to reach out to his mother (one of my favorite people) whenever Ron has come into my mind, reminding her that he was loved, that he is still thought of. I think it means the world to her.

But why wait until someone is gone? Smartphones and Facebook understanding this as they send reminders of what I was doing one, two, or ten years ago. And I love it. How much more meaningful when someone spends time out of their day to reach out and remind me of a favorite memory? So much more. So I am trying to be that for others.

When life is busy or hard, I find myself slipping into a sort of survival mode - I need to get through today or this week. Sometimes, those days and weeks turn into seasons. Those seasons can easily turn into years, and then a lifestyle. And a lifestyle centered around myself is not only radically lonely, it’s shallow.

I don’t want my relationships to be reduced to a formula of communication, to boxes checked, but nor do I want them to be placed on the shelf or lost in the cracks of a busy life - they’re too important! And they need to know that.

Note to self.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  On Living

Daft Punk's Epilogue teaches us how to say goodbye

I think a lot of goodbyes are like this. There isn’t a definitive moment that separates us or a decisive conversation that divides us (although sometimes there is), but rather, a gradual distancing that, suddenly, shows just how far apart we’ve become.

Then, a conscious change, a removing of our old self and destruction of what was.

What I love about Daftpunk’s goodbye is that it is still collaborative, creative, and a celebration. The music isn’t doleful, nor is the last scene. Although the sun is setting, the music is uplifting, the lyrics hopeful. “Hold on” it says, “If love is the answer your home.”

Yet, he walks off into the distance, alone.

That juxtaposition seems incredibly appropriate. In their separation, love is not lost, feelings are not hurt, and self-preservation is not the goal. Love is. Of each other, the past journey, and the moving forward.

That simple lesson, to me at least, is encouraging. And even a bit convicting.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Living : Music

7-Circle Roundabout

I don’t think I would make it.