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Get out of Your Head, by Jennie Allen

“How we think shapes how we life.” (pg 5).

“75 to 98 percent of mental, physical, and behavioral illness comes from one’s thought life” (pg 6).

“What we believe and what we think about matters” (pg 10).

“Every lie we buy into about ourselves is rooted in what we believe about God” (pg 15).

“Doubt steals hope. And with no hope, everything that matters doesn’t feel as important anymore” (pg 23).

“Our fixations come out in our words, in our feelings, our decisions. They are the focus of the books we read, the podcasts we subscribe to, the websites we scour, the groups we join, and the obsessions we pursue” (pg 41).

“What we think about, our brains become” (pg 42).

“Because for all the good that self-help does, that help always come up short in the end” (pg 55).

“We don’t simply need our spiraling thought to stop; we need our minds to be redeemed.

Bondage necessitates rescue.
Oppression needs to be lifted.
Blindness waits for sight.
Waywardness must be transformed

We are not made to think more good thoughts about ourselves. We are made to experience life and peace as we begin to think less about ourselves and more about our Creator and about others” (pg 56).

“We build entire narratives that begin to take on lives of their own based on assumptions and our overactive imaginations - all because we attend to fears, attend distractions, attend to worst-case scenarios” (pg 76).

“Help me see things not as they seem to me but as they truly are” (pg 81).

“No lie is more often believed than the lie that we can know God without someone else knowing us” (pg 87).

“We weren’t made to celebrate victory alone. We weren’t made to suffer hardship alone. We weren’t made to walk through the dailiness of life alone. We weren’t made to be alone with our thoughts. We were made to reach out, to connect, to stay tethered. We were made to live together in the light” (pg 93).

“The irony here is that many of the people you think don’t care about your are feeling the very same way”. . . so “go be the botherer first. Reach out. Take the risk. Say what you’re feeling. Listen well. Be the friend you wish others would be for you” (pg 103).

“I think it is a gift that God built our bodies to send us signals that we might be spiraling in a dangerous direction” (pg 107).

“God is real. He is not going anywhere, even if my mind jumps to all kind of dark places. I can’t rely on my thoughts or feelings to hold my faith in place. God holds my faith in place” (pg 116).

“Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope” (pg 135).

“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly . . . Jesus did nothing wrong and held His tongue when falsely accused” (pg 147).

“When we’re not busy being consumed with our own selves, we notice other people in the world, people we might be able to serve. We see them with fresh perspective. We see their fragility and their need” (pg 160).

“Victimhood is yet another enemy of our minds that keeps us fixated on something other than the God of the universe, believing the lie that we are at the mercy of circumstances” (pg 169).

It is What You Make of It: Justin McRoberts

“We dishonor our creator when we give in to “it is what it is” thinking (pg xi).

“Time never healed a single wound without the loving, attentive way people have spent that time after hurting one another” (pg xii).

“When I give in to ‘it is what it is’ thinking, I dishonor the creative, redemptive, and loving God who made me and holds me together” (pb 4).

“Human history is shaped by the ideas, the dreams, and ultimately the will and work of the women and men who actively create, tear down, reimagine, and rebuild” (pg 6).

May we have friends who are “people who believe in who you are becoming, long-term - who believe it enough to invest and stay and celebrate along the way” (pg 21, 22).

“We are being shaped into people who make things that look as though God was involved rather than people who sit around expecting things to fall out of the sky, untouched by human hands” (pg 32).

“What are you going to do with the time, talent, resources, and relationships you have on hand?” (pg 33).

“How many projects or dreams or relationships are lying around your life in some form of disarray because you never took a moment to let yourself actually be disappointed and then, after a spell, got back up to see what you ahve on hand and started to tinker . . .

and build

and laugh

and disassemble

and talk

and plan

and tinker again

and build . . .

and eventually become the kind of person who makes the things you want to make - the kinds of things God created you to make?” (pg 34).

Peter “wasn’t just an accumulation of his mistakes; he wasn’t defined by his wrongdoings” (pg 43).

“Nobody was thinking about whether or not I’d done a good job - not even Jeff. Nobody in the room was thinking about me at all. I really liked that feeling. I might have even loved that feeling. The feeling of having been part of something beautiful” (pg 99).

“If Seth Godin is right that art is anything you and I make that helps forge a connection between people, then love is the primary characteristic of good art. Is it interesting? That’s good. Is it well done? That’s excellent. Are people loved by you in and through it? That’s art” (pg 121).

“Do I love it enough to learn to do it differently (maybe for the hundredth time)?
Do I love the people I do it with or for enough to take my injury seriously but not take it personally so that I don’t become resentful?” (pg 132).

I hadn’t felt capable of making something ‘better’ out of my circumstances. So I changed my circumstances and made something smaller. Turns out I made something more human” (pg 158).

“Like it or not, you are the gift you are always giving in and through the things you make and do. That will forever be true, and there is nothing you can do about it. On the other hand, there is plenty you can do about who you are and who you’d like to become. So, when things go sideways (because they will, beloved; over and over, things will fall apart), you’ll get the change to find out who you really are. I pray you fall in love with that person and believe you’re worth passing on. And may that, more than any set of circumstances or glorious setup, grant you confidence and assurance to adapt and create and reinvent and rethink and tear down and build back up” (pg 162).

Questions to Consider:

  1. What hopes and dreams do you have for someone? Would you consider telling them the potential you see in them, and the person you can imagine them becoming?

  2. What plan has gone sideways or maybe not even made if off the ground, and how can allowing disappointment, sadness, and frustration actually help you move on?

  3. Once the dust settles and you’ve been able to grieve, what needs to happen next before you are able to take a realistic and thankful look at what you have on hand and start working from there?

  4. What plans need to change, or what dreams might have to die (at least in part), in order for you to change and become completely a person God designed you to be?

  5. What can you honestly say you love doing? Not just what makes you feel good, but what makes you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself?

  6. When have your strengths and gifts and talents drowned out the voices of others in the places you’ve worked or served? In the future, which of your gifts and talents could you add to (not take over) a project that isn’t yours?

  7. Maybe you’ve been quiet too often when you should have spoke up about something you love doing. What is worth standing up for and being louder about? And how can you work with egotistical loudmouths?

  8. What does it look like for your work to be an act of love - not sentimental feeling, but service and care and attention toward other humans?

  9. What work have you done that did not communicate love? Why did that happen?

  10. Where and when have you felt cared for because of the way someone did their job? What made you feel that way? How did it motivate you to do your work?

  11. What would it look like for you to take interpersonal or professional injuries seriously while not taking them personally?

Fortitude: American Resilience in the Era of Outrage, by Dan Crenshaw

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“Outrage is weakness. It is the muting of rational thinking and the triumph of emotion” (pg 3).

“I can sit and feel pretty good about myself because, man, you see how woke I was, I called you out. That’s not activism. That’s not brining about change. If all you’re doing is casting stones, you’re probably not going to get that far. That’s easy to do” (pg 7).

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you . . .” - Rudyard Kipling

“In this day and age, victimhood is power” (pg 9).

“With many big problems cured, reduced, or eliminated, our small problems have been elevated remarkably in our public discourse” (pg 32).

“Character is mostly a consequence of choice” (pg 34).

“Heroes are more abstract. They are archetypes - symbols or stories that project a set of ideas, values, and collective knowledge. In another sense, heroes are the visualization for a set of goals that you are setting for yourself” (pg 37).

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spire of overwhelming obstacles” (pg 39).

The Big Five personality traits of heroes are:

  1. Openness to Experience - receptive to new ideas and new experiences

  2. Conscientiousness - tendency to be responsible, organized, and hardworking; to be goal directed; and to adhere to norms and rules.

  3. Extroversion - tendency to search for novel experiences and social connections that allow them to interact with other humans as much as possible

  4. Agreeableness - tendency to be cooperative, polite, kind, and friendly

  5. Neuroticism - tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings (pg 40).

“Guys who took criticism to heart were forgiven, and guys who became defensive were deemed to be thin-skinned. I learned to humbly accept criticism as a result” (pg 42).

“It is unfair. It is offensive. It is hard. It is riddled with unexpected obstacles and inconveniences. Oftentimes those inconveniences are perceived as actual problems, when in fact they are just inconveniences or temporary setbacks. The hero you aspire to be knows the difference and reacts accordingly” (pg 47).

“Be someone who actually listens and internalizes someone else’s point of view before speaking to them. Have at least the decency to be police in your response. Fully and reasonably rebuke their argument, avoiding the accusatory habit of saying, ‘You just don’t care’ or ‘You aren’t listening.’ The dismissive and insulting tone of today’s political debate is reflective of mental weakness” (pg 48).

“The problem with our current cultural trend is that we are far more likely to be cheered on if we embrace victimhood” (pg 54).

“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain” (pg 57).

“Good leaders build their subordinates, but also correct them when they’re wrong” (pg. 112).

“A good leader allows {complaining} to happen, to an extent. A good leader understands that part of cultivating a healthy social enviornment is allowing some complaining. Allowing your team to blow off steam over the small stuff is natural and healthy. Trying to stifle it will not make it go away, just hide it, only to see it boil over later on when you least want it to. A good leader even partakes in some of the complaints, but they are careful how they go about it” (pg. 123).

“Try hard not to offend. Try harder not to be offended” (pg. 136).

“Fear-based repentance makes us hate ourselves. Joy-based repentance makes us hate the sin” (142).

“Feeling shame is actually good. It is synonymous with feeling accountable for our actions, and consciously admitting that our actions might not have been the right ones” (pg 146).

“The road to mental toughness is paved with the knowledge that we don’t always do what is right, but we are willing to take responsibility for it, humbly correct it, and be stronger as a result. A mind that cannot bend to admit wrongdoing is easily broken” (pg. 157).

"Suffering brings people together and is much better than joy at creating bonds among group members . . . misery doesn’t just love miserable company; misery helps alleviate the misery in the company” (pg. 193).

“The difference between normal citizens and the abnormal outrage: One tells stories about what they’ve done wrong, and the other tells stories about what was done to them. One is about accomplishments, the other grievance” (pg 200).

“It’s actually easy to see why people fall prey to this unique form of self-pity and buck-passing. It’s seductive, simple, and often yields quick and favorable results. Personal growth is hard work, and self-reflection is frequently unpleasant. It doesn’t help that there’s a whole industry out there fueled by grievances and propelled by narratives that tell individuals they’re victims of forces beyond their control” (pg. 204).

“Which actions of mine caused this? What could I have done differently? What will I do when and if it happens again?” (pg. 206).

“For an individual or a group to move forward or progress, something unpleasant must be endured (suffering) or something unpleasant must be give up (sacrifice). Humanity’s most effective and inspiring spiritual leaders have sustained immense suffering, made harrowing sacrifices, or both. These leader’s suffering and sacrifice set them apart from ordinary people who deny, decry, or defy these seemingly unsavory experiences” (pg 214).

Grade: A

This book, for so many reasons, would never end up on my shelf. But a friend asked that I read it, and because I really don’t want to surround myself or ideas that only fit myself and ideas, I read it. And I am so thankful that I did. Not only did it challenge me, it even encouraged and (in some ways) inspired me. Which, was a great reminder.

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Educated, by Tara Westover

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“Curiosity is a luxury reserved for the financially secure” (pg 203).

A couple things:

  1. Religion scares the shit out of me and should be band all across the world.

  2. Tara is a beast of a woman.

  3. I forget. I still can’t get over her head being shoved in a toilet and a murdered dog and her parents doing NOTHING about it.

Grade: A

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Paddle Your Own Canoe, by Nick Offerman

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“Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!” (pg 50).

“Loyalty. Honor. Have a set of rules, a code of ethics, that you will do your best to uphold and defend, whether you’re on horseback in Cuba in 1898, or at a school board meeting next week., or merely at the water cooler with your coworkers. Pursue decency in all dealings with your fellow man and woman. Simply put? Don’t be an asshole” (pg. 51).

Another “meh” book. Again, there’s some nuggets of worth-while truths, but nothing too ground breaking or original. There are other books worth your time, and mine.

Grade: C

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The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, by Sarah Knight

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I’m never a huge fan of books or ideas that stand on truths such as, “Does it bring joy?” and if the answer is no, toss it! For sure that advice can apply to a variety of situations, but never is it that simple.This book, like many like it, has good…

I’m never a huge fan of books or ideas that stand on truths such as, “Does it bring joy?” and if the answer is no, toss it! For sure that advice can apply to a variety of situations, but never is it that simple.

This book, like many like it, has goodness and truths, but it is also potentially damaging in that it opens the door for people to be assholes. She tries to compensate for it by addressing the issue, but it isn’t enough.

“Give a fuck” might be a better, more worthwhile book. For me at least.

Grade: C

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff : Books : Reading Log