“Outrage is weakness. It is the muting of rational thinking and the triumph of emotion” (pg 3).
“I can sit and feel pretty good about myself because, man, you see how woke I was, I called you out. That’s not activism. That’s not brining about change. If all you’re doing is casting stones, you’re probably not going to get that far. That’s easy to do” (pg 7).
“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you . . .” - Rudyard Kipling
“In this day and age, victimhood is power” (pg 9).
“With many big problems cured, reduced, or eliminated, our small problems have been elevated remarkably in our public discourse” (pg 32).
“Character is mostly a consequence of choice” (pg 34).
“Heroes are more abstract. They are archetypes - symbols or stories that project a set of ideas, values, and collective knowledge. In another sense, heroes are the visualization for a set of goals that you are setting for yourself” (pg 37).
“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spire of overwhelming obstacles” (pg 39).
The Big Five personality traits of heroes are:
Openness to Experience - receptive to new ideas and new experiences
Conscientiousness - tendency to be responsible, organized, and hardworking; to be goal directed; and to adhere to norms and rules.
Extroversion - tendency to search for novel experiences and social connections that allow them to interact with other humans as much as possible
Agreeableness - tendency to be cooperative, polite, kind, and friendly
Neuroticism - tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings (pg 40).
“Guys who took criticism to heart were forgiven, and guys who became defensive were deemed to be thin-skinned. I learned to humbly accept criticism as a result” (pg 42).
“It is unfair. It is offensive. It is hard. It is riddled with unexpected obstacles and inconveniences. Oftentimes those inconveniences are perceived as actual problems, when in fact they are just inconveniences or temporary setbacks. The hero you aspire to be knows the difference and reacts accordingly” (pg 47).
“Be someone who actually listens and internalizes someone else’s point of view before speaking to them. Have at least the decency to be police in your response. Fully and reasonably rebuke their argument, avoiding the accusatory habit of saying, ‘You just don’t care’ or ‘You aren’t listening.’ The dismissive and insulting tone of today’s political debate is reflective of mental weakness” (pg 48).
“The problem with our current cultural trend is that we are far more likely to be cheered on if we embrace victimhood” (pg 54).
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain” (pg 57).
“Good leaders build their subordinates, but also correct them when they’re wrong” (pg. 112).
“A good leader allows {complaining} to happen, to an extent. A good leader understands that part of cultivating a healthy social enviornment is allowing some complaining. Allowing your team to blow off steam over the small stuff is natural and healthy. Trying to stifle it will not make it go away, just hide it, only to see it boil over later on when you least want it to. A good leader even partakes in some of the complaints, but they are careful how they go about it” (pg. 123).
“Try hard not to offend. Try harder not to be offended” (pg. 136).
“Fear-based repentance makes us hate ourselves. Joy-based repentance makes us hate the sin” (142).
“Feeling shame is actually good. It is synonymous with feeling accountable for our actions, and consciously admitting that our actions might not have been the right ones” (pg 146).
“The road to mental toughness is paved with the knowledge that we don’t always do what is right, but we are willing to take responsibility for it, humbly correct it, and be stronger as a result. A mind that cannot bend to admit wrongdoing is easily broken” (pg. 157).
"Suffering brings people together and is much better than joy at creating bonds among group members . . . misery doesn’t just love miserable company; misery helps alleviate the misery in the company” (pg. 193).
“The difference between normal citizens and the abnormal outrage: One tells stories about what they’ve done wrong, and the other tells stories about what was done to them. One is about accomplishments, the other grievance” (pg 200).
“It’s actually easy to see why people fall prey to this unique form of self-pity and buck-passing. It’s seductive, simple, and often yields quick and favorable results. Personal growth is hard work, and self-reflection is frequently unpleasant. It doesn’t help that there’s a whole industry out there fueled by grievances and propelled by narratives that tell individuals they’re victims of forces beyond their control” (pg. 204).
“Which actions of mine caused this? What could I have done differently? What will I do when and if it happens again?” (pg. 206).
“For an individual or a group to move forward or progress, something unpleasant must be endured (suffering) or something unpleasant must be give up (sacrifice). Humanity’s most effective and inspiring spiritual leaders have sustained immense suffering, made harrowing sacrifices, or both. These leader’s suffering and sacrifice set them apart from ordinary people who deny, decry, or defy these seemingly unsavory experiences” (pg 214).
Grade: A
This book, for so many reasons, would never end up on my shelf. But a friend asked that I read it, and because I really don’t want to surround myself or ideas that only fit myself and ideas, I read it. And I am so thankful that I did. Not only did it challenge me, it even encouraged and (in some ways) inspired me. Which, was a great reminder.
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