Humility

In times of need, Chef Jose Andres and his "25,000 leaders" serve over 150,000 meals a day.

7N7A0386-1024x683.jpg

every time you have a disaster, you bring the different experts into different areas for the reconstruction, for the relief process. So you need to understand that if you have to rebuild homes that you'll bring architects. If you need to take care of people in the hospitals, you bring more help with doctors. If you have to feed people, it's only very normal and logical to me that you will bring cooks. And that's what we do. Kitchens, restaurants are chaos. And chefs, restaurant people - we manage chaos very well. After a hurricane, it's a lot of chaos. And people go hungry, and people go thirsty. And what we are very good at is understanding the problem and adapting. And so a problem becomes an opportunity. That's why I think chefs more and more - you're going to be seeing more of us in these situations. We're practical. We're efficient. We can do it quicker, faster and better than anybody (via)

Humility : using one’s gifts and talents for the benefit of others, not themselves.

Jose Andres and his team of leaders are a great example to us all of how we can and should pursue our loves, our passions, and our dreams. And then, when trials come, when disaster strikes and people are in need, we give away our gifts, resources - whatever - for the benefit of others. Because it’s the right thing to do. Because it’s the human thing to do. And because that’s why we were given them in the first place: to give it away.

I'm only as good as the people I had around me. And happens, it seems, I became the leader. But actually, we had 25,000 leaders. We had young girls - one girl called Lola that will - while his mother and father were around the island on their food truck giving food away in faraway, remote, forgotten neighborhoods, that young girl was staying behind in the headquarters leading a 1,000-people unit of sandwich makers, making sure that everybody was working hard, working fast and working efficient. Lola is 10 years old. We had leaders everywhere.

If a 10-year-old can be leading hundreds of men and women in a moment of need, making sandwiches, imagine what we should be expecting from our president or from the governor or from our fellow congressmen and senators. If a young girl was able to show leadership in a moment of disrepair, what should we expect from our elected leaders? If you want to lead, lead. But you need to be leading in the good moments but especially in the moments of darkness.

Damn.

You can read more about World Central Kitchen on their website or Jose Andres book, We Fed and Island. You can also join his crew of leaders or help donate to the cause.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity : Other kitchens serving 40,000 meals a day

Why We Should Live Like Conductors

The role of a conductor is to organize the music and keep everything calm."

 

You should make the audience want to dance although you shouldn't be a circus act. I think people should focus on the music, and not the conductor.

This role, this pursuit, made me think of Joe Buck and his phisophy of calling games. When asked, "What bothers you in an announcer that you feel isn't measuring up?" Buck responded with,

"Over talking, doing too much, trying to prove to the audience that they did their reading, trying to make the call about themselves . . . I just want to state what happened. I want to do it an exciting way. I haven't always accomplished that, by the way. And I want to get out of the viewer's head. It's not about me. Nobody's tuning in - let's check the TV Guide listings and see what game Joe Buck is calling. Nobody cares. They want to see the Cubs. They want to see the Packers. They want to see the Cowboys. They don't care who's calling the game . . . if I get hit by a bus going into a game, they're still going to play. And the guys that bother me, without naming names, are the guys who sound like if they got hit by that bus, the game would be canceled" (via)

And when it comes to moments of great climactic celebration, moments where announces can make a name for themselves, moments like the Cubs winning the World Series for the first time in 108 years, Joe Buck didn't try to keep everyone calm or insert himself into the moment. Instead, he kept quiet. "I could choose to make that call all about me," he says, "screaming and yelling and, you know, 'groundball to Kris Bryant, going to be a tough play, out at first. And for the first time in 108 years, the Chicago Cubs have finally won it all. They gather on the mound. Players jumping over'", but he didn't. He didn't say any of that stuff, because it wasn't about him. It was about something bigger. 

I wonder how many other professions would do well to adapt a similar philosophy. How many companies, schools, communities, and relationships have crumbled because the man or woman in charge is trying to make it about themselves, forgetting that if they were gone, the game would still go on.

People like: 

- Teachers/Principals
- Parents
- CEO's
- Pastors
- Presidents/world leaders

How many of them, of us, make the moments of life - both big and small - about us, and not the bigger picture? And in so doing, ruin everything?

Really, for me, it comes down to humilitas and the belief that we should be using (or withholding) our gifts and talents for the benefit of others, not just ourselves. Just like a conductor. 

Keep everything calm, inspire dance, help people focus on the music. 

 

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  On Living Music  :  Joe Buck  : Do Orchestras Really Need Conductors?

How boys fly planes

IMG_1659.jpg

About a week ago, Judah shoveled our neighbor’s walkway. Not because he was asked to and not because he expected payment, but because he could. Because he had time and strength and the wherewithal to notice a simple need. 

So he served.  

A week later, Judah was sitting co-pilot on a jet plane to Montana. 

About three weekends or so ago, while working on a small mantelpiece for the house, Judah asked if he could use the scrap wood that littered the garage and driveway floors to build something.

”Sure,” I said, thinking of my own childhood and the often free reign my own father gave me with his materials and tools, “whatcha gonna make?”

”Not sure,” he said, grabbing a handful of screws. We both got to work on our prospective projects and intersecting worlds of building and shared tools. About an hour later, my mantelpiece was complete. So was Judah’s plane.

Using only the pieces he could find and with never a measurement (because measurements are for sissies!), he built a friggen fantastic plan, and he was ready to paint. 

While I was gathering his supplies, our neighbor pulled in, asked Judah what he was building in that friendly neighbor sort of way, then paused at the door. “A plane. Really. You like planes?” 

Judah nodded. 

”Did you know I’m a pilot?”  

He nodded again. 

When I came back with the paint and brush, we waved and said hi, as friendly neighbors tend to do, then both went about our business. 

02E4D98C-47B6-4A26-86CC-ACD3A9139412.JPG

Then, this past weekend, he sent me a text , "I got a flight scheduled on Saturday morning, leaving at 8 or 9. If Judah would like to ride co-pilot I can arrange that." And although I was fully surprised, I wasn't shocked. Because he's the kind of neighbor who helps fix our bikes and who lets me borrow his saw for much longer than a weekend. But still, this was different. And I knew Judah and I had to have another talk. 

It would be easy to sit Judah down and say something like, "See son, when you do nice things for others, they will do nice things in return," but I didn't want to. Because not only is it not always true, it's selfish. 

Doing nice things for others in hopes of getting something back in return isn't service or choosing to help others - to be kind, it's bartering. And one only barters with people who have something he or she wants. 

Like the rich, the popular, and the strong.

Not the orphan, the homeless, or the Poor. Because they have nothing to offer. And that should be the furthest thing from our minds.

Because "Judah, we don't serve and help with hopes of payment and gifts, we serve and help because it is the right thing to do. Because that's how a healthy community lives, each giving what they can, living in humility, and serving whenever and however they can."

He nods.

"You were able to serve with your time and strength; he with his resources, but both of you served."

He nods again, and I know he has a question, perhaps several, tickling his tongue, "What?" I ask, "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," he says, but I ain't buy'n.

"What?" I ask again. And his smile stretches across his face, "Do you think he'll let me fly it?"

"Maybe," I say yet secretly hope, "But maybe not," and I shrug. "But don't ask to. If he thinks it's okay, he'll let you."

"I know," he says as we pull into the airport, "I just hope he does."

Then, about an hour later, on the flight back home, I saw Judah grab hold and gently steer the jet from side to side. And my heart leaped. I could imagine his joy, his thrill, and the lesson I hoped he'd be able to carry with him along side this great little memory.

IMG_1661.jpg

That when we choose to use our gifts and talents and resources to bless and serve the greater community, both big and small, when we choose to live and think outside ourselves, we not only bring joy and beauty to the those fortunate enough to be around us, we bring purpose to the everyday moments that seem so fleeting, so insignificant, so mundane.

Because although we may see them as simple, they're not. Acts of service and kindness never are. 

They're the little rungs we hang our simple hopes on.

And they're what keep little boys up at night, building planes out of legos, playing out the time he got to fly a jet airplane, and dreaming of planes he'll fly in the future.

IMG_5438.JPG

 

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  BIG ME : little me Great Wall adventure with Judah

 

BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

"Who did you serve today?"

IMG_1640.jpg

A few months ago, we started a new family dinner ritual. For years we would go through the typical, "What was your favorite part of the day?" or "What did you learn today?" and for years it bothered me - because all we're doing is talking and thinking about ourselves. And that seemed fully unsatisfying.

So we started asking the question, "Who did you serve today?" And unsurprisingly, at times, the answer was difficult to find, which was fine, because it lead us into discussions about gifts and talents and the purpose of living. Because whether we think about it often or not, our family has been gifted a great deal. We all have healthy minds and strong bodies, we are all talented and unique in our own way, and we have enough things to help us easily and comfortably survive each day.

Yet we are using these gifts and resources most often to serve and glorify ourselves. Which is sad. But not all that shocking.

In schools across America, signs advertise, "Got to college, so you can buy this" - a fancy car or luxurious vacations, commercials and advertisements encourage us to drive nicer cars, buy better appliances, and add more accessories to our phones, homes, and wardrobes. We are constantly evaluated by our personal achievements, the number of likes and followers we have obtained, and the depth and weight of accomplishments we're able to add to our resumes. 

Yet, suicide in the United States has surged to the highest levels in nearly 30 years, "with increases in every age group except older adults."

I often wonder if it has less to do with happiness and more to do with purpose. Because once you've bought the nicer thing, gone to the exotic places, and slept with the prettiest people and your still empty, what then? 

"How was your day," we ask, I ask, because we love our sons and daughters and we want to know how there day really was. Because we love them. But how much more important is it for them to consider how they helped make someone else's day? How they used their gifts and talents and time? Was it to serve others, or themselves? 

"Who did you serve today?" we ask, and sometimes the answer is "nobody." Other times it's a friend or family member (often Zion's is helping Mom with Elias). Always it's a reminder that today we were given chances to use what we've been given to help others. 

Did we?

"Yes," Judah says, "I shoveled the neighbors walkway." And I smile. "Awesome," I say, giving him a high five, "well done buddy. Well done." 

He takes a bite of his chicken, a smile hidden behind a pile of A1 sauce. 

And I swear, in that moment, it's the best damn smile in the world. 

 

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  BIG ME : little me On Living

 

BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

When the death of thousands isn't enough

"In 1846, large numbers of women and babies were dying during childbirth in Vienna. The cause of death was puerperal fever, a disease that swells then kills its victims. Vienna's General hospital had two maternity clinics. Mothers and newborns were dying in only one of them. Pregnant women waited outside the hospital, begging not to be taken to the deadly clinic, often giving birth in the streets if they were refused. More women and babies survived labor in the streets than in the {deadly} clinic. All the deaths came at the hands of doctors. In the other clinic, midwives delivered the babies" (pg 72, bolding mine).

This, an excerpt from the book How to Fly a Horse, by Kevin Ashton. Earlier in the book, Ashton writes, "Thinking is finding a way to achieve a goal that cannot be attained by an obvious action," and which is now underlined, along with a few other quotes on several other pages. Ashton is writing this book in hopes of squashing the belief that creation, invention, and discovery are only set aside for a select few, and that that happen in a moment of intense inspiration. "Creation," he writes, "is a destination, the consequences of acts that appear inconsequential by themselves but that, when accumulated, change the world. Creating is an ordinary act, creation its extraordinary outcome" (pg 23), and it can be done by anyone, not just the elite or the ultra brilliant because, "Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Being suddenly hit year later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please'" (pg 18).

Is this why doctors - not midwives, were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of mothers and newborns in the 1800's Vienna? Because they considered themselves the elite and professional and no longer in need of curiosity? Innovation? And discovery? 

Maybe. 

Ashton continues. "Vienna General was a teaching hospital where doctors learned their trade by cutting up cadavers. They often delivered babies after dissecting corpses. One of the doctors, a Hungarian named Ignaz Semmelweis, started to wonder if the puerperal fever was somehow being carried from the corpses to the women in labor. Most of his peers thought the question preposterous. Carl Edvard Marius Levy, a Danish obstetrician, for instance, wrote that Semmelweis's 'beliefs are too unclear, his observation too volatile, his experiences too uncertain, for the deduction of scientific results.' Levy was offended by the lack of theory behind Semmelweis's work. Semmelweis speculated that some kind of organic matter was being transferred from the morgue to the mothers, but he did not know what it was. Levi said this made the whole idea unsatisfactory from a "scientific point of view." 

"But, from a clinical point of view, Semmelweis had convincing data to support his hypothesis. At a time when doctors did not scrub in or out of the operating room, and were so proud of the blood on their gowns that they let it build up throughout their careers, Semmelweis persuaded the doctors of Vienna to wash their hands before delivering babies, and the results were immediate. In April 1847, 57 women died giving birth in Vienna General's deadly First Clinic - 18 percent of all patients. In the middle of May, Summelweis introduced hand washing. In June, 6 women died, a death rate of 2 percent, the same as the untroubled Second Clinic. The death rate stayed low, and in some months fell to zero. In the following two years, Semmelweis saved the lives of around 500 women, and an unknown number of children."

"This was not enough to overcome the skepticism. Charles Delucena Meigs, and American obstetrician, typified the outrage. He told his students that a doctor's hands could not possibly carry disease because doctors are gentlemen and 'gentlemen's hands are clean'" (pg 73).

Which also means, ironically, that the most deadly clinic was probably made up of all men, while the second clinic, the safer and more reliable one, was filled with older women - midwives - who relied on the practical experience they received in delivering many children. Women who weren't so concerned about the blood on their gowns as they were about the babies being born and the mothers who carried them. 

"Semmelweis did not know why hand-washing before delivery saved lives- he only knew that it did. And if you do not know why something saves lives, why do it? For Levy, Meigs, and Semmelweis's other 'gentlemen' contemporaries, preventing the deaths of thousands of women and their babies was not reason enough" (pg 73).

If this is a gentleman, I hope to never be confused as one again. Sheesh.

"As the medical community rejected Semmelweis's ideas, his moral and behavior declined. He had been a rising star at the hospital until he proposed hand-washing. After a few years, he lost his job and started showing signs of mental illness. He was lured to a lunatic asylum, put into a straightjacket, and beaten. He died two weeks later. Few attended his funeral. Without Semmelweis's supervision, the doctors at Vienna General Hospital stopped washing their hands. The death rate for women and babies at the maternity clinic rose by 600 percent."

What a tragic ending and lack of recognition to a man who saved thousands of lives. 

Why did so few attend his funeral? Why did so few listen to his advice? And why was the practice of washing hands so difficult to embrace?

"Because," Ashton write, "When you bring something truly new to the world, brace. Having an impact is not usually a pleasant experience. Sometimes the hardest part of creating is not having an idea but saving an idea, ideally while also saving yourself."

This tragic truth seems to affirm itself throughout history, and the root cause of it all seems to be pride.

Ashton concludes this section with this. "William Syrotuck analyzed 229 cases of people who became lost, 25 of who died. He found that when we are lost, most of us act the same way. First, we deny that we are going in the wrong direction. Then, as the realization that we are in trouble seeps in, we press on, hoping chance will lead us. We are less likely to do the thing that is most likely to save us: turn around. We know our path is wrong, yet we rush along it, compelled to save face, to resolve the ambiguity, to achieve the goal. Pride propels us. Shame stops us from saving ourselves" (pg 90). 

I can imagine that, for those doctors, to start washing hands - and to commit to it - would be to admit fault, that those deaths were in fact their fault. And I can also imagine that that truth would be drastically hard to swallow. So they pressed on, hoping chance would free them from guilt. 

To turn around - to repent - means to admit fault and to acknowledge that, somewhere along the way, we made the wrong turn. Every wanna-be hero is brought to this point. The hero hits the breaks and turns the wheel; the tragic hero continues on, propelled by pride, as hundreds of women and children needlessly pass away. 

 

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  The DR Who Championed Hand-washing  :  Humilitas  :  Hero's Journey

 

BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND SUBSCRIBE - THANKS FOR READING!

President : humble, meager, pathetic.

"I want to take you back to the United States of America just after they'd achieved independence." This, from writer Mark Forsyth, when he shared his findings on the origin and radical change of the post powerful title in the world: President.  

{Early American leaders} had to face the question of what to call George Washington, their leader. They didn't know. What do you call the leader of a Republican country? Some people wanted him to be called Chief Magistrate Washington, and other people, His Highness George Washington, and other people, Protector of the Liberties of the People of the United States of America Washington. Not that catchy. And everybody got insanely bored, actually, 'cause this debate went on for three weeks . . . And the reason for the delay and the boredom was that the House of Representatives were against the Senate. The House of Representatives didn't want Washington to get drunk on power. They didn't want to call him King in case that gave him ideas, or his successor ideas. So, they wanted to give him the humblest, meagerest(ph), most pathetic title that they could think of. And that title was president. President. They didn't invent the title. I mean, it existed before, but it just meant somebody who presides over a meeting. It was like the foreman of the jury. And it didn't have much more grandeur than the term foreman or overseer. There were occasional presidents of little colonial councils and bits of government, but it was really a nothing title. And that's why the Senate objected to it. They said, that's ridiculous, you can't call him president. This guy has to go and sign treaties and meet foreign dignitaries. And who's going to take him seriously if he's got a silly little title like President of the United States of America? (via)

The House of Representatives wanted their president to be humble and meager, they wanted his title to be a constant reminder that his (or future her) position didn't demand power, but the responsibility to serve. 

The fact that the word President now carries with it so much power and respect points to the integrity of these men who allowed the course of their actions to be guided by something greater than themselves: the people. In doing so, they brought power to the position, not the other way around. 

The House of Representatives didn't want Washington to get drunk on power and the Senate thought it ridiculous to call the leader of the free world President. Because who would take him seriously?

Over time, everyone.

Around the world, there are now a hundred and forty-seven nations whose leaders carry the title of president. 

(Click to enlarge)

Trey Gowdy seems to have a similar viewpoint. Now, if you are a staunch, please look past the smug look and hear his words - they're brilliant. And if you're a critical thinker, please look beyond the source of this interview - Fox News - and listen to Gowdy's thoughts on public service - they're brilliant! (ps. You can stop watching at 4:37 . . . I'm not responsible for anything after that)

 

For more on . . .

History  :  -N- Stuff  

Key (Missing) Attributes of a Hero

Joseph Campbell wrote the blue print for the hero's journey, and it's almost spotless, but for one specific yet life-altering moment. A moment that separates the hero present from the hero past and what differentiates an adventure-seeking journey from the hero's journey. And he missed it.

According to Campbell, The Hero is the person who goes out and achieves great deeds on behalf of the group, tribe, or civilization and endures the following stages:

1.        THE ORDINARY WORLD.  The hero, uneasy, uncomfortable or unaware, is introduced sympathetically so the audience can identify with the situation or dilemma.  The hero is shown against a background of environment, heredity, and personal history.  Some kind of polarity in the hero’s life is pulling in different directions and causing stress.

2.        THE CALL TO ADVENTURE.  Something shakes up the situation, either from external pressures or from something rising up from deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings of change.  

3.        REFUSAL OF THE CALL.  The hero feels the fear of the unknown and tries to turn away from the adventure, however briefly.  Alternately, another character may express the uncertainty and danger ahead.

4.        MEETING WITH THE MENTOR.  The hero comes across a seasoned traveler of the worlds who gives him or her training, equipment, or advice that will help on the journey.  Or the hero reaches within to a source of courage and wisdom.

5.        CROSSING THE THRESHOLD.  At the end of Act One, the hero commits to leaving the Ordinary World and entering a new region or condition with unfamiliar rules and values.  

6.        TESTS, ALLIES AND ENEMIES.  The hero is tested and sorts out allegiances in the Special World.

7.        APPROACH.  The hero and newfound allies prepare for the major challenge in the Special world.

8.        THE ORDEAL.  Near the middle of the story, the hero enters a central space in the Special World and confronts death or faces his or her greatest fear.  Out of the moment of death comes a new life. 

9.        THE REWARD.  The hero takes possession of the treasure won by facing death.  There may be celebration, but there is also danger of losing the treasure again.

10.      THE ROAD BACK.  About three-fourths of the way through the story, the hero is driven to complete the adventure, leaving the Special World to be sure the treasure is brought home.  Often a chase scene signals the urgency and danger of the mission.

11.     THE RESURRECTION.  At the climax, the hero is severely tested once more on the threshold of home.  He or she is purified by a last sacrifice, another moment of death and rebirth, but on a higher and more complete level.  By the hero’s action, the polarities that were in conflict at the beginning are finally resolved.

12.       RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR.  The hero returns home or continues the journey, bearing some element of the treasure that has the power to transform the world as the hero has been transformed.

The critical moment for the hero is in #8, but Campbell's stroke is too broad to see it. Christopher Vogler gets a little close when he writes, "The hero endures the supreme ORDEAL."

This is the moment at which the hero touches bottom.  He/she faces the possibility of death, brought to the brink in a fight with a mythical beast.  For us, the audience standing outside the cave waiting for the victor to emerge, it’s a black moment.  In STAR WARS, it’s the harrowing moment in the bowels of the Death Star, where Luke, Leia and company are trapped in the giant trash-masher.  Luke is pulled under by the tentacled monster that lives in the sewage and is held down so long that the audience begins to wonder if he’s dead. 
This is a critical moment in any story, an ordeal in which the hero appears to die and be born again.  It’s a major source of the magic of the hero myth. 

It's not facing the possibility of death and surviving that creates a hero, it's the actual death. They're self, their glory, and their personal achievements must be laid down at the alter. Then and only then can they embrace humility and become the hero.

THE JOURNEY SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS:

  1. 8a Failure: The hero must fail, he/she must realize that they cannot fulfill the task alone, that they need help to continue. Often, this is the hero's deepest and darkest moment. It is the climax of the conflict, and because such, it is the most revealing (which is the purpose of conflict - to reveal truth).
  2. 8b Ownership: When the hero encounters this great of conflicts, they will be confronted with absolute Truth. To move on, they must take ownership and admit their faults, or as K.M. Weiland says, they must acknowledge that they've knocked down the first domino. 
    1. It's when Peter Parker realizes that, although he didn't pull the trigger, his inaction killed Uncle Ben.
    2. It's Andy Dufresne admitting that he killed his wife, by "driving her away" because he didn't know how to show his love. "She died because of me."
    3. It's Ivan Ilych admitting much too late that the way he had lived his whole life had been wrong, and he blames no one but himself.
  3. 8c Restoration: After the Truth has been revealed and the hero no longer sees themselves as innocent, the helper shows up and restores the hero. The helper, or supernatural power, reminds and affirms the hero of their role, their task, and what still needs to be done. They pull the hero from the ashes and breath new life into them - the hero is then reborn. But he/she still needs direction.
  4. 8d Humility: In Humilitas: a lost key to life, love, and leadership, John Dickson explains that humility, true humility, is not thinking lowly of oneself. Rather, it is the full acknowledgement of one's gifts, abilities, and strengths, but the choice to use them (or withhold them) for the benefit of others. 

It is this moment, this attribute, that has changed most since the ancient heroes and that Campbell never acknowledges. It's the difference between Odysseus and Batman, Achilles and Nelson Mandela. 

Heroes no longer return home for personal glory and family fame, they return home to save and protect the people - even if it means bearing the shame or enduring great loss. Because they can take it, because of the journey, and because that's what heroes do.

The reward then, in #9 isn't anything of great monetary value, it's a responsibility. And there is always danger in losing that because once the hero no longer lives with humility and for the benefit of others, they live for self, willing to sacrifice others for personal gain.

When they return home, they are resurrected - completely new and transformed. They've learned something and they have brought it home, "bearing some element of the treasure that has the power to transform the world as the hero has been transformed."

“The heroes of all time have gone before us,” Campbell writes in his concluding paragraph of the prologue, “the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path.  And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god.  And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with the world.” 

Beyond Tolerance

Since the day we moved in with the six teenage juvenile boys, JC was a problem. Raised on some of the harshest streets of Philadelphia, he had a toughness and confidence I wasn’t used to, I wasn’t prepared for. “He’s the real deal,” I was warned in the days leading up to our move, “in all my years,” the counselor told me, “he’s the only one whose truly scared me.”