“We associate disciplining our students with control, power, and compliance, but as we think of “discipline” in our own lives as adults, we hope for more uplifting words like motivation, habits, and grace” (pg 7).
“Discipline should not be what we do to kids. Discipline should be what we do for kids . . . It goas back to the basics, helping kids learn to do the right thing - because it’s the right thing, not because it’s the rule” (pg 10).
“Consider your approach. Check your actions. Own your decisions” (pg 12).
“Actions are the real evidence of your intent. Kids can always tell if you really do accept them for who they are or not, and your positive words of kindness won’t mean a thing if your actions and emotions show something different” (pg. 16).
“Being professional means that we think more about the work than our personal viewpoints or bias” (pg 21).
“There are no bad classes. Every class is a mix of ability levels that deserves to be viewed with facts instead of emotions, especially when it comes to behaviors” (pg 26).
“For classrooms that are run poorly and not managed with effective and proactive discipline, the curve will appear to be skewed toward misconduct” (pg 27).
“If you don’t have a lot of information to help you make decisions more objectively, that also tells you something: you need more behavioral checks for progress or performance” (pg 29)
“So often, the answer is already in the room, and new ideas will emerge if the conversation has a productive and positive intent” (pg 30).
“If you can’t identify one strength for every child you serve, you are not looking hard enough” (pg 36).
“The way to help kids to see progress is to monitor it, celebrate it, and show them that you value their efforts” (pg 48).
“The benefits of screwing up are wildly overrated. What’s most reliably associated with successful outcomes, it turns out, are prior experiences with success, not with failure. While there are exceptions, the most likely consequence of having failed at something is that children will come to see themselves as lacking competence” (pg 49).
“If something matters to you and helps your students, it should be something that you do every day” (pg 50).
“Every student deserves a teacher that actually wants them in their class. And kids can tell the difference” (pg 53).
“When we intentionally exclude students for behaviors that are related to their disability, we are going completely against the intent of special education law” (pg 66).
“When students are punished into submission, they are not learning how to be better; they only learn what not to do, and eventually they will learn to rebel against that as well” (pg 68).
“Our legacy is defined by how we support our most struggling students” (pg 70).
“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be” (pg 78).
“Stop admiring the problem and solve it instead” (pg 89).
“Too often we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioral consequences” (pg 93) - Dr. Dan Seigel
“It was easy to see how the teacher was quick to look to administration to punish his students. But how can we punish students for behaviors that are a direct result of terrible instruction and behavior by an adult? . . . We would make such a bigger impact by improving the teacher’s skills instead of focusing on the student misconduct” (pg 94).
“The teacher is still by far the most important thing in the classroom . . . if you want to have high expectations of your student’s behaviors, then you must provide them with high levels of support and structure in your class” (pg 105).
Our challenging students “force us to be better versions of ourselves, to rise up and find solutions to impossible problems” (pg 117).
“Success breeds success. When students and staff have small wins, they gain momentum and confidence that they can accomplish more . . . the more our kids struggle, the smaller the wins need to be” (pg 119).
“Alternative discipline tends to be based on repairing harm and restoring relationships, both noble goals - but what about kids that don’t have any positive relationships to begin with?” (pg 122).
The Four Rs: Relate, Reteach, Repair, and Redesign
“Just because you taught it doesn’t mean they learned it” (pg 126).
“The mindset of the adults in the building is the very first item that must be addressed when building a restorative culture in a school” (pg 132).
“The change process takes time, it takes patience, it takes support, and it takes courage, but it is well worth the journey” (pg 134).
“When our little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos” (pg 136).
“Students who have problems know they have problems” (pg 137).
“When we reward students for very specific actions, we run the risk of forcing them to act in ways that only we think are appropriate” (pg 141).
“Write the rule in positive language, focusing on what you want kids to do, not what you want them not to do” (pg. 162).
“Good leaders must first become good servants” (pg 172).
“I’ve learned to make sure parents know right away why I am connecting and that I am there to help. Reassuring parents is 90 percent of your job as educators and school leaders” (pg 173).
“Change requires enormous patience. It takes a long time for children and adults to integrate new behaviors into lasting habits” (pg 191).
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