“Just be Kind . . . Kindness is free. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere”
These kinds of sayings, although “make for good posters, they can do more harm than good. Without paying proper attention, we’ve started to “fluffify” the thing. We are talking about Kindness in an oversimplified way” (pg 11).
“Common kindness is knowing why working out is important and getting yours steps in when you can. Confetti Kindness is taking Pilates class with a friend or getting a run in when it works with your schedule. Deep Kindness is the culmination of years of thoughtful nutrition and habitual exercise that results in ongoing health, wellness, and real physical transformation. One can lead to the other, but it doesn’t happen by accident” (pg 13).
“Deep kindness requires empathy and perspective-taking. How am I supposed to give you something you truly need if I don’t attempt to understand what you need first? (pg 13)
Deep kindness requires forgiveness (pg 14)
“Neuroscience tells us that it is actually moments of boredom where empathy and creativity are cultivated . . . we have more access to content than ever before, and the direct by-product is more anxiety . . . when anxiety increases, empathy decreases . . . the more worried I am about what’s going on in my life, the harder time I will have worrying about what going on in yours'“ (pg 20)
“When we focus too much on independence, we subtly dismiss the critical need to be able to work in teams, be a part of a community, collaborate on big problems, and ask for help. When we are independent but not connected, we can quickly find ourselves successful but not supported” (pg 21).
“Character is habit . . . Personality is what we prefer to where to the gym. Character is how hard we work out” (pg. 24).
“The kind of Kindness the world needs is rooted in a desire for the common good. It’s the kind of willing to get sweaty in pursuit of selflessness and do the hard work necessary to cultivate their character - their habits - toward compassion” (pg 25)
“In its most raw and rewarding form, the skill of the compliment is the skill of seeing good in others and having the vocabulary and vulnerability to tell them about the good you see” (pg 40).
“Leadership is about your willingness to choose service over selfishness and compassion over convenience” (pg 44).
“It is easier to relate to the cause of an ugly behavior that it is to claim familiarity with the behavior itself” (pg 50).
“The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed” (pg 62).
“The act of caring is terrifying and that’s what makes it vulnerable. There is a frustratingly direct relationship between Kindness and vulnerability: the more I care, the more likely I am to get hurt. And so we collectively put our tails between our legs and try to pretend that an apathetic life is anything but the smallest, most selfish way to live” (pg 66).
“When we are emotionally unhealthy and find ourselves humbled, we turn off the potential for wisdom in favor of weapons. It’s easier to lash out than it is to simply listen” (pg 74).
“We do bad things; we are not bad people” (pg 75).
“Separating the person from the behavior doesn’t justify the behavior. We can and should hold people accountable when they do things that hurt us, and draw clear boundaries that say, ‘This is not okay. You don’t do this to me again.’
Forgiveness just means that we do not take pain as personally. IT gives us freedom from a terrible fear: that we actually deserve the damage we were dealt. The Kindest thing you can do for yourself is to forgive those people who’ve hurt you the most. Along the way, you may discover that you’re high on that list” (pg 76).
“Proximity is Powerful” (pg 100).
Four Burners Theory:
Your life is represented by a stove with four burners, each one symbolic of a major piece of your life:
Family
Friends
Health
Work
The stove has limited amount of gas. So, in order to be successful at work, you have to turn off one of the burners. In order to be really successful, you have to turn off two.
“Kindness doesn’t have strings attached. It doesn’t wait for something to happen, it makes things happen. It goes out of its way to look for people who need help, and then figures out the best way to help them. You shouldn’t have to have someone be nice to you first before you are kind to them. You shouldn’t even have to agree with someone to show them they are worthy of your kindness” (pg 119).
“People who are most effective at changing their lives, schools, or communities focus daily on small moments instead of the large-scale events” (pg 140).
Grade: A
Being nice is reactive. Being Kind is Proactive. It is a habit. It is a choice.
Love this book.
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