Friday Thought : Right the Universe

My wife and I just finished watching the new Netflix series, Modern Love. It’s eight episodes long with each episode being based off an various essays that was published in the New York Times. Each episode portrays a different element or a unique experience, but all focus on the universality of Love. Outside of one, maybe two episodes, we truly enjoyed the series and the discussions that they encouraged.

This week’s thought is inspired by a little line that is uttered at the end of the last episode. The writers are trying to tie all the stories together (since they all happen in New York City) and there’s a brief scene where two strangers (the future couple of episode 4) are talking outside a dinner where the man has just been stood up. He’s frustrated and hurt and shows little patience for the pretty woman trying to engage in conversation. Then, in an effort to cheer him up, she shares a lesson her mother (or grandmother, I can’t remember) often shared with her. “Whenever life is hard, whenever bad things happen, Right the Universe by doing something positive in return” (a paraphrase).

Since then, this concept has been heavy on my mind, and for many reasons - most of which I will spare, for sake of time, but all of which revolve around a single topic: family.

We all have many families. Church families, work families, family families, and adopted families (both literal and metaphorical). And for me, this week, my families have struggled. Some struggles have been larger than others, some deeper and more painful than others, but all of them have been real and personal and valid. All of them, in some way or another, have been life-changing.

Maybe you can relate to these kind of days? Where your sisters and brothers are hurt and wounded by the evil of others, where your parents are battling deadly illnesses and your sons and daughters are lost and struggling to be found? Maybe you too can relate to these kind of days? Where your loved ones are simply hurting and all you want to do is fix it, to relieve their pain, and to make life great and normal and beautiful again?

I know I can.

And I know I can also relate to the feelings these types of days can stir, feelings of anger and frustration, of loss and bewilderment, of revenge even. Be it against those who have harmed me, my family, or to the world at large. Because if I’m in pain, if those around me I love are struggling and losing the battle of “fairness,” why should others - especially evil people - get to smile and enjoy life?

But then it hits me. If I chose to live that way, if I choose to treat others with impatience and rudeness when I’m having a bad day, if I choose to be snippy and irritated when a coworker or random stranger is unkind or rude, if I choose to say mean and unkind things towards people whom I think are mean and unkind, I only exacerbate (my least favorite word, by the way) the cruelty and destruction that so easily frustrated or hurt me; I entangle myself in the mess, rather than escape it.

Instead, I should Right the Universe. When someone is cruel or rude, I should find someone else and show an extra bit of kindness. When someone says a cruel or divisive thing about me, instead of festering on the person or words, I should spend some time writing thank you cards to those who have encouraged me. And when life is hard, when things just don’t seem to be going my way, I should make an effort to make sure someone else’s day is killer.

I’ve been practicing this advice throughout the week, and it has led to a couple pretty fun and memorable experiences. Like the day one of my students tested out of his support math class (which he didn’t want to be in). Instead of simply telling him he passed, I had the counselor bring him down to my office. He thought he was in trouble and walked in a bit tentatively. But then the music started and the Athletic’s Director and myself started dancing. We had a 5 second dance party, gave him a few high-fives, then sent him back to class.

Afterward, I felt a lot better, and not because I focused on myself. I felt a lot better because he felt better, because he was smiling and laughing and having a good time, and because it felt as though the Universe was made Right.

Friday Thought : "I want to be a teacher."

"I want to be a teacher."

Two students have said this to me in the past week. Two. And neither of them could articulate a subject or grade they wish to teach. They just know they want to be a teacher.

Which could only mean one thing. We have a pretty amazing group of teachers.

Think about what they're saying, what they're implying by that statement! They know you work hard, that you get paid just over a pile of dog doodoo, and that you are in fact never fully or appropriately appreciated for the work you do. Yet, they want to be like you. They want to be a teacher.

They want to be helpful, brave, fun, exciting, kind, respectful, a person of character, hardworking, inspiring, comforting, smart, RESILIENT, full of purpose, and the million other things all of you are! They look at you, they watch you, in all the muck and mire that surrounds your job, they see how you respond to it all, and they think, "I want to be like them. I want to be a teacher."

Not, "I want your car", or "your long summer vacations", or anything superficial. No, want to be what you are. They want to be like you. THEY WANT TO BE A TEACHER!!!

I just don't know if there is anything more praising or gratifying than that.

It may seem at times that you're beating your head against the wall or dragging kids across the finish line, because you are:) But you're also modeling and teaching our kiddos what it means to make a difference. What it means to be a man or woman of integrity and who is ALIVE, day in and day out. And they've notice. All of them.

And I just love that.

Friday Thought : Leave it at the door. be Awesome.

My friend, Ron Hardy

I was in my third year of teaching, I think (maybe fourth) when much of my life was far from where I'd hoped it would be and I was beginning to struggle with confidence, joy, and purpose. Unsurprisingly, it began to impact my teaching, my classroom, and my students. Only, I didn’t notice.

Then, I somewhere around Christmas, I received an anonymous email from a student that was written from an anonymous email account informing me that I was not doing a great job, that my teaching was sub-par, and that he (I think it was a he, at least) and his classmates deserved better. Luckily, I received that email on a Friday so I could spend the weekend sulking, arguing, excusing, then finally accepting that he was right. I needed to do better. Because he and they and my colleagues and my family deserved better. And because I was better.

The following week I started writing, "Leave it at the door. be Awesome." on the bottom of every lesson plan. A few weeks in, I made it the footer to my lesson plan template which I have used ever since, reminding me each and every day I sat down to create a lesson to leave whatever struggles, issues, and frustrations I might have at the door and be Awesome.

I wasn't perfect after that, nor did I always leave everything at the door. In fact, every now and then I would gather it all in my arms, squeeze it through the door, then drop it right in the middle of the floor for all my students to see. Like the day I spent sharing memories of my childhood best friend because the night before I had discovered it was the anniversary of passing. He had been gone for almost six years, and I never even knew. We had lost touch over the years, and when I discovered he had passed away six years prior, I felt terrible, guilty, and at a loss.

I didn’t sleep much that night.

So I wrestled through it with my students, I shared some of my favorite memories, talked about how the night before I could only see so much of Ronnie in my son that I ended up holding him for almost an hour while I talked about my childhood friend, and I talked with them about loss and life and the struggle in between. Then I had them share memories of their friends and families and write brief notes to those they mentioned. It wasn't all that academic of a class, but kids referenced it for years as one of their favorite classes and, ever since, I have committed to sharing his story with whomever I can during the month of October, the month he so abruptly left this world.

Sometimes life and circumstances seem more than we can bare. Or, as Bilbo Baggins said, it can make us feeling exhausted and "thin . . . stretched, like butter, spread over too much bread."

In those moments, for me at least, it is healthy to remind myself that I am needed - by my students, my colleagues, my family, and my community. That I am bigger than my circumstances, better than what some might think or say about me, and that I am able to help and serve and do great things, even when I don't feel like it.

People need us. They need us to be great, to be better than we often feel and sometimes think. They need us to be their mothers, fathers, friends, counselors, encouragers, planners, champions, and safe places. They a need us to be Awesome. Which means, sometimes, that they need us to be vulnerable and open and raw. They need us to be human. Which is great! Because that is exactly what humans are. Awesome.

And because we are, we can also be.

Leave it at the door. be Awesome.

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Friday Thought : Routines

Last week, my sister sent me the above video, and I've been considering it ever since.

What struck me most about the message was the concept of habits and time and intentional actions. We're all busy - very busy - and none of us struggle with having too much time on our hands. What we do struggle with is how to cram everything that needs to get done into the limited time allotted. How do we find more time to do creative things in our classrooms? How do we create time to call parents, chat with students, and laugh with colleagues? Where do we make time to do the things that bring us joy, like reading, exercising, sitting with family, listening to podcasts, or teach engaging lessons?

The answer, I think, is through intentionality. (My secretary said I should write, "through being intentional" but that would be a habitually written and grammatically correct way to say it, therefore making it boring, and I don't wanna do that. I'M ALIVE, DANGIT!)

We see and understand intentional living on smaller scales, when deadlines loom and our Procrastination Monkey is dutifully frightened off by the Panic Monster (for a great and insightful tour of how we procrastinate, check out this TEDTalk). Then, all habits of sleep, eating, dressing, living - whatever - is thrown out the window and we get. stuff. done!

Afterward, though, life goes back to normal and fall back into our routines and habits, believing once again that we're too busy for this or that, lamenting and wishing we could start or accomplish this or that.

The video High Five accurately reminds us that we can make time for those things, that we have time, and that if only we look at our actions and habits and intentionally do or delete them from our lives, we can create a new normal.

So what habits do you have that have always been but truly don't serve the greater, bigger, purpose of your life, your dreams, your ambitions?

What routines do you engage in, without thinking, that could be better spent doing something else? Is there something you can delete from your routine that will help refuel or regain moments of your life? You teaching? That will give you the time to finally get after that thing, that idea, that goal that has been collecting dust on the shelf of "someday"?

If you have one, I'd love to hear it. If for no other reason than once we've verbalized our desires and goals and have shared it with someone else we're more prone to complete them because we are now accountable.

Here's mine: I've somewhat subconsciously been getting into a bad routine. You may not know, but I'm currently pursuing my doctorate, which means I have classes and assignments which are due every Monday. Lately, I have been submitting them (and working on them) up to the very last minute. I've been sleeping in more than normal and not working on class or reading at night (don't even ask me about exercising!). And I need to change this - consciously, until it because part of my unconscious.

What about you?

Friday Thought : "I am . . ."

This past week I unexpectedly found a wad of money in by back pocket. I had put it there months ago while attending the National Principal’s Conference in Boston because I didn’t quite know how I wanted to spend it then but knew for sure I didn’t want to lose it. So I stashed it. Then, as I often do, I completely forgot about it.

A few days ago, Mr. Thompson (my boss) helped me find it. He also helped me figure out how to spend it.

“Do you know what the two most powerful words in the English language are?” Mr. Thompson asked. I was standing outside the school, greeting kids and fighting off the cold, “Love you?” I said, wondering where this was going.

“I am,” he said, “because what comes after ‘I am’ will shape your life.”

We then spent the next twenty minutes or so, high-fiving students and discussing the importance of “I am” and other things I don’t really remember because, to be honest, I wasn’t really listening. I was thinking. Unbeknownst to Mr. Thompson, while we were chatting and laughing and greeting the kiddos as they shuffled their way into school, he had metaphorically thrust his hand into my back pocket and pull out the wad of money that had been sitting there since Boston.

And now, unlike then, I couldn’t wait to spend it!

Brian McCann (@casehighprinc) is a principal in Massachussets and it was in his session at the National Principal’s Conference where I first heard of #PositiveSignThursday, a day where he would print out a positive message, take pictures with students throughout the day, then post them on social media. I thought it was a cool idea, but still I stuffed it in my back pocket because I didn’t quite know how I wanted to use it.

Now, inspired by the power of “I am . . .”, I do.

Conflict reveals truth. Or, as Priya Parker states, “conflict unearths purpose.” So when difficulties arise, when true conflict or strife occur in our lives, how one has been completing the “I am . . “ sentence will suddenly have flesh and blood. Suddenly the perception of themselves and why they are here is revealed.

“What comes after ‘I am’ will shape your life” the speaker says, “What you speak after ‘I am’, what you believe after ‘I am’ will control your decisions and shape your life.”

And for many of our kiddos, what they see in the mirror is not what they are. #PositiveSignThursday is one way I can help. For many it may be the first time they see and say, “I am strong”, “I am fearless”, “I am a champion.” It might the first time they say, “I am wanted”, “I am needed”, and “I am someone who can make a difference.” For others, “I am a fighter” or “I am more than my body” might be the reminder they need for that day, that week, that year, or their life.

Either way - and even if some think it cheesy - I’m in. All in. Because they’re worth it.

And so am I.

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Friday thought : Love what they love

I follow @calvinhobs1990 on Instagram, and the other day they posted the above strip and I swear I about broke down in tears. Good. Gracious. What a powerful reminder, as a father, husband, friend, teacher, principal, person - whatever. 

Sometimes, often times, I get stuck in my world. I notice what I notice, place emphasis on what I think important, and ignore (or push aside) the things I think less important. Forgetting that, for others, what I think has little or no value is EVERYTHING to them. And when I neglect or wave off that thing, it isn't that thing I am waving off, it is them. 

Sometimes, often times, what allows us to break through barriers and gain trust or love or respect from another is not based so much on how we act or what we say, but how we treat the things that matter to others. Everyone, I think, feels love and respected when someone loves and respects the things are hearts are wrapped around. Be it dreams, experiences, ideas, identities, or even things.

I know I'm guilty of this. Of losing relationships, potential relationships, and of damaging current ones because I don't treasure or respect their prized possession. 

My grandmother said it plain. "Love what they love, and they'll never fear you. They’ll trust you." Or, as Robert Duvall said in the classic 90's movie Phenomenon, "He bought her chairs. Have you ever bought Lisa's chairs?"

As we wrap up September and head into October, consider how you can invest in someone by loving what they love. A student, a colleague, a friend, whomever. How can you "buy their chair" and gain their trust, their friendship, their respect?

How can you build a relationship by caring for something as small and "worthless" as a stuffed tiger?

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Friday Thought : A Boy and His Dog

I listened to a great podcast recently, about a Boy and His Dog.

The boy, who had fallen on hard times, was selling his dog - his best friend - for a hundred dollars simply because he needed to eat. Being a writer wasn't paying any bills. Little Jimmy didn't really care, though. He wanted the nice dog, but for a better bargain. So Little Jimmy took advantage of the man and his plight and instead offered $25. The skinny kid sighed, knowing he needed to feed his wife and couldn't afford to feed his dog, and finally accepting $40.

Two weeks later, when a screen writer offered to buy that same dog for $200, Little Jimmy once again took advantage of the situation and refused to sell the dog for anything less than $15,000 AND a speaking role in the man's new and upcoming movie! The man had written the screenplay in four days and sold it for $35,000 dollars, only a few days prior.

The dog was Butkus. The skinny kid, Sylvester Stallone (pictured above). And the movie was Rocky.

Whenever I come to work, I am constantly encouraged and inspired by those of you who have chosen to live a Sylvester Stallone sort of life. You work hard, endure hardships, then rather than sitting in the mess of life, you find solutions. Thank you for being that for me, for your fellow colleagues, and most importantly, for the students who have the privilege of being in your presence.

I promise you, they notice.

Friday thought: remembering 911

This photo was taken of Port Authority Police Officer Christopher Amoroso shortly before he went back into #2 World Trade Center and was killed in the collapse. (Photo by Todd Maisel/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images)

I saw this photo earlier this week and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Obviously, the gravity of the situation and the memories of this tragic day has been on all of our hearts and minds. But what struck me most about this photo, however, was the specificity of this man's actions, of this man's story.  I don't know about you, but I've never had to make such a decision, to put my life on the line or risk serious injury for another. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it and wondered how I would respond in such a moment. Would I rescue those nearby? Or protect myself first? Not only did Officer Christopher Amoroso save the woman who needed his help, which clearly was a dangerous situation (his bruised eye), he returned to the scene and tried to save another.

This type of decision, this type of action, does not happen in a single moment. He didn't wake up that morning and decide, "I'm going to die a hero today." Instead, he probably woke with the same mindset he had the day before and the day before, and before, and before. Instead, he went about his day, acting similar to the many days before, routinely serving, thinking of others, and doing the right thing. How do I know that? Because conflict reveals our deepest truest selves. Because fear reveals what we care most about - ourselves? Or others? And when Officer Christopher Amoroso was confronted with one of the greatest conflicts our American soil has ever experienced, he chose to serve and protect others. He chose to be brave.

"Bravery," I tell my kiddos, "is not acting without fear. It's acting in spite of it, while you're surrounded with it, while you're immersed in it." I can only imagine how terrified Office Christopher Amoroso must have been. Yet, he still ran back to the burning towers, in hopes of saving another. Because he made that decision many days prior as he built himself into a routine of sacrifice, service, and bravery.

Doing the right thing - doing the hard thing - is a daily choice that becomes a habit, a reaction, and a lifestyle that allows us to do - when the time comes - the seemingly impossible. This is why small things matter, why character and integrity matter, and why holding that string that connects us all is so important. Because when we begin to falter, when our weaknesses begin to rear their ugly faces, we can look around and see our brothers and sisters holding us up inspiring us to stay strong, to do what is right and - if needs be - head back into burning buildings. 

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9/6/19 : Friday's Thoughtful Thought

I don't know if you experience themes in you daily life, I know I do. Often actually. Almost weekly, an idea or truth or topic will somehow align itself perfectly and continually show up randomly throughout my days. Sometimes the themes are large and heavy, like the concepts of justice and humanity. Other times its something simple, like the importance of Hamlet being performed in prison. Other times it is something dark, like the role hate plays in our lives and surrounding society. My favorite "week of themes", though, was the one when Russia continually invaded my space and I was then fortunate enough to learn how three Russian men, at different times, prevented all out war against the US, saving thousands of lives.

This week was another one of those weeks, with the theme being, "You are the sum of the five people you hang out with most." It started with an email from my boss, Mr. Thompson, and ended with an early morning conversation with a fellow colleague, Mr. Truax, when he shared how most all of his teaching accolades can be traced back to his early years and the mentors he surrounded himself with. Between the two bookends, this theme continually crept into my thoughts through podcasts (Your Weird, by The Minimalists), my current morning reading (The Art of Gathering: How we Meet and Why it Matters, by Priya Parker), conversations with my son about whom he chooses to hang out with, conversations with some of staff about whom they decide to hang out with, and a conversation with my big sister about whom we decide to "let into her arena" (a phrase from Brene Brown and her brilliant Netflix special, A Call to Courage).

I appreciate the concept that we are the sum of the five people we hang out with most, largely because it’s true! Think of students and how the groups they cluster with are greater than the any of the present individuals, how it encourages kids to act and think in ways they may never do on their own (negative and positive). Think about the people we go to when we're tired or scared or hurt and how the advice they give, and the direction they point us toward greatly impacts the kind of people we are and will become. We are, most often, the sum of the five people we hang out with most.

But it isn't just the people that impact us. It's also the stories we surround ourselves with. News stories, the novels and non-fiction we choose to read, the movies and TV programs we binge or watch on a nightly basis, the podcasts we listen to, and the music that entertains us. These also play a crucial role in the summing up of who we are, how we interpret life and the world around, and how we choose to interact with that life and the world around.

This notion, this truth, that we are the sum of what we CHOOSE to surround ourselves with is deeply comforting to me because it means that although we are greatly susceptible to our surroundings, we are also in complete control. WE CAN CHOSE WHO WE LISTEN TO AND THE STORIES WE SURROUND OURSELVES WITH!!!

Who or what kind of stories are you surrounded by? Do they encourage you to sit in the stink and muck of the situation? Or do they sniff once and then move on and toward a solution? Do they feed frustration or hope? Are they healthy? Or are they toxic?

Because we are not water, simply following the path of least resistance, completely characterized by our immediate surroundings. We are human - we’re alive! - and therefore have a choice on how to respond, how to think, and how to ensure we are healthy by purposefully surrounding ourselves with people and ideas and stories that, as Kim Chambers says, "normalize greatness."

Who are your five that make up the sum of who you are? And perhaps more importantly, what are they - and you - making?

The answer to these questions has been on my heart and mind a lot this week.

May we all work and play and live like Calvin. And then inspires others to do the same.

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8/30/19 : Friday's Thoughtful Thought

We moved into our new home almost three months ago, and for almost three months I have been putting off two simple tasks: fixing the back door to the house and fixing the bottom shelf in my closet. This last weekend I finally got to them both, and it took me less than 5 minutes to complete the task. Seriously. What was strange, though, was that it wasn't until after they were fixed that I realized just how annoying they truly were. Even now, when I walked near the back door or into my closet, there is a noticeable missing of anxiety that I wasn't even aware was there. With their broken presence gone, I truly do feel a lot better!

I don't know about you, but I tend to do this often. I ignore a simple task that nags at me everyday for little reason other than I just don't want to do it, or because I have other "more pressing things to do." But in reality, taking a literal 5-10 minutes out of my day to fix whatever it is that needs fixing truly relieves me of unneeded anxiety or annoyance, providing more space and patience to deal with the bigger, more pressing things.

Do you have something like this? Have you already noticed a broken or misunderstood teaching procedure? A squeaky or jammed drawer? The grumblings of a possible disruptive student or behavior? Or is there something else either in your classroom or home that, every time you see it, use it, or think about it brings even the slightest discomfort ? If so, make time this weekend to fix it, now, before the year gets into it's groove, and relieve yourself of the little yet constant annoyance that will surely pester you for the rest of the year.

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