The title comes from the song below, Note to Self, by Ben Rector. I heard it many years ago and placed it on our family’s playlist as a reminder. It shows up every now and then and does exactly that.

Then, from this morning’s reading:

May my needs be evermore entangled with my charity, benevolence, offerings, and care for others (Justin McRoberts).

I do not purposefully live a life of selfishness, it just happens. Be it from a exhaustion or fear or a busy schedule, there are times (or lengths of time) where I spend entirely too much time consumed with myself. Which, I think most people would agree, is fairly normal. But it doesn’t make it right.

Recently, I’ve been trying to create ways I can intentionally think of other people on a daily basis. One such way is simply letting people know they are thought of, appreciated, and missed.

In an age of communication, we over communicate. We share our thoughts and daily happenings on Facebook, we Tweet, post on Instagram, and meet for coffee. We are always communicating, yet we are also often feeling alone because when we communicate, we communicate about us, what we’re doing, what we’re thinking. Rarely are we considering others, which - ironically - leaves us feeling isolated and alone.

“People today are more connected to one another than ever before in human history,” Dr. Sherry Turkle writes, “thanks to Internet-based social networking sites and text messaging. But they’re also more lonely and distant from one another in their unplugged lives.”

Throughout the day, there is always a distraction. A ding on our phone, letting us know we have an email, text, or that a local news story has just broken. There is constant communication, but very little connection.

The above quote by Justin McRoberts struck me this morning because I often feel alone or disconnected. His words reminded me and convicted me to unwrap myself from the web of self-pity and to entangle myself in others. To think of others, to pray for and consider others, and to spend a few moments of each day reaching out to others.

Here are five people I am trying to connect with daily:

1. Family Member

2. Close Friend

3. Distant Friend

4. Long-lost Friend/acquaintance

5. Colleague

At first glance, this list seems simple and a bit obvious. “I connect with three or four of those people already, without even trying!”

And that’s the point. We communicate with people daily, but rarely is it intentional, bring any merit to the day, or inspire and encourage anyone.

In an age of over communication, of great and endless distractions and isolation, I want to pause, notice others, and encourage the hell out of them. Which, often times, means noticing them.

Here are some ways I plan to notice others:

1. Tell someone WHY I love them. Saying “I love you” is nice for sure, but over time, if not connected to a specific reason, it begins to lose it’s power. When we are frustrated with someone, we can articulate why pretty easily, which is why that conversation tends to last longer and sink deeper. Expressing why I love someone provides an anchor of truth for them to cling to, especially when storms begin to toss and turn. “I love you because . . .”
   

2. Write a Thank You note. Just like saying I love you, without specificity, a thank you can be shallow. But anchored to a specific reason AND written in a card not only provides clarity, it sinks deep. I recently received a Thank You card from a previous student. I taught her in 9th grade and she was graduating. Her card specifically thanked me for teaching her the invaluable lesson of “remember the poor.” It meant so much to me, especially knowing she had to sit and hand write a card, find an envelope and stamp, ask for my address, and then send it in the mail - all of which takes time. She was extremely intentional, and because she was extremely intentional, it made her message all the more powerful. And now, I have that card. Forever.
   

3. Share what I’ve noticed. Remember this commercial:

It’s cheesy, for sure, but it is also true. When we notice acts of kindness, oftentimes it inspires us to do the same. And when we are noticed for it, when someone acknowledges us for our actions, not only does it make us feel good, it strongly encourages us to continue on!

I have tried, recently, to not only be aware of those around me, but to be much more proactive at letting people know I notice them, that their acts of kindness and generosity are noticed, and that they are most appreciated. Be it instantly, with a stranger, or later in a text, each day I want to encourage someone by lettting them know their actions, their choice to be kind, forgiving, helpful - whatever - was noticed.

4. When inspired, acknowledge the source. I don’t know about you, but there are very few things more frustrating, more isolating, than when someone steals your idea and makes it their own. Educators experience this often, and there is no quicker way for doors to close than when they feel taken advantage of.

My goal is to reach out and acknowledge those that have inspired or encouraged me. Even if I know they may never read my text or email (like when I sent Justin McRoberts an email, thanking him for his book), it is worth the time and effort because the goal is two-fold. One, they might read it (which will only encourage them to keep doing great things)), but even if they don’t, I have spent time thinking of and considering someone else and their role in my life. I am finding that when I do this, I am continually reminded how limited I am, how important others are, and how thankful I am to have them in my life.

5. Favorite Memory. For most of my adolescent years, my best friend was Ron Hardy. Then, as life often goes, we lost touch with one another as we went and lived our separate ways. Several years later, long after I’d become an adult and started a family, I discovered that he had passed. It was terrible. Ever since, I have tried to reach out to his mother (one of my favorite people) whenever Ron has come into my mind, reminding her that he was loved, that he is still thought of. I think it means the world to her.

But why wait until someone is gone? Smartphones and Facebook understanding this as they send reminders of what I was doing one, two, or ten years ago. And I love it. How much more meaningful when someone spends time out of their day to reach out and remind me of a favorite memory? So much more. So I am trying to be that for others.

When life is busy or hard, I find myself slipping into a sort of survival mode - I need to get through today or this week. Sometimes, those days and weeks turn into seasons. Those seasons can easily turn into years, and then a lifestyle. And a lifestyle centered around myself is not only radically lonely, it’s shallow.

I don’t want my relationships to be reduced to a formula of communication, to boxes checked, but nor do I want them to be placed on the shelf or lost in the cracks of a busy life - they’re too important! And they need to know that.

Note to self.

For more on . . .

-N- Stuff  :  Humanity  :  On Living