The truth is, I have many things to be thankful for and although we are walking through a very real and very heavy transition of life, we are blessed.

Because the truth is, there are parents tonight going to bed without their children, and I have three who read with me, ask me to carry them to bed, and giggle when I pray in their ears. And even though my kids aren't as perfect as I want them to be, they're still here, they're still learning and growing, and they like to play chess together.

We're leaving this beautiful country, and that's a big deal! I doubt we'll ever be back and I doubt we'll ever really get over it completely - because this is our home.

But the truth is, my family is still in tact, still in good health, and we are being blessed with another small addition, in just a few short days. 

But there are some who will find no sleep tonight, no comfort, and little hope that it will ever get better. Because losing a child, a brother, a friend is a forever losing.

Today, it's hard to find something to say "goodbye" to.  It just seems trivial, a smack in the face even. 

And my heart is heavy, and fully grateful, all at the same time, and I just can't make sense of it. 

So I watched Judah play chess with his sister, and I felt spoiled. I heard Zion call my name to come see what she'd made, and I felt relieved. Because tonight, I don't have to say goodbye.